The two elves stared at her in silence, but the silence was a lie because they both lived inside of her as well. She had a crowded mind indeed, she realized, more than she'd ever dreamed. Elgar'nan smiled at the thought, but Solas showed no reaction, as if he couldn't hear her. Or wouldn't. Maybe he was fighting to keep himself out, as he'd claimed. As she absorbed this idea, she felt a gentle pressure in mind, like two hands cupping in a well and lifting out the water. Part of her separated, became a self-contained bubble in her mind. She knew instinctively it was her truthful mind, not the liar's wheel that spun underneath everything she did. It continued to turn, looking for options, but she thought carefully, high above, Who is this?
Hush, little one. My strength is fading, but I can give you this protection. Listen. And suddenly Solas was there, gentle and ancient. The thrum of desire flowed through her, as it had in the clearing with Adrel, and she understood that it was his power she felt, his desire for her that he couldn't hide. Shame followed, but there was no hesitation. He opened his thoughts to her, showed her a third choice. A third path.
Wolves in a pen, circling, biting, scratching for a way out. The runes in front of her light up, showing her the path to their cage. She uses the anchor to tie herself to a point behind her, then walks to the illuminated door. The walls blow open at her touch and the rooms collapse into each other. The wolves fall on them, aggressive and mindless, but her anchor holds fast and pulls her back to the Rift she opens with the scream of Solas's remaining power. She falls back out of the Fade, to Thedas, alone.
No! She didn't know if she sent it, but he seemed to feel her refusal. He opened more feelings, images of Thedas overrun by frightened humans, her friends, with elven markings, rebellious elves being whipped by their new masters, the land burned and twisted by war. She floated above herself and tried not to feel the horror of his vision. His sadness pressed down on her, but he didn't try to take control. This is not an option, she thought fiercely. He was a liar, a traitor and an invader, but she'd placed her mark on him as surely as he had her, and her people would not die.
One last series of images, this time his own memories. Memories of her, accepting her title. Stumbling out of The Fade with haunted eyes. Speaking to Cole with acceptance. Closing the Breach, scared and defiant. Saving a wisdom spirit who'd turned demon. Asking questions in front of his paintings, concentration on her face. Sitting on the throne and balancing justice. Facing Corypheus desperately. Risking herself countless times to shield her friends. While her liar's mind turned stories for the god to listen to, the other watched in silence as Solas showed her his truth of her. She saw herself beautiful and wise, accepting the hard things that she needed to do because they were needed. He trusted her to do the same now.
She looked at him, the real him, and saw in his face that he wanted to go. To pay for his crimes, real and imagined, and especially his crimes against her. He carried too much and was ready to be alone. He would not save himself.
That decided her.
"Very well," she said. "I accept your proposal, Elgar'nan. Show me the justice you will bring to my enemies."
Her mind snapped back together, and Solas snarled, hurt and afraid. "You can't! Ma falon, don't allow him to leave this place." He struggled to release himself from the ropes that tied him and rubbed his skin raw. She looked at him coldly.
"I said not to call me that, traitor."
She turned to the god and held out her sparking hand. "What do I need to do?" He grinned widely and stepped towards her. His fingers crackled with magic, and he touched her hand. She felt a surge of power, like lightning, and she stumbled backwards trying to hold it.
"Thedas waits, my dear," he said, bowing to her.
She gathered herself and took a deep breath. Mythal, she cried, be ready! Elgar'nan straightened, no trace of the genial gentleman he'd played, but she dodged past him to the place on the wall that still burned in her mind's eye. She slapped it open and heard howling. The god scrabbled backwards.
"Evelyn!" Solas was still fighting to cut himself free. "They'll kill you!"
The room started to wobble and lose its shape. A jaw snapped and snarled. She gave Solas a lazy smile. "Have you learned nothing of me, wolf? I make miracles." The anchor twisted in her hand, opened his bonds. He sprang towards her, but she was already running. A shield cut the room in half, with the god on one side and her and Solas on the other. Mythal's spirit hung in the air between them, blocking them from the slavering wolves on their other side, fading rapidly. Evelyn wasted no time and ripped open the Veil behind her. The room collapsed fully. She shoved Solas through the tear before falling after him into blessed darkness. She only had time to send the last of the power twisting behind her to close it into a smooth wall with no breaks. The key works both ways, she thought, then everything went black.
