A/N: In my original draft, this and the chapter before were supposed to be the other way around. But I thought going through this might be hard enough even with knowing where it goes...

And writing this was... hard! I almost didn't make it in time.

To Antox and Midwest Mexican: Yay! And I hope this will make up for it...

To Katveena: I hope this answers your questions. Even the one what would happen to Hiccup if Astrid would die...

To LexieFanatic: Well, no. She actually had a full night's sleep and a whole day to rest and gather strength. Of course, she's exhausted! But in a world where a 15-year-old boy wakes from coma and goes riding a dragon, I'm sure a ~22-year-old badass like Astrid can do the same!

To harrypanther: Yeah, the change of POV was necessary. And once more, thank you VERY MUCH for your support!

To HephaestusBuilds: Yes, he had to die. No surprise there. And I hope this version will be satisfying. It was for me! ):-)

To Razor95: Interesting assumptions. O:-)

To Angel-the-hedge: Dont fret, here we go ;)

To aelintiya: I grinned so hard at your comments! :D Hope you don't hate me after this again xD

To TheGoldenDragoness: I love those kind of deals... O:-)

To Guest: Geir doesn't deserve empathy anyway...

. o O o .

Chapter 17: Being Chief

The flight back to Berk was an arduous one. Both Hiccup and Astrid were exhausted beyond anything they'd ever experienced before and yet they had no time to rest. It wasn't impossible to sleep on a dragon's back, strapped to the saddle as they usually were, but tonight nothing was as usual.

Astrid sat in front of Hiccup on Toothless' back, sidewise to spare her beaten body and firmly holding on to his waist. She listened as he told her in a low voice what had happened, scarcely daring to interrupt him. He felt tired and sounded detached in his own ears somehow. With her frail but warm body in his arms, the past days felt like nothing but a horrible nightmare and he dearly hoped he would be able to forget most of it like one, too

. o O o .

The silence stretched on for what seemed like forever. There were no sounds, no voices or calls, no cheers and still not the slightest hint of a baby's cry. There was just dead silence.

Hiccup wasn't able to think. His head was empty, exhaustion and shock preventing him from fully grasping what had happened. He made a stumbling step backward, then another and would have fallen down the stairs if Toothless hadn't caught him. Hiccup held on to the black dragon as desperation clawed its way into his heart. The Gods had answered his prayer, had let it end but not like he'd hoped for.

It was over. Everything was over. The silence around him seemed to agree with him, he was alone. Entirely and utterly alone. Without thinking twice about it, Hiccup climbed on Toothless' back and subconsciously gave the dragon a sign to take off. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want Helka or his mother to tell him that Astrid and their child had died. The silence had told him enough.

Hiccup didn't know for how long they flew through the night without a goal or a purpose. It was just flying for the sake of getting away from everything, from reality especially. Reality was a brutal world and Hiccup didn't want to return to it ever again. Instead, he let his mind wander.

He called forth an intense jumble of memories, fully intending to lose himself in them instead of thinking about the present. He remembered being a young boy, peering around a corner in Gobber's forge when he heard that voice. She'd always been beautiful, had always captured his gaze and thoughts and for such a long time, these covert glances at her had been all he'd gotten. "Here, laddie. Sharpen this ax, I know you'll put in an extra effort for her, won't you?" he heard Gobber's voice echoing through his memories and almost saw the broad man wink at him. The blacksmith had always given Astrid's things to him for mending, knowing how much that meant to him.

He recalled the disappointment when the entire village had marveled at his sudden success in dragon training but she'd just despised him even more. And he recalled the elation when she'd been the first to learn about his secret, had accepted it and supported him. He recalled the years of friendship that slowly but steadily had evolved into more, into an intense bond of loyalty and trust until it had become the deep love they shared. Had shared…

His heart shrank painfully as reality hit him again and he couldn't bear it. "Why?" He sobbed into the night, tears streaming down his face but he got no answer. Still, there was nothing but silence around him. Why had this happened? Hadn't he worked so hard to do everything right? Why were the Gods punishing him by taking away everything that mattered?

Hiccup knew it would be painful but he called forth that memory once more, one last time. The memory of Astrid smiling at him over her bump with their child nudging against their hands. For a short second, Hiccup smiled as well, lost in the happiness of that moment before the pain hit him again.

Astrid was gone. And so was their child. He'd never understood why his father had fought so vigorously against the dragons, hadn't even tried to listen when Hiccup had told him they weren't the enemy. But now, he understood. If losing Valka had hurt Stoick only half as much as losing Astrid hurt him then it was a miracle that his father hadn't gone entirely mad. But then, his father had at least still had his son while Hiccup had… nothing.

A weird calmness spread through him then. He had nothing left. Nothing left to live for. If Astrid was gone then he didn't want to go on either. Nothing mattered anymore, the world had lost its appeal to him. She wasn't here anymore, there was nothing left that was worth anything. Nothing left to do but one thing.

If Geir has harmed them, I will kill him.

Only yesterday he'd thought these words and they had frightened him. But now, they were all that kept him going. Stoick had fought the dragons so vigorously because he'd thought they were responsible for Valka's death. He'd been wrong about the dragons but Hiccup could understand his father's motivation now. And he wasn't wrong about Geir, after all. If it wasn't for Geir and his punch, Astrid's water wouldn't have broken and she wouldn't have gone into labor too early. If it wasn't for Geir, Astrid surely would have been strong enough to endure the pain and struggles of giving birth. If it wasn't for Geir, their baby would have been fine, it had been fine before after all. If it wasn't for Geir, they both would still be alive and Hiccup's life would still have meaning.

He wouldn't let Geir get away! Even if it would be the last thing he did…

"Come on, bud," He whispered with newfound determination. "We have a debt to settle!"

. o O o .

When Toothless landed on the deck of the small ship, it was empty except one person standing alone to greet him. Hiccup was mindless with rage, a blazing Inferno in his hand as he jumped off the saddle and glared at the figure through the slit in his helmet.

