CHAPTER FIVE

The walk to your tent seemed like the longest of my life. When we arrived at the entrance to the Myrmidon camp, I had another dry-heaving episode and, just like before, I raised my head to find you staring at me with the same impenetrable blank expression. Then you turned, nodded to Patroclus and resumed walking.

Patroclus doubled back and stopped by my side. He ordered one of the other women who had been selected for your household to fetch me some water, then crouched next to me.

"Do you trust me, daughter of Briseus?", he asked in a low voice. "I promised I would do my best to make things as easy as possible for you. Achilles choosing you for himself makes it that much easier for me to keep my promise. Like I told you before, he always acts within the boundaries of honour. Believe me when I say that there is no reason for you to be so scared."

But I merely shook my head. No words could possibly assuage the fear and revulsion that seemed about to tear my body inside out. And even assuming I trusted Patroclus at all, which was by no means an established fact, I knew there wasn't really much he could do to keep me safe from you – and I certainly didn't believe you would be as honourable as he was saying.

Besides… I had just been given to you as a slave. Even if Patroclus was right and you abided strictly by the rules of honour, taking what you wanted from a slave would not be considered dishonourable by any standards. It would be well within your rights.

It was just plain hopeless. I drank the water the other woman brought me, pushed myself back on my feet and trudged on into the camp where I was sure what little remained of my life and of myself would be shattered that very night.

I had never known fear like that in my life, I had never even known such fear could exist. I fully expected to be raped on arrival.

But I wasn't. Not that night, nor the next, nor the one after that.

Twelve days later, I had finally become convinced that you would not use force to subdue me. Why was that, was an absolute mystery to me, as puzzling and impenetrable as your fathomless stare.

You didn't seem to be trying to use persuasion either. All our exchanges were brief and rather cold. You would tell me whatever it was that you wanted, I would stick to monosyllabic "yes, sir", "no, sir" answers.

Still, I had occupied the position in your household that would belong to your wife or concubine, if you had one. You made it clear that you expected me to take charge of your personal things, run the house and supervise the other slaves, but not do any heavy work myself. I had a loom, but instead of being given orders to produce a certain amount of fabric for clothes for you or your men, I was simply given beautifully dyed silk threads to weave whatever I pleased.

It was definitely puzzling and, to be honest, it somehow unsettled me. It made it increasingly difficult to label you or to fit you into any well-defined category. You seemed to keep challenging whatever ideas I constructed of you or of the part you were playing in my life.

"No, no, that one belongs to Patroclus, not Achilles", Iphis said, taking the chiton I had just folded and placed on top of your pile. We were sorting through the baskets of freshly washed clothes the servants had brought back from the river. "See, they both have more or less the same waist width, but Patroclus is shorter. This wouldn't even reach Achilles' knees."

That was a serious overstatement and I laughed.

"Alright, so maybe Achilles is only one hand taller than Patroclus, not a full foot", she went on, winking at me. "But he does look enormous, doesn't he?"

I shrugged. "I don't care how he looks."

Iphis shook her head, an amused twinkle in her eye: "You're a bit hard on the poor guy, aren't you?"

I stared at her, my jaw slack with shock.

"I am hard on him and he is a poor guy?", I asked in disbelief.

It was her turn to shrug. "Well, he's been treating you as if you were some kind of virgin princess bride and you don't even bother to respond when he talks to you."

"That's not true", I objected. "I always answer politely when he addresses me for one reason or the other. I've never been disrespectful."

"Wise of you", Iphis commented ironically. "Achilles tends not to take too well to any perceived lack of respect." Then she laughed. "But that is not what I meant and you know it. Come on, Briseis, saying 'yes, sir', 'no, sir' with your eyes stubbornly down and your whole body rod-straight isn't exactly responding to an attempt at conversation."

"Well, I didn't realize that asking me whether his silver baskets for bread were properly polished was an attempt at conversation", I replied angrily.

"If you had bothered to look at him, you'd have realized he was actually asking for your opinion on the new silver baskets."

"That's rubbish, Iphis! What does he care about my opinion on anything? He didn't choose me to consult with me about interior decoration, or anything else for that matter. He chose me to…" My voice trailed off. Iphis looked triumphant:

"A-ha! There you go. What you mean is that he chose you to be his concubine, right? But so far you're obviously nothing of the sort and he has accepted your refusal without even trying to use his power to put pressure on you. Do you have any idea how many men would have done the same in his shoes?"

"Not many, I guess", I admitted reluctantly.

"Damn right, not many. I would even say very, very few", Iphis said. "The least you could do in return was speak normally to him."

"So you mean I should just be on my knees with gratitude that he didn't force himself on me, regardless of the fact that he's destroyed everything I ever cared for and took me into captivity? Is that how we're supposed to see things now? As in, 'Oh, my master doesn't rape me and doesn't beat me to a pulp, so I'll worship the ground he walks on'?"

