Supernatural does not belong to me, although I wish it did. I am simply playing in Kripke's sandbox for a bit. All rights and ownership are the property of Kripke and the CW network. I am not making any money from this; it is for my own personal pleasure.

Synopsis: Set at the start of Season One, Dean had been in a wheelchair since his father disappeared more than a year ago and he finally has to tell Sam… There'd been an accident that night and Dean had paid a very high price…one he still doesn't understand. The story will have some hunts from season one and possibly into season two…the brothers will continue their search for their father…there will be alterations to the hunts to accommodate Dean's new situation. I have every intention of returning Dean to good health before this ends…but getting there is going to be bumpy.

Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so all grammatical errors are my own. Not Slash. Brotherly love and Angst only…

Please Review: They keep me motivated. Also thank you to any reviewers that are 'guests' since I cannot PM and you guys personally.

Chapter 23

New Direction

Dean was sitting in the kitchen at Bobby's. He hadn't said much to Sam other than hugging him like his life depended on it. And he was walking as little as possible, something about getting his legs back just felt wrong now. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, but he knew that he was the reason for John's death and worse, his problem had also gotten his brother killed. That particular thought was rampaging through his head as he stared at the cup of coffee sitting in front of him, it was in one of the many miscellaneous mugs that Bobby owned. Pain shifted inside his chest, but it wasn't the type that one got from an injury, it was the type that came from absolute and utter desolation. He had been the cause of Sam's death. Him. No one else could take that burden, and while he regretted the death of their father, it wasn't what was keeping him up at night right now…it was Sam. How was he going to protect Sam in the future…? How did he ensure that Sam even had a future…?

"Hey kid, you okay this morning?" Bobby asked as he went to the counter and poured himself a cup of the nearly black liquid. He knew it was going to be strong; Dean always drank his coffee stronger than the average individual. "You look like shit Dean." He continued as he sat down across from the younger man.

Dean snorted. "Been a rough night." He didn't say anything else. He didn't need to. Bobby had been there, he knew what had happened and what his little brother had been willing to sacrifice…and Sam hadn't told Dean. Hell, Dean had given up contacting Sam for almost four years, simply so that the kid wouldn't suffer along with him…and in one instant the youngest Winchester had been fully and completely pulled back into this crazy life…and it had killed him. That was where Dean's guilt was stemming from. He knew that he couldn't' have changed Sam's decision, the damn kid was stubborn, but…could Dean really protect him? This destiny thing…

"I know that kid and I'm sorry." He reached over and gently squeezed Dean's forearm. Dean nodded at him and tried to smile…he couldn't. "I'm gonna head out to the shop. I got some things I need to take care of." Bobby glanced at the empty living room. "Let me know if either of you boys need anything." Dean nodded silently and went back to his introspection. Bobby shook his head as he stood up and headed for the screen door…this wasn't going to be an easy come back…not for any of them.

Dean sat quietly for another twenty minutes before Sam finally wandered into the kitchen in search of coffee and his older brother. "Mornin." He said as he doctored up his coffee with cream and sugar and sank into the chair next to Dean.

Dean's tired green eyes glanced up and he nodded his 'reply' and continued to drink the bitter brew. He didn't know how to start this conversation with Sam…he wasn't sure how to even talk to the kid anymore.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. "You not talking to me or something?" He asked as he watched Dean carefully.

Dean sighed and set his mug down. "I'm talking to you Sam." He answered as he leaned forward and scrubbed his hands down his face. "I just don't know what to say." He finished evenly. It was true...what did you say to someone that had died for you? There wasn't exactly a hallmark card for that.

Sam looked like Dean had smacked him, his face pinched painfully and he shifted so he was sitting further back from Dean. "What's that supposed to mean Dean?" His older brother just shook his head and stood slowly, moving away from the table and back into the living room. Sam was having none of it. Dean had been literally ignoring him for the last three days and he was sick of it. "What the hell man?" he called as he stood and followed Dean into the other room. "What is going on with you?"

Dean turned and stared at Sam in disbelief. "What's going on with me…? Really, Sam. What the hell do you think is going on with me?" His voice was getting deeper and more even the angrier he got...and that should have been a warning to Sam. Dean was trying not to lash out at Sam…he knew that he would have done exactly the same thing in Sam's position. But that was the way it was supposed to be…him protecting Sam…whatever the cost. That code did not extend both ways…Dean couldn't handle the thought of losing what little family he had left. And this life seemed intent on killing out the entire Winchester family…one member at a time. He'd never been more clear on that fact than he was since the warehouse.

