CHAPTER 5

The next morning Astrid woke up with butterflies in her stomach. Of all the questions he could have asked, why did he have to go and pick that one? She lay on her bed, her mind playing back all the events of the last week.

So much had changed. They had gone from a few days short of being knot-tied, Hiccup having an accident and at the brink of death, to him not even remembering her. Then he had to go and ruin whatever little they had left by asking her that stupid question!

She didn't know how to cope with it all. It was too much. She needed to get out. She needed air, and Stormfly needed her morning flight anyway, so she decided to get up and find her dragon.

Hiccup slept right through to midmorning. He had pushed himself hard and had thoroughly exhausted himself, but he didn't regret it in the slightest. He could talk. True. Maybe very little right now, but so what? He still could.

And he'd got some answers. This wasn't home. Home was somewhere else. Berk, wherever that was. He had had an accident. A nasty one, apparently, which had cost him his whole sense of self. And he knew more about the girl. It made sense – they having been a couple: the amount of kindness she showed him; the way she cared for him; worried about him. None of the healers at the centre who stayed with him until she came every morning gave him half the attention she did. They were more concerned about the clinical side to his recovery – that his head wound wasn't becoming infected; that his pulse was steady; that his pupils weren't dilated. Astrid listened to him, had fed him when he hadn't been able to feed himself, was patient with him, was concerned for him, read to him.

But knowing all this new information also sparked more questions and feelings. He didn't know her. Not now. Whatever she felt for him he couldn't reciprocate. What did she want from him? Did she expect him to like her back? Did she expect them to get back together?

All of a sudden he felt nervous and uncomfortable. Had it been the best question to have asked? Yesterday he had been so adamant that he had to know. Now, he wasn't so sure. He could have asked anything else but he had to put his foot in it and ask that one. Now he was uneasy at the mere thought of when she would come in through the door, relieve the healer who was sitting silently next to the bed, to read to him. He lay back on his pillow and fretfully waited.

Astrid and Stormfly came in to land a couple of hours later. Taking her to the feeding grounds, Astrid knew she should get Toothless for his flight now before visiting Hiccup, but her stomach squirmed into tight knots again and her heart leapt into her mouth. She just couldn't face seeing him. What did he want from her? How did he feel about her? What would he say? She just didn't know what to make of it all.

She stood facing the healing centre for a long time, lost in her thoughts. Then, from behind, someone approached her.

"Miss Astrid. Good morning." It was Queen Mala again.

"Oh, good morning, Queen Mala," replied Astrid quietly.

"How are you this morning?" Mala asked.

"Fine."

"Are you quite sure? You seem somewhat ill at ease. Is there anything you wish to disclose?"

Astrid sighed. She didn't really want to talk but she also didn't want to appear impolite.

"Hiccup has started to speak," she said.

"Oh, I am thrilled to hear that," Mala sighed with relief.

"He has also begun to ask questions," Astrid went on. Mala could see there was more.

"But this is good news is it not? He is making excellent progress."

"Yes. It is really."

"So what distresses you?" she pressed.

"We went out yesterday, as you know, and he asked me how he knew me. He wouldn't let it go until I told him we were a couple. Now I don't know what to do. I don't know what he expects from me or what he thinks of me." Mala stood there, silent, and listened.

"I always thought we'd be together. We've been through so much. I thought he'd always love me. He always has done, ever since I can remember, and I thought he always would. Now he doesn't even know me. What am I supposed to do now?"

"There are no easy answers to that question," replied Mala. "This is a very unique situation in which you and young Hiccup find yourselves. Though, one thing I know to be certain is that you need each other. You must remain strong and, together, you will find a way through this misfortune."

"That's pretty much what Valka said to me."

"And she was right. You have my deepest sympathy, Miss Astrid, but I am confident you two will get through this. In the meantime, if you ever require to talk please do not hesitate to find me."

"Thank you, Mala."

Queen Mala turned to leave, leaving Astrid staring once more at the healing centre.

No. It was too painful. She couldn't face seeing him. Instead, she decided to go back to her room, pick up her axe and go to the training grounds. She had some pent up energy to release.

Hiccup waited. Lunchtime came and went and still he waited. She was usually back from taking Toothless out by now but she hadn't come at all. Where in the archipelago was she? Toothless was growing restless from not having had his morning flight. He was pacing up and down the room, rubbing himself against the walls and coming up to Hiccup for the occasional stroke. Hiccup happily obliged. At least he had the dragon for company. His confidence in the creature was growing by the day and he was becoming to enjoy having him around. The healer, who was sitting in the bedside chair, just sighed, spouted the occasional complaint that it wasn't very hygienic having dragons in this part of the facility, before continuing with her paperwork she brought with her to do.

