A/N: I'm soooo sorry for taking so long to update. I'll admit, the only reason I'm updating right now is because I've had numerous private messages within the last few weeks asking me to update this story, so here you go! I'll try to update again before the summer is over. It's really a challenge for me to write SVU fanfic right now, since my Grey's obsession has been consuming my fanfic-writing.

The room was frigid. Chills swept throughout her entire body, and Olivia Benson found herself shivering out of control as she regained consciousness. She coughed into the oxygen mask that covered her mouth, too much oxygen was entering her system. She removed the mask with her hand and scoped out the empty hospital room. She came to the sudden realization that she had in fact fainted. Damn it, she thought. Where the hell was Brian?

She strained her memory to recall the moments leading up to when her body had hit against the ground and, apparently, she'd lost consciousness. The irregular, erratic beating from Carin's heart monitor buzzed in her head. She's crashing, she could hear little Cooper crying, begging for help. And then everything went black. Olivia couldn't remember what had happened next.

Clearly, she was lying in a hospital bed. How much time had passed? Ten minutes? Hours? Weeks? She turned her head and noted the darkness outside. Her detective skills were in full force as she also noted the date on the bulletin board in the corner of the room. The date had not changed, so realized she couldn't have been out for long. Where was Brian?

She swallowed, and she lowered her hand over her abdomen. The baby, she thought. Had she passed out as a result of pregnancy complication? Her stomach turned. Olivia bit her lip. She felt absolutely terrible. Brian didn't even know about the baby. He'd just dropped a huge bombshell. How would he react? Surely, Brian didn't want a baby now that he had an eight-year-old son of his own who was losing - or had just lost - his mother. The timing was all wrong.

Had she miscarried? Had she had an ectopic pregnancy? Olivia had never been pregnant. She wasn't a doctor. But she'd done her fair share of research, and she'd seen about everything imaginable during her years on the force. She wasn't ignorant to the list of complication that could arise, especially given her age. The possibility of her getting pregnant at forty-five years old without some sort of fertility treatment was virtually a miracle. The possibility of her having an uncomplicated pregnancy was even more of a miracle. It just didn't happen every day.

It did, however, happen, as rare as it was. Olivia Benson didn't believe for a second that she would be capable of successfully carrying a baby to term, barring all complications. Good things like that just didn't happen to her. She'd been through Hell, time and time again. She'd begun to accept that some people were put into the world to feel the wrath of all evil, and she was one of those people. That wasn't to say she didn't count her blessings. Certainly, there were people who had it a lot worse than she did.

After all, she had a roof over her head, food on her table, and great colleagues and friends. That's more than over half of the world could say. She should be thankful for that, and she was.

That didn't stop her from wanting more. She'd had baby fever for a long time, even though she doubted her ability as a mother. How could someone who'd been raised by a drunk and was the product of a rape possibly be a good mother? That didn't stop her from staring at babies in the supermarket or at the park and wishing she had a little one to cuddle. She wasn't naive to the fact that babies were hard work, though, and she knew that she had a high-demanding career. Babies deserved to have someone who could love them unconditionally at all hours of the day. A child needed a mother who would be there and dependable. Olivia knew firsthand what it was like to wake up in the morning and have her mother unavailable. Usually she would find her mother passed out in bed drunk at all hours of the day.

Olivia sometimes thought about what or who she would be if she wasn't a detective. She usually didn't come up with much, though. Being a detective was all she knew. She'd done it for over half her life. If she wasn't a detective, she would be nobody. Being a detective is what defined her. She was defined by her career.

Could she put her all behind her and become a mother? Could she be a mother and a detective? It was a lot to rationalize, and then there was Brian. Brian, who she didn't even know if he wanted children. It wasn't something they talked about frequently, and when she did bring it back, he was quick to change the subject. But now he did have a son, and she'd seen him just briefly with Cooper. She'd seen how Brian had lit up when he laid his eyes on Cooper. She could tell he adored the boy, and Brian wanted to be a good father to him. Knowing that, gave Olivia a glimmer of hope.

