*Sorry about the wait. Had a huge case of writers block. I hope you'll enjoy. :P *

Chapter 5: Why can't I – Liz Phair:

"Did everyone beam back?" What I really wanted to know was if Spock was back, since I knew that Jim and Pike were. I don't know why, but it was really important to me to know that he came back and was alright.

"4 life forms were beamed back including you. So I assume it to be you, your brother, Commander Spock and Captain Pike." That lifted a weight off my shoulders. "I'm going to head back to the bridge. If you need me you know where to find me." And with that she left. I changed back into my uniform and dumped the bag with the black clothes inside, in my quarters and made my way to med bay. I wanted to see how Pike was doing. Once I got there I asked a nurse where Captain Pike was and she told me he was in surgery with Dr. McCoy. Guess I'll see him later. I then made my way to my office.

Once in my office I plopped down in my chair and picked up my PADD from my desk. I was about to finish going over everyone's file when one name stood out from the others. S'chn T'gai Spock. Spock. I remembered our encounter in the turbo lift and how intense his eyes looked. Then I remembered what he said to me: Shan hal lak, T'hy'la. I know Vulcan, enough to go undercover as one but those words were foreign to me. I decided to look them up on my computer but I couldn't find anything, damn it. I started to over analyze everything, since I couldn't get facts I'll make assumptions.

Is it possible that he felt the same as I did? Probably not, seeing the way he acted towards Uhura in the transporter room. Maybe he thought I was a stupid girl for wanting to go with him on a time bomb planet and it was just a Vulcan curse (if that exists) or maybe it he wondered why I was staring at him and thought I was creepy but it might be something else. Ugh, this is so frustrating, I'm supposed to be an expert at analyzing people and here I am not even able to find the meaning of two little words. The door rang and in came Bones.

I stood and he said: "Captain Pike is requesting to see you. He's weak so I'll give you two 10 minutes, after that he'll need to rest."

I looked at him more closely. He had this tired look in his eyes. "Bones are you alright?"

He seemed a bit startled by my question as if he was in his own little world. I then heard him mutter: "Damn shrink, knows everything." I gave him a soft smile and waited for him to answer. "Yeah, it's just all these deaths and the fact I couldn't do a thing about it…"

"Well you know if you ever need to talk…" I left the sentence hanging but motioned to the chair in front of my desk. He gave me a small reluctant smile and a little nod, then left. I followed him out and went to find Pike, while he went to check on his other patients. I saw Pike on a bio bed, looking better than he was on the Narada. "Captain." He looked at me.

"Belle."

"Sir."

"What were you doing on the Narada? You haven't had the shadow tracking class yet, plus you were injured." He was trying to look severe but I still saw the worry in his eyes. Since he recruited me, about three years ago, he's been looking out for me more like a father than a handler. It's very endearing.

When our 10 minutes were up, Bones shooed me away from Captain Pike saying he needed his rest. I left feeling cheerful, ─Pike just made me lieutenant─ despite the slight heartthrob I still feel whenever I think of Spock with Uhura in a romantic embrace. I need to talk to tech; I'll go see if she's available for lunch, I'm a bit hungry.

I made my way to the bridge. Once there I tried to find tech but I didn't see her anywhere nor could I find Spock. Where could they be? Then my gaze landed on Jim sitting in the captain's chair, relaxed doing nothing but watching as the ship sailed through space. Well, I do need to talk to him about what he felt that I felt. I made my way over to him. He turned and greeted me brightly. "B! What are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you wanted to go get something to eat Mr. Captain." I said with a small teasing smile. He stood.

"Sure. You know me, I love to eat." He said making his way to the turbo lift. "Chekov, you have the conn."

"Aye keptin."

When the door closed trapping him with me in the confines of the lift I asked: "So what did happen down on Delta Vega?"

Jim groaned. "Is that why you wanted to eat with me?"

"Stop avoiding the question Jim. And to answer your question, yes, that and to congratulate you on your captaincy. Congrats, now answer please."

He gave a big sigh. "I can't tell you." I raised my brow at that.

