It came to my attention that the ending of the last chapter was a bit too vague- moreso than it should have been, in any case. I apologize for any mistakes that might have occurred, and I hope that this chapter will clear things up. This is a bit of a rough chapter, at least for me as a writer (I don't know why I chose to follow through with this subplot; it was something I was planning to incorporate into Pathos and never did, so it's been brewing in my mind for quite some time now. I guess I should be glad that I waited until now to address it, as it's given my writing skills some time to improve. Not quite enough, though, I fear...) As always, though, I don't own anything. I'm just a fan writing some fiction.

23- Gone But Not Forgotten

Amelia poured out her story there at the kitchen table.

For the subject that she was recounting, she held remarkable composure. Lina could hear her voice waver from time to time, but she kept a calm, expressionless face throughout the whole thing.

It wasn't until the end that she finally broke down.

"…the early complications made it obvious... so of course we'd known from the start that there was going to be trouble, but… I hadn't let myself fully realize the implications until that moment… we knew that a child born so early could never survive… but we couldn't do anything about it… and I felt so helpless…"

Lina reached out and pulled Amelia closer as the princess' speech began to dissolve into tears.

"…I wanted to give him a good life… a loving family… I wanted him to grow up knowing that people cared about him… that there is goodness and justice in the world despite all the bad things…" Amelia choked. "…I wanted to take him on a journey someday so that he could see the whole world… but he didn't live long enough to see much of it at all. He tried so hard, but he was too small and too weak. The world was just too big a place for such a tiny child…"

"How long ago was this?" Lina finally asked.

"…almost a year-and-a-half…"

"I never heard anything." Lina breathed softly. "Not a word. You never told me- you didn't even write."

"What would I have said?"

"Y-you could've…" Lina had to stop and compose herself, furiously wiping tears away from her cheeks. "…you could've at least asked us to come visit!"

"What would that have done? We hadn't spoken in months. According to your letters, you were busy with your work. I didn't want to bother you."

"I'm your best friend, Amelia! I'm supposed to be there for you when you need support! To think that all of this happened to you and I couldn't do a thing…" It was Amelia's turn to put her arms around her friend as the sorceress dissolved into tears as well. "…and now look! I'm making it worse! No wonder you and Zel have been fighting all this time-"

"NO!" Amelia interjected. "No, no, no! That's not true! Don't say that! It has nothing to do with you. It was a few months ago when it'd been a full year since it happened… I figured that it was finally time to talk about it-"

"Finally time? What does that mean?" Lina was using the blanket that she had wrapped around her shoulders to clear the tears off her face.

"Zelgadis and I hadn't really discussed it much. After all the trouble… we just tried to go back to how things had always been."

"You never talked about what happened?"

"Not extensively. Neither of us wanted to."

"You didn't even… try to help one another?"

"What would we have done?" Amelia sniffled.

"N-no wonder you two started fighting once you brought it up again! You can't just forget about something like that!" Lina exclaimed. "I noticed that Zelgadis was a little overprotective of you all during the time that we were fighting against Pathosmaster… but I didn't think much about it… he didn't want to lose the family he had left…"

"When I brought it up a few months ago, I tried to be optimistic. I said I was sure that nothing bad would happen again next time…" Amelia continued. "…and, of course, his response was that, as far as he was concerned, there wasn't going to be a next time. He just couldn't put his trust in something like that again…"

"…trust issues…" Lina murmured. "It all makes sense now. You both blame yourself for what happened, and now you're divided and can't move on… having me around is only making the situation even worse."

"I told you that wasn't true!" Amelia continued. "Listen to me! You're helping me. You and your twins are perfectly healthy- everything is going to be just fine, I know it. And, if I can just show Zelgadis that this sort of thing doesn't have to end in tragedy, I'm sure that he'll reconsider. You're my last hope, Lina!"

"Amelia…" Lina murmured, though she let her voice trail off. There wasn't much more to be said between them, and it was so much easier just to stop trying to put their feelings into words and just comfort one another through their presence.

"-Hey, Amelia. I know that you were busy, but I was wondering if I could ask you for some help with these files tha-"

Zelgadis abruptly stopped in the middle of the kitchen doorway, staring at a scene he had not expected. The book he was carrying slipped from his hand and he had to quickly grab it before it hit the floor, forcing him to stop staring at the girls for a split second.

That was all the time Lina needed to be up and in his face.

"HOW COULD YOU?!" she demanded hysterically, grabbing hold of the front of his shirt. "I'm your FRIEND, for goodness' sakes!"

"Wh-what?" Zelgadis was too stunned to reply with much at that point. He'd just walked into the room hoping for a piece of advice on a filing concern. He hadn't expected an angry lecture.

"Almost two YEARS, and you never said ANYTHING! How could you look your FRIENDS in the eye and tell us that everything is OKAY? It's NOT okay! Not at ALL! How could you do that to AMELIA?! How COULD you-"

"Let GO of me!" Zelgadis pulled Lina's hands away from him, all the while staring at Amelia. It wasn't a look of anger or blame, but one of fear and helplessness. There wasn't any need for explanation- he knew exactly what she was talking about. "Lina, how could you say those things? What could I possibly have done?! Tell me!"

