The familiar sound of her wand signaling her to wake caused Tonks to stretch and wave her hand vaguely in the direction of where it usually rested on her night table. It stopped chirping. She smiled as a delicious ache brought memories of the previous night into her mind. Remus had given in to her plea, devouring her body with the hunger of a starving man before finally rising above her, joining their bodies in the way she'd fantasized about since Merlin knew when. Passionate, desperate even, was their lovemaking. When they'd finished, shaking and gasping for breath, they'd slowly divested each other of the clothes they hadn't bothered to remove amidst their initial frenzied passion. They'd fallen asleep, Remus spooned against her back.
When Remus had reached for her again later in the night—so late that it must have been nearly morning—he had slowly and tenderly drawn out her pleasure once more, so sweetly that the act had nearly brought her to tears. It had made her feel cherished, worshiped, satisfied at last as gentle hands explored her body and brought his name to her lips. Tonks had easily slipped back into sleep as if she'd never been awakened at all, like it had merely been the most glorious dream she'd ever had.
The reminder alarm from her wand chirped again. Tonks finally stirred, knowing that she had to get out of bed for her Saturday shift. Disappointed that she no longer felt Remus' body pressed against her back, Tonks rolled, frowning when she found the bed empty save for the duvet and pillows. Hoping Remus had simply risen before her to make coffee, Tonks threw back the covers and turned on the lamp to search for her discarded clothing. After donning a rumpled jumper to fight off the chill that she couldn't wholly blame on the typical November temperatures, a quick search of her flat told her Remus hadn't risen to make coffee. She was alone.
He had to report to Dumbledore, or he doesn't want Sirius to take the piss out of him for something that was making love, not getting a leg over.
Tonks stopped thinking of reasons why he'd gone when she found the note he'd left next to her coffee pot. It was short. She regarded it for a moment before setting it aside. She wouldn't let herself think the worst of his early departure and curt message.
No matter what she told herself, however, her treacherous mind could focus on nothing else the entire day. After dressing and making her way to the Ministry, Tonks felt like a self-propelled broom as she worked, moving forward through the case she was working but not with any real purpose. She counted down the hours until she could leave for Headquarters, where Remus said he would be when she finished. Unfortunately, even though it was a weekend and those shifts usually ended earlier, the Murphy case kept her busy until nearly evening. It wasn't easy to make it look like they were pursuing a case while actually not pursuing it the way she and Henry truly wanted, especially when her mind was preoccupied.
She headed to the Apparition point, feelings of both anticipation and dread battling for dominance.
Meet me at Headquarters when you finish with work.
Remus
One could argue that she was reading too far into it, that he'd simply jotted the note in a hurry to make sure he met Dumbledore or another Order member or a contact on time. The insecure part of her brain told her he scrawled the note in his haste to leave before she woke.
She clutched the parchment in her hand as she Apparated and covered the short distance to 12 Grimmauld Place, thinking that the "grim" part was certainly fitting her mood at the moment. The house was quiet as Tonks climbed the stairs, stopping at the drawing room door for a moment before turning the knob, finding Remus sitting on the sofa as he poured over documents with his head in his hands.
"Hello," Tonks said as she approached his spot, almost afraid of spooking him. He looked up abruptly, as if he hadn't heard her come in. She tried to smile. "I'd hoped you would've at least stayed long enough for coffee this morning." She paused once she reached the couch but didn't take a seat. She took a breath and forced herself to say what she'd been thinking all day. "I didn't take you for one to shag and run."
His eyes were tortured when they met hers, confusing Tonks even further. "I apologize if I upset you," he said as he looked back at the parchments spread before him. "What happened was a mistake."
"Mistake?" Tonks felt as though all the air had left her lungs with a single blow. What she'd feared all day was playing out in front of her eyes like a bad dream. The wonderful feelings of contentment and warmth she'd felt just hours before were suddenly replaced with a hollow feeling of loss. She couldn't believe it. Wouldn't. She forced herself to take a steadying breath. "Are you sure this isn't just one of your attempts to push me away, again? Why don't you stand up and call it a mistake to my face?"
Remus slowly stood and faced her, looking directly into her eyes. "It was a mistake."
Before she could stop herself, anger overpowered rational thought, and Tonks raised her hand and slapped him so hard his head jerked back from the blow. "How can you say that?"
"My sense of duty to the Order outweighs my personal life."
Fury stirred within her at the hopeless words spoken with dull conviction. She could see the long, black ends of Piper's hairstyle she hadn't bothered to change turning fiery red as heat rose in her cheeks. She brushed the offending strands back with a scowl. "What exactly are saying about my sense of duty to the Order, Remus?"
He held up his hands in concession. "Yours, unlike mine, has never been in doubt."
