Supernatural does not belong to me, although I wish it did. I am simply playing in Kripke's sandbox for a bit. All rights and ownership are the property of Kripke and the CW network. I am not making any money from this; it is for my own personal pleasure.

Synopsis: Set at the start of Season One, Dean had been in a wheelchair since his father disappeared more than a year ago and he finally has to tell Sam… There'd been an accident that night and Dean had paid a very high price….one he still doesn't understand. The story will have some hunts from season one and possibly into season two…the brothers will continue their search for their father…there will be alterations to the hunts to accommodate Dean's new situation. I have every intention of returning Dean to good health before this ends…but getting there is going to be bumpy.

Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so all grammatical errors are my own. Not Slash. Brotherly love and Angst only…

Please Review: So I know there's still interest

Previous Chapter:

After several minutes Sam had gone looking for his brother. He found him unconscious on the floor of Bobby's old bathroom. The angel's palm covering his forehead like he was taking Dean's temperature or something. Castiel's eyelids were shut and he was concentrating. Sam started to interrupt them but something stopped him. He knew from experience that it wasn't a good idea to break the concentration of someone during a spell…and this sure as hell looked like a spell.

He sank to the floor near the door and watched as a myriad of emotions passed over both his brother's and the angel's faces. Once Castiel pulled his hand away he moved his brother to one of the bedrooms he and Dean had shared since they were kids. The angel put his hand back and never said a word as Sam again watched the supernatural being do something to his brother that he couldn't stop. If it kept Dean from giving up his soul to Hell for Sam? Then he would wait an eternity.

Sam watched as his brother's breathing increased and his hands clenched and unclenched in agitation. Whatever he was seeing…it was painful and very emotional. Because, while he couldn't feel exactly what was going on, he could feel the fear and the shame trickling along their link and it was making him sick to his stomach. Something about his brother's past had been so catastrophic that he'd hidden from it for more than ten years. Sam wracked his brain but he couldn't think of anything like that in Dean's history. And he knew his brother better than anyone in the world.

Castiel sat up and pulled his hand back from Dean's damp forehead. He blinked slowly and then sighed. He'd grudgingly respected Dean before this, but now? How had someone that had gone through so much in his young life turned out so…normal? Dean had every right to be a broken spluttering mess, but he wasn't. He was a hero…he'd saved more lives than he'd taken and he felt things so deeply that they were practically part of his DNA.

"Cas…is he…" Sam found that he couldn't finish the sentence. He wanted to ask what the angel had witnessed, but he wasn't sure that he really wanted to know. The things he'd already seen inside of Dean had been traumatic to say the least. But now he knew there was something so black that Dean had hidden it from even him. Was it really his place to ask the angel to 'out' his brother? Sam bit at his lower lip and inhaled slowly. "…Is he gonna be okay?" His worried gaze flickered over to the silent form and then back to Castiel as he stood up and ran his hand through his hair.

"I do not know, Sam. But I believe that he has lived with this for many years, he will continue to do so." He walked around the bed and pulled the curtains back staring into the slowly rising sun.

It wasn't a very good answer. But since the angelic being didn't seem inclined to go on Sam decided not to press. "Uh…did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yeah…feathers ferretted it out." Dean's gravelly voice pulled Sam's eyes back toward the bed. He was sitting up, his eyes still glazed over with blindness. He turned his head in the direction of Castiel's bright light and shook it in an effort to try and clear the memories that were hovering too close to the surface. "The gun was in a cabin in Colorado." He swallowed thickly. "Guess that's our next adventure."

Sam's eyebrows cut down at the tension he heard in his brother's voice. "You okay?"

Dean snorted, his head shaking slightly. "I'll get back to you." He pushed himself up and moved carefully toward the bathroom.

Bobby stepped into the doorway and Sam shook his head. "He okay?"

"I don't know." Sam answered honestly.

"Idgit." Bobby said quietly. It was his way of saying he loved these boys…always had been. "So what now?"

The youngest Winchesters stood up and sighed. "Now? Now we go to Colorado, get a gun, and kill that son of bitch." He never cracked a smile as he passed Bobby and headed toward the kitchen…and the whiskey.

XXXX

Chapter 53

Master Plan: Part One

Dean was shaking by the time he made it to the room that they'd shared since they were kids. He'd shoved that memory so far down that he'd almost forgotten about the cabin. He shook his head in frustration, because he'd learned that the whole 'suppressed memory' thing wasn't a joke and it had taken on a whole new meaning for him. Dean had never wanted anyone to see what had happened in that cabin. On his own it was something that he could deal with…and he supposed he had. He'd suppressed it to a point that he didn't even recall it. At least not until the angel had personally walked him back through the damaging memory and then he'd wished he still didn't recall.

