Authors Note:
Thank you for all the reviews, and alerts and additions to different peoples lists of favorite stories. They are so encouraging and make me smile. :) I appreciate all the support from you all. Thank you so so so much :)
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters from the book.
I apologize in advance for any mistakes and/or errors.
Reviews, criticism and suggestions are welcomed and appreciated. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)
*All thoughts are in Italics
One Month Later
Bella's POV
I lay in bed, unable to succumb to sleep. The pain and yeaning in my heart tugs at me as she flashes through my mind. I push my thoughts away and I turn my head slightly so I can look at Edward over my shoulder. His left arm traps me in a close embrace, so I am a prisoner to this bed until he wakes up. Most of his face is buried in my hair but I can see that his lips are upturned into a cute pout. I smile fondly at him. My face then screws up into an expression of pain and I turn away in guilt and sorrow.
How can he be so trusting of me? How can he love me so much? God I don't deserve him. I wish I could love him the way he loves me. But it seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't. I am lying to him. With every kiss and every touch I make him believe that I feel the same way about him. Even in sex I lie. I pretend I am enjoying it when honestly I rather sleep than have sex with him. I fake my orgasms just so he doesn't feel like he is not capable of giving me one. But ever since we started having sex again, he seems so much happier. I can't take that away from him. I have already been selfish and neglectful. It is time to think about him now. He has given so much in an attempt to make me happy so now I have to do the same for him.
I sigh deeply and bury my face in my pillow.
Really? What kind of twisted logic is that? So you are going to pretend you still love him to make him happy. Don't you know that you lying to him is poisoning your relationship? What if he finds out? He will be devastated. He will be heartbroken. You are going to keep feeding him lies? Are you that cold and evil? Really Bella, what happened to you? You used to be an honest person, trustworthy and loyal. Now you are lying and cheating. Even though you have stopped having sex with Rosalie, you still cheat with her in your mind. She still fills your dreams and thoughts. You really believe that lying to your husband will make everything better? You think it will make everything go away. Well it won't. The problem is still there. You are still in love with Rosalie and you know it. You can't even look at your husband without feeling guilty. You are still as much of a cheating whore now as you were a few months ago. You should feel ashamed of yourself.
My eyes start to water as my inner voice taunts and chastises me. As my water starts to flow my breathing picks up.
Well what the hell do you want me to do? I can't tell him! I just can't! It will break him! He will not want to be in my life anymore. I don't want to lose him!
I grasp the pillow and then take a long, deep breath to try to calm myself down so I do not wake Edward. Once I have gained my composure, I get a chance to really think about what my inner voice is saying to me.
Fuck. Your right. I am horrible. I am a horrible person. Why am I doing this to him? He did nothing to deserve this. He has been nothing but wonderful and I have been nothing but brutal. I am persuading him that I love him. How can I be so cruel?
As I think about what I have done, the overwhelming feeling of disgust and remorse grips my body. Emotions zip in and out of my body and the tears start to low faster. The combination of my thoughts and feelings start to make me feel dizzy. My stomach starts to churn and I start to feel light headed.
Bella, get a grip and calm down before you explode!
I lift my head slightly and grip the pillow, willing my body to settle down. Once I am partially calm, I decide that a glass of water should help my feeling of uneasiness. I look over to Edward. He is still fast asleep. I gently take his arm and slowly remove it from my waist. Once I am out of his embrace, I carefully move myself off the bed and I hope that I do not wake him the process. I finally get to stand up straight. Then it hits me. Bile rises up in my throat and feeling of intense nausea hits me like a force of lightning. I sprint to the bathroom as fast as I can. I drop to my knees and wretch into the toilet as I hold on to it for dear life. I hover over the toilet for a few more minutes, worried that I will want to vomit again. My breathing is deep and heavy and my body feels weak.
Jeez. Am I that disgusted with myself?
