Chapter 5: Control Problems

I slowly blinked my eyes open, feeling the covers of Donny's bed over my body, giving my warmth. What had happened to me earlier..that strange noise..it just appeared from nowhere.. I cringed at the thought of the pain it had stabbed through my mind..numbing all my other senses.

I turned my head quietly to see Donny sitting in his rolling chair, one hand gently rolled into a fist, propping his head up as his elbow lied on the wooden desk. The other hand was in his lap, his fingers moving nervously. He looked so..distant, seeming as if he held the worries of the world in his mind. He stared so endlessly at the space in front of him, almost like he was staring into another world..

Sighing softly, I pulled the blanket away from my face, causing him to turn his head. He sat up, quickly, holding the arms of his chair tightly, "A-Anocari..?"

I looked at him for a moment, his reaction different than before. I wondered then if I might have been home.. I used my arms to push myself up, "Donny..? Is that...you? Am I...home?"

Slowly, his eyes fell to the floor, his surprised expression molding into one of sadness, "..N-no..You're still...I mean that you're not..I'm sorry.."

My shoulders loosened as I realized I was still in my home away from home..the one where I was completely unknown to my family, "I see..but..what are you sorry for?"

He looked away, "..For making you think I was..well..your Donatello..as you put it.."

I smiled weakly, looking to my hands, "No..it's alright. At least I have one by my side..that's all that counts." I looked up to him, hoping he would try to warm up to me. If I was going to be trapped in this world for the rest of my life...then...I hoped that somehow I could still find the chance to be with Donny..even if it wasn't the one I fell in love with the first time..I knew it sounded wrong, but I just didn't know a life without him by my side, loving me, protecting me..Ever since I was able to break free of my father's mind control, my whole life had seemed to wipe completely from my memories..leaving only names, faces, and simple moments for me to go on.. Donny was literally my whole life from the moment I left Orithion and found Earth.. His love was the only thing I had ever known besides the hatred I felt towards my father.

Donny closed his eyes, thinking hard. He was quite for a long moment, a lingering silence falling between the two of us as we sat, complete strangers in this terrifying world, "..I..I'm just so confused..You-you come here and say all these things about our family..and I just don't know what I'm supposed to believe.."

My heart ached as he stood, hoping he wouldn't reject me like Raph had, "..I understand..I'm sorry for burdening you with such information..I should have just kept quiet and worked with Master Splinter on finding a way home.."

He shook his head, placing his palm on his forehead, "No..no, please don't apologize..I'm not trying to sound like I don't believe anything you are saying..it's just so..weird to hear you say that you and I are..." he stopped, making himself blush as he looked at his hands.

"Married?" I stared at him with calm eyes as he nodded, trying to find the strength to look me in the face.

He took a deep breath, "I've never been spoken to..like the way you spoke to me earlier. You speak so warmly towards me..and..and..I've just never had anyone tell me the things you have. I've always just seen myself as..as.."

I clutched the blanket in my hands, knowing what he was attempting to say, "..Donny..." he looked up at me, pain in his gaze, "Donny, don't you dare say that you're a monster, a freak, a mistake...don't you do it..because to me you are one of the most wonderful creatures this world could possibly offer..You are so kind and gentle, so passionate in everything you do, and that's what makes you so beautiful to me. When you look at me with those eyes and tell me you love me..I know that you are just as passionate about me as you are your work.."

He looked off to the side as he heard me speak the last sentence, hesitating for a moment, "..If only it really were me that you are talking about..."

Suddenly, I found myself jumping out of the bed, throwing myself on him to embrace his body in a longing hug. I held him as he stood in shock, unable to move. Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I laid my head on his chest, squeezing him tighter, "But you could be that person! You are that person! You and the Donny from my world, you are no different...you just haven't found me yet.."

Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around my body, holding me delicately as I tried to make him see who he really was. I wanted so much for him to love himself..but what I didn't realize is that I wanted him to love me even more..

