AN:/ It's my fanfic! I can do what I want!... No really though. I'm apologizing in advance. I really really just could NOT help myself. It was jsut so perfect and I HAD TO DO IT! And it is my fanfic, so its not like theres anything you can do about it. Rest assured the rest of the story is not likely to deteriorate to this level of crack anytime soon. and I know comparatively it's short, but you can deal with it because its an update that is still about five thousand words.

Batman Doesn't 'Do' Magic

Chapter Four

by:deadlydaisy8o8

Originally Uploaded: Friday, January 11, 2013, 12:17AM

"He's up to something Albus. He had no trouble with the spell I assigned, as someone would is just discovering magic would. He completed it near perfectly on his first attempt. And he somehow appeared in the classroom behind my desk without my being aware of him coming in. Its not safe to keep him around the children." Albus Dumbledore considered the ruffled and anxious witch before his desk for a moment before he reached forward, grabbed a small yellow candy out of a dish on his desk, and popped it into his mouth. He silently offered one to the guest in his office with a pointed look but she shook her head in decline.

Dumbledore sighed as he leaned back and sucked on the candy in his mouth. "I am well aware of the concern Minerva. However he is hardly the first to pass through these halls with an exceptional affinity for magic. Madame Hooch has reported that he is excellent on a broom and was able to assist the younger less confidant fliers when she was drawn away. Hagrid seems rather fond of him, and had nothing to say other than he seems very quiet. Severus of course is not fond of the man, but he might be biased. I imagine he doesn't quite like the competition over his title as 'dungeon bat'." There was a laugh in Dumbledore's eyes as Minerva looked upon him with a defiant huff.

"You need to keep a closer eye on him. We don't know what he's capable of and it's completely absurd to put the students at risk. He's not what he tells us. At the least he is lying to us about his magical ability. He uses it as if he is used to the idea. He has complete control." Albus considered for a moment before he started to tilt his head back and forth, causing the flap of his pointed hat to flop back and forth over his head.

"Perhaps he is familiar with magic." Minerva raised her eyebrows skeptically at the headmaster knowing there was more to it than that. She was proven right when the headmaster stopped lolling his head around and leaned forward. "Perhaps the idea of something so exotic exists where he comes from, but he was never aware of possessing the ability until now. Perhaps he is from a place where his ability of magic is frowned upon and he wishes to hide it from us. Perhaps he is lying to us and is here to destroy us all. We can't really know. However until the point he proves himself threatening, I do think he is fitting in rather well here."

Minerva threw her hands up with an eye roll before she slapped her hands down on the armrest of the chair she had been sitting in. "Just promise me you'll keep an eye on him Albus." Minerva spoke over her shoulder as she moved to the door. "I don't trust him." before Albus could reply Minerva had closed the door behind her and was on her way.

Albus twiddled with the end of his beard for a moment before he sat back in his seat and spoke to Fawkes, his phoenix. "Trust is such a fragile thing. So much harder to give than receive. Though I have found that over the years. That when we wait for the other to trust first, it is often too late." Fawkes gave an acknowledging trill and Dumbledore stood up to stroke her breast feathers.

Line Break.

Bruce had made a very un-Batman decision and kept his armor off for the night. Perhaps there was something in the soap he had used, but as soon as he had taken the extra seventy pounds of bullet/fire/tear/heat/freeze/water resistant armor off he had felt much better and more comfortable than he had in days. His suit was of course custom built and it fit him like a glove, most of the time a very comfortable glove, but that did not stop the fact that it weighted seventy pounds, and prevented a majority of his skin from breathing.

So Bruce had decided that he would keep it off for the night. He laid out his weapons within close reach before he found his position on the mattress, tightened the makeshift mask on his face, and slipped once again into a meditative state.