"I had to save you Dean." Sam said quietly. He wasn't sure how to explain that need to his martyr of a older brother. "Dean…this shit with your legs…the stuff with dad…getting sent to hell...I couldn't just ignore that. Most of it happened when I left man…and I had to try and set it right." He watched as Dean looked everywhere but in his eyes as he listened to Sam's reasoning. Sam reached out and gently grabbed Dean's shoulder and pulled him around to look him in the face. "Dean…it's what you would have done."

Dean shook his head as he finally lifted his gaze to meet Sam's. "Of course it's what I would have done Sam!" he yelled. His cool finally broken as he stared angrily at his younger brother, his fist clenching and unclenching at his side. "It's what I would have had to do…that's my job. But you…you were out Sammy…you had a life and it wasn't' gonna get you killed. Not like this one." Dean allowed his voice to calm down as he tried to get Sam to understand why he was angry. He wasn't angry with Sam…but with this life and what it was costing them. He couldn't get out…it was too ingrained into his soul…he would track down and kill the demon responsible for the death of their father. But he was no longer sure that he wanted Sam along for the ride. If he could get out…then he should…and if that meant that Dean had to push him a bit…then that was what he would do. When Dean had called him from the road...it had been a mistake. He knew that now. But he just wasn't sure that Sam would feel the same way, his brother would feel guilty and try to make up for lost time. But it was probably a good thing that a lot of that time had been lost...because Sam may have simply died earlier and then Dean would have been...lost too.

Sam stared at Dean dumbfounded. "Did you really just say that Dean? That my life is somehow worth more than yours?" His blue-green eyes were spitting angry sparks at Dean's green gaze. Had their father really fucked up his older brother that badly…that he believed this shit. As he looked into the strained gaze of his brother…he knew that that was exactly what had happened. "Dean, my life…it doesn't mean a god-damned thing without you. I need you around…" He stepped up and grabbed Dean's other shoulder so that he couldn't look away. The pain and the emotions that were swirling behind the mask were pretty evident at the moment.

Dean wanted to turn and run away from this 'chick-flick- moment from hell…but he couldn't. As he looked up into the sincere eyes of his younger brother…he saw the same determination that he knew he harbored. Sam wanted to save him…and no matter what he wanted…Sam was going to do everything possible to see that done.

"Please Dean…" he finished as he stepped away. Sam sank onto the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees, dropping his head into his hands. "Please…" he whispered.

Dean felt the tightness in his chest increase as he watched his little brother struggle…he couldn't just watch Sam suffer. He stepped forward and sank to his knees in front of Sam. "Okay Sam." He said simply. Dean reached forward and ran his hand over his brother's bowed head, "Okay…"

Sam felt the first shutter of tears rip through his system and he leaned further into his hands as he tried to remain strong…as strong as he could be while begging his brother to let him in. "I hear you Sam. I hear you." He said quietly. He patted Sam's head and then walked away, trying to give his brother some time to pull himself together.

XXXX

Dean was under the Impala when he heard footsteps approaching. He continued to work on the exhaust until a large pair of emo-shoes stopped near his feet. "What Sam?" He called from the underside of the car.

"Hey, you need anything? Can I help?" Sam asked as Dean pulled himself out from under the car, his grey t-shirt covered in oil and dirt.

Dean just glared at him and raised an eyebrow. "You under a hood…no thanks." His younger brother glared back and shook his head in irritation at the dismissive answer from him.

"Okay…you need anything else?" Sam pressed.

"Stop it Sam." Dean said as he walked past and went to pull another type of wrench out of the well-stocked tool-box.

"Stop what?" Sam playing dumb…that didn't bode well.

"Stop asking if I need anything, stop asking if I'm okay…I'm okay." Dean finished with a light chuckle. Sam watched as the amusement didn't reach his brother's eyes. He pulled the cell phone out of his pocket and opened the old phone, keying in the code to the voicemail.

"Well, that's not really why I came out here. It took me a while, but I finally cracked the code on one of dad's old cell phones. " He handed the phone to Dean and watched as he listened to the message. "That message is over four months old."

Dean's eyebrows shot up and he looked up at Sam and narrowed his eyes. "Dad saved this chick's message for four months?" Sam nodded. "Okay, ask Bobby if he has a problem with us taking off." He said as he crawled back under the car. Dean knew that they needed to start moving forward, either hunting or tracking that damn demon...either way this needed to happen. Besides, at least this way Sam would believe that he was really on board with letting them hunt together again. And maybe he was...but he'd have to prove it to his younger brother...and this was one way that he could do that.

TBC…

Author's Note: This is going to follow some of the hunts in season two, with some pretty significant differences that will make this a bit of an AU and a canon mix. Some action packed chapters ahead…less angst more hunting and of course a showdown with the yellow-eyed demon at the end.

Please Review: Please let me know what you think about the direction of this.