After I have expelled all the contents of last night dinner into the toilet, I flush it and drop to the floor so that I am seated next to it. I put my head in my hands and stay seated for a few moments until the feeling of queasiness passes. Once I feel that I am alright, I get up and head to the sink. I wash my face. Then I proceed to wash out my mouth and brush my teeth. After I am done, I go back to the bedroom. I see that Edward has turned his body to the other side, but he is still asleep.
Thank the lord he is still asleep. I would not want him to see all that. What the hell was that anyways?
My face scrunches up in confusion and I feel a pang of worry.
Stop worrying. It's probably nothing. Maybe you just have a stomach bug or something.
I still feel a bit troubled, but I push it away with logic and agree with myself. I climb back into bed, hoping I will get a few more minutes of shut eye before I have to go to work.
Alice's POV
My figure slumps even more in the car seat. The relaxation of my body reaches maximum levels and I feel like I am floating. The intense joy and freedom that I am feeling makes me shiver with delight. A lazy smile spreads across my face and a let out a giggle.
"What are you laughing about?" Leah asks sarcastically. I look over at her and smile.
"Nothing in particular." I say with laughter in my voice. She lets out a grunt and looks out the window while she takes another drag of her joint. I shake my head and look outside of my window, still smiling.
I swear the only thing Leah knows how to do is be sarcastic. But I am glad I met her. She is real, honest and loyal. I really like her. I know she won't admit it or ever tell me, but I know that she likes me too. If she didn't, she would want to hang out with me.
Leah and I had met through AJ. The night AJ was teaching me how to make joints, she happened to barge in on us. She thought we were participating in some strange kind of foreplay and getting ready to have sex. I, of course, told her it was nothing like that and she called me a "desperate skanky bitch". AJ politely introduced her to me and explained to Leah what was going on. She listened to what he had to say and just grunted and sat on one of the crates near AJ. I watched her and she watched me, neither one of us saying a word to each other. We only spoke to AJ. But I was intrigued by her. I looked at her every move. She reminded me of a cat. Stealthy, yet gentle with her movement. There was something mysterious about her and I couldn't stand it. I was drawn to her in ways that I didn't understand. I always wanted to know everything and I wanted to know what her story was. She got a phone call that had to lead in her leaving. I didn't want to see her go. I didn't know anything about her yet. After she had left I asked AJ about her. He said she is one of his long time associates and that she has been there since he started out. He told me she is like his bodyguard and will go far lengths to protect him and protect what they do. I wasn't satisfied with the information he gave me, so I asked him for her number. He looked at me like I was crazy, but I was persistent. I begged him for a good hour and a half. He finally gave in and gave me her number with a warning that I should not give it to anyone else. He also told me that she will probably hang up on me if I tried to call her. But I accepted the challenge. I called her the next day and asked if she remembered me. She told me she did, then proceed to hang up on me. I called her back later that day and tried to get her to talk to me again and she, or course, hung up the phone. This process went on for about a week. I would call her and try to talk to her and she would call me all sorts of crude names and hang up on me. Finally, during one of my many phone calls, she got tired of our little game and asked me what I wanted. I told her that I just wanted to talk. She told me that if she talked to me this one time, I should stop calling her. I promised her that I would, but had no intention of keeping that promise. She gave in and we started talking. She didn't tell me much about herself, but I enjoyed talking to her. I told her a lot of things about me even though she did not seem very interested. Then an idea came to mind. I asked her if she would teach me how to smoke. She laughed and asked if I was serious. I begged her and pleaded. She ultimately gave in and we got to meet in person again. My first smoking lesson was interesting and painful. She laughed at my inexperience and discomfort. I just ignored her teasing and continued to try to learn. After the lesson, she said my "pixe attitude" was annoying, but it was entertaining. I asked her for more lessons and she obliged. I found myself hanging out with her at least once every couple of days. Our "lessons" always happened in Leah's car and we would usually park outside the warehouse. We have been doing this for three weeks now. Even though Leah and I are not close friends, I loved spending time with her. She broke the monotony that is my life. She is different than anyone else I know. Even though she may say mean things to me, I still like her. She says what she feels. I feel like I can talk to her about almost anything. I used to tell all my problems to Stella, but since we had that argument in the office, things have not been the same. We still talk but I do not share personal things with her. With Leah it's just different. To just spend time with someone who is from a totally different world. It feels liberating.
