Supernatural does not belong to me, although I wish it did. I am simply playing in Kripke's sandbox for a bit. All rights and ownership are the property of Kripke and the CW network. I am not making any money from this; it is for my own personal pleasure.

Synopsis: Set at the start of Season One, Dean had been in a wheelchair since his father disappeared more than a year ago and he finally has to tell Sam… There'd been an accident that night and Dean had paid a very high price…one he still doesn't understand. The story will have some hunts from season one and possibly into season two…the brothers will continue their search for their father…there will be alterations to the hunts to accommodate Dean's new situation. I have every intention of returning Dean to good health before this ends…but getting there is going to be bumpy.

Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so all grammatical errors are my own. Not Slash. Brotherly love and Angst only…

Please Review: They keep me motivated. Also thank you to any reviewers that are 'guests' since I cannot PM and you guys personally.

Chapter 18

Painful Memories

Dean could hear them…he groaned as he pulled his arm over his head and tried to pretend that he was still unconscious. But no dice. He was awake…and in pain. The ghost had done a real number on him at the cemetery tonight. Damn thing hadn't wanted to 'go into the light'…and it had fought damn hard to make sure that didn't happen. Dean had been digging the grave while his father had tried to keep the specter away from the site long enough for Dean to get to the coffin. Eventually he had, but not before the ghost of one Jason Jessup had appeared and managed to throw him into a large tree, his ribs cracking painfully as he slid down the rough bark. Dean hadn't even seen the root that was well above the ground, but his head had certainly felt the connection as his temple slammed into the damn thing, due to gravity…'Thank you Mr. Isaac Newton.' He thought with irritation as he struggled to sit up, the blankets falling off his chest only to pool at his hips. Dean waited for the dizziness to pass before attempting to climb to his unsteady feet. And then he heard the men in the other room again...

"Dad, this is hardly the first time that you've returned 'fine' and Dean comes back all beat to hell! What the hell do you do? Just throw your son in front of you like a human shield?" Sam's voice was rough with emotion, anger being the most prevalent one. Dean cringed at the mental picture that Sam was painting as he argued with their father in the other room.

"What? Sam you have no idea what you're talking about! This is a dangerous gig, you know that! Dean made a mistake tonight, that's why he's lying in the other room with a broken rib and a concussion." John roared back his youngest son. Dean's eyes narrowed slightly at that…he hadn't made a mistake. He'd done exactly what he was supposed to do. He'd tracked the spirit, learned its history…which had been interesting to say the least. This particular ghost was from the civil war era…and it was pissed that the cemetery where it was buried was being desecrated by some idiot teenagers. So, said spirit was killing people that came to visit the grave after dark…assuming that they were there to destroy his final resting place. 'Ghosts didn't need a great reason to kill, particularly vengeful spirits'…once they were mad, it was just what they did.

Dean heard Sam shift his weight in the other room and then the squeak of a chair as he sank into it at the table. "Dad, he gets hurt almost every time you two go out…come on…that can't be normal. Not even for hunters…funny thing is…he doesn't seem to get hurt when I'm there. So what the hell happens when I'm not?" Sam said in a slightly more civil tone.

Dean felt his heart drop at that…Sam thought that he wasn't capable? When had that happened? As far as Dean had known, Sam still thought that he was a 'superhero'…apparently he'd been wrong. Sam didn't think that anymore...in fact, Sam thought that he couldn't even take care of himself…Dean felt his anger start to roll through his belly at that realization. This job was dangerous! They both knew that…and yeah, he'd gotten hurt on the last couple of hunts…but that was just because they'd been up against some really bad mother freaking monsters…not because he was weak…or because he didn't know how to do his damn job. 'What the hell Sam?' he thought in irritation. His head was still swimming slightly and he could feel the slight touch of nausea that was pitching back and forth in his stomach as he shifted his head from right to left and debated on walking out and entering this conversation. What he heard next stopped him cold.