"Where is your brother?" he snarled. He had no quarrel with Laif but he wouldn't refrain from cutting him down if the boy decided to stand between him and Geir. But Laif made no attempt to stop him, even made a small step to the side to make way should Hiccup decide to just storm below.

"Why are you looking for him?" Laif asked hesitantly, almost carefully. There was apprehension on the boy's face but his demeanor was determined and it made Hiccup pause. He didn't want to talk, didn't want to explain or justify anything. He just wanted to get it over with, end Geir's life, painfully if possible, and be gone. But he couldn't bring himself to be the heartless executioner he should be and deep down, he didn't want to be either.

"Because my family is dead because of him!" Hiccup replied, voice shaking. "He killed them and he'll pay for it!" Saying it out loud had made it real and the pain hit him once more in full force. He was glad to wear his mask. That way, Laif couldn't see his face, couldn't see the anguish and desperation on it. It was almost too much, his legs were shaking, threatening to give in. Not yet! He told himself. He had to go on just a little bit longer.

For a moment, there was consternation on Laif's face, sorrow and regret but it was gone a second later. Instead, the boy relaxed and the same calmness returned that Hiccup had seen on him all week. He'd mistaken it for lethargy but now recognized it as what it really was, an intense composure. "I'm sorry to hear this," he said with sincerity. "But in that case I must tell you that Geir isn't here anymore"

For a moment, Laif's calm demeanor had soothed Hiccup but now, rage boiled up inside him once more. "What do you mean, he's not here anymore? Where is he?" Hiccup growled. He hadn't intended to kill anyone but Geir but if necessary he would sink the whole ship with everyone on it.

"I mean that he's not here," Laif repeated and after a pause added: "I don't know where he is"

"Don't play me for a fool!" Hiccup yelled and made a threatening step toward Laif. He had no patience for this game. But the boy lifted his hands in an appeasing gesture and there was something in his eyes, something…

"It's the truth, I don't know where my dear brother is now," Laif said calmly but with a strange glint in his eyes. "If we take your belief, he might be in Valhalla although I doubt he was worthy of that. After my belief, he surely is burning in Hell now for what he did. And if you're looking for his body, I don't know where that one is either. On the ocean's ground or eaten by some seadragon by now. I don't know and I don't care either!"

"What?" Hiccup muttered, stunned, eyes widening in surprise. "He… Geir is dead?"

A satisfied and harsh grin spread over Laif's face and he nodded. "Yes, he is!"

. o O o .

"So, Laif killed his own brother?" Astrid asked and threw him a disbelieving look. "I… That's a surprise"

But Hiccup shook his head, at both her comments. "It actually makes sense, you'll see. And no, technically, he didn't kill him…"

. o O o .

Hiccup staggered. His legs gave way beneath him and he fell on his knees, tearing off his helmet to breathe. Killing Geir had been all that had kept him going. But he was dead already. Hiccup wouldn't be able to see the light leaving his cold eyes, wouldn't be able to see the pain on Geir's face. It was over.

He more felt than saw Laif crouching down by his side and helping him into a sitting position. It didn't matter. Geir was dead and now, there was nothing left for him to do, nothing left to live for. But if he couldn't kill him himself, Hiccup at least needed to know how it had happened.

"How?" Hiccup asked in a whisper, knowing that Laif would hear him anyway. "How did he die?" He wasn't sure whether it would make a difference. His death, no matter how painful it might have been, wouldn't bring Astrid back.

With a sigh, Laif sat down beside him and fished in his pockets for a moment before he produces a worn-out pocket flask. He opened it, took a sip and offered it to Hiccup. He eyed it suspiciously but then shrugged and took a sip, too. It might be poisoned or drugged in other ways or maybe it wasn't. It didn't matter.

"I'm going to tell you a story," Laif began. "I freely admit not every part of it is the truth but you are smart, you'll know which part is a lie. However, it's the only story I'll ever tell if anyone asks me how my brother died," Hiccup frowned but didn't have the strength to ask what this was supposed to mean or even to give Laif a questioning look.

"My half-brother was a horrible man. You're not supposed to speak ill of the dead but in his case everything else would be blasphemy. One day, he went after another Chief's wife. He got stopped by her dragon. It injured him with its poisoned spikes. The Chief was an honorable man though. He gave me the antidote to cure my brother's poisoning even though he would have had every right to withhold it. We left the Chief's island and my brother was mending slowly. But then an… accident happened," Here, Laif paused and when he continued, Hiccup could have sworn he sounded smug. "A wave hit our ship, hard and unexpected and the small pot with the antidote fell into the sea. We had no way to retrieve it and we were too far gone to turn around and get more. And we thought it wouldn't be necessary anymore anyway. My brother seemed to be fine and his strength slowly returned. But apparently, there still was some poison left inside his body and suddenly, he was dead"

For a few minutes, they both were quiet. Silently, Hiccup accepted this story as the only truth that would ever leave this ship. Maybe it was a fitting end for Astrid's murderer to die by her dragon's poison. Stormfly surely mourned her almost as much as he did.

"That seems appropriate," Hiccup murmured after a while. "Too quick though…" He wasn't sure how he would have gone about it. He hadn't made a plan. He just knew that he'd wanted Geir to suffer, wanted him to feel as much of the pain he'd inflicted on others as was possible.

"Do you know how Nadder poison works?" Laif asked strangely smugly and Hiccup snorted. What kind of a question was that? Of course, he knew! But maybe Laif didn't.

"It wanders through the blood," Hiccup said quietly. "Slowly and aside from an uncomfortable burning sensation, the victim doesn't feel much. It differs how long it takes, depending on how much and where the venom entered the body. But at some point, it reaches an important spot, we guess in the head and then it happens. The inner organs like the heart and the lungs fail and the victim dies within seconds, almost without warning" Hiccup closed his eyes as a vision of Geir appeared in his mind, spasming on the ground and eyes filled with panic. Hiccup had seen it happen a few times, back before the whole peace-with-dragons-time. It had been horrible! But imagining Geir going through it was sickly satisfying.