"You could've WRITTEN! You could've said SOMETHING! ANYTHING! We're your FRIENDS-"

"Lina, please stop yelling!" Amelia exclaimed, putting her arms around her friend's shoulders and pulling her away.

By this point, all of the noise in the kitchen had drawn the attention of the rest of the group. Lyos was leaning on the doorframe as he stared at the scene, while Pestis was peeking around the corner of the icebox and Shizuri was trying to see over Lyos' shoulder.

"Please, Lina, calm down. You shouldn't be yelling like that!" Amelia cried, though Lina paid her no mind.

"But it's not just your friends! Why would you treat Amelia that way after what happened? Why wouldn't you talk about it? Don't you think she needed someone to be there for her? It was her child too-"

"Quit it, Lina! You don't know anything what happened!" Zelgadis finally shot back. "You wouldn't understand- you could never understand-"

"OH! So that's it? I can't UNDERSTAND what you went through, so I should just pretend it NEVER happened and NOT MENTION IT AT ALL?!"

"That's not what I said! That's not what you were implying-"

"Who are YOU to tell ME what I was implying?!"

Amelia jumped in. "Lina, stop yelling!"

"Well, who are YOU to criticize ME for my reaction to a situation you've NEVER experienced?!"

"Zelgadis, stop yelling!"

"-I'm not criticizing you for ANYTHING! I just want to know WHY-" "All these demands that you're making sound awfully like criticism to-" "Please be quiet! Please!" "- in the world you would CHOOSE to pretend something like THIS-" "-me, and I can't just stand around and let you lecture me like you-" "Stop! Stop! Stop!" "-never even happened, when CLEARLY you've been suffering for YEARS, and-" "-somehow magically have all the answers to everything in the world-" "Lina! Zelgadis! I'm begging you, please-"

"EVERYONE STOP."

There was a sudden silence that left everyone's ears ringing. No one spoke as Gourry, his expression stern and unwavering, separated Lina from Zelgadis and continued giving orders.

"Lina, Amelia- you two go continue your conversation somewhere else." Gourry pointed out the kitchen door, and the two girls paused for a moment to gather their composure and obediently followed, rushing back down the hallway. "As for you three, quit gaping and go back to whatever you were doing. This isn't a freak show." Lyos and Shizuri sheepishly returned to the next room, though Pestis put up a protest.

"But-"

"Go."

The glare that Gourry gave him caused the professor to snap to attention and scurry away timidly.

"And you…" Gourry finally sighed, turning to Zelgadis with a much softer expression. "…why don't you come with me?"

Zelgadis looked down at his feet and nodded.

"Okay…"

Gourry and Zelgadis went to the next room- the one with the bookshelf and the nice green carpet . It was the most crowded with books and stray items, so no one had spent much time in it. The lights were dim, it was quiet, and the whole place smelled faintly of cinnamon.

Zelgadis had to move a pile of papers and a chess set to make room enough for himself and Gourry on the couch, but they sat next to each other and were quiet for a long time. It was nice to just stare out the window at the snow piled high above the tops of the bushes.

Zelgadis finally took a deep breath and spoke.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

There was another long moment of silence. Zelgadis cleared his throat. "Didn't you… want to ask me some questions?"

"Do you want to answer questions?" Gourry replied.

"Not particularly."

"Then what's the point of me asking questions? I'm not going to pry. I figured that what you needed most was somebody to keep you company while you thought things through."

Silence again.

"Thank you."

Gourry said nothing again, leaning back against the sofa with a satisfied expression. Zelgadis rested his head in his hands and stared out the window.

They listened for a while to the sound of the conversation in the other room. Pestis was making some lengthy speech and Lyos was frustrated with him. Shizuri was worried out of her mind, and her pacing around the room was audible even across the hallway.

Zelgadis finally cleared his throat. "I'm sorry we never told you. There were complications from the very beginning, and we didn't want you to worry-"

"It's okay. I understand."

"…how much of that argument did you hear?"

"All of it." Gourry glanced up at the ceiling absentmindedly. "I'd heard Lina crying and came by to see what was going on. I didn't want to disturb her and Amelia, so I stayed in the next room and listened, but then you came in, and-"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I-"

"No." Gourry cut Zelgadis off before he could protest any further. He took a deep breath, and then continued. "I'm just curious… did he have a name?"

The question caught Zelgadis off-guard. "Who?"

"…"

"Oh, uh…" Zelgadis looked down at his feet, out the window, over at the piano, anywhere that wasn't at his friend. "…his name was Alexander."

"That's a nice name." Gourry commented. "Did you pick it out, or did Amelia?"

"I did. Don't tell Pestis." Zelgadis responded quickly.

"Why not?"

Gourry's look of confusion was genuine, and Zelgadis didn't feel like explaining. "N-no reason. Just forget about it."

There was a moment of silence. Gourry shrugged his shoulders and returned his gaze to the window, leaving Zelgadis some time to think for himself. It wasn't until a few minutes later that the conversation picked up again.

"…y'know…" Gourry began speaking again, almost as though he were continuing something he'd been saying earlier, though it was a completely new topic. "…about a month ago, Lina and I confronted Azarel down south in Ralteague."

