CHAPTER 4

Astrid slept soundly right through to the early hours of the following morning and it was still dark when she opened her eyes. For a brief moment she lay there relaxed and rested, but all too soon the memories of the previous day hit. Her heart ached with longing and she rolled onto her side, bringing her knees up to her chest.

She lay still like that for a long time. Two whole hours passed until Stormfly herself stirred in the corner of the room. Seeing her rider, she went up to Astrid and nuzzled her who responded and gave her dragon a stroke on the beak.

"Hello, girl. You want to go flying don't you?" It was probably a good idea. She needed some fresh air anyway. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

It was still very early. The sky was getting lighter but the sun hadn't yet risen and no one was about. The village people still tucked up in their beds. Astrid checked Stormfly's saddle, climbed onto her back and took to the sky.

The air was fresh on her face and Astrid inhaled the salty sea breeze deeply. Oh, how good it felt flying free, leaving all cares behind her! The waves below glistened in the rising sun and the sky was an array of many colours ranging from tangerine, subtle pinks through to mauve. Flying in and out of clouds it was a beautiful sight to be bestowed. This experience would never have been possible if Hiccup hadn't met Toothless all those years ago, defeated the Red Death and changed life for the better on Berk. She remembered the first time he had taken her flying on Toothless. It had been a magical experience then too…

Oh Hiccup! Even up here all alone with Stormfly she couldn't escape the anguish that engulfed her heart. It was like a bereavement yet he was still alive. At least he was. The thought of losing him entirely… No. She wouldn't go there. That way lay monsters.

Onwards she flew. Past island after island. Then, without intending to discover it, she saw in front of her an island with a steep, ragged cliff, a stream in a narrow valley to one side, a sandy beach at the bottom and woods on top. Could this be the place it all happened? She decided to investigate.

Flying down low, she spotted the cave within the cliff face. She dismounted Stormfly and went inside. It was all dark and gloomy and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. Is this the place he had been? She looked around the cave floor and there, in the centre of the space, on a large, flat, smooth stone was the remains of what must be dried blood. She bent down to examine it further. Definitely. This fitted the description Throk had given. Hiccup must have been here on this island.

Now she was here she had a strong urge to see for herself what had happened. "Come on, girl," she called to Stormfly. She mounted her dragon again and, knowing to turn right, they flew out of the cave, along the beach, up the ravine and into the woods.

It didn't take her very long to spot the tree with the cut rope still attached. She stopped to gaze upon it taking it all in. Slowly she walked up to it, heart in her mouth, touched the rope and studied the way it had been cut. She then looked over the ground and saw the scuff marks in the now dry mud with ripped fragments of green tunic still submerged. She knelt down and picked a piece of the cloth up and stroked it between her fingertips. She closed her eyes to picture the scene. Oh, how he must have suffered! Already injured, climbing up all that way to reach the woods just to be assaulted up here and left to die. Her poor Hiccup.

She caressed the shredded, soiled material between her fingers and gave it a loving kiss, her eyes watering. Then, settling herself down against the trunk of the tree, still holding the fabric tightly within her palm, she wrapped her arms around her knees and silently wept.

She was gone all morning. She didn't want to return to Caldera Cay and face reality but Stormfly grew restless and she also didn't want a search party after her. So, eventually, she reluctantly mounted her dragon and journeyed back.

"There you are, Astrid," called Valka running up to her. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"How is he today, Valka?" she asked apprehensively.

"Much the same, but that's good really. No other concerns. He slept well last night. He's eating and his complexion is improving."

"Does he… has there been any changes to…?"

"To his memory? No dear, I'm afraid not." It had been a long shot anyway. "Come. Your friends are saying their farewells and soon I will need to leave too before it gets any later."

"You're still going?" asked Astrid anxiously, feeling ill at ease with the idea about being left behind with Hiccup.

"Yes. He shows good signs of recovery. For the sake of my son I will return to Berk and take his place as acting-chief. That is now my purpose until he recovers." Together, Valka and Astrid walked back to the healing centre.

Hiccup was sitting up in bed with pillows behind him for support. He looked startled. The twins were right by his bed bombarding him with questions.

"What about the time you had a bounty on your head?" asked Ruffnut.

"Or when Viggo put the submaripper in the straits and you had to free it?" said Tuffnut in turn.

"Stop it you two," said Fishlegs annoyed. "You know he doesn't remember anything."

"Hey, Tuff," Ruffnut ignored him. "Didn't great Aunt Gertrude lose her memory once?"

"Yeah. And Uncle Henrik bonked her over the head with a mace and cured her." Then he added "I think she died that day too." The twins exchanged wicked smirks.