At his side, Laif snorted. "Yeah, that's what I've been taught as well. It was different though, because of the antidote I guess." Hiccup looked up in confusion. It didn't really matter, nothing mattered anymore but without anything else to occupy his mind, the always curious explorer inside him took over for a moment.

"Different how?" he heard himself ask and Laif looked at him with what only could be called an insane smile.

"I guess the antidote wasn't enough to completely neutralize the poison but only diluted it. It took way longer than I'd been taught and I… feared he might be completely healed after all. I said earlier, that he was suddenly dead. That wasn't true. It didn't happen suddenly. At first, the diluted poison only kind of paralyzed him. He couldn't stand up anymore and lay on his bed for hours. He was awake and screaming at us but he couldn't form any words anymore. Sometimes I sat by his side, just to watch him. I saw the fear in his eyes. I guess he knew what was coming. I saw him pleading and crying and cursing at me with his eyes only while I just sat there and smiled. I watched him as his breathing became irregular, saw the panic in his eyes as his heart slowly began to fail. He was conscious the whole time right until the end, until hours later, he began to shook, soiled himself and then… died"

When Laif had finished his account, Hiccup closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn't know what to say. Geir had died a horrible death! Just like he'd deserved…

"Why have you done it?" Hiccup asked after a while. "Surely not just to revenge-" He gulped. He couldn't say it, couldn't say her name.

But instead of answering, Laif said quietly: "I'm truly sorry for what happened to your wife and your child! You might not believe me, but I know how you feel! I…" He trailed off and swallowed. "I know these words don't mean anything to you and they don't help" Laif continued. "But they are true. I do know how you feel, probably better than anyone else"

"How can you know how I feel?" Hiccup snorted harshly. He didn't even know himself how he felt! Empty. Hollow. Brittle. But Laif just gazed at him until Hiccup raised his head. And looked into a pair of empty eyes amidst the hollow face of this suddenly brittle-looking boy. No, Hiccup thought. This was no boy.

"You know I grew up in Crescent Harbor," the young man finally whispered. "And you know my sire razed it to the ground to get me back. You said so in your Hall. But do you know anything else? How or why he did it?"

Hiccup closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He felt like an idiot. He'd spent hour after dreadful hour to get any information out of Magnus and his men. But it had never even occurred to him to try and talk to Laif. So easy, so obvious. It had been clear that the young man hadn't been happy with what his father and brother did, why had he never thought of just asking him what had happened to that village. He was a living witness after all, just what he'd hoped to find. Hiccup could have locked Magnus and Geir away directly and nothing would have happened…

"No," he breathed. "I don't"

. o O o .

"So why did he do it? What happened in that village?" Astrid asked when Hiccup didn't go on. He still wasn't sure what to make of the things Laif had told him on his ship. It wasn't that he doubted him! No, the young man had told him the truth, he was sure of that. But it had made him question himself in a way and only now, while he held Astrid's warm body in his arms again, was he able to fully work through it.

Once more, Hiccup deeply inhaled her scent, the hint of mayweed in her hair overlaid with blood and exhaustion. It was soothing just the way it was. And then he told her the unhappy story of Laif.

. o O o .

"I don't remember anything of my early life on Redthorn Island," Laif began. "All I ever remembered was that I belonged to Crescent Harbor and the people there. I grew up as the ward of the mayor of the village. They never lied, told me right from the beginning that I wasn't their son, that I was supposed to be a hostage to keep them safe from my father.

"I was happy there," he continued after a pause. "Sometimes I became curious and approached a passing merchant. I would ask what he could tell me about the Vikings in the north and about the Redthorn tribe in particular. But all they told me was that the Vikings were a weird lot, stubborn and often brutal and that the Redthorn tribe surely was one of the worst there was. I never regretted not to be one of them.

"There were other stories of course, of adventurers and heroes, of dragons and monsters," He added with a sly smile. "But those never appealed to me. I was content with the life in front of me. As a born Viking, I was stronger than most even as a boy and soon became a respected fighter, a defender. The villages around us often got robbed but no thief ever dared to come to Crescent Harbor. We had a peaceful life. Some would probably call it boring but not me. An adventure of another kind lay in front of me. The mayor, the man who'd taken me in and treated me like a son, became old. Some feared trouble because legally, his biological child, his daughter was to inherit while many wanted me instead for that position. But there was no trouble." Laif paused and when Hiccup looked up there was a faint smile on his lips.

"Her name was Faye. Most people say it means fairy and she surely was beautiful like one. But it also means Faith. Belief. That's what I'm going with. I believed in her and still do" He paused for a moment, lost in thoughts. "We were in love. We'd almost grown up as siblings but we'd never felt that way. I was never her father's son and she was never my sister. We knew everything about each other and when the time came, it was the most natural thing to do to propose to her. We were happy!" Hiccup felt a deep sting where once his heart had been. It sounded a lot like him and Astrid. The part about growing up together. About sharing the leadership. About knowing everything about each other. Would this ever stop? Would he ever stop remembering things about her whenever someone said something? Probably not…

"Her father made a big announcement for our wedding," Laif went on but the happiness from before was gone. "The former hostage was to marry his daughter and become the new mayor. It was a grand occasion and invitations were sent everywhere. Everywhere…" His voice sounded lifeless and blank now. "He seemed to believe my father deserved an invitation, too. If only he wouldn't have sent that one. Or it would have gone lost. Nothing would have happened…"

If only… Hiccup knew that thought all too well.

"They came about a year ago, one week before the wedding. They were the first guests to arrive, a little too early to tell the truth but of course, the villagers couldn't send them back. They settled in one of the guest quarters, my father, my brother, and a couple of their men. Faye and I weren't there yet and only arrived home that night after running some errands in a neighboring village. We were just about to settle for the night when it started." Laif's voice had become eerily calm and when Hiccup looked up, Laif's eyes were blank.