"Dad, I'm leaving." Sam said evenly. He'd been debated for the last six months. The letter came from Stanford and he'd been accepted into the school on a full-ride scholarship…and he was taking it. He hadn't talked with Dean yet, because he knew that his brother would be devastated to learn that he was going away. But this type of thing…Dad dragging Dean in unconscious and bloody…Sam couldn't deal with it anymore. His heart couldn't take seeing his big brother in that condition anymore. When was 'it' going to happen? The night that their father drags in the dead body of his older brother…because Sam just couldn't face that that was where this was eventually heading. He was going to lose his brother…it was just a matter of when and to what. "I was accepted into Stanford University on a full-ride…and I'm going." Sam continued simply.

Dean sank slowly back onto the bed, his left hand coming to cradle his ribs as he struggled to think around the loud beating of his heart. 'Sam was leaving?' All of the sudden he couldn't breathe and he felt the painful pants start as he tried to consciously slow down his breathing…but the world was changing…his world was changing. Sam was leaving him…for some version of a normal apple-pie life that Dean couldn't be a part of. He felt the emotional pain slice through him as that hit home. It wasn't that he didn't want Sam to be safe…and he would be…apparently that would happen at school. But Dean also couldn't keep an eye on him there…fuglies could get to Sam...and Dean wouldn't know until he got some call from the police, telling him his brother had been ripped apart by 'something'. He closed his eyes in sadness, only to have them flying open again as he heard a crash on the other side of the door. He pushed painfully to his feet and stumbled the few steps to the door and flung it open.

Sam was lying on the floor, the chair he'd been sitting in had toppled over backwards…and he was holding his chin and staring at their father. Rage and hurt were equally present in his flashing blue-green eyes as he looked up at John…the betrayal that was reflected out his expressive gaze made Dean cringe.

"You're not leaving Sam! You're staying here with me and Dean! That's an order!" John screamed at his son's prone form.

Dean inhaled as he saw Sam's face shift from betrayed to determined… 'Uh-oh'. He watched as his brother hauled his lengthy frame up and to his feet and then his eyes finally captured Dean's own emerald gaze...and he apologized with his eyes for waking Dean up…and for what he was going to do next.

"I am leaving dad…you lost the right to order me around when I turned eighteen." Sam's voice was deadly calm and even as he 'informed' his father that this wasn't his decision. He shifted his eyes to his older brothers and they softened marginally when he realized that Dean had heard 'everything'.

John glared at Sam, not turning to see Dean standing hunched in the doorway of the room. "If you leave, don't you ever come back!" John yelled as Sam started gathering together his few possessions. Dean moved into the room now, his arm still wrapped protectively around his ribcage and his eyes glassy that were still blown-wide from the concussion, following his little brother's movements. He was looking sadly to where his brother continued to pack his things and his father stood in stony silence in the kitchen area.

"Dad…come on…" he started as his father turned and threw the glare in his direction instead of Sam's.

"No Dean. He's made his choice. He can live with the consequences of that decision." John growled before pushing past Dean, stalking into the bedroom area and then slamming the door shut behind him.

Dean gasped as pain shot through his body at the awkward movement as his father shoved past him. Sam's eyes shot up to his…and he was biting his lower lip. 'He's debating on coming over to see if I'm okay.' Dean thought silently. He tried to smile at Sam to show him that he was fine…but it came out more like a watered down version of a grimace instead. Sam inhaled and stood up to walk over to his injured brother.

"You okay Dean?" he asked quietly as he helped Dean sink onto the couch. Dean wanted to yell that 'no' he wasn't okay…'You're leaving me…so NO I'm definitely not okay!'. Instead he settled for a small nod and quickly closed his eyes, so Sam wouldn't be able to see if he was lying or not. He really needed to get better at hiding his emotions from his kid brother…

"I'm fine Sam." He lied easily. "So…Stanford huh?"