What if she'd lost the baby? Was she even still pregnant? Her hands gently felt over her belly, wondering. Then she looked up and saw Brian in the doorway.

"Hey, Sunshine. You're awake," Brian smiled warmly, his cumbersome brown eyes gazed at her across the room. His placid disposition confused her as she struggled to read the signals his body gave off while he walked toward her.

"Hey," Olivia said hoarsely, still shivering. "Where were you?"

"I was settling Cooper in with a neighbor," Brian explained, setting his gentle, warm hand on her forehead while he brushed her hair back. "How are you feeling?"

"Cold," she stated, shaking. "Can you see if you can get me another blanket?"

"Of course," Brian nodded. He took his hand off her and stuck his head out the doorway. "Hey, Nurse! Can we get some more blankets in here?" Olivia couldn't hear the other side of the doorway, but Brian turned around and gave her a thumbs up. "They're bringing you more blankets."

"Great," Olivia sighed.

"Liv, what happened?" he instantly asked, sitting in the chair next to the bed and taking her hand. "One minute…" he gulped, "Carin was crashing, and I looked over at you...and you were on the ground."

"I blacked out," Olivia said. "I don't know why." No harm in a little white lie, she thought, trying to read Brian's face. Had the doctors told him about the baby? Surely, they knew.

"The doctors won't tell me anything because we're not legally married, and I'm not listed on your health directive," Brian grumbled. "We need to change that."

Olivia nodded. She'd been meaning to update her contact list, but she hadn't gotten around to it. Truthfully, she almost never got sick, and when she did, she preferred not to be surrounded by people. She hated to be seen weak and vulnerable. Brian seeing her like this, right now, was almost too much to bear. Yet, he remained cool and calm. That was one thing she loved about Brian: His ability to handle a crisis without acting like the world was ending.

"Carin," Olivia whispered. "Is she…?"

Brian nodded. "She passed away shortly after the doctors took you out of the room." He shook his head. "Poor Cooper. He's taking it really hard, and he was worried about you too. He thought God was taking both his mommies from him at the same time."

Both his mommies, Olivia thought painfully. She had barely interacted with the kid, and he was already calling her Mommy? It just seemed too surreal. Kids had always taken a liking to her. She remembered when Calvin had started calling her Mom. But Calvin had lived with her for a few weeks. Cooper didn't even know her, outside of what Brian might have told him.

"Are you my new mommy?" Cooper's words before Hell engorged their lives echoed in her head. She was sure Cooper was a great kid. He seemed like a good kid, but she didn't know how to respond to that question. With all that was currently happening, it seemed uncanny. She'd always wanted a child, but never in her wildest fantasies had she imagined one would come into her life under these circumstance. That two could possibly come into her life. She remembered how nervous Brian had looked when he'd first told her about Cooper, like he'd thought she might leave him. Like he'd thought she might not want to be part of Cooper's life.

She did. She definitely did. That didn't ease the situation, though. If anything, it made it worse.

"Poor kid," Olivia said. "I feel really bad."

"It's not your fault," Brian insisted, intertwining his fingers with hers. "It's not." He leaned in and softly kissed her forehead.

"I know," Olivia insisted, biting her lip. She wanted to tell Brian about the baby. The doctors haven't told him anything, but she knew the timing couldn't be more morbid or more awful.

A nurse soon arrived with more blankets, so she was no longer an iceberg. She also took Olivia's blood pressure and temperature. "You have a fever of 102, which would explain why you're cold," the nurse explained. "I'll send the doctor in to talk to you."

Olivia nodded, trying to read the nurse's expression. She gripped onto Brian's hand. Had she lost the baby? Is that what the doctor would tell her? Or, was she having a miscarriage?

She'd dreamt about what it would be pregnant for so many years. She'd dreamt about her belly growing swollen with her child and her boyfriend or husband's child. Over time, the man in the picture changed. She'd never dated anyone for as long as she'd been with Brian. She'd never lived with any of her boyfriends before Brian. Was she delusional to think just for a moment, despite all adversity, that her dreams might become a reality?

Or maybe it was just too good to be true.