"And you think giving me up will change that?" She turned to go, unable to bear looking at his face any longer and not wanting him to see how badly his words hurt her.
Remus grabbed Tonks' arm and clutched it tightly, even as she glared at him, wordlessly telling him to let her go. "You must understand. I need to give my missions the attention they deserve."
"That's a rubbish excuse for being afraid to let someone get too close."
"Think what you'd like," he said quietly. Silence stretched between them for a few moments before Remus released her arm and said, "It's for the best."
"That's it, then?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. His slow nod incensed her, as did the sorrow she could see in his eyes behind the steely resolve. Knowing it was unfair, but unable to stop herself, she narrowed her eyes and said, "Convenient, you getting a leg over before telling me you only care about your duty."
His gaze snapped back to hers. "That's not—" He stopped short and took a deep breath, raking a hand through his unruly hair. "You're absolutely right. My actions were inexcusable, but I...I don't want to lose your friendship, Nymphadora."
Tonks steeled herself against the tears that had been threatening to fall since she'd woken up to an empty bed and raised her chin defiantly. "My friends call me Tonks," she said, her lips trembling.
She whirled and stalked from the room, starting down the stairs as tears blurred her vision before she'd made it down even two steps. Angry at her tears, she brushed them away impatiently and stepped into the entry hall, running directly into Sirius. He grabbed her around the waist with one arm and steadied them against a fall by clutching the handrail with his other hand.
"Mad-Eye's in the kitchen—Tonks!"
Not stopping to hear his protests or why Mad-Eye was in the kitchen, Tonks shook off his grip and ran, leaving Headquarters for the alley with a quick prayer to Merlin that she wouldn't Splinch when she Apparated.
With a spray of snow, Tonks landed unsteadily near the back of the Hog's Head. The bitingly cold, crisp air of Scotland rushed over, cooling her face as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. After allowing herself one anguished, shuddering sob, Tonks quickly covered her mouth and thought of Mad-Eye's angry voice telling her to pull her shite together. She stumbled forward, steadying herself against the chipped wood siding of the pub so she wouldn't add injury to insult by falling face-first into the snow. Wiping away her tears, she rested an arm against the building and lowered her head, indulgently letting her tears fall in earnest as her mind warred between picturing Remus' face the night before while they'd made love and just moments before when he'd called it all a mistake.
Tonks lost track of time as she stood, her head resting on her arm as tears streamed down her face. She stood long enough that she was shivering despite the heavy hand-knitted jumper—a graduation gift from Molly—she'd donned that morning to chase away the chill. The sound of a throat clearing announced that she wasn't alone in her grief. She sniffed indelicately and knew for sure that Mad-Eye would have nothing but scathing words to say against her lack of vigilance if he was there. Wrapped in her despair, Tonks hadn't even heard the approaching footsteps crunching in the snow.
"Drink this," Severus said, holding a mug out to her.
Tonks took a stuttering breath, pushed herself away from the pub, and swallowed thickly before asking, "How'd you—"
"I believe I arrived but a moment after you—if the display of flying snow was any indication."
Tonks chuckled mirthlessly as she brushed away tears. "Brilliant. Just what I wanted—a witness to how unbelievably daft and pathetic I am."
"Don't be absurd," Severus replied, still holding the mug out. "Drink."
Unable to meet his eyes, Tonks took the offered mug and sniffed it warily and waved her hand over it to charm the steaming liquid to cool slightly.
"I didn't think you'd gone as paranoid as your mentor," Severus said quietly. "I assure you I'm not attempting to poison you."
The calming scent of black tea and whisky soothed her slightly, and though she couldn't bring herself to smile, Tonks looked up and met his eyes for a moment before taking a sip. The hint of Firewhisky burned slightly as she swallowed.
"No Calming Draught in your pockets for such an occasion?" Tonks asked shakily before taking a second, larger swallow of the spiked tea. "Or are you hoping I'll be too pissed to make a report and Dumbledore will cancel the mission?"
To her amazement, Severus snorted. "It's only laced with enough whisky to calm your rather Hufflepuff show of emotions."
Tonks sighed heavily and gulped the remainder of the tea, handing back the mug. The warmth of the tea and whisky did help in easing the heaviness that had settled in her chest the moment she'd looked into Remus' eyes, but it did nothing to quiet the traitorous repetition of "It was a mistake" that was playing through her head. The thought of his voice, quietly determined as he uttered the dreaded words brought a wave of fresh tears to her eyes. Feeling foolish, Tonks closed her eyes against them and turned her head, pulling up the collar of the thick Weasley jumper to wipe her face.
"There is much work to be done," Severus said, the usual bite to his words absent.
