This is back to Katniss I had no idea I'd like writing Johanna so much but yeah needs must. Might go back to Jo eventually I'm really not sure but yeah ok. lots of line breaks i figured it was easier to read but I'm'm writing on a tablet so the paragraphs seem bigger to me. but again i didn't want to writte everything from the book as well you've probably read it.

I awoke with the past 24 hours a blur in my brain I remember lightening, losing Peeta and…I looked around, where was I? I unhooked myself from the oxygen and walked into a room to come face to face with familiar faces…what was happening? The last thing I remember is Haymitch saying "The capitol has them" then everything went black.

I woke up to Gale watching over me. I blinked a few times and Gale filled me in…the last thing I remembered him saying was "there is no district 12" before grief consumed me.

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks. I honestly don't know how long I waited...waited to feel whole again waited to feel better waited to feel like the mocking Jay waited to feel love just waited to feel something.

I sat on the floor of Finnick' s compartment tying knots. We sat talking about our pasts comfortably. We'd got on the topic of Annie, "so was it love at first sight?" I teased he just laughed "no Annie she…she crept up on me" he said gazing into the difference. I laughed at his love struck face "rather you than me" I smiled and he gave me a look I couldn't quite place.

"They're back" Finnick said running to me in the canteen. I stood up and walked quickly through the halls of district 13. Haymitch grabbed my wrist "woah there sweetheart they are just doing some checks on Peeta right now…hey tell you what why don't you go see Johanna? She could use someone right now" he directed me and I obliged…I missed Johanna. I knocked gently when I got no reply I opened to door. I saw Johanna staring into space. What I saw was heart breaking. This wasn't the soft Johanna I saw before the games, this wasn't the brutal Johanna I saw killing in her games, she was almost the Johanna that told me about her home. Almost…with one big difference her eyes…her eyes were…dead. It was truly terrifying all of the fight is out of her. "K-Kaniss? Is t-that you? " her voice was weak and almost as limp as her body "yeah it's me" I muttered taking her hand in mine intertwining our fingers warming my entire body. "You came" her smile could've split her face in half, I'd never seen her so happy, tears began to prick my eyes and before I could stop myself I buried my face in her chest and began to sob "I thought you were gone forever Jo"

"Can't get rid of me that easy brainless" she chuckled stroking my hair hearing some of her old bravo made me sob more. I pulled back and gazed into her eyes as she smiled softly at me. "She crept up on me" Finnick's words ran through my mind over and over...No. My vision became blurry and I let go of Johanna' s hand then I hit the floor hearing her scream in agony "KATNISS!"

I squinted when I finally awoke everything was white and it hurt my eyes,I tried to move my hands to see them firmly strapped down. I look to my left to see Johanna smiling at me. "Have a nice nap sleeping beauty" she tries to act mockingly but I can see the worry behind her eyes. Worry that used to make me nervous but now makes my heart flutter. "Hey hey hey brainless? Don't faint on me again" Johanna said with her worry more evident. I blinked a few times and looked at her "hi" I whispered my voice hoarse, she passed me a glass of water her hand shaking causing some of it to hit her skin suddenly there was a loud crash as the glass hit the floor. Johanna recoiled back into her bed and began to claw at her ears trying to stop hearing something. She began to chant "please don't hurt her" and " I can't help you, I don't know anything" over and over again as she rocked back and forth tears streaming down her face. Her chanting got louder until she was screaming. All I could do is lie there my face a picture of horror as the strong girl I once knew crumbled before my eyes and I was helpless to do anything. Eventually nurses must of heard as soon as they entered I screamed at them to untie me, as soon as I was free from those straps I rushed to Johanna moving onto her bed and embraced her small shrunken figure and began to stroke her hair telling that it was ok she was safe with me, I ignored the pain as her nails clawed at me drawing blood.

