A/N: First things first: Don't start to panic because of this title! This in combination with the one before (Hope) is some personal reference/in-joke and doesn't really mean much except to myself. And we jump a bit back in time with this, so don't panic because of the first sentences either... ;)

And, once again, thank you for your amazing feedback. That really keeps me going! :D

In order:

To Antox: I want to see some angrycup, too! :D

To MidwestMexican: I'll just take that as a compliment ;P

To LexieFanatic: Well...

To Guest: That your good right but I'll write my story as I want. No need to panic, though...

To harrypanther: Very good thoughts and questions! The answers will come in time ;)

To Katveena: Hope you got at least some sleep or school might have been hard... And this is as fast as was possible, I hope you survived ;)

To Guest: Here you go...

To Guest: Of course, she's tough! Always will be...

To MidnightFury03: Again, I hope you found enough sleep nonetheless. And yes, of course, I will continue this story. Why wouldn't I?

To HephaestusBuilds: I'm not sure... Does it? I certainly don't want anything to happen to her... And that other thing, I think we all want to see that!

To Ester Shadow: Did you? ;)

. o O o .

Chapter12: Despair

When Astrid woke early in the morning, she wanted to die. No, she was dying! Surely one couldn't survive when one's own body was torn in half, right? Suppressing a groan, she clutched at her bump and felt the nearly rock hard muscles under her skin. Odin, these Braxton Hicks contractions had become stronger and stronger with every day but this still felt different. It felt-

With a start, Astrid's eyes flew open and she gasped. This felt real! This was what Helka had told her about! Actual contractions! No… could it be? Too keyed up to fall back into sleep, Astrid spent more than an hour listening into her body, trying to determine whether this was real and what to do. But nothing else happened and she calmed down again, disappointed. Surely, that had been more than her usual contractions but only once… It could still be days before she truly went into labor.

With a heavy sigh, she turned to look at Hiccup who lay next to her, still deeply asleep and snoring lightly. With a smile, she took in the disheveled hair that hung over his eyes and his thin soft lips that were slightly parted. He looked beautiful and Astrid spent another hour just watching him while the sun slowly rose outside. It was a peaceful hour, her belly occasionally turning tight and hard but without pain, their baby inside her stirring and moving but not kicking. When that last bit changed however, she grunted in surprise and the sound seemed to have woken Hiccup up. He groaned, stirred and groans again, louder. It wasn't funny, he probably had a bad hangover but silent laughter bubbled up inside her nonetheless.

Not good! Finally, after hours, this now triggered another contraction and all she could do was turn the pained whimper that tried to escape her into a low groan.

"Astrid?" Hiccup's slurred mumbling was nearly inaudible to her and she barely felt Hiccup's hand on her arm, the pain rendering her nearly numb, deaf, and blind to everything else. She couldn't answer, didn't dare to open her mouth. There was some jostling, Hiccup moving probably while she felt her body slowly loosen up again. "Astrid, are you alright?"

"Mmmh fine" she managed to get out, appeasing him. It was true in a way after all. She was fine, there was nothing wrong with her. In fact, she was elated despite the pain. Or because of it, whichever way one wanted to see it. She didn't feel like saying something, Hiccup had enough on his mind, but hope began to grow inside her.

It took Hiccup a while to truly wake up and Astrid distracted herself with watching him. He seemed to remember everything that had happened last night which was good. At least he hadn't drunk enough to have a blackout. And he didn't seem to mind what they'd done too much. She would have felt sorry if he did because it had been amazing. She kept watching him as he scampered around the room, closed the window, helped himself to some clothes and finally sat down at her side.

"How are you feeling?" He asked carefully and Astrid smiled to herself. He was so sweet, asking after her needs when he clearly wasn't in the best shape himself. She saw how he winced and squinted his eyes, how careful he moved.

"Okay," she answered reflexively but corrected herself a moment later. She didn't feel okay, felt dizzy and a little sick in addition to the ever-present dull pain and limited movability. "Well, no, not so okay to be honest, but I'll survive…" She added and smiled when she saw his worried look. She hadn't been truly okay for months! She felt her muscles tensing up again then and couldn't suppress a groan. It was weird, this didn't even really hurt but in a way was even more uncomfortable. Like everything got pressed together, her lungs, her heart, and all the other organs and stopped working for a second.

"Astrid? What can I do?" He asked anxiously, his hands reaching out to her, trying to help her in whatever way. But there was nothing he could do. She couldn't even do anything herself. Nothing but wait.