"Leah, what happens if you don't finish a joint and you have to get rid of it?" I ask out of the blue, trying to make conversation. She looks at me and huffs a laugh.
"It just disappears. Didn't you know they are full of magic?" she jokes in a british accent, making her voice slightly higher in pitch. I roll my eyes and slap her lightly with my hand, to let her know that I am serious. She lets out a snort and proceeds to answer my question.
"You just chuck it outside." she says simply. I look at her, slightly surprised.
"You just throw it anywhere? Isn't that littering?" I ask. She rolls her eyes at me.
"So fucking what? Everybody litters. It's not like they are actually going to track you down and making you pay a huge amount of fucking money." she replies back sarcastically.
"Yeah that's true." I agree reluctantly. We just sit in the car in silence for a few minutes. I take a drag at my joint and lay my head back against the car seat. I place my left hand, which is not holding the joint, on my lap.
"Hey, is that a wedding ring?" Leah asks me suddenly. I tilt my head to look at her and she is gazing back at me with curiosity.
"Yeah it is." I say while looking at my ring.
"Who is the unfortunate bastard?" she asks jokingly. I smile at her words while still looking at my ring.
"His name is Jasper." I say some fondness in my voice.
"Jasper? What a lovely name." she says sarcastically. I can't help the giggle that comes from my throat and I spot a small smile on her face.
"How does this Jasper treat you?" she asks while raising an eyebrow. I smile and roll my eyes.
"He treats me well. He always makes sure there is enough to provide for me. He is so protective of me. He gets jealous easily. Sometimes he can be a little rough, but I know he means well." I say quietly. She looks at confused, a bit of concern apparent on her face.
"What do you mean by a little rough?" she asks me skeptically.
"I don't see a ring on your finger, so I am guessing that you are not married." I say suddenly, trying to change the subject. She glares at me for changing the subject, but does not push and answers my question.
"Yes. I am not married. Thank god." she says shaking her head.
"What's so bad about marriage." I ask slightly offended.
"A lot of married people I know are not happy with the marriage that they are in. They make it look like this glamorous thing when it is actually misery. I don't want to live like that. I rather be with different people than just limit my options to one." she says frankly.
"Well I think you have got it all wrong. Marriage is wonderful." I say defensively.
"Well you and Jasper must have the fairytale romance. And you don't have to agree with everything I say." she shoots back at me. I scrunch up my face in annoyance, but decide to just let it be.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" I ask, trying to get some more information out of her.
"I am not really into dick." she says while puffing out some smoke. I look at her slightly confused. The drug is clouding my brain and making my thought process a little bit slow. She looks at me then sighs.
"I like girls. I am attracted to women. I like to fuck pussy." she says slowly to me. I still look at her with a blank look on my face, my brain still fuzzy.
"I'm a lesbian." she says bluntly, her voice somewhat louder Realization finally hits me.
"Oh." I whisper, not knowing exactly what to say.
"That's all you have to say? I am shocked. I thought you were about to do a deep investigation about my love life." she says with fake surprise. I glare at her and she smirks back at me. I take another drag of my joint and just sit there, unsure of what to say next. After a few moments, Leah breaks the silence.
"Why are you so quiet all of a sudden? You don't like gay people or something?" she asks defensively, slight anger apparent in her voice. Her body has tensed up in the process. I looked at her and suddenly felt a bit scared. Leah was very intimidating. I give her a reassuring smile and lightly touch her knee.