"You two hooligans will do well in leaving my son alone!" bellowed Valka. Of all Hiccup's friends she disliked these two the most. She regarded them with as much interest as she would a dung beetle. The twins sneered at her but stepped away from the bed. "Now, if you please, we have a long journey ahead of us. Complete your farewells and be ready to leave."

The riders all took turns to say goodbye to Hiccup who politely nodded back in acknowledgement. Heather came up to Astrid and gave her a hug.

"I can stay here with you if you'd like me to. I can help."

"No," replied Astrid. "I need you back at Berk to train the new recruits. You will now be my Second-in-Command, if you choose to accept the position. And besides, I don't think Fishlegs would forgive me for taking you away from him quite so soon."

"Then write. I'm always here for you."

"Thank you."

After all the riders had left, Valka sat down on the bed next to Hiccup and took his hand.

"You get yourself better you hear? I don't want to find out you've been over exerting yourself," and she stroked his hair below his bandage lovingly. "Now, Astrid is going to stay with you and look after you for me. You be good for her." She bent down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Goodbye, son." Then, turning to Astrid and giving her a hug, "You take good care of my boy for me."

"I will."

Finally, Valka too left the room stopping only for a moment to look upon Hiccup one last time, and she was gone.

Astrid was now alone with Hiccup. Heart racing, she stood facing the door in which Valka had disappeared, then, nervously, turned and looked over at Hiccup. He was watching her. Well, this wasn't awkward. Slowly she made her way towards the bed and to perched herself on the edge of the chair.

"So… how are you feeling?" she asked with trepidation. Hiccup gave a small smile in response. "What has your mother told you so far?" she asked. Hiccup just looked at her uncertainly, not knowing how to answer. "Okay. Not the best question ever," she said looking away and brushing her fringe back. "I take it you still can't speak?" His face fell and he shook his head. "Right. Umm…" Astrid wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to the next question but she chose to brave it. "Umm… Did she happen to…? Has she told you anything about… me?" Hiccup shook his head. "Well, we were… umm… we were kind of together," she managed to say. She let out a shaky sigh, pursed her lips together and looked away. This was hard. She didn't know how to go on and Hiccup wasn't able to say anything in return which made it all that harder.

They sat there for some time in silence, both feeling scared and unsure. Then finally, for something to do, Astrid began to look around the room taking it in. It was a pretty basic, functional space. Besides the bed in the centre and Toothless asleep in the corner, there was the table with Hiccup's empty bowl of lunch broth, a second table on the other side with clean bandages and other medical items and a bookshelf on the wall opposite the bed with a small selection of books. Astrid got up to have a look. They were story and poetry books written for young Vikings. Probably there to help entertain families during visiting hours. She took one down from the shelf. "Boulard the Brave and other terrific tales. Written by Snorri Sturluson". This would do she thought. She went back to her seat, settled herself down and began to read.

It had been three whole days since he'd first woken and still he couldn't remember anything. He knew what things were. He knew what a bed was, but he couldn't recall the comfort of his own, nor the room where it belonged. He knew what friends and family were, but he couldn't bring to mind if he had brothers, sisters, aunts or uncles. He'd met someone who said she was his mother but he didn't recognise her, and who and where was his father? He knew people had pasts, had childhoods, and that they had experiences that helped form who they were, but he couldn't recall anything. His mind was a blank. A vast void of nothingness… and it terrified him.

He lay there in the bed with pillows supporting him, staring up at the ceiling and listening to her read. She had been reading to him for a couple of days now and he found her voice soothing. He was allowed to just lie there and rest. His body had ached all over when he had first woken. Even parts of him he didn't even know existed had hurt. His head had been the worst. But what was once a constant pounding pressure was now just a gentle twinge at the side of his head when he lay still and a pulsing every time he changed his position.

He looked over at the girl reading to him. The lady, who said was his mother, had told him the girl's name was Astrid. Out of all the visitors he'd had at the beginning she had seemed the most perturbed by his condition. Why had she been so much more upset than the others? Who was she? Why did she stay when the others left? Why was she reading to him now? Why would she care so much? She had said they had been together. What did she mean by that? All these questions and more whirred inside his mind but none of them could he answer. And he wasn't able to ask them either. His head had felt as if it would split in two last time he tried to talk, so he had decided not to try again for a while. That was when he had worn that dreaded bandage. They had taken it off this morning, thank Thor! It had itched like mad. He had been unable to resist a good scratch underneath every so often and Astrid and the healers had done their best to stop him, worried he'd damage scab forming on his head. But it was finally off.