Only to moments latter snap out of his trance when his reflexes took over, sensing he was not alone. He came-to with a small wrinkly creature with a large head and floppy ears clutched at the neck in his fist. Bruce furrowed his brows and scowled at the small creature as it grabbed onto his fist and tried to free itself. He gave the creature a warning squeeze that caused it to gag before stopping its efforts to escape.

"Who are you." Batman brought the thing to his face with a snarl. It whimpered pitifully and Bruce loosened his grip enough to allow the creature to talk, if it was capable of speech at all.

"My name is Floppy sir. Sir I'm sorry if I've disturbed you sir. Floppy won't ever wake the Batty Man again sir!" Batman growled lowly as he looked the creature in the eyes to stare it down, establishing that he was in charge.

"You will leave if I say you can leave. What are you? How did you get in here undetected?" Floppy's eyes were starting to water. She answered the questions asked of her out of both obligation and fear. Batman was a Hogwarts Student after all, and she would have to obey him regardless.

"Floppy is a House Elf sir. Floppy gets into the rooms of the castle like she always does sir. With House Elf magic sir. I is a bad House Elf for being noticed sir. Floppy is being very sorry." Batman considered the creature in his hand for a moment before he decided it was telling the truth. He rewarded this by grabbing the elf's ankles tightly with his free hand and letting go of its neck, causing it to now be held upside down.

"You will tell me what a House Elf is, or you will start coming into a world of hurt. Talk." The house elf started to whimper and moan loudly as tears started to form.

"Oh Floppy is such a bad elf for making the Batty Man upset. Batty Man can punish Floppy however he likes." Bruce listened in morbid fascination to what was coming out the creature's mouth, but ran out of patients with this sniveling and wailing before it was even done speaking.

"I will punish you if you don't explain to me exactly what you are and what you are doing in here. Now talk!" Batman jerked his hand causing the Elf to drop a small ways before jolting upwards. The creature let out an especially high pitched whine as it nodded its head rapidly.

"Floppy will tell the Batty Man! Floppy is a House Elf. A good House Elf does all of the cooking and the cleaning and takes care of their masters and is only noticed when the masters calls for Floppy. Floppy is a bad House Elf because Batty Man caught her when she was replacing the sheets and cleaning up the mess that the Batty Man had left on the floor for Floppy. Floppy is sorry sir. Floppy will never do it again!" Batman narrowed his eyes as the creature seemed to loose all control of itself and bawled hysterically, getting louder and louder. Loud enough that Batman started to worry that someone might hear it even through the stone walls and floors that separated him from the rest of the castle.

"Enough!" Immediately the creature in his grasp became completely still, a small growl escaped Batman's throat at the reaction. Those who stopped their caterwauling so easily were usually faking it, and doing it to try and gain some sympathy from him.

"Who do you work for?" The creature convulsed for a moment as if swallowing a hiccup before it opened its mouth to quietly whisper a reply.

"Floppy works for Hogwarts sir. Floppy must obey all the young masters in the castle and Dumbledore takes good care of Floppy. But Floppy does not like the Dumbledore always asking to give Floppy socks. Floppy is happy here and does not want to receive clothes to be a free elf." Batman considered the small creature for a moment before he brought its face up to his eye level again.

"Are you loyal to Hogwarts or Dumbledore?" The elf attempted to shift nervously only to find that its movement caused Batman to tighten his hold. Floppy squeaked before she started to shake her head.

"Floppy is a Hogwarts Elf. Dumbledore is in charge of Floppy, but that is only because Dumbledore is the Headmaster. Floppy would have to serve someone else if they were the headmasters, and could not leave with the Dumbledore. When Dumbledore is here Floppy must obey what master Dumbledore says. But Floppy takes care of the student's first sir. Floppy must do her best to take care of the students unless Floppy has already been told by the headmaster not to. That means that Floppy must take care of you too sir." Batman considered the elf in his grasp for a moment. He could see the elf's head starting to turn a red color from all of the blood rushing downward. He had a few more inquiries for the creature before he decided to see if he could gain any advantages from it.