"Oh? And why is that?" Why can't he tell me? He said he would earlier.

"Well I promised I wouldn't say anything. But I can tell you that you'll experience it someday." He said with a sort of disturbed look on his face. I was about to question him further on that but the doors opened to the mess hall and Jim bounded out as if something was chasing after him.

With a sigh I followed him to the replicator and got myself a vegan lasagna with some water. Jim got himself a steak with French fries and a soda. We made our way to a free table and on the way I spotted Spock at a table in the corner of the room talking with Uhura, they appeared to be having a dispute. I averted my gaze back to Jim and we sat down. I was about to resume my earlier questioning but Jim beat me to it, changing the subject he said: "So what have you been up to while I was on that planet?"

"Oh, you know, I was in a coma." Jim seemed surprised at that.

"What?!"

"Yeah, you know, I got a concussion on Vulcan and then I got into a coma and then what you felt on Delta Vega brought me out of that coma. So that's why I wanted to know what happened."

"Wow, I'm sorry B." After a beat he said: "I got chased by this huge alien beast."

"No, what awoke me wasn't fright. It was pain, emotional pain, really deep that seemed to stab at my heart and guilt as if the end of the world appeared to be my fault. So whatever happened down there, it was something… special, not just some scaredy-fright but something big." Jim shifted.

"How's Captain Pike. Have you seen him, since your office is in med bay?" He said changing the subject, again. Alright, let's humor him and go with it.

"He was fine when I talked to him but Bones says he needs his rest."

"He's a tough guy."

"That he is." I said agreeing with him. I looked around and caught Spock looking at our table, Uhura nowhere in sight. Our eyes met briefly and I felt a spark go through me, I quickly averted my eyes back to my food. "Jim," He looked up. "Dad would've been proud of you. You know, saving the earth and all." He gave me a small crooked smile and touched my forearm lightly before finishing his steak.

"Thanks, B." Out of my peripheral vision I saw Spock stalk out of the room angrily or as angrily as a Vulcan would express. What's up with him? Jim finished his steak then said: "Well B, that was nice but I got to get back to work."

"Alright see yah." He stood and started to leave but stopped as something passed through my mind and I said: "Oh Jim, Do you know someone not Vulcan who speaks Vulcan?" He looked at me as if I had grown a second head.

"Why?"

"Can't say, you know I promised someone I wouldn't." (Myself) I said giving him back his earlier excuse.

"Ha ha. Well, there's Uhura." Damn it, it can't be Uhura since she's linked to Spock. I smiled nonetheless.

"Thanks."

"Always happy to help. Now if you'll excuse me." And with that he left me alone with my thoughts. Images of Spock and Uhura kissing erupted in my head and it felt as if my heart was ripped apart. What the hell? I stood and disposed of what was left of my food. I know what I need, sparring. But my wrist is not healed yet, oh I'll just tape it. I left and went back to my quarters. I changed into black leggings and a blue tank top, I grabbed a towel and water bottle then taped my wrist and made my way to the gym.

On the way there I crossed path with Spock, I looked straight ahead ignoring him. Fuck, he's everywhere. Just as I passed him he said: "Cadet Belle, a word." I stopped and turned around to face him, keeping my eyes downcast. I could feel his gaze hot on my face. Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him. I kept chanting in my head. "Cadet, a relationship between a starship captain and a cadet is not recommended as a starship captain needs to keep his head straight and so I demand to know the nature of your relationship with Captain Kirk." Eh? I looked up at him at that, his eyes were intense and he seemed to be fighting with himself for control. What the hell?

"Commander, I'm a cadet no more as Captain Pike just promoted me to Lieutenant." And my relationship with Jim? What the hell, he's my brother and my personal life is none of his business.

I was about to answer his question but he cut me off saying: "Well then, Lieutenant what is the nature of your relationship with one James T. Kirk? It is frowned upon to have a romantic relationship between an officer of lower rank and higher rank aboard the same ship." He intense stare was pinning me in place. With my brother?! Ewww. And, like he's one to talk, with Uhura.