He looked around the room again. Same four walls, same old dragon lying in the corner, same girl sat down and reading. Everything the same. It was maddening just lying there day after day. He knew he must rest if he was going to get better but he was bored. He let out a big sigh.

The girl stopped reading and put the book down on the table.

"Hiccup, are you okay?"

He turned his head and looked over at her. She waited in anticipation. He wanted to say something to her. He didn't know what. He didn't even care. He just wanted to feel he was able to express himself. To communicate. He wanted to be able to ask all his questions that whirred round his mind. Who was he? Where was he from? Anything, damn it! Anything to help spark some kind of recollection. Anything to help explain to himself who he was. By Thor, he was going to try. He opened his mouth to speak and the side of his head prickled in warning.

"Hiccup?" asked the girl tentatively.

"Nnnnnuhhh", he managed to get out. His head banged like a drum and he closed his eyes from the pain.

"Hiccup, are you okay? Do you need something?" Astrid asked with anxiety.

He'd done it. It had hurt like hell but he'd managed to get a sound out. The pain subsided and he opened his eyes again and saw concern looking back at him. He wanted to talk to her. To ask her all his burning questions. He was sure she could answer them. Frustration boiled inside him. This wasn't fair. Why was he like this? Why was he bed bound? Why couldn't he speak? Why couldn't he remember anything? Why?! Again, with all his might, he opened his mouth to speak.

"Nnnnnnnaaarrrrghhhh!" The girl disappeared and blackness surrounded him. He was in the void. Oh, the agony! His heart raced and his whole head pounded. It felt like it was on fire!

Somewhere in the distance he could hear someone calling. Calling his name. He knew it must be as so many people had called him it since he'd woken. He tried to follow the sound. Where was it coming from? Slowly, the pain subsided and the voice calling him grew louder. It was coming from in front of him and there was desperation in it. Realising he had his eyes closed, heavy though they were, he tried to open them.

The girl was leaning over and shaking him. Her face full of fear. The light in the room hurt his eyes so he closed them again. His heart was racing and his whole head pulsated. It had taken everything he had and more to get that excuse of a sound out. That had been it. He had given everything and that had been it. He creased his eyes tightly shut, thumped the bed sheets and silently screamed.

"Hiccup! Hiccup, look at me! Please look at me!"

He heard the terror in her voice. He didn't mean to cause her so much anguish. She'd been looking after him, being nothing but kind and sweet, and he didn't want to upset her. Whoever she was. He forced to blink his eyes open and looked up at her.

"Hiccup! Please. Are you alright? Hiccup!" He gave her a weak smile. "Oh, Hiccup!" she said lying down on his chest and giving him a hug. "Don't do that! You scared me half to death! Don't EVER do that again!"

Hiccup raised a hand and placed it cautiously on her shoulder. He was so sorry.

It made Astrid jump up. He had touched her. She saw the apology in his face.

"It's okay," she said trying to soothe him. "It's okay. I know this must be frustrating for you. Just hang in there. It'll be alright, I promise," but her expression remained sad.

He looked at her again, their faces inches apart. What was that he saw in her face? He'd seen it in his mother's too. Was it… was it love? Was that love he saw?

The girl must have realised she was staring at him because all of a sudden she stepped away and sat back in her seat all shy, brushing her hair away from her brow. What had just happened?

Not wanting awkwardness between them, he reached over to the table and tapped the book she'd left there, gesturing for her to continue. She looked back at him uncertain. Please! He tried to broadcast. The girl picked up the book.

"You want me to read?"

He smiled with relief; she'd understood. She smiled shyly back, settled herself down in her chair, brushed her fringe away from her forehead and picked up where she'd left off.

He watched her for a while sitting there next to him. She had been so concerned for him. Fearful. Terrified even. And there had been so much affection in that gaze. Who was she to him? Her voice soothed him once more and he lay back on his pillows looking up at the ceiling. He hoped she was right, that he would get out of here. He was making progress; slow, but progress nonetheless. He would get through this.

The next couple of days were much the same. Every day after flying Stormfly and Toothless Astrid would come and read to him and he would enjoy listening. He would practise making soft sounds under his breath but resisted trying too hard, not wanting to upset the girl again. He could also feel himself building in strength and eventually he was able to sit up for brief moments unaided without his head pounding.

But by the third day he grew restless again. He wanted to get out of there. He'd been stuck in bed for nearly a week and he was fed up. He looked around. The girl was reading. Again. The dragon was asleep in the corner. Again. Feeling a lot better he decided to sit himself up and leaned forward, placing his arms over his knees. His head didn't hurt; that was a good sign.

Astrid stopped reading. "Hiccup, is everything okay?"