"When I set you on the ground you are to remain in one spot. You will not leave; you will not move away, you will not vanish. Do you understand." The elf nodded but did so while holding its head with its long boney hands.

"Floppy will not go anywhere until master Batty Man says so." Bruce grunted before he slowly lowered the elf to the floor so that it could catch itself with its arms as he laid it on the floor. Bruce lightly dropped the elf's ankles from his grip and the elf immediately sprung up to attention, looking to Bruce with big bulbous eyes.

"Will the Batty Man punish Floppy now?" Bruce shook his head shortly as he moved himself to get off the bed.

"No, you have cooperated with me. There is no reason to." The elf looked shocked and slightly distraught for a moment before it started to shuffle in place. Bruce paused at the creatures shifting. If it was going to bolt…

"But Floppy is being a bad elf that needs to be punished sir. She is being seen when she's not supposed to. And she has made one of her Masters very upset. Batty Man should punish Floppy with a hit to the head or a kick across the room for her disgracefulness." Bruce stared at the creature as it looked back and forth between the stone wall and him as if it were resisting the urge to go over and beat itself against it. Bruce adopted a stern commanding voice as he spoke to the creature before it cold decide to start bludgeoning itself against a stone wall.

"Under no circumstance are you to punish yourself. You are never to cause yourself bodily harm. Do you understand me?" The elf looked up to Bruce with eyes so wide they nearly popped out of their sockets.

"B-But-"

"Disobey me in this, and I will make sure that the headmaster knows you want a large expensive pair of socks for Christmas this year." The elf was rightly terrified into silence. Her mouth opened and closed as if words were supposed to be coming out, but none did. She was completely mute. Bruce growled as he walked toward the trembling wrinkly being.

"I see we understand each other. You will wait for me in the other room, and when I come to get you, you will be showing me what I ask of you. You will not repeat or otherwise communicate to anyone about our interactions together, past, present, or future. If I find that you have let anyone know, through any means, about our communication; a pair of socks will be the least of your problems. Now go to the living room." With a squeak the being winked out of existence only to appear with a loud crack in the middle of the living room, visible through the bedroom door. Bruce glared at the creature as he went to close the door, assembling all of his armor and getting himself together properly. When he was ready some ten minutes later he came out of the bedroom to see the small elf in the exact location that he had left it in.

"You said you take care of the cooking here?" The little elf nodded viciously. But before it could open its mouth, Batman was speaking again. "Take me to the kitchens." The little elf nodded and immediately turned towards the door, looking back to make sure that Batman was following. She jumped when she found him directly behind her, instead of across the room where she had left him.

"Y-yes. Floppy will be happy to show the Batty Man the Kitchen. Batty Man will follow Floppy and she will go there." Batman followed the elf like a shadow through the castle. There were several moments where Floppy stopped and panicked when she thought that she had lost Batman somewhere, only for him to suddenly appear beside her with a blank look on his face.

Batman was staying hidden as the elf moved through the castle. If someone were out at this point in the night, he definitely didn't want them to know that he was there as well. It had been necessary to show himself to the elf to reassure it that he was still following, but those were only for brief moments of time. It was only a short while before the elf came to a stop before a painting of a bowl of fruit. Floppy turned, expecting the Batman to be close behind her somewhat and managing not to jump too badly.

"In order to get to the kitchens, Batty Man only has to tickle the pear in this painting." The little elf reached up and started to stroke the pair in the painting. The fruit let out a high-pitched giggle before the portrait swung outward.

Floppy did not hesitate to climb through. Batman followed warily behind. Ready to spring into action if something less than amenable greeted him on the other side. Instead he came upon a brightly lit room that seemed to be a very large kitchen of some sort. There were four tables, all in the exact same arrangement that they were in the great hall. Batman now knew where all of the food came from and how it appeared at meal times.