"Nothing," she gasped out. "It's just another – haa! – harmless – damn!- nngh!" Nope, no speaking during one of these contractions either. She waited for another couple of seconds and felt her body relax again. "I'm okay," she sighed a moment later but Hiccup didn't look convinced so she added: "But I'll just stay in bed for a little while longer, I guess. My head's spinning even now, I'd better not try and stand up. Maybe sleep a little more" It wasn't a lie, not really. She was dizzy and didn't even want to try to get up right now. She probably wouldn't be able to sleep but she could try.

"Okay," Hiccup mumbled, his anxious expression not softening as he caressed her face. It felt good and she leaned into his touch. "Do you want me to bring you breakfast?"

Just thinking about eating anything almost triggered her gag-reflex. "No, no food! Thanks, but –urgh!" She groaned.

"Okay" Hiccup caressed her face once more and she hummed pleasantly. It was all she needed, the reassurance that he was there and always would be. "I'll let you rest then." She heard him mumble and a moment later felt his hand on her belly. "And you behave as well, alright? Mommy needs sleep!" It was so sweet how he kept talking to their child and always sought the contact since he'd first felt him nudge against his hand. Just like he did now, making Hiccup chuckle. With a smile, Astrid laid her hand over his and he looked up at her, the same amazement in his eyes as always, as if he still couldn't believe it. It was a wonderful moment, warm and cozy with the warmth of their bed and the dim light and Hiccup's eyes on her that made her feel loved and cared for beyond anything else.

"Alright, I'll go then," Hiccup whispered, breaking the spell. "I'll be doing a little paperwork for now. If you need anything just call out, okay?"

"Okay," she replied, watching him leave the room and it was as if he took the coziness of the moment before with him. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to relax. Helka had said that she would need to relax in order to let her body do its work, being too tense and tight would only be hindering.

But it was difficult to relax when anticipation raced through her body like a flock of Night Terrors. Two times. Two times she'd had these other real contractions now. Granted, with a gap of more than two hours but… Well, that was better than nothing. Her body was getting ready to deliver their baby! It could be any day now suddenly got an entirely different weight in her mind. It could be today, really and truly! The thought was mindblowing. Astrid felt her hands start to shake and uncontrollable giggling bubble up inside her. It wasn't that she was looking forward to the pain but with all the fighting she'd done in her life already… She could endure a little pain, was used to it anyway. And no matter how long it would take, at the end she would hold their child, their little baby boy in her arms.

Sure, it could also be a baby girl as Hiccup kept reminding her but in her mind, she always saw a boy. Not that it mattered. Hiccup had already made clear that their firstborn child would be his heir, no matter if it was a boy or a girl. It wasn't even against Berk's laws, just unusual but then, Hiccup himself was unusual in his own way. And she loved him for everything he was and for this announcement, too. It had taken the pressure off of her, the need to give him a son.

Exhaling shakily, Astrid turned and tried to get into a relaxing position. It was unnerving waiting now again but she could do it. Just this one day, maybe the night but surely not much longer. She could do it!

...

Three hours later, she was a nervous wreck! Waiting anxiously without any distraction was torture and she wasn't able to lie still or even sit anymore. After an hour, she'd gotten up and ever since then she was walking up and down the room. Walking helped, too, Helka had said. The movement was supposed to help to relax the stiff muscles and also to loosen the bones. It did but at the same time just moving to and fro within the small room drove her crazy! She needed some distraction, company or something else to see. Something other than just the same four walls she'd spend the last week in and some fresh air. She should go and ask Hiccup if he would let her outside, would accompany her. Surely, he wouldn't deny…

Suddenly dispirited, she slumped down onto the bedside again. Of course, he wouldn't let her go outside, not today. Tomorrow would be different but Magnus, Geir, and their men were still here even though she'd practically forgotten about them. And she had no valid arguments why she needed to get out of here. There had been no further contraction during the last hours. Maybe those had been just kind of a fluke, nothing real after all. Renewed disappointment washed through her in one big wave and made her hope crumble. It was almost noon already so their baby probably wouldn't be born today after all.

She barely registered how the door to their bedroom opened and only looked up when Hiccup suddenly kneeled down beside her.

"Astrid?" he asked with an anxious expression on his face and she gave him a tentative smile.