He wanted to talk to her. Feeling okay, he decided he was going to try. "Aaaah…" It wasn't much but he'd done it. The side of his head prickled a little but he was able to speak!

"Hiccup, be careful. Don't push yourself again; you need to rest," Astrid said, fearful he would pass out again.

Ignoring her he tried again, but this time he softened his voice to almost a whisper in an attempt to stop his head from twinging. "Aaaah… ah… out," he managed.

"Hiccup!" said Astrid astounded. "You spoke!" He looked back at her. His confidence growing, he tried again.

"Ah… out," he said softly. The side of his head hurt a little but he was so pleased with himself he didn't care.

"Out? You want to go outside?" she asked, stunned. Hiccup smiled at her, pleased she'd understood. "No, Hiccup. You have to stay here. You have to rest."

Hiccup didn't like that. He wanted to leave this room. He needed to. Why did she say no? "Out," he said more strongly. His head prickled again but he ignored it.

"No, Hiccup. Please. You have to stay here. You have to get better."

Anger boiled inside him. How dare she say no? Who was she to him? She couldn't boss him around. He was the patient, he should know his own body. He should know what he was capable of, not her. He threw back the covers and placed his feet on the floor.

"Hiccup! No! Please don't," Astrid said getting out of her chair.

Hiccup pushed himself up. His legs felt like jelly and he wobbled, but, gritting his teeth, he managed to keep his balance. His head banged but he ignored it. He was standing unaided and nothing else mattered.

"Hiccup, please. Get back into bed," Astrid begged. She moved to stop him but he pushed her away. He focused, then, slowly, he took a step using his prosthetic foot. He wobbled but he kept his balance.

"Hiccup. Get back into bed, now!" bossed Astrid, petrified.

With his heart racing and head pounding, he braced himself and took another step, and fell, slipping on his metal leg. It was not able to support him. Astrid raced to catch him and they both went down. His eyes watered in frustration and he let out a weak, sorrowful moan.

"Oh, Hiccup. I told you not to," said Astrid sympathetically.

"Aaaah…ah…out," he said again, clenching his fists and feeling disheartened.

"I know," she said compassionately. "I know you want to." She didn't know what else to say. She just held him in her arms.

Toothless woke from all the commotion and came over sensing the hurt from his rider. He nudged Hiccup with his snout. Hiccup looked nervously at the animal and timidly gave him a reassuring stroke. "Arrrooo," said Toothless. Hiccup smiled. There was something about this creature he found strangely comforting.

Watching the two of them interact, Astrid suddenly had an idea. "Hiccup. Why don't you ride Toothless? You wouldn't have to walk then. Do you think you could manage that?"

Hiccup thought it over. Him? Riding a dragon? He looked at Astrid for reassurance and she smiled back. He guessed it could work. Nodding in reply Toothless purred and nuzzled him. Then, carefully, Astrid helped Hiccup up and onto Toothless' back.

"How's that?" She asked him.

"Goo… good," he whispered.

"Now, boy," she spoke to the dragon, "be gentle with him." Astrid guided Toothless out of the room with Hiccup sitting in the saddle.

As they left the healing centre, the bright afternoon sunshine blinded Hiccup. He raised his arm to block it out. Astrid paused Toothless for a moment to make sure everything was okay. Gradually his eyes adjusted and, finally, he was able to see.

Around him there were wooden huts, trees, the sky, children running around in play, people going about their business. He took in a long, deep breath and then exhaled. It felt so good to be out, to see the sun, to breathe in the fresh air. Astrid smiled as she watched him, relieved that her idea had worked, so glad to see him content for once.

"Good morning, Miss Astrid," said a voice behind them. It was Queen Mala. "And you too, young Hiccup. "It is good to see you're finally up and about. I take it you are feeling better?" Hiccup looked at her. Lots of questions once again sprang to mind. Who was this woman? How did she know him? How did he know her? But not wishing to appear rude he gave her one of his polite smiles with a nod for response.

"He's improving, thank you Queen Mala," stepped in Astrid. "We're just off out to get some air."

"I am glad to hear it. The sunshine and sea breeze does wonders for the soul. Well, I will not delay you any longer," and with that she turned and left. Astrid gestured to Toothless to continue. Hiccup looked back to watch the lady called Mala walk away. Another person he did not recognise. The uncomfortable feelings of isolation clung to him again, reminding him of his quandary. He felt detached. Separated. Alone. Why couldn't he remember anything?

Astrid looked up at him and noted the sad expression on his face. She felt for him but chose now was not the time so pretended not to notice. Together, in silence, they left the village in search of somewhere to go.