Iphis became suddenly angry:

"I didn't say you should be on your knees, I just said you might want to speak to him as a normal person to another. Because that's how he's treating you, as a person. Not as an enemy to be crushed, or a slave to be put in her place, or some kind of piece of property to be disposed of as he sees fit. So I think maybe you should try to see beyond the first impression of the conqueror of your city and give the man a chance. Among other things, because it would probably be in your best interest. Do you really want to breed hostility with someone who now plays a big role in your life, whether you like it or not?"

"That wouldn't be very wise, would it?", I said, trying to bring a lighter tone back into the conversation. But then I sighed. "You're probably right and it would be better for me if I managed to cover up my hostility. But… it is pretty cowardly, isn't it? I mean, to be all nice and smiling to someone I hate just because I'm afraid of the repercussions. Not to mention it would be terribly undignified to make myself available to him only because it would be convenient for me to be in his good graces."

Iphis looked at me long and hard.

"Cowardly? Undignified? I'm beginning to realize what is drawing Achilles to you. The two of you have more in common than it looks at the first glance."

"I have things in common with Achilles? You've got to be kidding!", I cried, feeling utterly insulted. Iphis laughed, back to her good-natured self.

"Look, I didn't suggest you 'make yourself available to him', as you put it. What I suggested is that you try seeing him for what he is as a person, as opposed to clinging to the notion that he's the personification of all the evil things that happened to you and your people. I know he was the one who took your city, but was he really so cruel and ruthless that he's beyond forgiveness, or did he just do what any warrior does in any war? Like what your husband, or father, or brothers would have done? Or, what's more, did he actually prove to be more considerate than most conquering warriors usually are? Be honest about it, Briseis."

I stared at her.

"Was that how you adjusted to Patroclus?", I asked. "By thinking that it could have been worse?"

There was a long pause. Then Iphis spoke slowly, as if weighing each word:

"My town was also taken by Achilles and the Myrmidons. I've seen how they behaved toward our people: funeral honours for the fallen warriors, the surviving ones arrested to be sold overseas, but neither killed nor maimed. The soldiers kept under a tight discipline. No indiscriminate raping or murdering of women and children. They did it all so naturally I thought it was the norm. Then, on our way to the ships, we passed through another town in the island that had been taken by Odysseus and Diomedes. Every man in fighting age had been killed and the bodies left for the dogs and the crows. Except for a few select noble women who had been reserved to be distributed to the Achaen kings here, the soldiers had been given free rein to do as they pleased. Actually, after I got here I often heard mercy for enemies being mocked as "sissy" and rape being used as an incentive for the soldiers. Their slogan goes: 'Let's make sure every Achaen man lays with a Trojan woman to avenge the tears of Helen'. Bah! Avenging Helen. What a joke!" Iphis bit her lips angrily. "Anyway, after having seen the 'norm' with my own eyes, no, it didn't take a whole lot of thinking for me to begin appreciating men who manage not to lose sight of their moral standards even in war. I've been here long enough to realize it takes a great deal of inner strength to achieve that. Patroclus has that sort of strength and I've valued him for it since the beginning. Achilles has shown it too, at least up until now."

I was silent for a while, absorbing Iphis' story. "Yes, it's true that they also behaved honourably when they took Lyrnessus. But that still doesn't make all of this right", I argued at last.

"War is never completely right, is it? I mean, it always brings about a lot of wrongs", Iphis said. "But the way you chose to fight it may reduce or increase those wrongs. I believe that making an effort to keep misery to a minimum shows something about a man's character."

"You really like Patroclus, don't you? Didn't you ever resent having been given to him as a prize, as if you were just some kind of… pet or something?"

Iphis' lips arched slightly in a suddenly shy smile:

"Patroclus and I got along right from the start. When we got to that other town, while Achilles was busy spitting fire and shouting at Odysseus and Diomedes that that sort of thing wasn't really necessary, Patroclus organized a group of women to go help the ones who had been raped. He gave us medicine, bandages, clothes, food and even spiced wine to distribute, and then he accompanied us with a small Myrmidon detail for our protection. We got to know each other pretty well then. When we arrived here we were already rather close, so when Achilles gave me to him, it was more of a formalization of something that was about to happen anyway."

"Still, you were given", I insisted, unable to conceal the revulsion the mere idea caused me.

"When your parents arranged your marriage to your king, did they ask you how you felt about it? Didn't they just give you to the suitor they found more convenient? Well, this wasn't very different. The only difference is that there was no wedding cerimony."

"And that makes all the difference in the world, doesn't it?" I whispered. "If you were married to him, you'd have rights. This way, you don't."

For a moment, there was a deep sadness in Iphis' eyes and I regretted yet again my uncanny tendency to speak without thinking. I reached out to comfort her, but she shook my arm away.

"Well, then the more important it is to be with a man of character, who doesn't need to be forced to do the right thing", she said, the almost aggressive finality in her voice putting an end to the conversation.