We stood there for what seemed like hours, embracing each other, now, as two people who truly understood each other. He knew I was alone and lost..trying to find someone to accept me as their own, and that I knew who he truly was inside. I could see past his mask and shell, green skin and all.. All of his imperfections were obsolete to me..and he was finally starting to realize it.

Letting go of him, I wiped my cheeks, feeling silly for crying in front of him, "I hope you'll be more comfortable around me now.."

He smiled a little, his cheeks turning red, "Yeah, me too.." he suddenly looked around the room, a jumbled expression on his face, "Oh, I completely forgot I was supposed to run a diagnostic on you when you woke up!"

I smiled at him, feeling the awkwardness slip away, "Ah, there he is, good ol' Donny."

He gave me an awkward grin before turning to fumble around his desk, "Here it is! I knew I brought it in here with me.." he hoisted his hand-held scanner up in the air, the same one he had used just before I passed out, "I found something really curious while scanning your mind earlier..it seemed almost as if you had some kind of chip installed in your brain."

I froze, "W-wait, did you say chip? Like a microchip?"

He nodded, giving me a suspicious look, "Yes..why?"

I took a deep breath, hoping I was right about my hunch, "Well..it's a long story, but when my Donny and I first got married, he installed a chip inside my mind that worked in two different ways. One was a tracking device, the other, an invention way ahead of its time. We called it the 'thought phone' because you could literally call people and speak to them with your thoughts. All you needed to do was picture their face and name in your mind and press on the little cartilage tab of you ear. As long as you held it down, you could speak to whomever else had the chip with ease, never having to fear that anyone could listen in on your conversations."

Donny was bemused at the thought of creating such an amazingly useful device, "I..I created something like that?"

I nodded, "Yes, but, of course it was with the help of my alien tech." I sighed, folding my arms as I remembered how he insisted on taking pieces of my ship apart to experiment with, "Oh, my poor space ship..He just had to go and take parts from it."

He chuckled nervously, "Yeah..sounds like something I would try and do. I've wanted to work with Utram tech for years, now, but I've still never gotten the chance." he shook his head, suddenly, remembering the task at hand, "Okay, enough with the chit chat, now, I really need to scan you again. I know it might be your 'thought phone' or whatever you call it, but I need to make sure it won't do anything harmful again."

I nodded, sitting down in his rolling chair to let him examine me.

I could feel his hands shaking as he brushed my bangs out of the way, trying to get a clearer signal. We may have had a moment together, but he was still going to need more time to get used to me. I closed my eyes, letting myself drift as he maneuvered the scanner slowly over my forehead, a steady blipping noise coming from the sound box.

"Hmm..." I opened my eyes to see him place his hand under his chin, just as he always did when something confused him, "This..can't be right.."

I opened my eyes, "What? What is it..?"

He fiddled with the scanner for a moment, then turned it towards me, "See this here? This is a screen capture of what your brain looked like the first time." I nodded as he fiddled with it again, "Okay.." he turned it slowly towards me once again, "this is your brain now."

I stared at the screen with confusion, dumbfounded at the image. In the first capture, the chip for my thought phone was plain as day, anyone could have spotted it, but in this one...there was nothing. My brain was completely wiped clean of anything that might have been related to the thought phone chip..

I placed my hand over my mouth, thinking hard, "Donny..what does this mean..? Why would it just..disappear like that? I mean, it's implanted in my freaking brain for christ's sake!"

He was quiet for a moment as he thought out the possibilities, "Well...there is one theory that might come into place here..but.." he stopped, staring hard at the screen on the scanner.

I leaned forward, "But..what?"

He shook his head, "No..no it's probably nothing."

I looked straight into his eyes, locking them with his stare, "Donny. You need to tell me, whatever it is that you're thinking in that mind of yours. I don't care if it sounds crazy I need to hear it."

He frowned, giving me a short sigh, "It's..it's not that it would sound crazy I just.." he paused, "I don't want to upset you.."

"Donny..please.." I put my hand on his arm, beckoning him to share his theory.