Tonks nodded and sniffed again before using her wand to cast a series of cosmetic charms to her face, not able to summon the energy to morph away the evidence of her tears. "I'll be there in a moment."
Her statement was met with a curt nod from Severus before he turned and stalked around the corner to the front entrance to the pub.
Knowing he was right—there certainly was much work to be done—Tonks pushed aside her anger and heartache and frustrations for the moment and, with one last shuddering breath, opened the door to the Hog's Head. She vowed to make it through this meeting to plan her own demise without dissolving to floods—her will to prove herself and to show her due diligence as an Order member dictated it. Later, in the company of only herself, she would allow the numbness of shock to wear off and the grief to consumer her.
The pub was blessedly empty, save for the table that held Dumbledore and Severus, and she sat down across from both men, immediately aware of two sets of eyes regarding her intently. The report she'd written earlier in the day on the happenings of the night before sat in front of Dumbledore, and she crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows in challenge as she waited for one of them to speak.
"An interesting evening seemed to be had by all," Dumbledore began, his piercing blue eyes examining her.
Before Tonks could answer, flames erupted in the fireplace and Mad-Eye stepped into the room. He stumped to their table and stared at Tonks, his magical eye roving over her face—he wouldn't be fooled by the charms she'd used to conceal her red, puffy eyes and blotchy face.
"Did Remus not accompany you from Headquarters?" Dumbledore asked, breaking the tense silence as Mad-Eye continued to study her.
"I relieved Lupin of this mission," Mad-Eye barked in return. He flicked his hand at a chair resting next to a neighboring table, and it slid across the floor, coming to rest behind him. He sat heavily, still watching Tonks.
"Very well. I've read your mission report as well as the ideas you've sketched out for the next step in your plan," Dumbledore began. He ventured a small smile. "The list of spells you can block and cast nonverbally is impressive. You mentioned the Imperius Curse—how adept are you at blocking its effects?"
Tonks nodded her thanks to Aberforth, who'd set a mug of coffee and a full carafe on the table, before saying, "More than adequately," as she added milk to her coffee. "Learning to fight the Imperius is part of the standard Auror training curriculum."
Dumbledore nodded. "Can you maintain your identity as Piper given the circumstances you'll be under?"
Tonks' gaze flicked to Mad-Eye's for a moment before returning to Dumbledore's. "Yes."
"How can you be sure?" Severus asked.
"Call it extracurricular training—off the record, mind—owing to her abilities," Mad-Eye said. "We tested a number of scenarios, pain included."
With an involuntary shudder, Tonks remembered some of the training scenarios her and Mad-Eye had concocted. "I can do this, sir," she said levelly, much more confident in her abilities at that moment than she was her emotional state. She seemed unable to stop Remus' face floating through her mind, repeating as if on a reel at the Muggle cinema.
Dumbledore studied her intently for a long moment before turning to her mentor and asking, "Alastor?"
For once Tonks wasn't upset that the Headmaster was asking for Mad-Eye's feedback. She knew they were getting into a situation that, if anything went wrong, would possibly result in the either her or Severus' safety being compromised.
"She got herself into this mess," Mad-Eye replied. "Reckon she can see herself out."
"Very well. Severus and Nymphadora, I trust you to fine-tune the details. Alastor, you and I will serve as a contacts the evening this takes place. I want the details to remain with those who are involved with this part of the mission, although I will make an announcement to all Order members banning the use of Owls and Patronus messages during the time I indicate." Dumbledore stood and looked down at Tonks. "You're allowed to say so if you aren't feeling up to the task, my dear."
Tears threatened, but Tonks hid her emotion with a scowl. "I finish what I start, sir," she said with a huff.
Curiously, Dumbledore's mustache twitched with a smile and he said, "Yes, I believe you do. Keep me updated."
Once Dumbledore had entered the Floo, Mad-Eye stood and said, "A word, Nymphadora."
With a resigned sigh, Tonks stood and followed Mad-Eye to the bar, where he sat and requested a shot of whisky for them both.
"I need a drink in front of me to have this conversation. Drink up, lass," he said, pulling the glass toward him. "
Tonks eyed him warily—amazed, really, at the trust he was showing Aberforth by drinking from something other than his hip flask—but pulled the glass Aberforth had poured toward her, taking a sip.
"I don't rightly know what to say, but I'll kick his skinny arse for you if that's what you want," Mad-Eye said.
"You'd kick him in the fanny for me?" Tonks asked shakily, taking another sip. The softness of his tone, something she'd never heard, brought fresh tears to her eyes.
He huffed and said, "Aye. I told him ages ago if he hurt you he'd find himself at the end of my wand, and I meant it."