But when the mere idea of involving Sam even so much as considered entering his head…he wanted to puke. His stomach was rolling and he could feel the man's hands all over his body.

A sudden surge of bile had him leaning over the edge of the bed and grasping for the small black trashcan. He heaved up what little there was in his stomach until his sides ached and his head was exploding in pain. Jesus…Castiel saw all that. What if he tells Sam? The thought kept repeating inside of Dean's head like a shitty mantra and he wanted to just cry. But there was a good chance that Sam would come looking for him soon and he wasn't about to let his little brother find him in this sad condition. Sam had enough to deal with without Dean's past adding to that already heavy load.

A sigh escaped before he could stop it as he set the trashcan back down. He was glad that it had been a memory so deeply ingrained that he knew where the small receptacle was located, because he couldn't actually see shit. His legs were doing better, but his eyes? They were another story entirely.

Soft footsteps just outside the door let Dean know that he was about to have company. His eyelids dropped closed as he wondered how he was ever gonna look Sam in the face again? How as he gonna look at that damn angel again? Castiel had marched through the nastiest memories that Dean had. The guy knew everything about the eldest Winchester. That thought nearly spurred another heaving episode…but Dean bit back his body's response to the increased stress.

"Hey, Dean?" Sam's soft voice floated through the closed door. "You okay?"

Dean swallowed and rolled up to a seated position. "Yeah…just not feeling too good."

Sam's toes bumped the door and the knob started to turn and then stopped. "Can I come in?" Dean could hear the hesitation in his little brother's voice. Sam didn't know whether or not Dean wanted him around at the moment. And to be perfectly honest? Dean wasn't sure either. Oh he didn't want Sammy going anywhere, but he wasn't sure he was ready to talk about…well anything yet. A small intake of breath was the only thing that Dean needed to hear.

"It's your room too, Sammy." He said evenly.

Sam pushed the door open slowly and his nose immediately wrinkled at the smell of vomit. "Gross dude." He grabbed the can and left the room returning a few moments later with a freshly sprayed out trash can. "Here…in case you need it again."

Dean reached out and took the trashcan once Sam dipped it into his fingers so he knew where it was. "Castiel leave?"

Sam nodded and sank onto the opposite bed. He didn't miss the fact that Dean's eyes were still glazed and he wasn't looking directly at Sam. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a cheese grater rifled through my memories." It was true. His head was pounding and his sides were aching. Dean shifted so that he was leaning up against the headboard and stared at the general space that Sam's shimmer occupied.

"Ouch. That sounds pretty crappy, dude." Sam stood up and moved in an attempt to stifle the nerves that were threatening to overwhelm him.

Sam lifted an eyebrow at the humor he heard in his brother's voice.

"It is…how're you?" A snort from the edge of the bed made Dean smile slightly.

"I'm fine. Other than trying to get Bobby to pull the gear together so we can head out for Colorado." Sam smiled. "He's trying to pack everything including the kitchen sink."

"No sinks in the car. It ranks right up there with the no dogs rule." Dean said evenly. The conversation was taking his mind off the fact that he'd just experienced his life in reverse. Not just his life, but the worst parts of his life…with the sole exception of the day that Sam left for College. That remained the number one, totally suckiest day in Dean's entire life. Sam chuckled lightly and shook his head in wonder. "What?" Dean asked.

His little brother shrugged causing the shimmer to shift a bit. "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" Against his better judgment, Dean found himself actually curious about where this was heading.

"Just shove everything shitty in our lives down and find some humor in it."

Dean titled his head to the side and thought about that for a moment before saying. "Because otherwise this life…it eats you up and kills your spirit." He sighed. "I can't live that way…we were handed a raw deal from the start, Sam. If we couldn't laugh at some of this shit…we both be 51/50'd."

Sam blinked a few times. Whatever he'd been expecting his brother to say, that hadn't been it. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"What way?"

"The same way I do…about this life." Sam leaned against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. Dean couldn't make out his expression but he knew the brooding silence of his little better than he knew the inside of his car…so he waited for Sam to keep talking. "I always thought you loved it. This world that dad forced us into. Damn-it Dean you were always so good at it."

Dean's lips twitched. "Didn't have much choice in the matter, Sammy. Dad needed someone that could take care of you…and I knew that had to be me."

Sam's lips parted, but he found that he couldn't find anything to say. Dean had given up on having his own normal life in an effort to keep Sam safe. It was so frustrating…finding out that he'd been blind all these years. "Why didn't you quit…when I left…why didn't you just walk away?"

