I was 3 months along today and was feeling sick. Not the "throwing up everything you look at" sick, but the "look at everything and feel like throwing up, but can't" sick. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing though. I was watching some movie that I was hoping with all the blood would make me get sick, but no. I was just feeling it.

"Good morning." I turned to Dimitri and he handed me a cup of hot chocolate. We had gotten more comfortable being around each other the last two weeks. Yeah, we still fought like hell sometime, but other than that we sat around and watched movies all day. All though we had traded out; he now had the couch and I had the bed. Since the kiss in Missoula we'd had no more physical contact and I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it lately.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" I asked taking a sip of my hot chocolate.

"Yes, I did. What's on the agenda for today?" he asked leaning back in the recliner.

"I was thinking of maybe going to breakfast this morning. Just the two of us?" I asked. I really hoped I wasn't pushing it. Sure, we'd been out with Christian and Lissa but if I was going to tell him then we needed to get used to it being just the two of us. And without referees; we never actually fought but we did piss each other off. Then again, my hormones really weren't great right now.

He looked at me with that solemn look of his and I took another drink of my hot chocolate.

"Rose." I immediately looked up at him and waited for him to tell me no. "If that's what you want to do." his voice was even and he took a sip of his hot chocolate.

"It is. Thank you." I told him and got up after finishing my hot chocolate. I walked into the kitchen and put my cup in the sink. I put my hand on my stomach and looked down.

"Is something wrong?" I looked toward Dimitri and smiled.

"No. I'm fine." I went back to our bedroom and changed into a light blue t-shirt that wasn't tight and a pair of black jeans. After pulling on my shoes we headed out to the car.

We stayed quiet simply listening to the radio. I'd listened to a lot of the 80's music he liked when I'd left. I'd cry myself to sleep listening to it some nights. I drifted off to sleep when we left the academy.

About an hour later I felt someone shake me lightly and I opened my eyes to see my Russian god before my eyes. He looked so good in his black button down and blue jeans. His long brown hair framed his face and what set his whole look off were his eyes. Those brown eyes could display so much emotion in one moment and I always felt so loved under his gaze.

We walked into the small restaurant and grabbed a table. Our waiter came and after asking what we wanted to drink, left to get them.

"Thanks for coming with me." I smiled up at him and he looked up from his drink.

"Thank you for asking." I reached across the table brushed his fingers. I smiled and he took me by surprise when he laced our fingers together. There was no other contact and I didn't say anything else. The only thing I could focus on was that we were so close.

"What can I get for you?" the waiter asked and I pulled back looking away from him. I got a stack of blue berry pancakes with bacon and Dimitri got a piece of French toast with a bagel.

We laughed throughout the meal. We talked about when we'd first met and how bad I'd gotten my ass kicked when I'd first started training with him. About how shocked Lissa had been when she'd become queen.

After paying the check we walked out of the restaurant and walked back to the car. When we got in the car I started thinking about how this was so easy. I regretted my decision to leave badly and wish that I could take it back but maybe this was the best thing for us right now.

"What all did you do while you were gone?" he asked and I looked to him in surprise. I felt my heart stop and butterflies coming from my stomach reminding me that I had to breathe.

"Truth or lying?" I asked and he laughed softly.

"The truth, Roza." That old nickname had my heart taking off now and I looked to him.

"I didn't do much. Honestly I was so sick from all the foreign food that I couldn't do anything. I mean it was either that or I was…" I trailed off, not wanting to finish.

"Or?" he was trying to get me to continue but I turned to look out the window.

"Never mind." I continued to look out the window.

"Rose." His voice was full of understanding but I could tell I wasn't getting out of this.

"Or I spent the day crying." I waited for him to roll his eyes or laugh. But he didn't. He just kept his eyes on the road and didn't say anything.

"I did too." He finally said and I felt even shittier about leaving.

"I'm sorry." I felt tears rush down my face and he pulled me to his side and wrapped an arm around me. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Shhh..." he kissed my hair softly before turning back to the road. "You did what you thought was best."

We rode home in silence after that. After we got back to the academy it was school hours and we walked back to our dorm to get changed. I was sitting in the living room now and was waiting on Dimitri so we could leave back to the gym. But honestly, that was the last thing I wanted.

~DPOV~

I looked down at my watch and saw we had about an hour left before we had our first training session with the novices. I sighed and sat on the bed. She had missed me, she'd regretted the decision to leave, and she had done it for me.

I loved her so much but I didn't know how to feel about this. I wanted so much for her to be close to me again. To hold her, kiss her, tell everything was going to be ok, and start a relationship again. But I couldn't, not yet. I don't know why, but the thought of taking her back scared me.

I walked out into the living room and saw her standing by the doorway. She looked so sad and I could see the lightest trail of tears falling down her cheeks.

I walked over and pulled her into my arms. No matter how angry or hurt I was, I could never stand to see her miserable. She threw her arms around my neck and buried her face in my chest. I wasn't angry anymore but I was still hurt but right now she needed me.

"I love you." She sobbed and I opened my mouth to say that I loved her too but I couldn't bring the words to my mouth.

I stood there with her in my arms and when she pulled back I got ready to let her go but instead she smashed her lips to mine. It wasn't gentle like the last time we'd kissed. This was hurt and anger and hunger all coming out in one kiss. I kissed her back with everything I had; wanting to feel her close after missing her so much even when she was arm's length away.

I walked back until I hit the couch and then sat down, gently pulling her down with me. She tangled her hands in my hair and I ran my hands all over her as our tongues met in an age old dance. The taste of her so sweet and I couldn't help but want more.

Her fingers slid from my hair and started unbuttoning my shirt and I went to pull her shirt over her head. She froze and I waited on her to start moving before going any further, but when she did move it wasn't to get closer. She jumped off the couch and I stared at her in disbelief while trying to slow my breathing. She'd been just as affected though and, in my opinion, that was progress for us.

"I'm sorry." She whispered after a minute. Progress ruined.

"Rose." I was so tired of this. "I've had enough. I can't handle you being close one second and then act like nothing happened. I want this to work. So please just tell me what I'm doing wrong." I did want this to work. Which meant we needed to talk about whatever was going on with her.

"It's nothing you've done. There's something we need to talk about and I can't put it off anymore. But you have to promise to listen to me." she spoke up and I looked at her.

"Of course." I promised and tried to hide the fact that her tone worried me.

***Sorry about the late update guys. I was staying with my sister and we have no internet out there. I hope you like it and R&R. I loved the last reviews and I'd love to see some more.