"They were quiet, sneaked from house to house and killed or captured everyone. If they ran into a woman, they raped her before cutting her throat. If there were any husbands or parents, they made them watch. That's what Geir did at least. He made me watch while he raped Faye. He cut her throat while he came. I wish, he would have killed me, too!" Something between insane laughter and sobbing bubbled up inside Laif. Finally, some emotions. "But instead, all young men were gagged and brought to the village's center. I understood it then. They were looking for me! They had no idea what I looked like, after all. My father wanted me back and wanted to prevent me from marrying Faye, preventing his bloodline to exist in another tribe. So they killed everyone, even the other men after they found me.

"You asked why I did it," Laif finally added, his voice hollow again. By now it seemed like a well-practiced mask to Hiccup, a front to hind behind when needed. "I didn't do it to revenge your wife, not solely at least. Geir always boasted with how many women he'd raped and killed, how many he'd gotten. I killed that monster for Faye. For all the other women he'd gotten. And also for those, he wouldn't have the chance to get now anymore. I only regret that I hesitated too long to save your wife"

. o O o .

Astrid clung to him, her face hidden against this chest. Hiccup could feel her tremble as she sobbed quietly and laid a comforting arm around her waist. He wasn't sure what disturbed her more, Laif's story in general, what had happened to him and Faye or the memories this surely had called forth. The memories of her own encounter with Geir.

Knowing what had happened to Faye, Hiccup sent a deep prayer of thanks to the Gods. Astrid had been spared this fate but only they knew how close she'd been to suffer the same. Geir hadn't gotten Astrid. He had to concentrate on that.

"Gods, that is horrible!" Astrid finally whispered in a weak voice. "That poor boy… How did he manage to go on? I mean…" She gulped. "Without you, I couldn't…" Hiccup leaned down to silence her with a kiss. He didn't want to hear any of that, didn't want to think about the possibility. Not again…

. o O o .

Hiccup had wondered the same, though. After Laif had told his story, he'd left Hiccup to his own thoughts for what felt like hours. All the while, Hiccup just sat there on the deck of the Redthorn ship, Toothless curled up at his side and tried to decide what to do now. Geir was dead, there was nothing he could do about him anymore and truth be told, he was glad. Geir had suffered in pain and fear, more than Hiccup himself could have inflicted upon him. But what now? He knew what he had to do now! But he couldn't bring himself to even think about returning to Berk let alone actually do it…

Around noon, Laif returned. He invited Hiccup to eat with him, get out of the sun and talk, even if it might be just as a distraction. From most others, Hiccup would have refused this offer. But as Laif had said before, he'd been in Hiccup's situation, too. Not exactly, different but surely equally bad.

And Laif had overcome it! Food and talking didn't hold any allure to Hiccup but distraction sounded liberating so he agreed. However, when he entered Laif's cabin and smelt the scent of roasted meat and fresh fruits, his body told him off quite vigorously. Hiccup tore into the food with an urgency that might have surprised him if he would have cared. The full stomach calmed his body and the tiredness that followed was soothing. It was the tiredness of the flesh, entirely natural and it drove away the tiredness of his mind, of loss and sorrow. It didn't make him forget but it helped nonetheless.

All the while, Laif had stayed silent despite his former announcement to talk. But now, he watched Hiccup with an undecipherable expression.

"You're coping better than I have," He finally said. There was no judgment in Laif's words, only the same calmness Hiccup was used to by now. But Hiccup paused anyway, let the mug in his hand sink on the table and averted his gaze. He wasn't coping. Repressing maybe. But not coping.

He'd prevented himself from thinking about her. About her absence. But now, it all came crashing back down on him and he had to fight hard to keep the food he'd just eaten inside. She was gone! His entire future was gone, all he'd been so sure of. He would have to return to Berk, his people still needed him. But how could he ever go back to a place where everything reminded him of her? There was no building he hadn't been in or hidden behind with her, no sight they hadn't admired together, not one inch on the entire island he had stepped on with her occupying his mind.

"I'm… sorry," he heard Laif mutter and wiped away the lone tear that ran down his cheek. Crying did him no good. It didn't change anything. "I'm just marveling at…" Laif continued and shook his head. "After it happened, I only wanted to die. Only the knowledge that I would never see her again if I ended in Hell for committing suicide prevented me from throwing myself into a sword. But you are so calm…"

"Appearances can be deceiving," Hiccup murmured. But in a way, Laif was right. He was calm. He had no strength left to do anything else.

"I guess so. But still. You truly are not what I expected. It keeps surprising me"

"What you expected?" Hiccup snorted. What in Hel's name was that supposed to mean? What had he expected from a man who'd lost everything?

"Yes, what I expected," Laif went on, unperturbed. "When my father brought me to his Island, I expected to be surrounded by savage beasts. The stories I'd heard about you Vikings surely hinted as much and after what I'd seen on our journey back, I expected the worst. That was the first surprise, that not everyone in my father's tribe was like him. That most actually were against him and what he did but were too afraid to speak their mind. I heard them whisper about the peace treaty that had just been signed a few weeks prior. I heard them whisper about how they all hoped the influence of the Great Dragon Master might save them. The Chief of Berk was an honorable man, they said and I began to hope as well. I know that it had been the Chief of Berk who'd primary been responsible for me growing up in Crescent Harbor. I wanted to thank him and ask his help to bring the murderers of my people, my family to justice. For months, this thought alone kept me going. I learned more about the people around me, learned whom I could trust and whom not and waited for my chance to contact him covertly.