"I believe Commander that you, sir, are in a relationship with an inferior ranking officer, Lieutenant Uhura." How dare he? He seemed to be burning with ill-contained rage inside at my words, well just too bad. "Also with all due respect, sir, the relationship I have with Jim, who is my brother if you must know, or anyone else onboard is none of your business." At those words he seemed to cool off slightly as if a weight was lifted off his shoulder. Well, I was fuming. Now I really need to go kick someone's ass. "Now if you'll excuse me." I said stiffly trying to rein in my temper. He gave me a small stunned dismissive nod and I hurriedly passed him and entered the gym.

The gym was mostly empty save for a few men in the sparring area. I joined them and they looked at me like I was a piece of meat. Really? "Hi guys. Who wants to spar with me?" They looked me up and down seizing me and they simultaneously began chuckling. I raised my left eyebrow and crossed my arms across my chest.

"I'm sorry honey but you're so tiny. Wouldn't want to hurt you more than you already are." Said a tall, blond, muscular man. "Also we need to get back to work. Maybe some other time, sugar." He said with a wink. Ugh, sexism. I sure would love to kick their butt to show them what a tiny thing like me is capable of. Now what do I do? I really want to kick someone's butt. They left and as the last one passed by me, a big, burly, red headed man was about to slap my ass but I grabbed his hand and twisted it around behind his back. I then kicked his knees, making him fall into a kneeling position on the floor. His buddies left before he could call for back up.

"Say you're sorry and that you won't do that again and I'll let you go." That felt great.

He tried to wiggle free. "You're crazy…" I twisted harder. "Ah… Alrigh, alright. I'm sorry I won't do it again." I let him go. He scrambled up and hurried out the door, leaving me all alone in the gym. Well that felt good but I'm still not satisfied. With a resigned sigh I made my way to a punching preparing to beat the sand out of it when Commander Spock walked in the gym, dressed in black training clothes. Is he following me or something? Come on B, stop being paranoid. Why would he follow you? I gave a roundabout kick on the bag followed by a series of jabs and kicks. I then felt a presence behind my back, heat exuded from said body. I turned around and there was Spock. I looked up and almost gave a small gasp at the intensity in his eyes ─they were burning.

"Lieutenant, I was wondering if you wouldn't be opposed to a sparring session with myself?" Kicking Spock's ass seemed fun.

"Alright Commander, let's go." I said with a small amused smile. We made our way to the sparring mats.

"What kind of fighting technique would you like to use?" He asked polite but with fire in those dark eyes of his.

"Mixed martial arts." He nodded and we stepped closer to one another trying to seize one another.

It all happened really fast a series of about 15 blows and dodge and I found myself underneath Spock. My arms pinned by his hot hands, the position felt more sensual than anything else. "I think, Lieutenant that I have you bested and you should give up." Give up? Ha, fat chance. In an expert move, I kicked a leg from underneath him and overturned him straddling his waist. My hands got free and I grabbed his wrists pinning his hands on both sides of his head. He gave a small moan as his eyes fluttered shut. What the…? I saw that while I was pinning his wrists some of my fingers were brushing against his palms. I remembered that Vulcan's palms were extremely sensitive and so I hastily let go of his wrists as if they burned me. His eyes, as they opened were scorching in their intensity. It was like the spark I felt earlier in the mess hall multiplied by a thousand. I was like a moth to a flame, I couldn't look away from him ─I was captivated.

"I'm sorry." I said softly under my breath. Spock didn't seem to hear me and grabbing my waist he quickly flipped us over so that I was once again under him. One of his hands seized one of mine and his lips parted, forming a small o. His eyes then flicked to my lips and he leaned in, my eyes landed on his lips and subconsciously I licked mine before closing my eyes.

Just as our lips were about to touch the intercom chirped to life and Jim's voice said: "Commander Spock, please report to the bridge immediately." We both opened our eyes and if I just leaned in a little more and I could finally taste his lips. Without saying a word he slowly backed away from me without losing the intensity of his burning gaze, leaving me on the training mat. Once he was gone I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. What was that?