"It's alright. Just..." She shrugged helplessly. How should she describe the hopelessness and disappointment she felt right now? It would seem silly to him. "I'm fine" she mumbled and absentmindedly rubbed her unresponding bump. If only she could tell him that she was in pain, as weird as that sounded, even in her head. She wished she could say that the contractions were painful and that she needed him to call for Helka and Gothi and her mother. But that was not the case and that made it even worse. She didn't want to be fine anymore!

"Does it… start?" He whispered anxiously, his wide eyes on her hands over her bump and if the situation hadn't been so horrible for her she would have laughed.

"No, I don't think so," she whispered, fighting back tears of disappointment. "It's still not regular enough. I thought about, maybe, going for a little walk? Helka said that could help…" She added more hopefully and gave Hiccup a pleading look. However, she saw his internal fight in his eyes – her well-being against her safety – and couldn't even be angry at him when he shook his head.

Maybe later. That was something at least. He needed to make sure everything was reasonably safe first. Alright, she could understand that. She tried to. His overbearing protectiveness was a bit annoying but she hadn't forgotten Geir's lecherous sneer. She would be good, let him ensure everything was safe. She could wait an hour. An hour was nothing.

With more longing than she would ever admit, even to herself, she watched Hiccup climb the steps up to the Great Hall a few minutes later. She wanted to return to last night, to the cool shadows in the back of the Hall and listen to the distant murmur of the people. It seemed like Valhalla to her right now, moving up and down on the different ground than the past week and distract herself with the different sights and noises around her. But she would be good, she would keep her promise. Just one hour.

This one hour felt like it lasted days! Toothless sneaked around her as she paced the living room, warbling in concern when she stopped to lean onto the table or against a wall, dizzy or just frustrated. Every now and then she checked the small band of light that poured through the slit between the window shutters but it seemed like the light was frozen in place. It hardly moved an inch! Crying out in irritation, she slumped down onto one of the chairs and buried her face in her hands.

"I can't," she mumbled, tears of frustration burning in her eyes. "I can't stand this anymore! I want it to be over…" Toothless nudged his nose against her shoulder and she shook with something between crying and laughing. "Thanks, bud. I know you don't understand any of this." She half-sobbed. "I'm just acting weird and silly, aren't I? Gods, I don't know what to do. I just want it to end"

As if to mock her, her body tensed up but it was just another one of these harmless and painless incidents, nothing real.

"Oh, dammit!" Astrid cried out and hit the tabletop with her fist. "Hiccup, where are you? You promised to be back soon… " She sobbed silently into her hands, trying to get a grip on her emotions. It was all too much, the anticipation and anxiety playing tricks on her mind. She even thought she heard –

Voices! Voices passing their house on their way up to the Hall. Chatting and babbling and giggling voices. Familiar voices. Female voices!

Struggling a bit with her barely responding body, she scrambled up to the window in a hurry. And there, through the small opening, she could see them. Fishlegs, Tuff, Ruff, and Lia, all unconcernedly on their way to the Great Hall, fooling around and laughing. Dumbfounded, her eyes followed them up the stairs and through the gate, never hesitating or questioning what they were doing.

Gasping out an angry sob, Astrid slumped back down in her chair. This wasn't fair… Dammit, it wasn't fair! Why were Ruff and Lia allowed to freely move outside and even go up into the Hall where the Redthorns were supposed to be right now if she was not? It was stupid anyway! There were supposed to be men up there to watch, right? The usual guard to watch over them and… who would entertain them today? Probably Eret. Hiccup should be there, too. And, obviously, Tuff and Legs were also there. If those were enough to keep stupid and uncaring Ruff and Lia safe than she wouldn't be in danger either. She knew to be on her guard after all!

The way up there wasn't a problem either. It was a short walk and visible from almost every place in the village, nobody would be able to ambush her there. That thought made Astrid snort. Well, she'd promised to be careful, so Toothless and Stormfly could accompany her on her way. Just to make sure.

The decision was quickly made, she would not keep sitting and waiting here. She couldn't! She would go mental if she were to wait another minute. I'm just looking for Hiccup!, she told herself, already laying out her apology to him. He would be furious… For a short moment, Astrid hesitated. Hiccup would be furious and rightly so. If anything happened to her now, to their baby… As if on cue, her body tensed up again in this frustrating and harmless way and that was it.