"When the news came that the next signing would happen on Berk, I was elated. My chance had come, what I'd waited for, what had kept me going. Magnus was happy when I asked whether I could come along on this journey. He believed I'd finally made up my mind to accept him, or so I guess. I even managed to get two of my guards on board, two men I knew would rather support me than Geir or my father if they were convinced their families wouldn't suffer any repercussions. All the while, I tried to picture him. I've heard many rumors over the years. About Stoick the Vast, about how Berk had tamed the dragons, about the Great Dragon Master who commanded even the most vicious beasts. I was nervous to meet this man, this hero that inspired awe and fear whenever someone uttered his name. And then we arrived on Berk and I saw you" Laif chuckled lowly but Hiccup failed to get the joke. He knew the rumors about himself and hated them. In the end, they were mostly lies or exaggerations at best. Hardly anything people said about him was true and surely none of these rumors said anything about who he really was inside.

"I was so disappointed!" Laif went on as if to prove Hiccup's thoughts right. "Obviously, you were not the man who took me away from my father all those years ago. You were not the mighty Chief I'd expected to see. You were hardly more than a boy, just licking my father's boots. Your dragon, the mighty Night Fury only crouched behind you, growling occasionally but clearly not as dangerous as everyone said. And even your wife, Berk's feared general, turned out to be not in the condition to fight anyone. I hated you so much! All these months, I'd kept my hopes up to bring Geir and my father to justice and it only took those few minutes at Berk's harbor to destroy everything"

A part of Hiccup wanted to laugh at the irony. If only Laif had approached him, had offered the information Hiccup had looked for right away. It could have been so simple. If only… If only he hadn't tried to act out being Magnus' friend, had shown his true intentions. He'd thought he'd given a poor impression, that he hadn't been able to act being nice all that well but obviously, it had been convincing enough. Too convincing…

"I made a new plan then," Laif continued in a low voice. "If I wouldn't get help from this supposed hero than I wouldn't get help anywhere. I had to help myself. So I decided to kill them. That, too, is supposed to be a deadly sin but they deserved it, right? Surely, ending their tyranny would count as higher justice, right? And maybe I could even kill two birds with one stone. I wanted to hurt you, too. For destroying my hopes. So instead of simply cutting their throats in their sleep, I waited. I waited for an opportunity when everyone would assume their death would be your doing. I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hesitated"

Hiccup had closed his eyes during Laif's speech and was breathing heavily now. It was all his fault! Laif had only done what he'd thought would be right. If he hadn't been so convincing in his act, Laif would have killed them days ago. It wouldn't have been right but what did it matter? Astrid would still be alive. It was all his fault…

"What changed your mind?" he heard himself say. It didn't matter, not really. It was too late now. But Laif had decided to go with that story about Geir's death that wouldn't put blame on anyone. There had to be a reason.

"Your speech two days ago. In your Hall. What you did. What you said! Geir attacked your wife, you would've had every right to struck him down. No-one would have blamed you. But you didn't. I realized it then, that you weren't so much different from me. That you actually were that honorable Chief everyone talked about. That you wouldn't use brutal force if you can avoid it. That you had the honest intention and power to bring them to justice.

"I wanted to talk to you then but your men made me leave and you were so angry. I thought it would be best to wait for another opportunity. I tried to sneak away from our hut, to get a message to you that I wanted to talk to you. That I was the witness you mentioned you would look for. But Geir caught me and… knocked me out, I guess. When I woke there was chaos. My father was dead, my brother poisoned and no-one would listen to a single thing I said.

"Ben and Mart, our guards, told me what else happened, or what they knew of, at least. It wasn't much. Just enough to let me realize I'd screwed it up. I'm sorry, I really am. I should have trusted your reputation. One doesn't get one as yours without effort"

For a few minutes, Hiccup just stared. At the ground, at the table, at Laif. His gaze wandered but he wasn't seeing anything. He felt like screaming and thrashing but what good would that do? He'd tried so hard to do what's right and he'd only made it worse. Laif had been the key all along but he'd been too blind to see it. He'd just seen another Redthorn and nothing else. And now, it was too late.

"Why are you telling me all this?" He asked in a weak voice. It's always good to know the truth, people said but was that so? What good did it do that above all else he now felt incompetent and stupid? It didn't change anything, didn't help. It only served to make him feel even worse. He hadn't thought it possible but it was. He'd lost everything that mattered and now he didn't even feel worthy of being his father's successor anymore.

"I…" Laif began, insecure at his reaction. "I need you to understand! Why I did what I did. I know how you feel, how you think you can't go on anymore. I've been there, too. I've lost everything, had nothing left. But now…" He paused, biting his lip. "There are people who depend on me. It's not the same but Faye would have wanted me to go on. I still believe in her, honor what she would have wanted. Now that Magnus and Geir are gone, the Redthorn tribe need a new leader. Someone who can show them how to be better. But I'm not that man. I was prepared to become the leader of my village but that was different. Those were people I knew, customs and rules I grew up with. I don't know how to rule Vikings, to make them listen and respect me. I want to… to change how the Redthorn tribe is behaving and regarded. There are good people in there, good men. But I don't know how to do that." He paused again and swallowed.

"I need your help," He added in a small voice. "You are the kind of leader I want to be. But I need you to show me how it's done, need you to teach me. I told you all this to make you understand! Whatever you're thinking right now, however you feel, I need you to go on… Your people need you to go on. This entire world needs you to go on! I know how you feel, I truly do! But you mustn't give it"

Hiccup wanted to laugh but all that he was able to bring forth was a sobbed out snort. This wasn't fair! He'd done everything he could, had given everything he had. Wasn't that enough? But then Laif spoke again and said those words. The only words that still meant anything but that also made him finally break down completely.

"I believe that Astrid would want you to go on, too!"

. o O o .

Hiccup recalled only dimly how he'd made it off that ship. He remembered giving in to the grief and remembered sobbing until he had no tears left. He remembered Laif tactfully leaving him alone. He remembered stumbling out of that cabin some while later and Toothless giving him a concerned warble. He remembered ordering Laif to berth at a nearby island to the north and wait there for further instructions. He remembered all this but it seemed unreal like it had just been a dream.