Once I'd calmed her down enough the nurses put her back to sleep. I growled at them when Johanna moaned with pain when the needle pierced her skin. She was confined to more bed rest. The doctors forced me away from her hospital room after two days claiming "I needed to leave her alone for a little while" I decided with my time I'd make her something. Something special, I gathered pine needles on my next hunt and wrap them up special I lay them on my dresser in my room and began to prep it for Johanna' s arrival later that week. After her episode the doctors were convinced I'd be the best at "dealing with her"as they so kindly put it.

Johanna walks into my room…our room timidly, as if she's scared of what's inside. I grab her hips and guide her in, I'm surprised that she doesn't punch me. Well it's a good sign for the future. She finds the pine needles wrapped up for her and inhales "smells like home" she begins to cry softly.

"I remembered what you said about the woods and trees…I thought I'd would be nice for your drawer" she turns around tears gently trickling down her face she places the object down carefully and wraps her arms around me burying her head in the neck and she deeply inhales she pauses for a moment before sighing "smells like you" she mumbles. She gently pushes my hair out from my eyes and presses her lips softly against mine and I swear in that moment nothing else mattered but her. And she was all that mattered to me all night.

I groan when I woke up, my limbs ached it took me a few moments to remember why. When I did a huge grin spread across my face. I stared down at a naked Johanna and sighed when I got up and began to find my discarded clothes. Today was the day I was going to see Peeta, I realised maybe finding my love for Johanna and sleeping with her the day before wasn't the brightest idea but I don't regret it.

"Where you going Brainless?" Her voice is soft and hoarse she pulls the sheet around her chest and observes me, I find a shirt and begin to pull it over my head "that's mine Kat " she chuckles I inhale the shirt softly and smile "I know dummy" I walk forward and press a gentle kiss to her forehead "where you going Kat?" She repeats I sigh and wrap her into a hug, which is more me hugging the top of her head as she is still sitting. "I'm going to see Peeta" I whisper I feel her try and pull away "they just need me to drop in, I don't know why" I continued trying to calm any anger that she has. I pull away to see a rejected look in her eyes, I crouch down "I'll be back real soon" I whisper and press a light kiss to her lips. I begin to walk away then with an idea I bend down and grab my shirt and throw it to her "until then you have my shirt " I joked she clutches the shirt then slips it on turned in bed and curls up into a ball. She was mad. I sigh and walk to see Peeta.

I stare up and listen to the beeps of the machines around me. He tried to kill me. Beep. He hates me. Beep. It's all snow' s fault. Beep. The bed shifts and I look to see a scared looking Johanna closing her arms around me. My head rests against her chest but that's about all I'm aware of. The beeps are replaced the rhythmic beating of Johanna' s heart. "It'll be ok Kat" she whispered into my hair. I wanted to not

care that Peeta hated me but he always cared about me and that meant something. "Everyone was worried about you" Johanna carried on, I knew what she was doing, she was trying to distract me. "I pushed our beds together I hope that's ok?" Desperation laced her voice and I felt a sting of guilt "Kat please talk to me" she was begging now holding me closer to her chest I could feel her heart rate increase. "I want to go home Jo" I whispered and began to sob "shhh baby I know" she soothed more guilt consumed me. Here I was with the perfect woman who was caring and sweet yet strong and courageous and all I could think about is Peeta. I didn't love Peeta no but he represented something for me, he was caring he was soft, he was safe. Losing that was something I'd have to get used to. I really hopes I could for mine and Johanna' s sake.