Astrid unbolted the door and stepped outside. The light was mesmerizingly bright, such a lovely sunny day! Everything seemed to glow in vibrant colors and she couldn't help the giggling that bubbled up inside her. And the air! Fresh and cool, the brine from the ocean below a wonderful contrast to the stuffy air inside the house. She laid one hand on Toothless' neck as he scuttled close to her and closed the door behind them, a wide grin on her face. The black dragon called out a warbly trill and a moment later, Stormfly was at her side as well.

"You two will look after me, won't you?" Astrid chuckled happily even as her Nadder gave her what counted as a reproachful glare. "Oh, hush! Not you, too. Come on, I'm just looking for Hiccup, alright?" Stormfly blinked once and turned her head in the direction of the village below but Astrid tugged her along. "First the Great Hall, you can go and eat afterward"

Climbing the stairs was more difficult than she would have thought but with Toothless' help, it was manageable. A part of her wanted to take her time and enjoy the sun and air and view but she would save that for later. No dallying now! When she reached the top of the stairs she hesitated though. She didn't want to be sent back home directly so marching in there with Toothless and Stormfly at her side would be too noticeable.

"You two stay outside," she told the dragons who didn't seem to be pleased. "Go down to the feeding station if you want," she tried to placate them. "Hiccup and the others can watch over me, too!" Snorting in half amusement and half annoyance, she watched how the dragons shared a knowing look and sat down sternly, intent to stay close. "Do as you want, we'll be back in a few minutes anyway" Astrid shrugged and silently opened the door, just enough to slip in unnoticed.

It was almost dark inside, as usual. Astrid stepped to the left and behind a column to avoid being seen directly. Peering around it, she tried to search the room and get an impression of the situation. The center of attention surely was a table in the middle of the Hall where she could see Magnus and his men but also most of their friends. Ruff, Tuff, Lia, and Fishlegs also sat at that table with Dagur between them and Eret cautiously standing about. She could hear rough laughter and lout comments but they were not as harsh as she would have thought. The Redthorns were reacting to Ruff and Lia being there, but not in a way as bad as she had expected. There were comments about how much the sight of a woman brightened their day and all but nothing came close to the lecherous comments Geir had made last night.

Slowly, she let her gaze wander through the Hall. There were other men as well but they all had their attention on the Redthorns even though not too obviously. She couldn't see Hiccup anywhere but that didn't mean much. He could be somewhere in the back, getting food or a drink. Mmhh, maybe she should eat something, too. A bit of stew perhaps with some bread. The scent coming from the kitchens in the back was alluring and, careful not to draw attention, she made her way around the Hall.

When she reached the back, the same shadows she'd spent hours in last night, a strange feeling of relaxation overcame her. With the memories strong in her mind, she leaned against the same column as the night before and simply watched again. The conversation over at that table seemed light enough, Ruff, Tuff, and Lia making easy small talk with the men who bothered Hiccup so greatly. For a moment she wondered whether he was completely overreacting after all, the anxiety and stress of the last months wearing him down. But she also saw how tense Dagur and Eret were, always staying between Ruff and Lia and the Redthorns. The two men surely weren't the kind to overreact and be unreasonably keyed up. For a moment, Astrid considered to go over and join the party. It could be entertaining or at least distracting and she was curious about what these men would have to say. But then she decided to be not curious enough. She had promised to be careful and intended to keep that promise!

Silently, she sneaked into the kitchens and pinched a small seasoned bread without being noticed. Back in the Hall, she half-leaned and half-sat against a table, nibbling at her booty. Hiccup still hadn't appeared anywhere and she began to wonder where he could be. The outhouse maybe? Well, she was close enough to the back entrance that led there, if he were to come back she would notice. She'd eaten half of the bread when it happened.

The contraction came slowly, building for several seconds before it hit her in full force. Enough time to drop the bread and turn to steady herself by leaning on the table. It was excruciating! Some small part of her rejoiced over having another real contraction but the by far bigger part just wanted to scream. It hurt! Frantically, Astrid tried to remember how to breathe, how to make the pain more bearable but all she could do was gasp for air and stay on her feet without tumbling to the ground.

And it seemed to last forever. Logically, Astrid knew that it probably only were about fifteen seconds but to her, it seemed endless. Lying in bed before, she hadn't realized how strenuous this kind of pain was but now she had to fight hard to stay on her feet, even while leaning heavily on the table. Even as the pain began to ebb away again, she stayed in that position for a while, too weak and dizzy to move. Everything around her seemed dull, all colors bleached and grayish, all sounds muted and so far away. Nothing seemed real except the wood beneath her hands and the intense pressure inside her body. And the footsteps.