She came to slowly, unsure of where she was. Had she been dreaming? She lay on her back on what felt like a forest floor, and she wondered if her guards were going to yell at her again for leaving her tent. A bird trilled in the distance. She rolled to her side and opened her eyes as wide as she dared. Solas lay next to her, breathing shallowly. She was angry with him, she knew. Why was she angry with him?
She slipped back into unconsciousness. When she woke again, he was sitting watching her, and she remembered. He was still bloodied and bruised, but his eyes were back to their infuriating coolness. She rolled away from him and sat up as well, every muscle in her aching. Her arm that had carried the extra power felt like a bowstring ready to snap. She worked it in circles, trying to loosen it, and trying to delay what was going to happen.
"You should have left me." No emotion. Perfect serenity. Perfect calm.
Perfect bullshit.
"Yeah, you're welcome for that. Don't get too gushy, you'll embarrass me," she said. She didn't turn around.
"You should have left me. It was right."
She couldn't contain herself. She spun around. "I don't leave my people to die, Solas. Not even you."
"You left Mythal." His eyes blazed.
"She was already dying. She wanted to help you. So did I. You're alive, and you're here. Perhaps be grateful that you receive so much loyalty from those you hurt." Tears welled in her eyes, and she looked at the ground.
He studied her. "Why did you do it?"
"You were right, he needed to be stopped. He said he knew me, but he forgot that I'd heard his voice in me for months. It revealed more about him than he knew. His manipulative nature. I knew what he was trying to push me into. Even though it worked, a little." She laughed hollowly. "I was angrier than I realized. And I also know you. You're a liar, but you've never wanted power. His story was a tool to draw out my hate. Any mistakes you made would be out of incompetence, not greed."
He gave a small smile. "Yes, that seems accurate. But I meant, why did you bring me back?"
She shrugged. "You're mine. One of… one of my pack. I don't let them suffer." She went a step further. "And I'm the Inquisitor, and my judgment holds even in the Fade. You wanted punishment, but leaving you would have let you avoid it. Your punishment is to be in this world, with your mistakes, and help me fix them."
"Including what is between us?" She nodded. "Evelyn, I sinned in anger and then in fear. If I must atone for you to forgive me, it will never happen, because I can never atone. But I swear that what I've done and will do will be in service of it anyway. I regret everything you had to endure because of my arrogance, everything you'll still have to endure. But I cannot regret that it allowed me to meet you. I will never regret that." He looked at her openly, with, no more coolness, and she squeezed her mind shut against the memories of his feelings.
"I'm sorry about that, too," he said, looking away. "In fairness, I thought I would die. I wanted you to see what you are. I don't ask you to return it."
She tilted her head. She wasn't sure what she thought about him, if or when she'd be ready to forgive. But she'd had enough of anger. She remembered her own lies she told to those she loved, would continue to tell, and felt a small seed of understanding plant in her heart. And she knew in truth that she'd brought him back because she didn't want him to die alone, defeated and broken. Maybe that was enough, for now.
She stood and walked over to him. "No more bad dreams, ma falon," she said. She leaned down and softly kissed his forehead, then his mouth. His eyes were bright with unshed tears as he rose beside her.
They walked for miles in the undergrowth, looking for anything familiar and picking through what wild food they could find. It wasn't clear how long they'd been in the Fade, but Solas guessed a week or more by their own hunger. They spoke little, and she slowly learned to tell when he was sensing her mind and when she was blocking him out. He started opening his own feelings to her more, trying to balance the scales of knowledge. She worked on closing the channels to her mind, not just for him but for anyone else who might reach through the Fade. She'd had enough of chattering inside her head.
"So are you Fen'Harel or Solas now?" she asked once.
"By rights I'm the former," he answered, "but that name holds no peace for me in this world. And by rights the latter was what turned me into the monster they believed me to be, but I still prefer it to any other."
"Solas, then. We'll have to find a new path for you to be proud of."
"You know my brothers can never come back, now," he said.
"Yes. Without the mirror, those rooms are lost in the Fade." He sent her surprise. "Come on, I've been there physically more than anyone but you and the old magisters by now. I've picked up a few things."
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Does that make you sad?"