It was Dean's turn to shrug. His gaze directed at the floor rather than at Sam. "I don't know…dad needed me." The sharp intake of breath had Dean rushing forward before Sam got onto a rant about their father again. "I guess I hoped that if I…

"If you what?" Sam pressed. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to this question. But his insatiable curiosity won out.

"If I was good enough…that maybe…you'd come back and we'd be a family again." The last of his words were soft and Sam found that he had to strain to actually hear what his older brother had just said.

Sam stepped forward and dropped to his knees in front of where Dean sat on the bed. "Dean, you do know that I didn't leave because of you…right?" He'd never even suspected that his brother was worried about that. That he harbored some poisoned thought that Sam might have left because of him…because he wasn't good enough. But as he looked at the haunted expression that ghosted over Dean's face, Sam knew that he was right. "Jesus Dean. You were the reason I stayed for so long."

Dean's green gaze flickered up and landed somewhere in the vicinity of Sam's chin. His face was open and surprise was filtering across it. It was time for some truths…

"I wanted to stay gone after I ran away in Flagstaff." He paused as pain replaced the surprise and Sam looked up that ceiling praying for the right words. "But not because of you…if I thought I could've convinced you to come with me…" Sam swallowed and leaned forward. "Dean I saw."

"Saw what, Sam?" The constant shift of emotions on Dean's normally blank face was kinda fascinating to watch.

"When you guys found me and dad dragged me back to the motel. I saw the bruises on you." Emotion bobbed in Sam's throat as he debated on how to push forward. Because honestly…this had been one of the biggest failings of his entire life. The moment that he'd known that something wasn't right, but he'd been so angry and hurt that he'd ignored it.

If Dean could have figured out how to melt through the bed, he would have. Sam saw? The thought kept repeating through his head like a horrible mantra. And he hadn't cared? His eyebrows cut together in hurt and Sam wished that he were anywhere else at the moment. He'd done this, he'd put that look on his brother's face and he hated it. But Sam was tired of keeping things from Dean. That hadn't done them any favors in the past.

"I'm sorry…I was so wrapped up in my own life that I missed what was going on in yours." Sam's fingers twitched as he tried to keep from hugging Dean. So he was caught off guard when Dean reached forward and pulled him into a hug.

"It's okay, Sammy. We're okay." Dean held onto Sam like a lifeline. But what made him choke up was the way that Sam's fingers were immediately clenching the collar of his shirt. The way his little brother's shoulders heaved as emotions rolled through him. Dean blinked away the tears that were burning just behind his eyes.

Sam pulled away after a few moments and reached up to wipe at the tears on his own face. He couldn't help the embarrassed little chuckle that worked its way up his throat. "Thought you hated chick-flick moments?"

Dean swallowed. "I do…but sometimes they actually help."

"Who are you? And what did you do with my big brother?" It was said with a laugh and a genuine smile and Dean couldn't help smiling back.

"Shut up." Dean pushed himself up off the bed and stumbled a bit as his head spun. Sam went from laughing to mother hen in a nano second. He made a grab for Dean's elbow just as he reached out for the wall and steadied himself. "I'm okay…just got a bit dizzy."

Sam pulled his lower lip between his teeth in worry. "You sure we should take off?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. We can't solve any of this here." Dean inhaled slowly. "Our next step on this crazy staircase is in Colorado."

XXXX

Sam glanced over where Dean was staring out the window into the darkness. They'd been driving for eleven hours and Dean had spent most of it in silence. It didn't have the oppressive weight that it should…it was just like Dean didn't have anything to say. Which was weirding Sam out a little. Dean had always been movement and noise. Sam's gaze drifted to his brother's legs and he couldn't help the smile when Dean shifted and crossed his ankles.

"What?" Dean asked when he felt Sam's eyes on him. It was weird that he could feel when his brother was staring at him.

"Nothing. Just thinking about stopping for the night. That work for you?" Sam yawned and clicked on the blinker when the next exit presented itself.

At the first sign of Sam being tired Dean was all for stopping. "As long as there's a diner, I'm game."

The air was crisp when they crawled at the Motor Trail Lodge. The place had maybe twenty-five rooms and a single car in the parking lot. Getting a room shouldn't be too hard. The smell of pine and ozone in the air told Sam that it had rained recently. They must have just missed the storm. Dean was careful as he pulled himself upright and pushed the door shut. Sam didn't miss the fact that Dean's fingers never left the car. Like he was using it as a beacon or something.

"You want me to go get the room?"

Dean started to shake his head and then stopped. What was he gonna do? He couldn't see well enough to do anything…not even sign his name on a credit card receipt. Plus there was that whole they might try and charge like three hundred dollars and Dean would never know. "Uh…sure. I'll stay here with the car."