To keep herself from bursting into floods and allowing the weight of her emotions keep her from the task at hand, Tonks tossed back the rest of her drink and waved Aberforth off from refilling the glass; as welcome the idea of getting pissed and forgetting the last couple of hours would be, Tonks knew she couldn't.
"You keep your head where it needs to be, hear?" Mad-Eye demanded gruffly. "I want you back in one piece after this."
Tonks nodded as Mad-Eye stood and patted her on the back. She swiveled around on the bar stool and caught the sleeve of Mad-Eye's robes. "Don't...don't actually kick his arse."
His good eye narrowed and he said, "You can't stop me from tellin' him what an arsepiece I think he is."
"I wouldn't dream of stopping you, but if anyone gets to kick his arse, it's me."
Mad-Eye regarded her for a moment before his lips pulled back into one of his rare grins. "Aye," he said before tossing Floo powder into the fire and calling out his destination.
"I don't want to drag this out until next week," Tonks began as she sat across from Severus once more. At the prompting of his raised brow, she continued. "It'll draw attention if I switch shifts, and I don't want to go to work Saturday morning after whatever takes place."
Severus nodded. "As soon as possible, then, which will not be difficult. Unfortunately, Avery's interest was piqued with my observations last night." He paused and watched her with a pensive expression. "His involvement will be unavoidable."
Tonks blew out a long breath as she refreshed her coffee. This day just keeps getting better. "Bugger," she muttered at the end of her long exhalation. "At least it's not a surprise."
"Indeed. Let's start with you telling me more about holding your morphs under pain," he began, stretching his legs out and crossing his arms over his chest and legs at the ankles. "How much pain?"
"A fair amount."
A small group of customers entered, the bell over the door chiming merrily as they approached a table. Severus scowled and cast what Tonks could only assume were some privacy spells so they could work under relative secrecy.
"Even the Cruciatus?"
Tonks looked up from her perusal of her coffee mug and met Severus' eyes. "I—we never went so far as that. I think so, but I can also block it with a nonverbal Shield Charm."
"It will not go unnoticed that you are employing a Shield Charm."
Bollocks.
"That, Nymphadora," he began, thankfully not sneering at her as he pointed out the error on her part, "is why we are planning for all circumstances."
They worked for hours, Aberforth feeding them dinner of pea soup and crusty bread in between the few customers that wandered in. They planned as much as they thought feasible, discussed Avery's dueling and interrogation tactics—graceless and brutish respectively, according to Severus—and planned a location to retreat to when the mission was finished. As the evening wore on, Tonks tried to heed Mad-Eye's advice, keeping her head focused on the task at hand rather than dwelling on her conversation with Remus. Luckily, there were plenty of details to keep her mind mostly occupied, but the later it became, the more distracted she became in turn.
Her weariness must have shown on her face, because in the middle of discussing how strongly her being morphed would affect the efficacy of a preemptive pain-relieving potion, Severus stopped and placed his quill on the table, eyeing her critically.
"You should get some rest," he said. "We can finish tomorrow when a timeline has been established." Lowering his eyes as he rolled the sheet of parchment he'd used to take a few notes, he asked, "Do you require assistance in getting home?"
Tonks stopped mid-stretch and watched him for a moment as he rolled the scroll of parchment unnecessarily tight, his eyes avoiding hers. Oddly touched by his concern, and deciding that if anyone had told her months before that she'd soon count Severus Snape as one of her friends, she'd have sent them straight to St. Mungo's.
"Thanks, but I think there's another Slytherin I'll pester tonight with my Hufflepuff emotions," she replied, deciding in that moment that the visit to her mother she'd contemplated while picking at her soup was exactly what she wanted to do. After a deep breath, Tonks said, "Thank you for earlier. Sorry I was so...just sorry."
Severus inclined his head and said, "As Head of Slytherin House, and, as such, in charge a large group of over-emotional, angst-driven teenagers, I have seen my fair share of dramatics."
"And do you bring them tea?" Tonks asked, attempting a watery smile.
"I am not completely devoid of sentiment," Severus said with a scowl. "Nor do I wish to see a child suffer from homesickness."
"You're more like Sprout than you probably realize," Tonks said, earning her a sneer.
"I believe you, of all people, could probably attest to how ridiculous that notion is."
"I suppose you're right—she hands out hugs like you hand out detentions." Severus smirked as Tonks stood sluggishly from the table. "Good night, Severus," she said quietly before walking to the fireplace to Floo to her parents' sitting room.