"A little. It's hard to be the last of your kind. I wasn't a god, not as they were, but with Mythal gone I feel truly alone. Still, I know they would not be able to live in this world with you."
Miles later, the sky lightening above them, she saw signs of a scouting party and hoped they were close. She hoped they hadn't left her, feared that they had. To distract herself, she asked questions.
"You knew Elgar'nan was speaking to me, didn't you?"
"Yes, I recognized him in the Fade. I'd come to you to try to get you to stay away from him and the Eluvian, afraid he would sense you. Once I realized he already had, was already manipulating your thoughts, I knew the only hope was for you to come and smash it yourself. Our weakness was that as its creators, we couldn't destroy it physically, and the protections around it prevented it from any other person's destruction as well. Your anchor made you the only one who could. I caught his attention, tried to draw him away from you until you found it." He shook his head. "You weren't supposed to go through it."
"Hey, you said you like me better when I do what I want, not what you want." She felt his amusement. "Yeah, I'm going to hold that over you forever. Why didn't you tell me what you wanted, what I was up against?"
He sobered. "I thought about it for a long time. I never came up with a way to tell you that didn't reveal my own secrets. I'd hoped it wouldn't be necessary. Too much pride, I suppose. And I was running for much of the time, leading Elgar'nan's spirit away from you while staying close enough that he wouldn't give up. I thought that Flemeth would be more helpful to you, explain things in a way you would understand. I hadn't realized how much of her seeming wisdom came from Mythal."
"Well, humans can't all be me, I guess." She paused. "Why make a door that led into his prison? Why not just leave him there?"
"Hope. Mythal especially…" He opened up a thought. It's hard to leave a friend behind.
Noises from in front of them spurred her forward. She heard sounds of shouting and knew it was her friends. Only they shouted so enthusiastically. Solas lagged, hesitant. Come on, wolf,she thought, don't be scared now. They broke through the trees at the back of the camp directly in front of two perimeter soldiers, who almost fell over. After a long minute, when she knew they were considering their weapons, they saluted her and stepped aside. She sighed in relief and moved to the camp's center.
They stood around a makeshift war table, clearly arguing about her. Scraps of words came, phrases about staying to search or leaving to govern, and she was glad they hadn't finished the argument yet. And that they hadn't left immediately. She slowed suddenly, shy and afraid.
Then a new figure came into view, tall and broad and shouting even more loudly than the rest. "We're not leaving, Cassandra. She will return, and we will be waiting." Cullen. She gasped and tears filled her eyes. The sound drew their attention, and they all turned. To her relief, they were all alive and whole, and no one threw anything at her. Cassandra scowled immediately, in the way that meant she was extraordinarily happy. Varric shook his head and muttered something about the luck of Andraste. Iron Bull grinned hugely, and Sera let out a whoop. Only Dorian's face held dark shadows, remnants of anger, but even they were mixed with relief. And Cullen… after one quick glance she looked away, a coward. He sent out too much love, and she didn't deserve it.
She saw when they noticed Solas and heard them mutter to themselves in surprise. Cole had already walked forward, staring intently at his hurt face. She raised her voice. "He left us to fight, to protect all of us. He risked his life to save me. He's come back." Uncertain faces. She held her breath, hoping it was enough. Then they stepped forward, welcoming him without question, and she almost cried out at the beauty of her friends. She thought about her own actions and knew she could never live up to them. How could she have ever thought they were selfish?
Go to him, ma falon, she heard as he accepted their greetings and she received their hugs and back-slaps. Cullen still hadn't moved, his eyes on her face as if he didn't believe she was there. He was out of armor and looked tired and small and beautiful without it. She stepped once towards him, and then she was running. He caught her and held her. He whispered her name with his strength wrapped around her, and she felt herself mending within. She kissed him and wept, and his tears mingled with hers until there was no difference. He smelled like metal, soap and home. He set her down but didn't let go, and they stood like that for a long time. "I love you," she murmured, and he tightened his arms around her to show he'd heard.
A thought struck her, and she blurted it out without thought. "Did you sleep with Josephine while I was gone?"
He leaned back with a look of such incredulity that she laughed, clear and bright, and Varric cracked a joke about her truly romantic nature. And then they were all laughing, for reasons they could never vocalize, and she released the dark parts of her into the world and let happiness fill her with sunlight.