Tadaa! Another chapter, and a very long one. It also took a long time to write, I know. Anyway, enjoy and tell me what you think.

I still don't own twilight

22

Bella's POV

Everybody was looking at me, even Jasper who had been on his way to tackle Edward, had stopped in his tracks.

"Eh", I faltered, not sure what to say now. Then I straightened up. "No one is going to kill or be killed on my account here today. I don't want to go to Florida or to Texas either, I want to stay here and finish school. What we have to do right now though, is remove all these cars from the road before we cause a pileup. And now I want to go home and get dinner ready for my dad."

While I was talking I had made my way toward Alice who seemed to be the most rational person present. I was attempting to look way more confident that I actually felt about what I was saying and was walking with my nose in the air. Of course I slipped on one of those wet mossy stones and slid into a low-hanging tree branch, banging my head hard. I sat down to wait for the stars to stop circling my head and felt something warm and moist trickling down my cheek. Oh no! Surely this was the worst place to start bleeding, far too many vampires around.

It seemed as if there was a moment's silence, like the calm before the storm, then a lot of things started happening very fast: Edward was on me with the speed of light, his face contorted and his eyes burning black with thirst. He growled and hissed at Alice who was trying to call him off, until he himself was pulled away by Jasper roaring like an angry lion and looking more vampire than ever before. I saw nothing but extremely fast movement for the next seconds, then Edward lay in the road in a heap, his limbs strangely twisted.

"Burn him!" Jasper told Peter, who had been keeping his distance to the fight.

"No! Please, I'll make sure this never happens again", Alice was clinging to Jasper's arm like a ragdoll, but he pushed her away roughly, kneeling down near me. He was cursing under his breath while he was checking me out. "Bella darlin', this will sting a bit and I need you to keep still, ok?"

I nodded, and he slid his index finger into his mouth and then across what I assumed must be yet another wound on my scalp. It stung like hell, but the bleeding stopped immediately. I breathed out, at least I had not fainted from the smell of my own blood again, as I was used to doing. Jasper then tried to wipe away the blood from my face, and I saw a shudder go through him. He held up his bloody hand and suddenly he looked hungry like Edward. Peter was with him in a second, the same hungry eyes. Then … I must have fainted.

I came to lying on the sofa in our living room. Jasper was sitting by my side, Charlie was standing in the doorway, shaking his head.

"Fallen over your own feet again, Bells? Jasper here convinced me that you would better not be doing any cooking tonight, and that the Doc had said to take it easy for a day. I'm off to the Diner in ten minutes, so if you would like that time to get ready…"

What I wanted far more than any food the Diner could offer was some more time to think about what I was going to do with all the new information and the things that had happened this afternoon, so I nodded and got up.

Jasper took his cue and said his goodbyes, not looking happy about leaving. In fact I could swear I heard a loud crash coming from the forest soon after.

Charlie talked in length about the visit of Mrs. Cullen, who had made quite an impression on him. He attributed my silence at the meal to my fall and the pills the doctor was said to have given me, so he did not push me and drove us back as soon as we were finished.

"Hey Ch… Dad, did you hear about any animal attack in Port Angeles recently?" I finally got the nerve to ask.

He looked rather grim. "Yes, strange that. We've been having these kinds of things out here, but never yet in the bigger towns. Must have been some over-assimilated grizzly or something."

So Edward had been right. Wait! "Here you said?"

"Yup. There have been reports from some of the counties around ours. We're keeping it quiet for the moment so as not to alarm the tourists, but you're not in Phoenix anymore, Bella, better be careful in the woods."

I nodded, shaking inwardly. The woods – my foot. What about school? Or some of the new friends I had acquired? Yes, I really liked Jasper, in fact, I had never been more attracted to anyone or had these strong feelings before, but killing people?

When I came into my room soon after, I jumped a foot in the air. Jasper was standing in the corner, looking extremely tense and pained.

"Bella, please, I need to talk to you, Darlin'."

When I had my breath back, I said: "Could you please not do that? Why don't you come in through the door like all other people? Charlie does not have a problem with you anymore, he was raving about your 'Mom' all evening."

"Yes, but you might not want to talk to me, and then what could I do?" His voice was rough with emotion, and I felt a huge pull to go to him and take him into my arms, but…

"Have you considered that there might be a reason why I would not want to talk to you right now?"

He looked as if I had slapped him. "Did you want to run away from me with Edward?" You could have cut steel on his voice now.

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Your things were in the car, you were driving to Seattle, and there was a ticket for you pinned to the dashboard." He was almost shaking. "And you're… different; you're distant and scared of me. Are you disgusted by me?"

"No, I…" I did not know what to say.

Jasper crumpled to the floor in a heap, his face in an expression of pain.