After tripping over a side table when stepping out of the Floo, and knocking over what appeared to be a vase of lovely white Lilies, Tonks realized that her parents' house was completely still and dark. Glancing at the wall clock, she cursed internally, having not realized that it was nearly midnight. Repairing the shattered vase and filling it with water from her wand, she wondered if she should just slink upstairs and go to bed, hoping not to scare the pants off her unknowing hosts the next morning, or wake her mother. Her eyes filled with tears at the thought of trying to sleep with so much swimming around in her head. She was arranging the flowers back in their spot when her mother's voice caused her to turn.
"Nymphadora! Darling, you gave me a fright!"
Tonks swallowed and blinked back the rush of tears that threatened even more forcefully upon seeing her mother, wrapped in her tattered midnight blue dressing gown with her wand held aloft.
"Mad-Eye would be proud of you," Tonks said in a wobbly voice, nodding to the wand pointed at her.
Andromeda stared at Tonks for moment before rushing over to her, sweeping away her dark fringe to place a hand across her forehead. "Are you all right?"
Tonks reached up and gently tugged her mother's hand from her face. "I'm not sick, Mum. Can I—" She stopped to take a deep breath. "Can I sleep here for the weekend?"
"Of course," Andromeda said, smoothing Tonks' hair. "Are you quite sure you're all right? It must be nearing the middle of the night and you look dreadful. Would you like tea?"
Tonks smiled weakly. Tea: her mother's answer to all problems. She couldn't deny that quiet tea with her mother was exactly what she'd been hoping for before she'd realized the lateness of the hour. "You don't mind?"
"Don't be silly," Andromeda said, giving Tonks' hand a squeeze before leading her to the kitchen. "I'm up anyway, and I'd very much like to know why you're here at—" She glanced at the wall clock. "Why, it's nearly midnight."
Feeling suddenly exhausted now that her duties for the day were finally done and she was sitting in the quiet safety of her parents' kitchen, Tonks tried to listen as her mother bustled around the kitchen preparing tea; she chattered on about her father having woken her anyway with his snoring and how she was going to prepare herself tea even before her impromptu arrival.
"Now," Andromeda said, placing a steaming mug in front of Tonks. "What's the matter, darling?"
"I…"
Shagged a man and he ran as fast as possible in the other direction?
Love a man who won't allow himself to love me back?
Feel like the biggest fool in the history of fools?
These responses and more ran through Tonks' head, her eyes stinging with the seemingly never-ending emotion that had been plaguing her since she'd landed at the Hog's Head.
"I gather this is about Remus?" Andromeda asked gently.
Tonks nodded, glad for her mother's intuition so she didn't have to spell out what she was upset about. Although she wasn't about to tell her mother the details of the situation—the shame she felt at finally making love to the man she cared so deeply for only to have it thrown back as a mistake was humiliating enough.
"Relationships are hard work," Andromeda said, resting her hand over Tonks' where it was lying on the table.
"Well, bully for me, I suppose," she said, brushing her fingers across her cheeks before accepting the handkerchief her mother Summoned. "Looks like my work load just went down a bit."
"I've yet to meet the man," Andromeda began, her words thankfully lacking any reproach, "but from what Sirius says he seems to absolutely adore you."
Tonks cried quietly into her handkerchief for a moment. She'd thought the same thing, that Remus adored her as much as she adored him. But now she wasn't sure. She wanted to still believe it, but the look on his face just hours before made her doubt, and Tonks hated doubting herself.
"All men are afraid of something. Whether it happens to be commitment, or intimacy, or whatever daft thing that pops up to frighten them."
Tonks nearly smiled at the memory of Edith telling her nearly the same thing over tea when she had finally admitted to herself that she was in love with Remus.
"Your young man has reason to fear these things even more fiercely than most other men," Andromeda continued softly. "I honestly respect him for it." Looking up at her mother, Tonks glared, but Andromeda smiled in response and touched her cheek. "I can tell you're hurt, darling. But to me it shows that he's not rushing things."
Ending their relationship when it'd barely had a proper start was certainly one way not to rush things, Tonks thought bitterly. She really thought they'd been taking it plenty slow, that although he was still reluctant where their physical relationship was concerned they had grown so much closer otherwise; they were together nearly every evening that missions or guard duty didn't keep them apart. A terrible voice in her mind whispered maybe she'd read him wrong this whole time, that her feelings were one-sided. She shook her head as though to shake the voice from her head, sure that she hadn't read him that incorrectly. Even though he'd never voiced it aloud, Tonks knew that his protectiveness and possessiveness and thoughtfulness showed how he cared.
"But I think I—" Tonks swallowed roughly, stopping herself from saying it out loud. She couldn't allow herself to finish her thought, even in confidence to her mother. It felt too raw. Too exposed.
.