"I don't have anything against them. I have friends that are gay." I say looking her in the eyes. Some of the tenseness leaves her body and she nods her head slightly.
"Well it was weird that you got so silent. Your mouth is usually on overdrive when you find out something new about me." she says jokingly. I glare at her, but keep my mouth shut. She looks over at me, still surprised I am silent.
"Did you have a bad experience with someone who is gay?" she asks, her words very quiet and inquisitive. My mouth almost flew open and I had to bite my tongue.
Should I tell her? I mean it's not like she would tell anyone. And she probably wouldn't care. She doesn't know who they are anyways. I asked if she knew who Rosalie was and she said she never heard of her. I think I can confider in her. It would be nice to get of off my chest.
"Well…" I start. "There is this situation." I tell her. She snorts and shakes her head.
"Of course there is. There is always something dramatic going on with you." she says amused. I slap her playfully again but have no choice but to accept her words. She already knows me so well even though I have only known her for a month.
She probably knows you so well cause you won't stop talking.
I ignore my thoughts and continue on with my confession.
"Well I will make it simple. I have a brother and sister. They are both married. My sister in law and my sister are sleeping together behind their husbands backs." I say with resentment noticeable in my voice.
"Mmmmm. Not the first time I have heard of that kind of affair. But I got to admit those are the ones that peak my interest. They are usually the hottest." she says smugly before giving me a wink. I get angry at her words and stare at her spitefully.
"You are acting like this is some sort of joke! Leah, this is serious! They are cheating on their husbands and destroying their marriage!" I almost yell at her. I was very surprise at myself. It felt like the hate I have for their cheating is overriding the calming affect the marijuana is supposed to have on my body. She rolls her eyes at my frantic state.
"Calm the fuck down. You are acting like they are the first people in the world to ever have an affair." she says nonchalantly. I huff and ball my left hand in a fist.
"I know they are not but no one should ever do it! It is wrong! Marriage is not some free-for-all where you can just do whatever you want! There are certain rules and regulations!" I say in a loud confident voice.
"You make it sound like marriage is prison. Like you have to answer to your spouse in everything. What? Is Jasper your warden?" she asks me sarcastically.
"No he is not! He may get rough sometimes but he only does it because he loves me. He is concerned for my safety and he wants to protect me. He gets easily jealous and he has some anger issues but we are working through that! Our marriage is wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything!" I yell at her as I defend one of the most important things in my life.
"Is that what he tells you? He wants to protect you and he is concerned for your safety? He sounds fucking controlling if you ask me." Leah comments, her voice a little deeper.
"No he is not!" I yell back whining, my voice almost sounding child-like. Leah sighs and swallows hard. She then turns in her driver's seat and faces he body towards mine.
"Okay, well then tell me this. Do you feel like you are free?" she asks me while looking me straight in the eyes. I open my mouth to fire an answer back but no words come out. I can't bring myself to say yes because I know it is not true. I turn my gaze away from her and look out the window, tears forming in my eyes.
"You don't, do you?" she asks me. The question might as well have been rhetorical because I don't utter a word. Her gaze doesn't leave my face and she looks at me curiously.
"You jealous of them." she states. My eyes widen and my mouth opens in shock.
"What?" I ask incredulously, finally finding my voice.
"You are jealous that they don't have remorse. So they get to be free to fuck each other while you are stuck in your prison of marriage." she says self-assured.
"You have no idea what you are talking about!" I say as my voice rises.
"Oh really? Then why the fuck are you so concerned about their affair." she asks me, her voice getting louder.
"Because they are cheating! They are ruining their lives and…..and…..their marriage!" I moan while more tears start to come to my eyes.
"Honestly, I think you are taking this marriage and affair thing a little too seriously. You need to just chill and mind your own business." she tells me as she turns her body to face front again. Anger wells up inside me as I am hurt and offended by her words.
"You don't even know me! You have no right to judge me!" I shout at her angrily while some tears escape my eyes.