When Batman entered the room all of the activity stopped, and tens of pairs of bulbous eyes looked at him. It was only a moment before the little creatures were scampering towards him with their enormous eyes asking if they could do anything for him, or, with a hint of fear, if they had done anything wrong. Batman resisted the urge to sweep a kick outward to get the creatures out of his personal space. Fortunately for the elves, Batman was beginning to understand how these creatures operated, and he needed them healthy and cooperating if his prolonged stay here was going to work.

The rest of Batman's night had been spent getting individual promises from all of the house elves that worked in Hogwarts that mirrored the ones he had gotten from Floppy. Momentarily satisfied that he was safe operating through the elves and that he would not be betrayed, he gave the elves various instructions.

Only under life and death circumstances were they allowed to enter his rooms uninvited. They should expect him at odd ours for meals, and those meals would meet a strict dietary criteria that he lamented for them. It had been difficult to make sure he had a balanced meal in the Hall, and he needed proper fuel to continue at top efficiency. They would not deliver the food to him if he missed a meal. Or leave it outside his door, or anything similar. Food consumption would take place in the kitchen and that was all.

They would not clean anything of his, or attempt to clean his room remotely. He would be taking care of his own cleanliness, and he would approach them for supplies like soap and sheets when he needed them. They were not to be seen associating with him in any way. They could approach him with concerns, but they would not be guaranteed a response, and they were not allowed to be seen fraternizing with him by anyone other than himself and the other elves.

All of this was to be obeyed for threat of being given socks if they disobeyed.

After he had the elves cooperation he accepted a glass of water before he turned and left. Instead of going back to his room, he went to the library and sequestered a number of books on House Elves before he went back to his rooms and educated himself. He felt considerably better after he had done so. He knew he could not trust the elves. But he could rest in the knowledge that if they were to disobey him after he had given them these specific orders, that it was not willingly, or without coercion. He had also discovered by whom the regular breaches of his perimeter were being made, compensated for those weaknesses, and put a stop to them. Upon further reading he discovered that it was their special brand of magic that allowed them to appear and disappear in the school.

One of the books misplaced in the section that contained books on house elves had been a well-worn book entitled Hogwarts a History. Out of curiosity he had picked up the book. It was a very easy read, though extremely informative of his surroundings. He had the book finished by the time morning arrived, the information the book provided him taking precedence over his need for sleep. He had not done anything strenuous and was feeling the effects in his pent up energy. He found he hardly missed the sleep.

Today Batman did stretches before he left his rooms and made his way to the kitchen. After he had himself fed and watered he was decided that he needed somewhere private to practice the Patronus spell until his first class started, which was at 10:30. He decided on the roof. He had not been outside, besides flying the other day, and he had glimpsed a number of prime secluded roosts that he could use if needed. He decided he could simultaneously survey the layout, and practice the spell.

Batman quickly made his way outside in the long shadows of the morning and climbed his way up the roof. Using his grapple as a climbing rope. He easily made it up to the turrets and slanted rooftops. Not having exercised his legs in a good while, Batman ran around the roof, as he looked it over. Flipping, jumping, landing, rolling, and sliding to get around. He found himself maneuvering as easily as if he was breathing, but that was the point.

After about an hour of this he settled in a dark cold shaded courtyard of sorts between three towers. A flick of his wrist, and his dreaded wand was in his hand. Allowing a moment for focus, Batman admitted to himself that it was slightly easier to recall his sons and his home in this setting, up on a roof after he had finished maunvering around, and surrounded by gothic structure that reminded him of Gotham. He could recall Dick as he positively flew through the air, from building to building. Jason and his expert knowledge of street shortcuts and cutoff points. Tim in his mastery of security camera hacking that allowed him eyes everywhere. He knew they played hide and seek sometimes, when they thought he was busy, or wouldn't know because he was off world with the League. He could see Dick swooping around laughing in euphoria while Jason used his knowledge of the street to make faces at a camera before running away with a vicious cackle, and Tim as he tried to hack fast enough to keep up with them, thriving on the challenge.