Now, he lay on Toothless' back, the familiar sensation of the wind tearing at his clothes and hair, soothing him and tearing at his mind at the same time. Even flying and the wind reminded him of her… But Laif had been right. She wouldn't want him to give up. She would want him to go on, to live and to be happy. He had no idea how he should do that but he would try. For her.

"Let's fly home, bud," he murmured and closed his eyes. He felt the sleek body beneath him shift as Toothless changed direction to head for Berk, right before he drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

. o O o .

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was how cold it was. It was late summer but around Berk, that didn't mean much. An almost freezing wind bit into him and he had to blink several times before the bleary image became clear. There, in front of him, were the bolt cliffs of Berk. He was back…

Swallowing, he steered Toothless toward the central plaza where he could already see several people waving at him. Their faces were a blur to him but they seemed too happy for his taste, smiling and laughing. It made him feel hollow. Nice to know how much his people had cared about her… With a heavy heart, he signaled Toothless to land and climbed off his friend's back. Time to face reality. Putting on a guarded expression, he looked around for his friends, Gobber, Snot, or Eret. Tuff, Legs, or Dagur. He surely would need their support to make it through the next minutes. He couldn't spot either of them but then, he didn't need to. The people around him suddenly made way and there she was!

Astrid looked at him with a tentative smile that made him choke. She was alive! And, judging by the wrapped up bundle in her arms, so was their child! Hiccup gasped and made a careful step toward her just as she made a step as well. There was sorrow in her wide eyes and a deep concern. For him. She was alive and he'd suffered for nothing. He hurried toward her, almost stumbling on the uneven ground and pulled her into his arms. Her skin felt cold and it made him wonder how long she was already waiting here for him. But then he caught the sweet mayweed scent of her hair and he was home. He sobbed a strangled laughter into her golden tresses before she pulled back to look at him.

She didn't say a word but a moment later, she dropped her gaze at the bundle in her arms and his eyes followed hers. Reflexively, he closed his arms around the fabric and its precious content when she held it out to him. It felt light as a feather and the blanket on the outside was cold as well. They should get inside, sit down by the fire, warm up and talk. Yes, they should talk!

How was it possible that they were alive? Had he been wrong after all? But here they were, walking and smiling. He could see them. Smell them. A helpless smile spread across Hiccup's face who still could hardly believe it. He opened his mouth to say something, to ask how this was possible but Astrid shook her head. Right. They would have time to talk later. She stretched and with happiness in his heart, Hiccup leaned down to kiss her.

He felt her hands in his hair a moment later, pulling him closer and the scraping of her cool fingernails over his skin sent shivers down his spine. Her lips were cold as well, he noticed and something… Something was off. Didn't feel right. He opened his eyes and was about to draw back when it happened. Suddenly, everything around him became pale and sallow. The wind bit into him with icy teeth as Astrid retreated as well and gave him a sad smile. And then she vanished.

She didn't fade away or blinked out of existence. No, it looked more like she was dissolving into dust and sand and got carried away by the wind. The last glimpse he got was of her eyes, sadly looking at him. A moment later, the same happened to the bundle of blankets in his arms and then to everything else.

. o O o .

"NOOOO!"

His scream startled Toothless and the full-body jolt that went through the dragon's body shook him awake in an instant. Panting for air, he clung to the saddle straps and tried to calm his heaving body. Unsuccessfully. Hiccup retched and the remains of his meal earlier landed in the ocean below. Shaking and trembling, he fought the urge to simply follow, jump and vanish between the waves.

It had been just a dream. It hadn't been real. Neither of them was alive. Just a dream. His thoughts went in circles, his head spinning. It hadn't been real. She was dead. Dead! And nothing would bring her back.

His heartbeat didn't calm down for a long time. For those brief moments, he'd hoped. He'd honestly believed it. That Astrid and their baby were alive and well. That he could simply return and everything would be as it was. Having that hope crushed in this brutal way, it felt like he'd lost her all over again. Like the wound that had begun to scab in Laif's cabin got torn open anew. Overcome by hopelessness, he threw his head back and screamed into the setting sun, screamed out the pain and agony. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. She was gone.

His eyes caught on a familiar silhouette at the horizon and suddenly, he felt like the scream got stuck in his throat, actively trying to choke him. Because there, in front of him, were the bolt cliffs of Berk…

"No!" He gasped. It looked almost exactly like in his dream. Like it always had looked and always would look. There was one difference but it only made the sight worse. The setting sun was painting the sky and clouds in an intense mixture of orange and pink and he couldn't bear it!

"No. No, I can't…" He couldn't return. Not yet. Not now! Not with all the memories of her so heavy in his heart.

Once more, he gave Toothless a sign to turn around. He didn't care where they would go. Just away from Berk, that was all that mattered. Away from reality and these painful memories.

. o O o .

Hiccup couldn't stand the thought of going home. Not yet. He would have to eventually, he knew that. But he needed more time. The mere thought of returning to his empty house, of sitting by the fire or sleeping in their bed tonight, alone… No, he couldn't bear it. Not tonight. He needed more time!

He wasn't sure whether Toothless had decided to fly here on his own or whether Hiccup had subconsciously stirred them here himself. But when the familiar outline of Itchy Armpit appeared in front of him, he knew this was exactly what he needed. A place that belonged to him and Astrid and only to them. A place to mourn her and bury his memories of her. A place he could return to when he wanted to remember her. A place to separate her from Berk and the dull future that awaited him there.

One day. He would give himself one day to relive his time with her, to remember their love and to grieve for the future they'd lost. One day to mourn for his child he would never get to know and to wallow in misery and guilt.

No matter what Laif had said or what poor decisions he'd made; what had happened hadn't been his fault. He might not be the guileless boy he'd appeared to be but he'd only done what he'd thought was right. He hadn't known any better while Hiccup should have known better! He should have known that Geir wouldn't give up after that first attempt to get Astrid in the Hall. He should have known that their fear of the dragons had to be fake. He should have known better than to try and use legal means to take actions against these ruthless people. And he should have known better than to bring them to Berk in the first place. Not being around Astrid to help her, not being there when their child would be born… Those selfish reasons had cost them everything! He'd been a fool! What would it have mattered if he hadn't been there? He would never have been allowed inside anyway, couldn't have helped in the least. Seeing his child a few days later would have been a small price to pay when it meant that it would have lived!