Sam chuckled without any humor and nodded, reaching up to run long fingers through too long brown hair. "Yeah…crazy right…?" he finished as he looked at his brother for support.

Dean saw the 'need' for his support of Sam's decision reflected out his worried blue-green orbs as he looked at his 'hero'…his older brother for that support. Dean felt something crack inside himself as he steeled his expression and turned back to look Sam directly in the eyes.

"No Sammy…that's not crazy. It's what you've always wanted…a normal life. I just never thought that you'd have a shot at it." He chuckled low in his throat, the humor of the situation completely void in the action. "If this is what you want…Is it Sam? Is this what you really want?" Dean couldn't help but ask as he stared at Sam.

Sam looked away and then nodded. "Yeah Dean. This is really what I want." Sam brought his gaze back to his brother's green eyes and he read the silently supportive look in them. But there was something else…something that Sam couldn't quite read…'damn-it Dean, you're getting good at hiding things from me.' He thought as an idea occurred to him. "You could always come with me Dean…? There's a college not far from Stanford where you could take classes…mechanics training type of thing…?" Sam had looked to see if there was a place for Dean before applying to the Ivy-League school in his junior year. He'd been ecstatic when he'd found a great trade-type school for Dean…he just hadn't known how to bring it up.

Dean exhaled and then groaned as his ribs twinged and his head spun a little in dizziness. "Sam….I can't leave dad. He needs me." Dean said quietly. He couldn't look at Sam as he crushed his little brother's hopes. He saw Sam stiffen out of the corner of his eye and then the small intake of breath as Sam straightened his spine and nodded.

"Fine Dean." He said coldly as he stood up and grabbed his bag off the floor. Sam turned to look at Dean, the sadness reflecting in his face as he nodded again and headed to the door of the motel room. "Be safe Dean." He said as he opened the door and walked out…leaving Dean sitting on the couch looking for all the world like he'd just lost his mother again…anguish washing through him in ways that he couldn't even identify. The door clicked closed and he felt the first tear slip from the corners of his eyes.

"You too…Sammy." Dean whispered as he heard the gulped air and hitched breathing of his little brother on the other side of the closed door. Dean wanted to go to him…to hug Sam and tell him that it was okay…that 'he'd' be okay. But he was frozen to the couch, his muscles refusing to budge as the sadness tore through him.

Sam waited for five full minutes on the other side of that wooded barricade…he waited for Dean to come and hug him…to tell him that he wasn't making a bad decision. That he could make it in the real world…that Sam could have 'normal'. But Dean never opened the door and Sam felt the emotions bubble to the surface. He gulped in air as he pulled his wallet from his pocket and removed the open-ended bus ticket that he'd bought months ago. The tears welling in his eyes made it hard to read the small typed writing of the scheduled departures for California…but he managed. He brushed the emotions from his watery-eyes as he started walking away. Away from hunting…away from the blood and the danger…away from Dean.

Dean felt the pain of the dream all the way to his core…that moment when Sam had left him. He struggled through the heat that was radiating off his body as he tried to reach around and shift himself on the bed, his legs flopping a bit as he did. Pain flashed through his chest and he hissed as his knuckles protested the movement. He looked around the room and his eyes fell on the sleeping form of his little brother in the other bed…the one nearest the door, he noted with a small smile. Sam was trying to protect him. He gulped down the lump that formed in his throat at the action and laid back against the pillows as the cold sweat dripped down the sides of his head only to soak into the white cotton of the pillowcase.

Sam hadn't left him…he'd come back for him and he'd stayed even though Dean had gotten hurt…again. He hoped that this meant that they were going to hunt together now…that no matter how angry Sam got that he still got hurt on hunts…that he'd stay with Dean…even after this was all over.

TBC…

Author's Note: I know I said they'd be back on the road…and they will. But this chapter begged to be written, explaining Sam's decision to leave and how Dean had handled that. Next chapter though…the open road and the hunt continues.

Please review: It's all I ask in return for writing. Let me know what you thought.