Lether and metal on stone.

A weak smile tugged at her lips. So Hiccup was here after all. He would be angry for finding her here and she didn't want him to see her like this but he would need to get used to it. It surely would become a lot worse before their baby finally was born! With a low groan, she pushed herself back up onto her hands instead of her elbows before she felt the arms around her.

The wrong arms!

Astrid had no time to react before a broad hand pressed down over her mouth and a strong arm wound around her chest.

"Well, well," a sneering voice whispered into her ear. "Look who's found her way into my arms after all"

For the fraction of a second, Astrid was too stunned to react, frozen in place. Then she began to fight back. She tried to scream, to yell at him to let her go, to call for help but his hand muffled every sound she maid. She tried to punch him in the guts with her elbow but with his arm restraining her, she had no leverage. He held her slightly bent over so that shifting her weight to one foot to kick him with the other wasn't possible. He knew what he was doing and he was strong!

"Mmmhh," he hummed closed to her ear. "Don't you like this? Last night you seemed to like it a lot! Just pretend I'm your wimp of a husband if you want!" For a moment, he fumbled with her dress then there was the low sound of tearing fabric and a moment later, his hand was in her bodice. He groped at her breast, squeezing it hard until it hurt.

Bile rose in Astrid's throat. She didn't want him to touch her. Nobody was allowed to touch her without her consent! She put more force into her struggling. She tried to twist and turn out of his grasp, screaming into his hand but nothing worked. It only made him laugh in a low menacing way and rub himself against her body.

"A feisty little one, are you not? I like that! So much more fun to break…"

Astrid tried another tactic to fight him, clawed her fingernails into his forearm and tried to bite his fingers over her mouth. But he'd hollowed his hand, his flesh out of reach of her teeth and after her first attempt, he adjusted his grip anyway, shifting to clamp even harder over her mouth and nose. And her scratching his arm didn't bother him at all…

"Yeah, like that, kitty. That's it!" He moaned and Astrid felt him moving more vigorously behind her. Grinding himself against her. She could feel his erection poking against her butt even through his trousers and her dress and it made her sick. She tried even harder to twist and wind out of his hold but to no avail. She wasn't able to move like she was used to and Geir held her firm and without mercy as he rocked himself against her with nauseating grunts. "Yes, fight me all you like, little cunt." He gasped, his hot breath stinging in her eyes. "It's hot, don't stop" His cock had found its way between her thighs by now, pushing flesh and fabric between her legs as he rutted against her.

Astrid had no intention to stop fighting back! Even if it turned him on, she would not just give up! But after a few more seconds, she felt how her efforts weakened. Her arms got heavy, her head dizzy and when the edges of her vision began to blacken out, she understood.

She needed to breathe!

Geir's hand over her face covered her mouth and nose and although she was still able to draw some air, it wasn't enough. Her vision began to blur, her thoughts drifting off, her head swimming. Her last thought was that she should have stayed home, should have done as Hiccup had told her, before-

Before she suddenly felt cold stone beneath her hands and slamming against her shoulder. A moment later, there were arms around her again but these were different, familiar. Fishlegs? He was lifting her up into a sitting position while she coughed and gasped for air. Astrid had no idea what had happened, everything around her was spinning dizzyingly and for a moment she thought she would throw up.

"I don't think the lady wants your attention!" waved a deep voice to her ears. Eret? She tried to lift her head and open her eyes, to understand what was happening. The picture in front of her didn't stop moving and turning but she thought she saw two figures standing above her, one behind the other and - was that metal flashing in the dim light?

"Take that blade off of me, you filthy cretin!" Geir screeched, sweetened with a pinch of panic. "I'm a guest! You can't treat me like this!"

"I can and I will!" Eret snarled in return. "How is she?" This came softer, concerned.

"Alright, I'd say," mumbled Fishlegs behind her. "But we better call for Gothi... And Helka!" He added after a pause.

"Tuff, you heard him. Inform Gothi and Helka Hofferson, without any idiotic ideas this time! And get the Chief!"

After that, it became quiet around Astrid for a while and she closed her eyes. Suddenly, she felt as if a heavy blanket was being draped over her. Not over her body though but over her mind and her thoughts and she drifted off in –

. o O o .

I'm not sure whether there will be an early update next Tuesday. I'll be on a little vacation for a few days next weekend and although chapter 13 is almost finished, 14 is not. And I think this end is more bearable for a week's break...