For an eternity, Hiccup lay on their cliff in the soft grass, tear-blurred gaze directed into the distance or the stars above. He went through everything they'd gone through together. Their childhood, Dragon training and their first shared flight. Fighting the Red Death and getting accustomed to his fake leg. The dragon academy, Alvin, Dagur, and the Flightmare. The Dragon Eye, their years on Dragon's Edge, Ryker, Viggo, and Krogan. Being captured and being blind. Enemies that turned into friends. Drago and the Bewiderbeast. Rebuilding Berk, their wedding and these wonderful two years since then. Their last night together, half-drunken and crazy and wonderful.

The pain was excruciating. He felt the urge to claw at his chest, to rip out his heart if only it would stop the pain. He was barely sensible anymore, caught in a delirium of grieve when he heard it.

"Hiccup?"

It was barely audible, just a whisper in the wind but he sat upright in an instant. That had been Astrid's voice, hadn't it? Of course! He would recognize her voice everywhere. His head whipped around searchingly and caught sight of a figure standing between the trees.

She wore a simple white dress covered by a silvery shining armor. She seemed to glow from within, the light radiating from her like wings. She looked at him with a sad expression in her big blue eyes and slowly came closer. She wasn't walking though but rather floated above the ground, unmoving and surreal.

Hiccup could only stare as the Valkyrie with Astrid's face kneeled down at his side and reached for him. Her touch was cold and barely tangible as if she wasn't even real. Her sad eyes caught his and he felt as if his throat got sealed shut. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak. This was his last chance, the only goodbye they would ever get before she returned to Valhalla to be the Valkyrie she'd always been. He had to tell her! That he was sorry for failing her! That he knew his mistakes were unforgivable. How beautiful she was. That he loved her! That he would always love her…

But he wasn't able to utter even one word before she leaned down to let her cool lips ghost over his. The wind carried a hint of mayweed and it rustled through his hair like cold fingers before she dissolved into mist and light and was gone.

. o O o .

Hiccup's eyes flew open. Trembling, he stared into the dark night and fought to stay calm. He wanted to scream, cry, and wail, thrash, and howl. But none of that would do him any good. It was over. This dream or vision or whatever it had been, it had been a last reprieve, a last gift.

He'd been allowed to see her one last time.

Silent tears ran down his face as he realized what that meant. She was gone, finally and truly gone and it was over. He rolled into a ball on the ground and gave himself up, gave in to reality and let it wash over him in trembling waves. She was gone, he had to accept this. She would never come back.

"Hiccup? It's me"

A low wailing escaped him. Why was he still hearing her voice? Would it never stop? Would he hear her calling out to him for the rest of his life? But maybe that was only fair. Her death would forever be his fault and her memento would accompany him for the rest of his life. Maybe longer…

The rustling of ferns and grass caught his attention and tiredly, he raised his head to where Toothless still lay in the shadows. But it hadn't been the dragon who'd disturbed the silence of his refuge.

There, between the trees, she stood once more. She looked different this time. Her simple clothes were bloodstained and sweaty, her hair in disarray, her face pale and her eyes tired. But it was unmistakably Astrid. No! No, please not. Not again! Hadn't he endured enough? Why were the Gods tormenting him with showing him images of her over and over again? Gods, what have I done that you hate me so much?

He'd slumped to the ground at her sight, unable to go through it all once more. He didn't want to look at her achingly beautiful face, to feel her phantom hands and her phantom lips, cold and unreal. What did he have to do to make it stop?

"I'm so sorry, Astrid. It is all my fault. I know you will never be able to forgive me but believe me I'm sorry. I'll carry this burden with me for the rest of eternity"

The words blurted out of him before he could think about it. Maybe this was what she still needed, his confession. Maybe now, he would be able to find peace.

But she didn't react, didn't answer or let him know she'd heard him at all. Or maybe he hadn't spoken aloud after all. He hadn't been able to speak even one word the other times. Or was she gone already? He lifted his head despite his former intention but she was still there, standing still between the trees and watching him.

"Gods, Astrid, you are so beautiful," He gasped out. "I always knew you couldn't be an ordinary mortal. My Valkyrie... I love you. I will always love you and I'm so sorry…" His voice broke as tears threatened to overwhelm him once again.

This time, she reacted to his words though. She made a few careful steps toward him, slow but steady and not floating like before. When she reached him, she crouched down at his side and when he didn't react, lifted her hand. A part of him wanted to shy away from her touch and run. Not again, not again! But he could barely move, could only tremble and shake beneath her comforting fingers in his hair. He felt her other hand on his face, warm and soothing as she pulled him up and forced him to look at her.

She still hadn't said a word, but her eyes spoke volumes. They spoke of sorrow and promises, of anxiety and of love. She looked just like she'd always had and when she leaned down to kiss him, he wasn't able to fight her. He'd never been able to deny her anything…

But if she was kissing him, she would disappear any moment now. Any second, she would dissolve, maybe into smoke and ashes this time. Helplessly, he keened against her lips, warm on his. He didn't want her to disappear!

The wind brought once more the scent of mayweed but it was different this time. Not the pure and sweet perfume he'd smelled the other times but only a hint, almost entirely covered by the scent of blood and exhaustion.

And then everything clicked into place. She was warm! She wasn't perfect, she was bleeding and tired. And she was real!

He felt like his heart was bursting as he wound his arms around her slender frame. Without thinking, he pulled her tight against him to hold her and never let her go. His lips had begun to move with hers, sliding and searching and reassuring.

She was real... She was here. She was alive!

. o O o .

