Darkness, darkness everywhere. Looking up, looking down, darkness. No noise, no sound, not even a whisper or wind. And the smell, then smell was...nothing. All there was were darkness and nothingness. Alone, empty, forgotten.
Leafpool was afraid of this place, afraid of not being able to hear, see, and smell nothing. She couldn't even feel, let alone taste anything. Empty empty empty. Blank darkness.
'No no no!'
"Jayfeather?" She called out. Nothing. "Lionblaze, Squirrelflight? Dustpelt? Anybody?!" Still nothing. "Firestar! Graystripe!" Again, nothing. Leafpool panicked. She wasn't living and she wasn't in Starclan, so was she in the Dark Forest? 'I couldn't be in the Dark Forest; I didn't do anything wrong!' She thought frantically. Looking around she calmed down slightly.
No trees, no forest.
That calmed her down some, but she still felt un-eased. Maybe she had done something equivalent to being bad and good so she was landed here, in nothingness. 'This is the most horrible place to go to ever.' Sighing in defeat, she dropped her head. "Lost forever to be forgotten. At least Jayfeather got his wish."
With that last thought she begin walking aimlessly, wandering here and there, turning around in circles with no thought in mind. She was in nothing, she was nothing. Just a dead cat with no place to go, wandering eternal darkness. Maybe Starclan still hated the fact she betrayed
the clan and thought this a better punishment for her. Or...
Leafpool stopped.
'Maybe they are still deciding my resting place. There might be hope.' Eyes flickering at the small hope she thought of she walked on with renewed vigor.
After a time she ran, then she fought imaginary dark enemies. Not long after she pretended to hunt prey: a mouse, bird, and squirrel. She had to keep herself busy, had to wait for Starclan to pass their judgment. She had to have faith. Leafpool lied down and slept after some time, but then again she couldn't sleep. It was darkness, so it didn't matter whether she closed her eyes or not. She closed them anyway and faked rest.
Time passed, how long she didn't know, but she had spent that next time thinking of her clan mates and family. She thought about Squirrelflight and her kits, about Lionblaze and how he was fairing. Then, she thought about Cherry and Whitethunder, wondering if they had mended their relationship. Her thought quickly landed on Raven and she sulked. She wanted him to be her mate very badly, but she was dead, it couldn't happen. 'And yet I was so close...so close...'
Quickly she shook her head and started to think of the other clan members, how Millie was doing, how Dustpelt was taking his blindness, what Dovewing was currently hearing in the other clans. She thought of how Sandstorm was doing with her paw and how Mousewhisker was doing with Cinderheart. Leafpool spat in disgust. She didn't like the she cat and wanted badly to sink her claws and/or fangs in her flank and just slide them down. 'Negative thoughts will sway Starclan's decision!' Her mind chastised her, making her feel guilty. That didn't stop her from wanting to harm the she cat, with kits or not.
'Whitewing and Foxleap should be doing fine, as well as Rosepetal and Berrynose. Thornclaw and Toadstep must be rejoicing my death right now, knowing them.' The bitter thought made her tongue turns sour. Oh she hoped they had thorns in their nests for moons to come. 'Positive thoughts.' She urged herself. Shaking her head loose, she wandered again.
It's been so long now that Leafpool gave up hope. Starclan decided to leave her here, she knew it. She was better off just pretending to be back with the clans, so that's what she did. She pretended to hunt, stalking an imaginary dove. Tail lowered with moons with of training, crouching low to blend with the grass, she stalked, circling around to downwind. Stopping, she sniffed the air. She smelled herbs. 'Well, I could catch them for Jayfeather after I finished with hunting.' Nodding to herself she pounced on the dove, snapping its neck and burying it. Then, she set out after the herbs.
She could smell them, catchweed, marigold, horsetail, raspberry leaves, all wrapped up in a wad of cobwebs. As she walked closer the smell got stronger, thicker, to the point where it was near suffocating. She choked and stopped, shaking her head. She was standing right in front of the herbs, but behind it was another wad, and another. 'A trail?' She thought, then her eyes widened. "I can see and smell them! Starclan must have chosen!" In joy she followed the path, eager and not so eager to see her fate. She could be going to Starclan, but she could be going to the Dark Forest.
As she ran a shiver went through her spine. Later on a dull ache set into her side. Further on it went from a dull ache to an annoying ache and then pain. Then the pain got worse, and by the time she had gotten really far it was excruciating, to the point where she had to stop. 'I can't go on, it's too much! It hurts!' But then she saw a light. It was small, but it was light. It pulsed brightly in front of her, making her heart flutter. After all the darkness she finally found light.
'I'm on my way to Starclan after all!'
With new found strength and vigor she continued on, though not in the run she was in before; she walked fast. Walking turned into limping but she kept on. Soon the pain in her side dulled, however slightly, but it dulled.
Leafpool stopped and stared.
The light was glowing around a blue feather on top of a rock. It pulsed again, encouraging, beckoning. She put two front paws on the rock and nearly yelped. It hurt, her side, but the feather had drawn her in and she wasn't giving up. She climbed laboriously, panting hard, but felt a burst of triumph when she made it to the top. She stared at the feather in awe. It was beautiful, it was missing a few hairs, but beautiful never the less. And warm, oh how warm it was. Welcoming, comforting, living.
Leafpool, for the first time she's been in the darkness, smiled.
~ooo~
Leafpool slept by the rock containing the shining feather. The herbal trail that led her there was now piled up beside the rock so she could tend to her aching side. She didn't see any wound or anything, but for no apparent reason she would smother the herbs on herself carefully as though she were wounded. She didn't know why, she just did it.
There were times when Leafpool would smell various foods: mouse, vole, thrush, and rarely rabbit. She sometimes tasted the food and refreshingly taste water and she would weep. She couldn't taste the food for really though, because she was dead. It struck her that Starclan hadn't chosen her to join them; rather they gave her some company or courage. 'Maybe Starclan is still deciding.' Leafpool felt comfortable around the shining leaf though, and since it just appeared out of nowhere she accepted it as Starclan's apology for taking so long. So she waited for a sign, busying herself with her wounds and the strangely coming tastes.
She didn't have to wait long.
The feather one day -or was it night? - pulsed suddenly, very brightly. It made Leafpool squint and look up. Then it happened again. She climbed up the rock, green eyes staring intensely at the feather.
It pulsed again.
Out of nowhere a bird passed over her head. It was blue, like the feather itself. 'A jaybird.' She thought absently. A jaybird flying overhead and a brightly pulsing feather, what did it mean? She ran it through her head, muttering to herself.
"Jaybird, glowing feather, jaybird, glowing feather, jaybird..." She looked up. "Feather..." She moved closer to the feather as a whisper barely passed her lips.
"Jayfeather...?"
The feather stopped pulsing. Leafpool frowned. 'Why did it-'
Suddenly the feather flared, brightly light engulfing her whole body and flinging her back. Her side flared up in pain as she flailed eyes wide in fright. "JAYFEATHER!" she yowled, though she didn't know why. She was falling, falling, falling, falling into the light. She called out to her son again and again, and though she tried to stop it she couldn't, her mouth moved on her own.
"JAYFEATHER! JAYFEATHER! JAYFEATHER! JAY-"
"-feather..."