"Expecto Patronum!" A white mist exploded out of the tip of his wand and rapidly condensed into something taller than he was. It stood on two muscular legs, had a long powerful tail that allowed it to balance itself when it reached high speeds, and let out a high pitched shriek like roar.

Batman was currently standing in front of his very own veloci-raptor.

The mist apparition before him shook its head, its arms folded into its chest as it turned its head, huffing air out if its nose. The beast chirped before it started to casually walk toward Bruce, something curious and docile in its barely condensed white face.

Batman held absolutely no emotion on his face as he tried to come to terms with what had just appeared before him. There was a warm feeling in his chest that this creature created in him; causing any fear he might have felt initially to be irrelevant. He looked at the beast with as much curiosity as it was looking at him. Batman drank in its every feature as it walked toward him. The two of them just stood looking at each other. Batman completely motionless while the beast twitched its neck and shifted its weight between its legs, its tail swaying back and forth.

Suddenly the beast hissed and snapped its teeth before it lightly butted the top of its head against Bruce's arm, as if it were a dog attempting to get a pat or two.

Batman was still in the throes of shock, so he obligingly placed his hand on the dinosaurs nose and pet it like it was a horse. Still staring at it, trying to believe it was there, and that it was responsible for the feeling in his chest.

If Batman weren't so out of it due to the dinosaur that was apparently his spirit guardian, he might have noticed the owl swooping towards him. But for once Batman was distracted so he did not in fact see the owl silently swoop overhead.

He did notice when with a screech the owl decided to dive-bomb him as if it had a serious vendetta against his face. The sudden attack caused Batman to loose concentration, resulting in the raptor dissolving out of existence. In addition, having taken Bruce by surprise, the owl had been swatted straight out of the air with rather excessive force.

The owl flapping around on the stone in pain was being very vocal about this excessive force. It seemed to gnaw at its own foot for a moment. Batman grunted at the owl on the ground. Silently he debated whether or not approaching to see if he had caused any fatal wounds would help or hinder. It was a moot point when the owl let out a frustrated screech then forced itself to its feet and threw itself sloppily off the roof to fly away.

Before Batman investigated the note that the owl had left behind, he closed his eyes for a long moment and took a deep breath. Coming to terms with all of what had just happened and trying to make some sense of it that dodn't prove he had gone completely crazy. He let our a heavy sigh as he got his wits about him and prepared to tackle whatever else was next. Batman really hated Magic.

When Batman felt like he was going to be okay, and that no, reality was not disintegrating around him; he opened his eyes with a new determination to not lose his sanity. He stepped forward and picked up the note, breaking the wax seal.

Batman,

Unfortunate that we could not find you this morning. I do hope this finds you quickly. It has been reported to me that you have showed exceptional promise in the classroom and that you may need a more advanced course to stay stimulated. In light of this information I have decided to move you to the Third years schedule. I do hope this isn't too much trouble. Books have already been purchased and deposited outside your chambers. Enclosed here is your new schedule. My door is always open, even if you just want to chat!

-Your trans-dimensional acquaintance, Albus Dumbledore.

Batman wanted very badly to groan like a child assigned homework at this development. He didn't want to be forced to attend any classes at this blasted school. He had his magic under control for the majority, and he could get much farther in his research if he were allowed to do it without interruptions. However he needed to go along with the plans for now because he truly did not have a better alternative. If he did not cooperate, he would be at odds with the only people who could provide him shelter and resources.

So reluctantly Batman opened his new schedule. He growled at the paper when he saw that his first class would be Potions. He saw it started a half an hour before he was scheduled to be at his previous classes. He held his hand up to his eyes and judged the position of the sun in the sky. The proceeded to barely restrain himself from beating the coherency the next staff member in his path as he pulled out his grapple gun and lowered himself from the roof to get to the dungeons as quickly and silently as possible.