"…and that was it." Hiccup mumbled tiredly after he'd finished his account. "You know the rest. You were there!" he added in a soft whisper. A part of him still doubted that this was real, still feared he might wake up any moment now and she would be gone again. But her soft and warm body still rested in his arms and it was all the reassurance he needed.

"Oh, Hiccup," she breathed and pulled herself closer to him, careful as not to fall off the swiftly flying dragon. She clung to his chest, her face buried in the crook of his neck and he felt her hot tears on his bare skin. "You're such an idiot!" she sniveled. "Why didn't you stay to make sure? Why didn't you wait just a few minutes? Gods…" He felt her shaking her head, her hair tickling against his skin and he leaned down to hide in her golden tresses. They'd been bound only in a haste bun and by now, most had escaped.

Yes, he was an idiot! There was no doubt about that! He had no excuse for his stupidity except that he'd completely overreacted. He'd been overtired and apprehensive for too long, hadn't been able to think clearly anymore. He should have waited to make sure. It was inexcusable that he'd left Astrid alone. And he should have stayed no matter what. He was the Chief, after all. Wallowing in self-pity was a luxury he couldn't afford.

"What are you going to do now?" she asked after a pause. "About Laif, I mean?"

Yes, what would he do… He hadn't given that topic much thought just yet but he would need to. "Talk to him I guess," he answered hesitantly. "Call him back and have a good old-fashioned and long conversation. Dagur needs to know the truth, too. Maybe nobody else, but…" he sighed. He wanted to see Laif as the new Redthorn Chief but for that to happen they would need to be careful. Maybe Laif was right and most men back on Redthorn Island would support him as new Chief but probably not everyone. If the rumor spread that he'd been responsible for the true heir's death… Well, they would see.

Laif wasn't what truly occupied his mind when he thought about the future though. There was another person who was far more important to him and about whom they hadn't talked at all yet.

"Would you… tell me about her?" Hiccup asked tentatively, almost shyly. It was still hard to wrap his head around the thought that he was a father now. That he had a child, a baby daughter.

He felt Astrid's lips twitch against his neck and then she retreated to look at him. Her eyes were filled with gleaming joy, despite the exhaustion that overlaid everything.

"She's beautiful. Perfect!" She began. "She has brown hair, like yours. Her eyes are blue but that doesn't mean much. It can still change in the coming months. I hope, they turn green. And she's so tiny! Her hands and her nose…" She shrugged and helplessly shook her head. "I can't explain it adequately. You need to see for yourself" Well, he intended to do that! Berk's high cliffs had just appeared on the horizon and it wouldn't take them long anymore.

"Do you already know how to name her?" Astrid asked hesitantly, which made his lips twitch as well.

"I have an idea," He admitted. "But I need to see her first, need to see whether it fits…" He paused, frowning slightly and then added: "Do you want to hear it?"

Astrid looked at him for a while, curiosity and tradition fighting in her eyes. But then she shook her head. "No. I trust you won't pick something awful, right? That's a tradition Berk definitely doesn't need anymore!"

Hiccup's lips twitched again. "Agreed!"

Half an hour later, Toothless landed on the plaza in the middle of Berk, closely followed by Stormfly. Hiccup climbed off the dragon's back and helped Astrid down as well before he turned to look into the faces around him. He'd feared to see accusation and disappointment but there was none of that. Instead, there were only relieved smiles full of anticipation. An emotion that found its echo deep inside him.

With Astrid's hand in his own, he slowly walked through the swarming people around him, looking for… He wasn't sure for whom or what he was looking. But when he saw the tall figure of his mother cleaving through the crowd, he knew. Hard on her heels was Astrid's mother and when finally even Bucket made way, Hiccup saw the wrapped up bundle in her arms.

For a moment, he froze. It looked very much like the bundle in his nightmare, the one that had dissolved into dust and sand and he felt panic creep up inside him. If all this was just a dream after all, then he wasn't sure whether he would find the strength to go on again.

But then he felt Astrid's warm hand squeezing his and saw her encouraging smile. Right. His daughter was waiting. He swallowed and with stinging eyes took the bundle when Brenna held it out for him. His first thought was how heavy she was, nothing like that featherlike bundle. Then he felt her move and began to tremble, fearing he might accidentally drop her. But Astrid was at his side in an instant and helped him rearrange his arms until she lay securely and safely. She'd also brushed aside the fabric that had hidden her face until then and now, he could see her.

Astrid had been right, she was beautiful. She looked exactly like Astrid with her round little face, the tiny pointed chin, and the teeny little nose. She was perfect!

"So?" he heard Astrid say. "What's her name then?"

Hiccup threw her a cautious look but her eyes told him enough. She trusted him. So he turned back toward the tiny girl in his arms. Maybe the first girl that had been born in a world where her almost-murderer didn't exist anymore. The first girl Geir would never be able to get.

"Faye," He whispered. "Her name is Faye!"

. o O o .

A/N: So this is the end... For now at least. The main story ends here, just in time before the holidays keep me from writing and uploading anything anyway. And I say 'the main story' because... well, not everything is said just yet.

I plan to write a few epilogue chapters but those won't come with the usual regularity. There are questions that need answering, stories that need telling (And smut to happen...). And I'm sure there are things you might still wonder about as well. So, if you have questions or requests, please ask them and I'll try to answer them in one of the epilogues.

As always, thank you all for supporting me and this story. It were some crazy weeks for me and I'm very happy that it is done now.

Special thanks go to all those who review regularly and kept me going. The GoldenDragoness, Razor95, HephaestusBuids, harrypanther, LexieFanatic, Katveena, MidwestMexican, Antox, snoopykid, Ulcaasi. You guys are awesome!

Another Thanks goes to IpperDragon for inspiring me to keep up the pace for this story!

And last but not least: ladyamethyst21. What am I to say? Thank you for being there. Thanks to your parents! xD I'm very glad you are a part of my life. And thank you for enduring my weird comments. For everything!

And now: MERRY CHRISTMAS to those who celebrate it and HAPPY SNOGGLETOG to everyone!