They found a nice, peaceful spot outside the village on a grassy cliff top overlooking the archipelago. Astrid helped Hiccup get off of Toothless. She then settled herself down next to him and together they watched the waves crash against the rocks below.

Hiccup regarded the sea in awe. It wasn't that he didn't know what it was. It was just that it felt like he'd only seen pictures in books until now, and this was his first time to be able to appreciate it. Why did everything have to feel this way?

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" said Astrid next to him. He nodded but there was sadness in his eyes. "I know that look. What's wrong?" Then, more hesitantly, "Are you able to tell me?"

Hiccup was taken aback. How did she know him so well? Who was she? Watching the waves, he thought of all the questions he wanted to ask. How could he put it? His head was already twinging a little and he felt drowsy. They hadn't gone far, and he'd been able to rest on the dragon, but the fresh air and the motion of the ride had been wearing for him. It was a huge effort getting any words out but he was determined to try. He just needed to be wary and pick his words carefully.

"D-d-d-d," he struggled. Astrid placed a hand on his shoulder for encouragement and patiently waited. "D-d-d-don't rrrremmmemmm…ber," he stuttered.

"I know," replied Astrid. It hurt to see him like this.

"K-k-k…" He tried. This word was going to be difficult. "K-k-k-…" he tried again. He closed his eyes tight and took a few breaths bracing himself. "K-k-k-qu-qu-questio…." He finally managed.

"Question?" Astrid asked. "You have questions?" Hiccup nodded. His head throbbing with the effort. "What do you want to know?"

He took a few more breaths, preparing himself and pressed on.

"Th-th-this… home?" he asked in a soft voice.

"No," replied Astrid. "No, this isn't home. We live on another island called Berk. This is Caldera Cay. Friends of ours live here. You had an accident a week ago and they found you and brought you here."

"Aaaaa…si….den?" he struggled to say.

"Yes. An accident. We think you bumped your head on a cliff during the storm last week." Hiccup touched the scab on the side of his head and looked at her quizzically. "Yes. Just there," she replied.

They sat in silence while Hiccup mulled things over. He soon wanted to know more. "Oth-th-thers… g-g-g-go." His head was hurting. He stopped for a moment to let the headache ease before he continued. "Hhhhhwhy… sssst-t-tsay?"

"Why did I stay?" Oh Thor, she thought. What's he about to ask? "I stayed to look after you. To help you get better."

"Hhhhhwhy?" he asked. When she didn't answer he tried a different approach. "Y-y-y-you fffffammmily?" All this talking was wearing. He was becoming tired and his headaches were getting worse.

"No!" Astrid said surprised and looked away saddened. "No. No, I'm not."

"Th-th-then hhhhwhy?"

Oh, Thor! She thought again.

"Hhhhhwho arrrrre y-y-you?" he asked.

Astrid looked back at him, afraid. It wasn't like things hadn't been difficult. In fact she believed it had been the most challenging time they had ever been through as a couple. However, despite everything, she was afraid. She didn't want there to be any awkwardness between them, not now, when things were finally picking up. What should she say? She was scared to tell the truth but she didn't want to lie either. Feeling flustered she looked at him and noticed a change in him.

"Hiccup, are you okay? You look exhausted." And he did. His eyes were heavy and his posture sunken.

"Hhhhwho?" he pressed.

"I….I'm…we… we were kind of together. Like I said before."

"D-d-d-don' unnnnn…er….sssstaaaaa," he struggled.

"Hiccup. Please. Let's go back." He was at risk of collapsing. She placed her hands on his shoulders to support him. "You've pushed yourself too hard again and you don't look well. Please. Get on Toothless. We can go back and you can rest."

"No! T-t-t-tell me!" He could no longer keep his eyes open and his head was banging like a drum. He knew Astrid was right. He was shattered, but he refused to give in. Having this answer felt so important for some reason. He didn't know why, but he needed to understand how he knew this girl.

"If I tell you will you promise to go back?" Astrid pleaded. Hiccup sleepily nodded his head. "Okay," she gave in. "We were together. A couple. Girlfriend and boyfriend. Do you understand that?"

He tried to nod but the migraine and fatigue meant he just couldn't fight any longer. He flopped over, his head lolled, landing in her bosom.

"Hiccup! Oh no." But just as she began to really worry Hiccup let out a big snore. Oh, thank the Gods! He was just asleep. He hadn't passed out like before.

Astrid tenderly lowered him down into the grass, lay down and settled herself next to him. She gazed at him for a long moment. Then, tenderly, placed a loving kiss upon his forehead.

They stayed like that as the sun began to set and the waves crashed on the rocks below.