"Whatever man. You just don't want to face the truth." she says taking another puff of her previously forgotten joint. I glare at her angrily. She ignores me and continues to smoke, acting like I am invisible. I get furious and swiftly get out of the car and slam the door. I run to my own car as hot tears slide down my face. I throw my body into the car and slam the door to the driver's seat. The tears flow as my breathing is short and small sounds escape from my lips.
How can she say that to me? How dare she! Jasper loves me! I know he does! What they are doing is wrong! I know it is! I just know it! I just know it!
My crying becomes louder and I grip the steering wheel in the process. Fear starts to creep into my body.
But what if she is right? What if I am in a prison? Am I really convincing myself I am happy with the way he treats me?
My mind is clouded by drugs and emotions and I feel like I am losing my grip on sanity. I needed some way to calm myself down. I think of smoking some more and I notice I have lost my joint in the process. I grab my bag roughly and vigorously search through it for another one. When I find one, I grab my newly purchased lighter from the glove compartment and light the joint. I suck on the joint hard and smoking until my body looses tension. Once I am relaxed, my crying subsides and my body falls against the driver's seat.
Alice, don't doubt yourself. He does love you. He does care for you. He just does it in a different way. You are right about your marriage. It is wrong what Rosalie and Bella are doing. Don't let what one person says get you off track. You ate doing the right thing.
"Yeah." I agree with myself. "I am doing the right thing. I am right" I nod as I say this to myself a few times. After I have regained my composure, I take in my surroundings. I see that Leah has driven off and it is now dark.
I better get home. I want to have dinner ready and waiting for Jasper.
I quickly finish my joint and then start to my car to begin my journey home.
Bella's POV
I watched the end credits roll by as the movie finally ended. Edward and I are snuggled on the couch watching a movie in the living room after dinner. Edward was sprawled across our long sofa and I was nestled in-between his legs. My back was rested against his chest and he rested his back on the couch. The blanket that we had cocooned us close together. We were both silent as the movie ended and made no move to get up as both of us were very comfortable. After a few moments of silence and stillness, I felt Edward's head move and he began to kiss my neck. I let out a little laugh and tilt my head slightly away from him.
"Edward, what are you doing?" I ask with laughter in my voice. He brings his face back to my neck and plants three more gentle kisses.
"I am kissing your neck silly." he tells me playfully against my skin. I roll my eyes and shake my head, but let him continue his ministrations. I relax myself and close my eyes as I take some joy in the sensation. He brushes his lips against my neck and starts to kiss it painfully slow, as if almost teasing me. I open my eyes abruptly.
Oh God. That's the way she kisses my neck. She is always teasing me, going slow, making me feel everything.
My breathing starts to pick up slightly but the guilt does not get the opportunity to sink in. I start to think of her and I start to imagine that it was her kissing my neck. My body relaxes instantly and I tilt my head slightly in pleasure. My mind replaces Edward with her. I imagine her rubbing her hands along my body, caressing me. She starts to tease my nipples as she slowly devours my neck. Then one of her hands moves to my pussy and she pushes her palm against it, making it quiver with wanting. My center starts to drip with arousal and I let out a loud moan.
"Maybe we should take this to the bedroom." Edward suggests seductively against my neck. His voice shocks me out of my fantasy and my body becomes rigid.
Jeez Bella do you have no self restraint? How can you think of her while your husband is kissing you? You have definitely reached a new level of desperate.
I try to cover up my long pause by pushing the blanket off of us and moving out of our embrace.
"I am feeling kind of tired Edward. Maybe another night." I lie while I start to get up from the couch.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asks me softly. His words make me stop my movement. I turn to look at him. He is looking at me with a solemn expression on his face while he is still in his spot on the couch.
God look at him. He looks so adorable yet sad. And it's my fault. The least I can do is try to reassure him.
I sigh and go to sit on his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and look at him.
