This was written after long discussion with Gouken 2009, basically, he's planning a build off of my scenelet Spacing Out (Randomness 10), and he challenged me to write up a scene in the verse, with a few lovely ladies as Naruto's crewmates. And yes, I stole a joke from Spaceballs: The Movie.

Naruto looked over the ship before him proudly, tracing its outline on the view-screen lovingly. He had done it, after three exams, and a technicality he had managed to pass into the ranks of stellar craft captaincy. He had even gotten his first crew.

Turning away from the view-screen he picked up the pile of profiles he had picked out from the rest. Out of one-hundred people, only five really stuck out, mostly because they didn't have the family name Asshole.

The first was a girl that he had met at around the station a few times; she seemed to blush every time that he was around. Hinata Hyuuga was her name; apparently she was from the clan of bioroids that formed the vast majority of the Konoha fleet's tactical computing powers. Apparently she had washed out of the regular bioroid training program due to body issues. However, the Kyuubi's link system was different, enough so that Hinata had volunteered to join his crew as soon as it was possible.

Next up was a girl named Tenten, an orphan that had joined the weapons master program. Top marks for accuracy and weapon knowledge, the downside was that she seemed to have aggressiveness, anger management, and overkill issues. Thankfully, Kyuubi had more weapons than even Tenten could fire off in a fit of rage, or at least that's what the higher ups were hoping.

Next up was someone named Anko, who seemed to be a severe problem case for all captains, but was signed up to be his first mate. The lists of her issues with other commanders seemed to be about a quarter as long as the one Naruto had with the Konoha military police corps. Most of the issues he had tracked down seem to stem from her first captain, an Orochimaru, who had turned traitor and they seemed to be blaming her for it.

He could sympathize with that, after all, he'd been given Kon at birth by the Fourth Hokage. Kon had been the initial, and so far best and nearly only one able to utilize the Kyuubi. She was his fourth profile to read over, nothing surprising there. Hell, he'd been there for the vast majority of it, or he was told about it by Kon herself. There were a couple details that caught his attention, like the fact that Kon was a few hundred years older than she knew herself. A holdover from an ancient star-faring race that had been the base for his own genetic code, she had gone complete stir crazy in the time between her last command, and when she was discovered by the Fourth Hokage.

It would appear that he was actually created by the combination of three genetic codes. Kon had pulled an unborn baby out of the Fourth's sensors officer, and injected genes from her previous captain. That would explain the ears and tails, at least.

The final file was a person not on his crew, but rather his immediate superior. Apparently he would join up with Commander Hatake's fleet in escorting a civilian convoy to the planet of Wave, and remain on station until such time as the military grade spaceport was finished, and Konoha would assign a permanent fleet there to guard Wave as an outpost.

It was brief, and what wasn't completely censored was so vague that it was completely unusable to build a profile of the man, save for his name, age, rank, and other such details. Kon had taken offense at such a limited profile being provided, and started slicing into central command's files on the man. After all, knowledge was power, and he needed all the power he could get just to survive.

Looking over the files, he frowned. If he didn't know better, he'd think that the council in charge of crew assignment was giving him all the problems possible to set him up to fail. He knew better however, he knew that they were out and out sabotaging him with low quality replacement parts, problem cases, surrounding him with Assholes, and who was possibly the most critical of all commanders possible. Oh yeah, this was going to be fun.

Setting down the profiles, he picked up another file, this one being the mission write-up. Something about it was not sitting right with him about it. First there was the lack of information on Wave's recent fiscal problems. Then there was the fact that the convoy leader, a Tazuna had come out of his way to Konoha, paid for the mission, and then got completely blitzed at the nearest cantina. The third piece of doubt he had, was that instead of trying to bolster the loyalty of the captains, he had outright insulted them as being too young and unfit.

True, part of his bad feeling was that he had said he was an idiot, but that didn't mean he wasn't worth looking into more. After all, Iruka had once told him to trust his gut, and it had served him well since. What Naruto and Kon had turned up wasn't very promising; in fact it seemed that the mission was severely misclassified by the client. Pulling a bowl of ramen from the top of the desktop, he leaned back to savor the comfort food.

This was going to be a headache, wasn't it?