Charlotte's POV

What a mess that boy had made! I had known something was off, when Peter shot from the house like a bat out of hell, cursing like a sailor. Apparently he had some sort of vision or whatever he has and knew Edward was trying to kidnap Bella. When they came back in the early evening without Jasper, and Peter told me that Bella needed to see a doctor, I knew this time the shit had literally hit the fan. I tried to sort it out as best as I could, but had to give up with all those stubborn vegetarians. Peter left in a huff, and I did not have far to go to find him seated in a tree near the Swan house.

I climbed up with him and curled into his lap.

"He's dying in there, I can feel it. We have to help him!" He was holding on to me with a grip that would have squeezed the life out of me had I still been human.

"Shh, honey, I'm sure it will work out." I tried to calm him down and stop him from barging in on Jasper and Bella in her room. I was sure that the last thing that girl needed was another vampire materializing in her private space. I was equally sure that had I not come there in time, Peter would already have been inside. This big badass Texan vampire is a mimosa where his friend is concerned; overly protective would be the understatement of the century when describing their relationship.

"No, Pete, Jasper will have to deal with this. He needs to let her know what he is like. There is no way she can become his mate if she does not know him for what he is."

"But he's scared she'll run from him screaming!" my big boy protested at once.

I sighed. We had been there a thousand times over the past few years. "Peter, we both know she won't if she is his mate, and you certainly can't have her choose our life based on a lie."

"It would not be a lie…" he started, but I silenced him with a stare.

"No. Come along now, I'm quite sure he does not need an audience for that." I dragged him along.

Jasper's POV

She was going to leave me, I knew it. She was going back to her mother in Jacksonville, Florida, where I could not be out a lot, and then she would simply ignore me until I could take it no more and left her alone. It had been a nice dream while it lasted, but I should have known that for someone like me there would not be that kind of happy ending. I was kicked out of my thoughts be Bella's voice.

"Jasper?" She whispered. "Are you… you look like you're hurting."

When I didn't answer, she asked. "Did you kill Edward?"

"No, I… wanted to, but Alice … she said I would regret it. She begged for his life, and I gave in." Alice had been adamant, desperate about it. She had refused to budge, when Peter wanted to set Edward on fire, telling me that I had no future with Bella if I went on with that decision. The one argument she knew would count. It had even got Peter to stop in his tracks at once.

"You would have lost your family if you had gone ahead", Bella said calmly.

I scoffed. "I'm not sure I still have them now, this stunt has caused quite a mess at the Cullens."

"Can you tell me what happened this afternoon?"

Edward had left under the pretense of having to hunt, claiming he had not gotten anything the day before. This had been confirmed by Emmett and Carlisle, so I was not suspicious, which changed as soon as Charlotte showed up looking for Peter. Then Alice had flinched and dragged me to her car. "Alice saw you and Edward driving to Seattle…"

"Huh?"

"Ah, ok, Alice can see the future, in a way, it's complicated, and we don't really understand how it works, but anyway, she told me you were going… and I wanted at least to talk to you, and especially get you away…"

Bella was shaking her head. "That was not what I meant. What happened when I …fell down?"

Oh god, yes, she had seen us fight about her like predators over prey. However this was my chance to warn her: "You started bleeding, and Edward, well." I took a deep breath. Great, she was getting all sorts of information about us this way. "Some scents appeal more to us than others", I looked at her to make sure she understood I was talking about blood. She nodded for me to go on. "So sometimes we are really attracted to the blood of one human, like… they are the world's most potent drug, like their blood sings to us."

She took a sharp breath. Of course she could tell I knew what I was talking about. "What happens?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, a nervous habit from human days. "We… it's too attractive not to give in. We usually kill our singers."

"And I'm Edward's singer?" She asked slowly.

I nodded. "I thought I could keep him away and protect you against him. He knows I know, and yes, I have threatened him about it. He has been a vegetarian for more than seventy years, so it seems to be easier for him, but at the beginning it was so bad that he ran away, which was fine by me."

"Ah." She pushed her hair out of her face nervously.

"Then he convinced himself that his relationship to you was one of love and … that he had to…" I could not keep the growl from my voice.

"So he wanted to drink my blood when he was on me?"

It was clear she was only confirming what she had known anyway, so I nodded. "I pulled him off, and dealt with your wound…"

"Yes, how did you do that?" Her hand went to the small silver line near her left eyebrow.

I told her about the venom and its capacity to heal, but also about the reason for its existence. There was no need to keep secrets anymore, either she had already condemned me, or she still cared about me, but I think that Charlotte is right about honesty needed in a relationship.

Bella was silent for a while, then she asked. "And… what happened with you when you were near my blood.

I flinched; she was far too observant for her own good. It had not been the bump on her head or the blood loss that had made her faint, she had been afraid of me, so there was no way out of this. "I had a weak moment. I have not had any human blood since I came here, and you smell so incredibly sweet…" Peter had almost been panting which had brought me back to my senses.