"No. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't think that." I tell him while I run one of my hands through his hair. "It's me. I guess all those hours at the bakery are getting to me today. I promise I will make it up to you." I say while putting some sweetness in my voice. He looks up at me and smiles. He kisses me on the cheek then buries his face in the nook of my neck.
"Don't blame yourself." he tells me quietly. "You are working hard to help provide for us. You deserve to rest." he whispers to me. I bite my lip as the guilt starts to gnaw at my heart. It seeps through my body and settles in my stomach. It begins to churn and slosh. The familiar feeling of nausea visits me once more and I suddenly feel the need to vomit.
"Oh god." I mutter before I fly off of Edwards lap and run to the bathroom that is near the kitchen. I hear Edward calling my name but I cannot stop to answer him. I reach the bathroom within the next few seconds and pour over the toilet as I expel all of the food that I ate that evening. Edward rushes in and throws himself beside me.
Oh shit. I really didn't want him to see this.
"Sweetheart, are you alright?" he asks worriedly. I take a moment to answer him as I feel I am going to heave again. I continue to hover over the toilet and he starts to rub my back soothingly. Once I lose the urge to vomit, I get up and flush the toilet. I then proceed to put the seat down and sit on it. I look at Edward and he is looking at me, his face full of worry.
"I'm fine." I finally answer him. He sighs and looks down at the floor.
"Maybe that chicken that I bought at the supermarket is bad. Or maybe I brought some germs home from the hospital and you caught it." he thinks out loud as he blames himself.
Why does he always think that bad things that happen to me are his fault? He really shouldn't think that way. I can't let him feel that this is his fault. Maybe I should tell him about what has been happening.
I sigh and take his hand.
"Edward," I call him and he looks at me. "It's not your fault." I say as I squeeze his hand. He looks at me lovingly and squeezes back.
"But something is going on with me….I think." I start of hesitantly and Edwards face looks confused, worried and hurt. "I am have been vomiting almost every day for the past week." I tell him softly. He gets up swiftly and his hand lets go of mine in the process. He turns around to face me, his expression reflecting of hurt and slight anger.
"Every day? God Bella, why didn't you tell me?" Edward asks me while he runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. I roll my eyes and turn my head away in annoyance. I feel that he is exaggerating the problem. I walk around him and go to the sink to wash out the debris of vomit from my mouth. Once I am done, I look at the mirror in front of me. Through the mirror, I can see Edward staring back at me, he gorgeous face still painted with worry. I sigh as I take in his expression.
"Edward, why are you so worried?" I ask him quietly, genuinely curious. He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me and looks at me through the mirror.
"Because," he starts off. "I promised that I would take care of you in sickness and in health. I don't want you sick. I want you healthy and happy at all times." he tells me, his voice dripping with sincerity. I look down, unable to think of an appropriate response.
"Bella, why didn't you tell me? You were feeling ill. Why did you keep it from me?" Edward asks me suddenly, hurt apparent in his voice. I suddenly look up, surprised at his question. I look at his face in the mirror. The hurt and confusion on his face makes me feel like I want to cry. My eyes glance to my own reflection and I look myself. I feel ashamed and disgusted that I am causing my husband this much grief. I suddenly move out of Edwards embrace and turn to face him. I rest my hands on his shoulders.
"Edward, I didn't want to worry you. You have other things…more important things to think about." I say, trying to make my voice sound sincere.
"Bella you are my wife. You are the most important thing in the world to me." he says with passion as he gazes into my eyes.
"I just wish you would have told me. It makes me feel like you don't trust me." he says while looking at me, his eyes sad. My eyes slightly widen and my heart hurts from the pain I am causing him. I bring my hand to his cheek and I stroke it.
"Now you know that is not true." I say, trying to comfort him. I did trust Edward. I trusted him with my life. He is the one who should not trust me.
"A lot of people have been sick at work. Maybe I caught the stomach flu or something." I say, trying to reassure him. He still looks worried and slightly unconvinced. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him lightly on the cheek.