I lay back down in the beds Jo had pushed together, I'd decided I had to get through this for us. I gazed at Johanna as she tidied around the room. "Kat could you please help, your Mom and prim will be here any minute and this place is a mess!" I giggled she was so cute and flustered right now. My mother and Prim were coming to our compartment to see me and Johanna took this to mean she was "meeting my family" which seemed to scare her shitless. It was adorable "would you relax, they are just coming to check on me they might not even come in and who cares if they do? " I said sitting up as the sheet dropped lightly I blushed as Johanna smirked at my exposed body. Her face suddenly turned serious "ok please just get dressed" she said throwing clothes at me, "they've seen me naked before Jo" I mumbled playing with the shirt watching as she became more stressed out "I don't want them think I'm some sort of" she paused "pervert" I smiled slipping the clothes on and walked over the her and gripped her hips leant in and whispered in her ear "you mean the kind of pervert that strips naked in an elevator?" I laughed at the shocked look on her face just as there was a knock on the door. Her faced morphed into one of terror. I pressed a soft kiss to her lips and walked to answer the door. Still laughing at her worry I swung the door open to be met with the faces of my mother, Prim and…"Gale? What are you doing here?" It came out harsher than expected I suddenly felt Johanna slip her hands around my waist from behind resting her head on my shoulder "hello Mrs Everdeen" she said softly. Wow she was so polite, pfft never treats me like that. Okay Katniss that was mean she treats you awesomely. "Hello Johanna would you two mind if we come in?" Wow even my mother was being polite. "Of course, please excuse the mess" she said and guided me aside.

The three stepped in and I watched as their eyes surveyed the room. Upon seeing the beds pushed together my mother smirked at me giving me the "I know what you're up to" look. I saw Prim staring at the beds in confusion and Gale looking at them as if he was trying to burn holes in them. I suddenly wish I'd help Johanna, I frowned feeling very scared of their reaction, I felt Jo's fingers intertwine with mine squeezing them gentle. She knows just how to relax me.

"Well Katniss this is… cozy" Gale muttered bitterly. My mother shot him a dangerous look and Prim still looked confused. "Well yeah…I mean you wanted know how I was doing right?" They nodded "well I'm urm doing good...actually" I breathed God I wish Gale wasn't staring at me I began to breathe heavily "she's doing great" Johanna said for me thank God for Jo "we still have our problems regarding Peeta, but we're working on it right Kat?" She smiled at me taking my breath away "Kat? Seriously" Gale grunted I felt Johanna tense behind me I shot her a look begging her to let it go "I think it's cute" Prim pipes up, sensing the tension. Johanna relax and rested herself against me "thanks Prim" she said again so softly wow who would've thought the great Johanna Mason would be such a suck up. "So this is new" my mother says softly trying to ease in to the subject. "Yes mom New but great" I smiled and Johanna stood beside me and wrapped her arms round my waist turning me to face her "really?" She asks hopefully. She pressed our foreheads together and I thought about her question. Everything with Johanna was going well, it was easy, and sometimes scary but amazing. "Yeah, of course, now who's brainless huh? " I chuckled and stared deep into Johanna' s eyes. "Mm shut up " she says pulling me closer so our bodies were flush against each other. My heart rate increased just like it always does when she holds me like this. I know where this leads. I jumped when I heard someone clear their throat. I saw my mother covering Prim' s eyes. Was that needed really? Gale looked as if we'd punched him, God can't he just be happy for me?! "Hey, do you have a problem with me?" Johanna spat at Gale, her aggressive tone coming back. "You're kidding right? I mean I could deal with being second to him but now I'm what third to him and that?" Gale growled. My eyes widened, I never knew my friend could come out with such a hateful slur. Everyone in the room looked to Johanna, waiting for her to attack him or scream at him...And we waited. "Excuse me" she muttered leaving the room. My mother and Prim excused themselves too.

"Ok what the hell was that Gale?" I yelled at him not caring if people came to see what the commotion was how could he do that?! "I don't get It? What does she have that I don't? What did he have?" Gale screamed back "it's not a choice Gale, I didn't mean to fall for her but I did! Why would I choose this?! Do you think I like knowing she hears me scream?! Why would I choose to love someone who can't bathe or touch water without screaming! Someone who steals morphine and thinks I don't notice?! Why would I choose to love someone to hearing them scream every night and know I can't help! " I was screaming back now almost hysterical his face was painted with guilt "katniss" he started but I interrupted "I didn't choose this, but I wouldn't trade her for anyone. Ever" I said with a tone that signifies this conversation is over. I was done with people judging me.