"Okay. I'll hurry." Sam started to walk away, the gravel crunching beneath his boots.

"And Sam?" Dean called. Sam turned and waited. "Make sure the have lots of hot water…and cable?"

"Still trying to catch that special on Pearl Jam?" Sam pretty much said it to irritate his brother, because he knew damn well that Dean had been hoping to catch that for the last month. Now granted they'd had other things on their plate lately…but that didn't mean that Dean had miss out on everything. "I'll check."

"Thanks." Dean answered simply and turned to leaned against the car.

Sam shook his head and walked off toward the small office.

XXXX

Dean furrowed his eyebrows as his concern grew. It'd been at least a half hour since Sam walked into that office and he had yet to reappear. He'd turned toward the blurry lights and watched for his brother's shimmer…and so far? He'd seen nothing.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice scared the shit outta Dean. He spun around and pulled his pistol from the waistband of his jeans in a smooth practiced motion. The bright light that represented the angel shifted and Dean clicked the safety back on.

"Don't do that!" He hissed as he replaced the gun.

"How am I to approach you then?" The angel sounded genuinely confused and Dean groaned.

"Any other way than just showing up and scaring the crap outta me." Dean turned back toward the building and stared as something inside the room shifted. He squinted and blinked several times…he couldn't be seeing this correctly…

"Castiel, where's Sam?" He asked as he started moving toward the blurry shadow image.

"I had assumed he would be with you." The angel shot back immediately.

"Do you see him standing here?" Dean knew that his temper was short and getting shorter. But damn-it! He didn't care at this point. There was something inside that room that shouldn't be there.

It only took a moment for Dean to realize their mistake. It hadn't been ozone he'd smelled…it'd been sulfur. "Sammy!" He cried as he started running. The toe of his boot caught on the edge of the sidewalk and he nearly hit the ground. Dean managed to retain his footing and crashed through the door of the motel. "Sam!" He called again. Still nothing…no answer. "Cas!"

"He is not here, Dean." Castiel answered from directly behind him.

Dean spun toward the angel's voice. "What do you mean he isn't here? He just walked in here to get us a room."

"I think the demon was waiting for him. There appears to have been a struggle in this corner."

Dean's heart sank. "Is there any blood?" He didn't want to know. But he knew that he had to know so he could determine what his next course of action would be. Find Sam you fucking moron! His brain shouted at him.

"No. There does not appear to be any blood."

"How long ago do you think he was taken?" Dean asked. How did those bastards know we would stop here?

"Maybe ten minutes." The deep rumble of the angel's voice made Dean think of his father and he banished the thought to the furthest reaches of his mind. It wouldn't help either one of them.

"Where do we look?" Dean pressed. "Shit…I can't even see. How am I supposed to find my brother?"

Dean was just starting to lose his composure when he heard it…Sam's voice and it was outside. He scrambled for the door and tripped over a chair on the way out. "Son of a bitch!" He cried as he hauled himself back to his feet and ran in the direction of Sam's voice.

"Good to see you again, Dean." The voice was distinctly feminine and the dark shimmer around the meat suit was dripping in a reddish haze. And there at the demon's feet was Sam. Dean couldn't see his brother's features, but he'd recognize that soft shimmer of Sam's anywhere at this point.

"I know you?" He rumbled. Dean was trying to hide the fear when Sam didn't say anything else. "What the hell did you do to my brother?" Castiel stepped up next to him and the haze around the demon flared with power.

"Keep that angel away from me or I skin your brother alive right now."

Dean reached out and put a gentle hand Cas's shoulder. "Don't." The angel stopped moving.

"As you wish." He waited next to Dean.

"I gotta say, I'm a little offended that you don't recognize me." It purred. Sam grunted and Dean assumed that it had done something to him.

"Leave him alone. If it's me you want…take me." Dean offered the only thing he had…himself.

"Oh sweetie…it isn't you that I want. As a matter of fact this is all in service of a grander project." She shifted and Dean watched as the haze lightened slightly. "Name's Meg Masters…and this is the third time I'm meeting you Dean Winchester. Try and remember who I am…after all I know you so well."

TBC…

Author's Note: Another enemy revealing bits and pieces of the master plan. More of that in the next chapter and another trip down memory lane…but for both boys. Thanks to everyone that read and reviewed the last chapter. Special Thanks to QueenWoofy, pipinheart, gracewright, reader, steelcandy, ncsupnatfan, babyreaper, LeeMarieJack, becca65d, and BranchSuper.

PLEASE REVIEW: Just let me know if you're still enjoying the spirals in this story.