"Yeah, you told us." Zelgadis nodded, wondering why he'd brought it up.

"Well… I've been thinking a lot about what she said to us back then. She told us… almost certainly… that she was planning to kill Zara."

Zelgadis stiffened and sat up straighter. "You didn't tell us that."

"Lina seems sure that Azarel was bluffing." Gourry continued, unfazed by Zelgadis' reaction. "But I really don't know. I haven't been able to stop thinking about, well… what I would do if she actually did it."

"Wh-why would you-?" Zelgadis stammered.

Gourry ignored him and continued. "I started to wonder how I'd react. Zara is so young; he has so much potential, and for him to suddenly disappear like that… I don't know. I don't know if I could deal with that." He sighed sadly. "I started to wonder if my reaction would be to try to forget everything that happened. To pretend that he'd never existed- like that would erase the pain."

Zelgadis turned away, occupying himself with staring at the piano in the corner of the room rather than at his friend.

"But we both know that I couldn't do that, right?" Gourry smiled in an attempt to draw Zelgadis' attention again. "He's my son. Sure, he's lived a short life and hasn't done much. But he has the potential to do great things in this world, and to ignore everything that he was going to be… well, I couldn't betray him like that."

"…you're right…" Zelgadis stammered. "And even… ignoring things… doesn't take away the pain. Maybe for a short while, but you always come back to it again."

Gourry's expression softened. "When I was a kid, my grandmother had to teach me at an early age how to heal a broken bone. If you don't set it up to heal the right way from the start, it'll heal all wrong and continue hurting and hurting… until you break it again to heal it the right way. Grandma always said that it was the same way with broken hearts."

"I've never heard that before." Zelgadis murmured. "It's good advice."

There was a moment of silence again, and Zelgadis got up, walking toward the hallway.

"I should apologize to Amelia… there's a lot that we need to talk about. It won't be fast or easy or painless, but… it's still important."

Gourry nodded. "I should do the same for Lina. I should've been there for her when she was crying, but she had Amelia, and it looked like you were the one who needed me the most."

Zelgadis stared at him for a few seconds.

"You… have the strangest instincts, you know that?"

Gourry smiled in response. "You're not the first person who's told me that."

"Oh, they're asleep."

Zelgadis and Gourry found Amelia and Lina curled up next to one another in the bed that had been set aside by Pestis. Gourry was initially confused by the room.

"Why this room is clean all of a sudden? We didn't even touch this room."

"It's a long story." Zelgadis sighed, sitting down beside Amelia and placing a hand on her shoulder. "Poor girls. It looks like they fell asleep crying."

"I think Lina was more tired than she wanted to admit." Gourry replied, finding a place to sit on the bed beside her. "We probably all are."

Zelgadis sighed and the two watched the girls for a moment, as though trying to reassure themselves that everyone was safe.

"Gourry," he began again. "what is Lina planning to do these next few weeks?"

"Y-you mean for…"

"Yeah."

"Well," Gourry looked away nervously. "go home, I guess. There's not much else to do, unfortunately."

"And you?" Zelgadis continued.

"I… don't know."

"Haven't thought about it?"

"I haven't wanted to think about it." Gourry admitted. "I can't just forget about rescuing Zara- not after what Azarel said. But I can't leave Lina to do this alone. We're partners- I can't stand the thought of splitting up, especially now of all times."

Zelgadis nodded sympathetically. "I wouldn't worry about making any major decisions now. We have to wait and see what information the Claire bible gives us- if any. We might get lucky and find exactly what we're looking for."

"Or we might get unlucky and end up back where we started." Gourry sighed.

"Hey, cheer up! If you stop being optimistic, our group's morale is going to drop by at least half."

"What?"

"You're the one who's always smiling, Gourry. Whenever things get too heavy, we can always count on you for some sort of corny joke or obvious observation to cheer everyone up. We complain about it sometimes, but we really depend on you, Gourry."

The compliments made Gourry smile. "But we depend on you too, y'know. Sometimes we complain about your pessimistic attitude, but you're the one who can always see things rationally. We depend on you to keep us grounded and explain to us the details that we can't always see."

Zelgadis couldn't help but smile in reply. "Thanks."

"Thank you."

Gourry got up and adjusted the blankets around Lina, bending down to give her a kiss on the cheek before he left.

"We should let them sleep now…"

"Good idea. We probably owe everybody else an apology as well." Zelgadis nodded. He followed Gourry's example, adjusting the blankets and kissing Amelia on the forehead before blowing out the candles on the desk and closing the door behind them.

"…Gourry…" Zelgadis began as they walked back down the hallway toward where the rest of the group was still awake and chattering away. "…thank you… Most of my friends would have asked me a million questions and tried to get me to talk about my feelings and such… I appreciate you just being there."

Gourry just shrugged. "Sometimes you need someone who's willing to listen. Other times you need someone who doesn't have to listen. They're both equally important."

(A/N: I'm not sure how to end this chapter, other than, um, Merry Christmas? Whether or not you celebrate, I hope that you have a wonderful holiday anyway!)