Two nights later, Tonks was standing behind her building, morphed as Piper Smyth and ready to complete their plan. Severus had managed to rouse suspicion over her employment at the Quill and her supposed interest in their cause and had sent an owl, supposedly from Quigley, to meet at the Quill to discuss her employment. She was now supposed to Apparate to the alley next to the pub, and Avery would be there waiting for her. She brushed her fingers along the decoy wand stowed in the pocket she'd had her mother sew into the outer thigh seam of her black leggings. Severus had explained that the first thing Avery would do was search for her wand—physically rather than simply Disarming her, since that was just the sort of pervy bastard he was—and break it. Her real wand was tucked safely in the hidden pocket of her denim jacket she was wearing over a thick, black turtleneck jumper.
Tonks took a deep breath knowing that later that night, if all went according to plan—which it would, she told herself firmly—she'd be safe, healed from any injuries, and sipping tea under a warm blanket. That, along with the promise of a few days off from work and no guard duty that week, gave her something positive to look forward to once this mission was finished. Andromeda hadn't been thrilled when Tonks had told her Sunday morning that she might need a place to rest and recuperate following a mission that involved her torture and supposed death. But she'd made it clear that she could certainly rest at home and have Edith check on her if necessary, and her mother had relented, as Tonks had known her likely to do, so she could see for herself that this "reckless mission", as she'd called it, ended with her safe.
In order to not drain her magically by holding even the smallest morph throughout the day at work, Tonks had worn her hair its natural bland brown, incurring more than a few odd looks and a couple of comments from her coworkers. To make sure she wasn't emotionally drained on top of magically, she'd avoided Headquarters, opting to let Sirius know by owl that she was all right—although she wasn't sure if she was actually all right or if she was putting on a good show for the time being. Likely, after she was done holding herself together for the sake of the upcoming mission, she'd resort to fits of floods and unnecessary amounts of chocolate.
Morphing into Piper that evening had been difficult given her current mood. She'd taken her time, focusing on one feature at a time while standing in front of her bathroom mirror to watch the results, keeping her mind only on the task at hand rather than anything to do Remus. Not even the happy memories were allowed to surface in case they brought with them the sadness of fearing she would never see that happiness again.
Refusing to run through the possible scenarios once more—their plan was solid, and she knew it—Tonks turned on the spot, barely landing her Apparition before a hand grasped her wrist.
No turning back now.
She turned sharply to find herself, just as she'd planned for, staring into Avery's leering face. "Get your 'and off me," she said, trying to wrench her wrist from his grasp.
"I think not," he said, a smirk playing on his lips as he pulled her closer and seized her other wrist. "See, it wasn't that drunk, Quigley, who asked you here tonight."
"Lucky me."
Avery released one of her wrists and grabbed her hair roughly, tilting her face up toward his. "Oh, I think you'll count yourself not so lucky before the night's over."
"I told that professor I wanted in on your side," Tonks said, glaring up at the vile man. She fought every instinct to fight and willed herself to simply stare daggers at the man—Severus had warned her that the more she fought, the more it would provoke him, and it was too early in the game to provoke him. "You sure 'ave a funny way of showing your appreciation."
Sniggering unpleasantly, Avery released his hold on her hair and said, "Hold on tight, girl," before turning them on the spot.
The smell of the salty sea air that hit Tonks' nose told her they were just where they should be. Relieved, she opened her eyes and blinked, taking in the familiar sight of Theodore Nott's guest cottage located behind his sprawling home on the island of Anglesey. The last time she'd seen the building had been the night of her mission to Malfoy Manor with Severus, what seemed like ages ago. This was exactly where Severus had said he'd take her; there was a large, unused wine cellar at the rear of the guest house that would serve as the interrogation room.
"It's rude, you know, to just Apparate someone without warning," Tonks said, attempting once more to wrench her arm from his hold.
"I warned you to hold on," he replied, tightening his grip and wrenching her arm behind her back. "There's some questions you'll need to answer, since you're suddenly so keen to join us."
In front of her, there was a short, stone staircase leading down to a wooden door. Still holding tightly to the arm twisted behind her back, Avery placed his other hand on her shoulder and pushed her forward. After tracing a set of runes on the door with his wand and tapping the knob, he pushed it open and shoved Tonks inside. Even though it pained her to do so, she allowed his actions to force her to the cool stone floor, landing hard on her hands and knees. She turned and scrambled to her feet and stood before the man as he slammed the door shut and stowed his wand, wishing not for the first time in her life that she wasn't so damn short.
"The way we hear it, you're one of Dumbledore's lot," Avery said, stalking closer and waving his hand at the sconces to light them.
Tonks made a show of looking around the room, desperately hoping Severus was lurking in a dark corner, before asking, "We? Looks like it's just you and me."
