I know, I know, it's been like forever since i last posted anything. My life has been kind of crazy the last ten-ish months.

Whatever, i never origanally planned this chapter but i was listening to Sam Smith's Lay me down today and I had this story in my head. it's kind of a song fic, because all the lyrics are kind of (sometimes paraphrased) in there, but not really. Bonus points to those who can spot them all.

The room was dimly light, making it even more ghostly than a room in the Silent City already was.

Shadowhunters, Magnus thought sarcastically, always trying their hardest to be as dramatic as possible. Even death.

Magnus nearly choked at this thought. He had been expecting this, had anticipated this day coming and had prepared himself. Or so he had thought. But now as he stood in front of the coffin, he realized, he was anything but prepared.

Alec, his Alexander, looked just as he always had. His hair black, silk and beautiful. His eyes would still be blue behind his eyelids, Magnus wished he could see them one last time. Those eyes for which he had fallen in the first place.

He had told himself he would not cry when the day came Alexander had to go. After all Magnus knew what to expect, he had seen so many mortals die, some of them he had loved, some he had despised, but every single one of them had died. He had told himself to remain strong, but this feeling was overwhelming, it was much too strong. He had not expected to feel quite so lost and now his tears told their own story.

Jace had picked out the coffin and Magnus had to admit he'd done a good job. It resembled Alexander's life perfectly, humble without any decorations on it, never too keen on putting himself into the spotlight. Without intention too Magnus remembered how he had compared those two brothers to one another in the early stages of his relationship with Alec. He had thought Jace was like the sun, blazing and praised and Alec like the moon, watching silently. Now the moon and the stars where nothing without him, without his sweet, sweet Alexander.

Magnus couldn't stop the sob that escaped from his mouth. God, how he wished, that stupid boy would open his eyes. One last time, just one time.

"I miss you", Magnus whispered to him. "I miss you like crazy."

The last couple of days had been harder than Magnus had thought, he hadn't been able to eat, he hadn't been able to talk, sometimes when the days seemed especially dark he hadn't even been able to get out of bed. The Lightwoods, the kids, and of course Magnus's friends, Tessa, Catarina, Jem, had been there for him. But they could barely help. It was like their was a hole inside him, an emptiness that had been ripped inside his heart the moment Alexander's had stopped.

Magnus didn't know how but suddenly his knees gave in and he was on the floor, his hands still holding on to the coffin. He sobbed and the tears came falling down, falling and falling without any sign of stopping. All he could think of was one thing: Why couldn't he lay at his side? He just wanted to make sure he was all right. He wanted to take care of his lover, the one true love of his life, of his enterinty. Was that too much to ask? He didn't want to be here if he couldn't be with Alexander tonight.

Magnus didn't fear death, he had been alive long enough and he didn't think his life could get any better than as it had been with Alexander. But he would be so disappointed in Magnus, so disappointed.

"Alec, if you hear me, if you hear my call, can't you take me with you", Magnus whispered in the darkness. "This hurt that I'm going through is too much. It's too much for me."

Nothing happened. Of course not, Alec was way too stubborn to just give Magnus the easy way out.

"Stupid shadowhunters", Magnus laughed through his tears.

He got up from the floor and looked down at his Alex. God, how he missed his touch, his eyes, he didn't even know where to begin. He missed everything about him.

"Ave ataque, Alexander Lightwood", Magnus whispered. "I promise you one day I will be right there, next to you. Just like I used to be."

Magnus reached out to run his hand through his hair and gave him a kiss, one last time.