"But you did not give in…" Her voice sounded encouraging for the first time that evening.

"No. I remembered who you were, and I would never let anything happen to you. I got you back here and had Carlisle take a look at you because you were out such a long time, but he said you would be fine." I had been mad with worry about her, and had been the one Carlisle had to calm down before he could do anything on Bella.

She had sat down on her bed by now, and I had noticed that even though she was not about to kick me out like she had wanted to before, she was definitely still wary about me.

I decided to take the bull by the horns. "Did Edward frighten you with talk about my past?"

She nodded and wrapped her arms around her knees for comfort.

"Darlin', I had no idea how to talk to you about that. All that is … so far from anything you have known, and I was scared you'd find me repellant and…"

"Why would you kill and fight in a war that cruel?" Her voice was choked with tears.

It took a lot not to go to her and comfort her, but I was sure she did not want me close to her right now.

"I had just woken up from the change, I was easily manipulated by my thirst and my insecurity, and I had just come from another very cruel war…" I tried to remember those first few years, something I usually avoided. "And I was also manipulated by love or what I thought was love, as well as by my ambition – in the Confederacy I had been one of many, in Maria's army I was her second in command, I was helping her win. Like I told you, I was a nightmare. Besides, I did not know there was anything else in this new existence of mine. It took Peter and Charlotte's love to make me realize that."

She looked at me again shyly, and I could feel her awkwardness about approaching the next topic that was on her mind. "Edward said… he told me…" Now this was going to be interesting. What could he have told her that was worse than my days with Maria?

"What did he say?" I asked calmly.

"He said you survived the last few decades by …drinking from girls you had seduced", she blurted out and hid her blushing face.

Oh, ah. I could see how that would affect her. "It is true, but please let me explain." I went to her, squatted by her bed and lifted her chin. "Please look at me!"

She looked up again, her eyes big with fear and something I did not understand.

"I was looking for love, for what Peter had found, and remember, I can feel what people around me feel, the more intense it is for them, the more I feel it. So I did not want any more horror and pain and fear to go with… my meals. I wanted my victims to feel the best they ever felt before. But even then I was disgusted by myself and what I was doing, so I kept starving myself, which is not a good idea, because it makes us more dangerous and the next meal more urgent, because the thirst is never quenched." I closed my eyes. "I told you, you would find me despicable if you knew me. You must think I'm an ugly monster who has wormed his way into your life and is about to destroy it."

When I looked at Bella again she was frowning. "Why would I think you ugly?"

I swallowed. "Because I'm not beautiful like Edward and the rest of the Cullens. My life in the war has left some scars…"

She was still frowning. "I don't understand, what a few scars…"

"Bella?" I pushed up my sleeve and turned the bedside lamp to an angle so she could see the bite-shaped mounds on my skin.

She shrugged. "What?"

Then it dawned on me. Humans could not see them. I had thought that my kills had been so dazzled by me or my gift that they had not noticed they were dealing with the beast. I shook my head and took Bella's hand to trace her fingers across one of the scars. When I let go, she continued, her eyes getting bigger and bigger. Soon I could feel anger from her. "Who the hell did this to you?"

"The war did." I did not want to go into any more details. Her touch on my skin was intoxicating, I was about to start purring. What was going on with her feelings now? The emotions of this girl were giving me the feeling of being on a rollercoaster. "Are you … disgusted by me? Do you want me to leave you alone right now?"

"No", she said quietly. "Actually right now I want to cuddle you and comfort you. And to give a piece of my mind to whoever did this!"

I could hardly believe my ears. "Could I just go for the first option? Because it might be that I actually deserved a few of them."

"No one deserves to be treated like a punching ball", Bella fumed. Then she sat down on the floor with me, pulled my head into her lap and kept stroking me.

"You really don't want me to leave?" I had to know where I stood; I could not stand this strain for much longer.

"No, I told you. But… I think if we are to be together, I need more information. I don't like being dumped in stuff suddenly…"

"I can understand that; in fact… Charlotte told me I would get into trouble if I wasn't honest with you anyway."

"I thought she was clever. Jasper, did you tell your friends to …eat those men in Port Angeles?"

Damn that mind-reader! "Yes. I could not bear the thought of them threatening you or… other girls. Besides, it's the way they feed."

"What do you mean?"

"Char and Peter only go after dealers and rapists. Char claims wife-beaters are particularly delicious… It's their way of dealing with the thirst."

"Ah. Hmm. Have they been feeding around here often?"

I sat up surprised. "No, that would be an idiotic idea, we want to keep a low profile here."

"Then why are there such a lot of 'animal attacks' like the one in Port Angeles in the neighboring counties?" She air-marked the inverted commas.