She hoped her cheek would buy her a little time. Severus was supposed to be waiting for them to arrive, yet the brick-walled room was empty save for the two of them. The candle sconces gave off only dim light, giving the room an eerie feel that made her shiver as she took in her surroundings. She comforted herself with the thought that at least it wasn't damp or full of spiders from what she could tell.
"We'll be having company soon to join in the fun, but he seems to be a little behind schedule. For now it's just you and me." He bent his head lower, his face so close to hers Tonks could feel his breath on her face. "He gets caught up by that old fool you call a leader sometimes."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't you?" he asked, running a finger slowly down her cheek, prompting Tonks to jerk her head back. "Now, you played me for a fool, and I don't take kindly to that."
Predictably, according to Severus, Avery placed a hand at her waist and slid it around, his fingers splayed wide as he searched for her wand. He lowered his head to whisper tauntingly in her ear, "I hope you've hidden it well."
He lowered to a crouch in front of her and ran a hand slowly up one leg as Tonks wondered feverishly where the hell Severus was. It was absolute unlikely that he was held up by Dumbledore, seeing that the Headmaster knew their mission was happening at that moment. The only conclusion she came to was that he was held up somehow with students—if this ended up being the case, Tonks was ready to wholeheartedly agree with his constant assertions that Hogwarts was indeed full of dunderheads. Revelations on the state of the students' lack of intelligence aside, she thought it was quite time he assigned whatever bloody detentions necessary to the lot of them and haul his arse out of the castle.
She shuddered involuntarily as Avery allowed his fingers to brush against the juncture of her legs as he moved to run them down the other leg.
Take the bait. Take the bait. Take the bait.
"Would you look at that," he said triumphantly as he maneuvered the decoy wand from its pocket. He stood and held the wand in front of her face before breaking it in half and tossing the pieces aside.
"Now, my colleague isn't here to tell me to play by the rules," he said, placing both hands on the collar of her denim jacket.
Tonks' stomach clenched with dread. If she had to fight the man in front of her to keep him from attacking her in the manner Severus had said he was capable of, their plan would go to shit, and the mission would be for nought. The panicked feeling of not having her wand on her caused her shaking hands fly to Avery's wrists as he started to slide the jacket off her shoulders.
"I'll keep this on, thanks."
"Funny you think you have a say in this," he said as he tried once more to push the jacket back.
Avery was at least as tall as Remus, making him significantly taller than her, and much more broadly built; Tonks knew that even with her training, a physical fight between the two of them would likely end in his favor. But she saw no other choice. If she ended up without her wand and without Severus there to intervene in some way, she was certain that the danger that everyone warned her about while taking on such a mission would be very real. At least if she fought to keep her wand on her, the nonverbal spells she cast would be much more effective. And the fight would buy some time for her blasted partner to finally arrive.
With the same nonverbal Revulsion Jinx she'd used on Quigley weeks ago, Tonks flung Avery back so that he sprawled on the floor, the surprise on his face almost comical. Before she could even take one running step toward the door, Avery had drawn his wand and tripped her, sending her to the floor hard enough that she cried out when her knees hit the stone. As she tried to scramble to her feet, Avery clambered to his knees and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back against his body.
Severus had warned her not to let him gain the upper hand in a physical fight, and it was one warning she was going to heed. She fought against Avery's grip viciously, but was thwarted at every turn. When she threw her head back in an attempt to make contact with his nose, she encountered a Cushioning Charm. When she cast a Slippery Jinx on the floor beneath his knees, he simply used the momentum of his sliding knees to tackle her to the floor. Since she was pinned to the floor and couldn't use her knees to attack his bollocks, Tonks flung her feet and fought to roll her body back and forth to shake him off. He merely chuckled and used the advantage of his greater strength to get his knees back under him and rock back on his heels, pulling her to her knees.
Breathing heavy, Tonks began the incantation for the Tickling Hex, but was cut off when her tongue was suddenly stuck to the roof of her mouth.
Titillando!
With her wand still still hidden in her jacket, Tonks knew that the nonverbal spell would be nearly completely effective. Avery immediately began twitching and jerking, laughing involuntarily as what Tonks knew felt like a hundred hands tickling him in all sensitive areas of his body. Severus has mocked this hex, but, as she'd told him, it was very useful—a fact she was taking advantage of as she wriggled free from his grasp. Not only did the feeling of tickling become overwhelming, but it left you gasping for breath, unable to cast anything verbally for at least a moment. A moment was all she needed to get out from under him.
She broke free of his grasp, but her heart sank when she felt him tackle her once more, still laughing uncontrollably. Abruptly, his laughing stopped and he hauled them both to their feet, Tonks' protests muffled due to the Jinx that was continuing to hold her tongue in place. She was comforted by the fact that Avery was breathing even heavier than her, wheezing after the effort of their scuffle and the hex that had made it hard for him to breath until he'd been able to counter it.