He nodded lightly, looking downwards, then back to me. His eyes were filled with worry..and I couldn't help but feel the same way, "Alright..You see..there's this theory that if anything were to be found in a place where it's not supposed to be, where it didn't originate, the environment around the object or being would indefinitely eliminate it unless it proves itself to be one with the ecosystem. Whether it be by predator or unsustainable condition, it would eventually die off..but..if we think about it in a slightly different way..this dimension is not your place of origin..your existence is obsolete in this world..therefore..this universe which is parallel to yours may be trying to..get rid of you.."

Slowly, I sat back in the chair, bracing my hands on the plastic arms, terror filling my thoughts, "But...but..."

He sighed heavily, placing the scanner down on his desk, "I'm sorry..I should have never told you that.."

My eyes moved quickly around the room, my thoughts becoming a jumbled mess, only making the shock which I was feeling worse by a tenfold. I didn't know what to do..was his theory true? Was I really going to just simply be eliminated from this world..?

Suddenly, my eyes fell upon Donny, lingering on his face for a long moment, "Donny..please tell me I'm going to live.."

His hands shook as he saw the pain in my eyes. I could tell he regretted ever sharing his theory with me, knowing I would go into a panic..but it didn't matter now..the worst was inevitable, "I'm so sorry, Anocari..I'm so sorry.."

He looked away from me, unable to look me in the face, "No, Donny..please look at me..please..I need to know the percentage of this possibility..please.."

His brow pushed together as he closed his eyes, trying to hide the fear he had in his heart, "I-I don't want to hurt you anymore..You're scared.. I know that..but I just can't let myself hurt you anymore than this.."

I stood up from the chair, pushing it back with my legs as I rose, "Donny! Am I going to die here?"

Silence fell over him as he dropped his arms to his side, slowly raising his head to look at me with such anguish, "I...I don't know.."

I fell to my knees, tears welling in the corners of my blue eyes. I stared at the ground, lying my palms on the cold floor, "I don't want to go..."

Donny knelt down in front of me, placing a hand on top of mine, "Anocari, please..we don't know if my theory is true or not..it could just be nothing so please...please don't cry.."

I looked up at him, trying to hold myself together, "Then why wouldn't you tell me the probability percentage...?"

"Because..." he took a deep breath, his hand shaking on top of mine, "Because I don't want you to go..either."

Quietly, I rose my eyes to meet his, staring into the deep hazel around his pupils, "Donny..?"

He nodded slowly, speaking softly, "Yes.. I know it's wrong of me..but..but..you're just so...beautiful.. The way you speak to me.. it makes me feel so warm inside..like I'm actually worth something other than being a tech nerd for the rest of my life..When you look at me the way you do..I just..I..I can't help but want to look at you the same way..And after what happened earlier..you telling me all these things about myself..how you said I just hadn't found you yet..It made me think..maybe the Donatello from your world was with you..because you made him feel the same way you make me feel..and if that was the case..I wanted to be with you, too.."

Slowly, our faces came closer, inching towards each other as time seemed to stop around us. I could feel his warm breath against my lips as we both closed our eyes, letting our lips touch tenderly against each other. I reached my arms around his neck, pulling myself close to his chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist in return, feeling my back with his hands. I had wanted this for so long, even if I had only been in his company for a couple of days. I couldn't bear the thought of being without him, not feeling his lips against mine ever again..

Suddenly, he pulled back, shocked at what he had just done, "I-I-I..I'm so sorry I shouldn't have-I-I.."

I shook my head, shushing him with my finger as I placed it on his mouth, "No..no it's okay..please.."

He gave me a concerned look, "But..you're..I'm not..."

I grabbed his hand, squeezing it, "Donny..I may never see my real home again..and if this lets me know that if I never return home again, I'll still have a Donny to love..then it's alright with me.."

I smiled warmly at him as his expression loosened. His forehead fell lightly against mine as he sighed, "Anocari..I would be honored to love you as your Donatello once did..if it means you'll love me back."