"I will make a doctor's appointment if that will make you feel better. I probably need to go anyways. I haven't had a check up in a while." I say, attempting to put him more at ease. He rests his forehead against mine and nods.
"That would make me feel a lot better." he whispers against my face while wearing a small smile. I smile back and kiss him chastely on the lips. He lifts his forehead from mine and pulls me a bit closer to him.
"Would you like a glass of water and pills to settle you stomach?" he asks me sweetly as his hands run along my back.
"That would be very nice. Thank you." I say smiling at him. He gives me a small smile and kisses me again before he heads to the direction of the kitchen. I heave a sigh and rest myself against the sink.
Hopefully this is nothing. I haven't been sick in a long time. Maybe this is karma finally getting me back. Well if it is, the punishment is light. I should really get hell for causing Edward to feel the way he did just now. I can't help but feel guilty. It seems like guilt is my new favorite emotion cause I seem to be feeling it so often every day. Maybe that is really my punishment. A life of continuous guilt.
Tears start to form and I grip the edge of the sink. In an attempt to distract myself from breaking down, I quickly wipe my face and head to the kitchen to find Edward.
Alice's POV
I add tip of soy sauce to the pan as I mix it with the rice and the vegetables. I am currently making dinner for Jasper and I. He is upstairs taking a quick shower before dinner.
I wonder what Leah is doing.
I reprimand myself for my stray thought. It has been a few days since our disagreement and my mind has remembered her every now and then.
Alice, stop thinking about her. She insulted and judged you. Why would you want to think about a person who insulted and judged you? She is probably not even thinking about you. The only person you need to be concerned with is your husband.
I continue to stir and see that the vegetables are getting relatively soft. I turn the fire down low enough to decrease the speed of cooking but keep the food warm. I hear Jasper start to come down the stairs and I remember I have something to ask him.
"Oh Jasper, Stella wanted to know if you and I wanted to go on a double date with her and her new boyfr-" my sentence was cut short by Jasper roughly grabbing my hand and slamming me against the fridge. My stirring spoon flies out of my hand and makes a loud clang on the floor as it lands across the room.
"What the fuck is this?" he asks, his tone low and frightening. He is holding up one of my many joints that I have in my possession.
Oh no! Oh no no no! How did he find that?
I look at him terrified and my mouth opens in shock.
"Jasper, how did you find that?" I exclaim. He grips both of my arms tightly and looks at me with a harsh glare. He slams me against the fridge and I let out a scream.
"It doesn't matter how the fuck I found it! I want you to tell me why the fuck you have it!" he yells close to my face. I turn my face away as hot tears begin to run down my cheek. He lets out a growl and forces me to look at him. I see that side of him that I am constantly dreading. His blue eyes ablaze with rage and fury. His nostrils flaring like a bull ready to go on a rampage. His mouth screwed into a wicked grimace. I open my mouth to talk, but all that comes out are desperate sobs.
"What? You can't talk now?" he yells, taunting me. I begin to cry even harder. He grows impatient and grabs hold of my neck. He adds slight pressure and focuses his heated gaze on me.
"Are you using this shit?" he whispers harshly to me. My fear paralyzes me and I don't answer him.
"I said…" he says while he even more pressure to my neck. "Are you using this shit?" he asks again menacingly. The pressure on my neck and the sobs for my body mix into a horrible predicament that cuts off most of my air supply. I begin to gasp for air and claw at his neck to make him stop.
"Jasper. Stop. You are hurting me." I wheeze out while my tears continue to flow.
His wrath seems to clog his ears because he does not adhere to my request.
"God damn it Alice, FUCKING ANSWER ME!" he screams in blind rage as his hold on my neck becomes even tighter. I need to do something to get air to my lungs, so I give him what he wants.