"I told you I like a girl who's feisty," he said breathlessly, coughing as he wrapped one arm around her waist to hold her in place. Tonks grimaced and fought against his grip as she she felt the evidence of his approval against her lower back. "But now the fun's over. Clever witches like you have been known to cast a Shield Charm into their clothing," he said as he continued to hold her in place with one arm while using his free hand to viciously pull one arm of her jacket down. "So I think I'll relieve you of this."
Tonks continued her struggle, refusing to make it easy for him and hoping to buy more time. Even as she realized it was fruitless and he easily overpowered her, she lifted her foot and stomped it soundly on his foot and nearly smiled at the yelp it drew. He recovered and switched his grip to tug her jacket free, thankfully tossing it in the corner rather than Vanishing it, her actual wand remaining safe and undetected.
"There." Avery swiveled her around to face him and cancelled the Tongue-locking Jinx. "Now, we've been told to get something useful from you before I take what I want."
Smiling inwardly at his mistake of cancelling the jinx, and knowing that he wouldn't seriously hurt her until he attempted to learn something from her, Tonks gathered the saliva pooled in her mouth from having her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth and acted on what she'd envisioned doing for some time.
The look of fury at her having spit in his face was well worth the pain of Avery's large hand clamping tightly around her chin, squeezing her cheeks so hard she was certain her teeth were cutting the inside of her mouth. Tonks held his gaze defiantly and demanded her body not to flinch when he reached his free hand into his robes to draw his wand. With an unsettling look of anticipation, he flicked his wand at her torso and stared her down as he waited for the spell to take effect.
It started as a tingling in her chest and quickly increased into a burning sensation the more breaths she drew—Tonks imagined it was what someone would feel if trying to breath in a room full of smoke. She concentrated on casting a nonverbal Finite, but as she had no idea the spell he'd used, she only managed to weaken the spell rather than cancel it, getting only the slightest relief.
With another flick of his wand, Avery lifted the spell and said, "Tell me what you know of the Order."
"Far as I know, there is no Order," Tonks replied once he released his hand from her face.
Knowing he was going to cast the same spell again, Tonks closed her eyes and concentrated all her energy on a Shield Charm. She opened her eyes when Avery cursed loudly; her charm had sent the spell bounding against the brick wall, dissolving in a spray of sparks.
"Finite!" Avery bellowed, quickly flicking his wand at her torso again, this time hitting his mark as Tonks couldn't throw up another Shield Charm in time.
The spell quickly took hold again, making each breath she took agony. Tonks tried to slow her breathing, but it didn't help; every time her lungs expanded, the burning increased until it felt like her lungs were on fire and her breaths came in gasps. Avery smirked as he looked down into her face as her breathing became more labored and sweat beaded on her forehead and across her upper lip. Tonks fell to her knees with a whimper, but refused to take her eyes from his, all the while cursing Severus Snape with every exhale.
Just when Tonks thought her lungs were going to burst into flames and each breath was punctuated with a cry of pain, Avery flicked his wand again, lifting the spell.
"Tell me what you know of the Order," he demanded again.
Panting, Tonks wheezed out, "You and that Order can go bugger yourselves."
Avery grinned again and uttered the spell Tonks had dreaded since the idea for this mission had popped in her head.
"Crucio!"
Pain. White-hot, searing, all-encompassing pain flooded through her, making her fall to the floor, her back arching off the floor as a scream was torn from her body. The curse was blessedly short, but still left her gasping. Unwilling to simply let Avery torture her while putting up only a minimal fight, Tonks made the quick decision to duel her way out of her current situation. Bugger the old plan.
As far as she was concerned it was time for a new one.
A/N: Eek! *Ducks in anticipation of readers throwing things at me*
I promise the angst has a reason, and, as you all know, they end up married in the end—so don't be too mad! The lovely Kerichi (beta-extraordinaire, thank her, all of you!) has told me before that ff is a ghost-town on Sundays, but I decided to post today for those who had nothing to do today but read a little angst.
I'm also giving you all a little warning in advance that this story will come to a close at chapter 40—*ducks again in fear of projectiles*—but will pick up almost immediately where chapter 40 leaves off with chapter one of a yet-to-be titled new fic (I will release the name in the A/N of chapter 40). My little story about R/T took a life of its own and I decided that each bit will have a slightly different journey, so I feel it better suited to separate fics.
Now, on to business. The response to this story has been unprecedented, and I am truly honored at the amount of reviews, followers, lurkers, and favorites this has received. Thank you to all who have taken the time to read—I appreciate you all!
Tell me, please what you think of our dear Tonks' predicaments, both in love and Order duties, in a review!