So Dorothy then decided that she was a boss ass bitch and she summoned Zelda to come fight the dementors with her. However, when she called Zelda on her Motorola, which had summoning capacity, Zelda said that she was busy having a freaky day with Link. Then Dorothy thought to herself, "yo fuck this bitch lyk"… and then she remembered that she was a witch and she remembered that she loved Ron Weasley's brothers' Peruvian instant darkness powder, and she conjured a deadly flower skull.
The flower skull was rich in toxic calcium, so she did what any reasonable person would do, she took a bite; all of sudden, she had toxic flower skull calcium coursing through her witch veins. "HOLY SHIT BALLS, I'M TRIPPING OUT!" and she didn't even have then strength to fight the dementors with ponies anymore.
After all of this ordeal, she started to feel a little bit guilty about getting high with the flower skull, so she decided to take a little trip back to Oz, or more so, Kansas!
Meanwhile, crap bag and Hagrid were taking a little detour to FUCK NIGGA MONKEY LAND to meet some magical telepathic monkey bitches and get some freaky monkey action. Hagrid came across this exotic looking monkey called Shalifa, her name comes from the word loufa, cause she likes to take baths. So Hagrid looked at her and he said, "damn girl, you clean as fuck…. Can I take you home with me?" and she said, "OH HELL NAH BITCH, TALK TO ME ONE MORE TIME AND ILL SEND YO HUMAN ASS BACK TO HOGWARTS…. AND I'LL GIVE YOU WARTS BETCH!". Hagrid was so sad that he didn't get his beak wet, so he decided to leave monkey land with his buddy crap bag. They left Flitzer behind because the monkeys really fucked him: he became a part of their telepathic monkey family.
….to be continued…..