"Yes…Yes." I manage to get out. He rips himself away from me and starts to pace the kitchen in intense anger. I gasp a huge breath of air, grateful that he has allowed me to breathe again. I touch my neck and trace the part where his hand got a hold of me. Every deep breath I take makes it ache, so I know he has left a scar this time. My body shakes with sobs and ragged breathing as I am paralyzed against the fridge. I look back at Jasper. He has stopped his pacing and his back is facing me. I can see that his anger has not ceased. His body makes his breaths visible.
"You are so ungrateful." his deep voice quietly tells me. "I try to take care of you. I provide for you. I am faithful to you. And this is how you repay me?" he asks as her turns around. He turns around and slowly starts to walk towards me. My frame starts to shake in fear. When Jasper gets like this, he is unpredictable. My crying has not subsided. My hands are clenched in fists and held close to my side. He stops a few steps from me and looks at me with fury and disgust.
"YOU REPAY ME BY USING OUR FUCKING MONEY TO BUY FUCKING DRUGS!" he screams at me as he throws the joint on the floor. I am sobbing uncontrollably and the guilt is eating me up inside.
"Jasper I am sorry!" I cry out while I move few steps closer to him. "I am sorry! Please forgive me! Plea-" I feel the familiar sharp sting on my cheek as the blow he gives me topples me over to the floor. I let out a scream and land painfully on my side. My weeping is now shameless, loud and uncontrollable. Jasper begins to walk away.
No! I can't let him leave like this! I will do whatever it takes! I need to make him happy! I will give him sex…just…anything…whatever he wants! I need him to love me! I need somebody to love me!
In my pain I get up to my knees, I quickly crawl to him and latch onto his leg. And I beg him mercilessly.
"JASPER PLEASE! PLEASE! IAM SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I WILL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! JUST PLEASE-" He shakes me off his leg with so much force that I am thrown to the ground again. My head hits the tile floor and squirm in pain until I give in to the blackness.
Bella's POV
I step out of the elevator and head over to the reception desk.
"Hello. How can I help you?" the receptionist asks me politely.
"Hi. I am Isabella Cullen. I have an appointment to see Doctor Young." I reply. She checks through some papers and then looks at me smiling.
"Yes Mrs. Cullen. Doctor Young is expecting you today. She is currently with another patient so she will be with you in a few minutes. Please have a seat." she tells me politely. I smile back at her and then take a seat across from the reception desk. I grip my purse, nervous and anxious. Like I had promised Edward I had made an appointment for a checkup a few days after my little incident happened. I told the doctor what was going on with me. She did the routine checkup and said I was fine from what she can see. She was till puzzled about my vomiting, so she told me she would run some tests and call me back in if she found anything. I gave her blood and urine samples before I left the appointment. I told Edward what had happened and of course he was upset that they did not know what was wrong with me. We were both worried because my bouts of nausea continued to happen daily. Three days later the doctor called me back in and she told me that she had found something but wanted to tell me about it in person. I then made an appointment for the next day. I fidget in my seat and my legs start to shake.
Relax Bella. It is probably nothing big. Nothing really drastic ever happens to you. Whatever you have is probably curable. Just relax. You don't want Doctor Young to think you are a nutcase.
"Mrs. Cullen?" the female voice brings me out of my thoughts. I see that Doctor Young is looking at me from the door of her office with a smile on her face. I give her a small smile and gather my things as I head to her office.
"Have a seat Mrs. Cullen." she says politely as she holds the door open for me. I have a seat in the chair near the door and she takes the seat across from me.
"How are you feeling?" she asks me.
"Well…I feel fine. Other than the vomiting, I feel alright." I reply back softly. She nods and hums, but her face is still pleasant.
"Well I have good news. You do not have a virus or type of flu. You are actually very healthy." she says smiling. I look at her confused.
"Really? But you said you had found something. What's going on with me?" I ask her worriedly. She nods and then looks me straight in the eye.
"Well Mrs. Cullen, You are pregnant."