Lunchtime soon turned into mid-afternoon and still she hadn't come. The original nervousness he had experienced turned into frustration. He wanted to get back out. He had enjoyed yesterday on the cliff and felt trapped here in his bed.

Bored, he gave up waiting for Astrid to make an appearance and turned to the healer.

"A-a-a-a-ah-out," he said. The healer looked up at him. "A-a-a-a-ah-out," he said again.

"What's that? I'm afraid I don't understand."

"A-a-a-a-ah-out," he said more firmly, but the healer just gave up, turned away and continued checking through her papers. She seemed irritated by something. Possibly by the fact that Astrid hadn't come to relieve her and she was stuck here with him. Well, he didn't want to be here either.

He looked over at Toothless. They were both restless. They both wanted to get out. It had worked well yesterday, maybe he could ride him again. They could go out together. Hiccup stuck out his left hand and called the dragon over.

"C-c-c-co-co-co-mmmmmme," he struggled to say. Toothless paused his pacing and looked over at Hiccup. His rider wanted him. He bounded over happily and nuzzled his rider's hand. Hiccup smiled. How could he have ever thought this great creature to be vicious and cruel? It showed so much affection towards him. It was like an over-sized pussy cat or puppy. Hiccup rewarded the animal with a tender stroke. Yes, he decided. He was going to try.

Hiccup placed his hands both sides of himself and raised himself up. The healer paused and watched. Hiccup threw back his covers and attempted to get out of bed.

"No! No, you mustn't do that. Come on, now. Back into bed with you," she said making a grab for his arm.

""N-n-n-no. A-a-a-a-ah-out," replied Hiccup.

"You need to stay in bed. You must rest," said the healer attempting to ease him back down.

"N-n-n-no! G-g-g-g-get o-o-o-o-o-ffffff!"

"Someone!" shouted the healer still trying to wrestle him down. "Somebody, please help! I need assistance! We have an incident with a patient!" Another healer came rushing in. "The patient is not of sound mind and is uncooperative. Help me get him settled."

There were now two healers on top of him, both trying to prevent him from getting out of bed. He was getting stronger but he still lacked enough strength to fight off one, let alone two women. He tried all the same.

Toothless didn't know what to do. His rider seemed distressed but these people had been helping to look after him. What should he do? Agitated, he began pacing up and down again.

"G-g-g-g-get o-o-o-o-o-ffffff mmmmmmmmmmmeeeee!" cried Hiccup. His anger rose. He grew more determined and, finally, managed to throw one of the healers off, pushing them on the stomach.

"He hit me!" she cried.

"I think we need some distilled sage fruit solution. We need to pacify him if he's becoming aggressive and unreasonable," replied the other still frantically pinning him down.

What were they talking about? He only wanted to go outside. They were the ones being unreasonable. He didn't like the sound of that solution. Pacify him? No thank you. Panicking, he fought harder. He would get out. He'd get out of here and show them. Show them he was okay.

"We need distilled sage fruit solution! Now! And more helpers to get this dragon out!" she called through the door then ran back to help her colleague.

"Aaaaaaarrrrrggghhh!" Hiccup screamed. It hurt his head but he didn't care. He just screamed. How dare they do this to him?

Toothless saw the distress upon Hiccup's face and realised he was in trouble. He made to pounce but he was just a little too late. Two healers ran through the open door and landed on top of him, pinning him down. He tried to fight them off but together they were too strong. He made to blast but a third person quickly placed a mouth guard over his snout.

Outside, Astrid was walking passed having had a thorough workout in the training grounds. She heard the commotion coming from inside the healing centre and stopped to listen. That was Hiccup. He was screaming! Panicking, she raced inside to see what was going on.

There were now several healers inside the room. Two, either side of Toothless, struggling to contain him and trying to get him out. Another two fought the distressed Hiccup and a fifth was decanting some sort of liquid into a goblet.

"What in Thor's name is going on?" she bellowed.

"Miss Astrid," spoke the healer measuring the required dose of the solution. "If you'd please step back. The patient is in an aggressive state and has already injured one of our healers. We need to subdue him to sleep."

Astrid watched in horror as the healers wrestled with Hiccup. His eyes were wide with terror as he thrashed on the bed.

"Get off him!" she yelled. "Can't you see you're frightening him?" and she made a dash for him but the healer holding the goblet stepped in her way.

"No. Please, Miss Astrid. We have this. You must not interfere."

"How dare you?" cried Astrid and barged her way through. "Get off him! Now!"

Astrid made her way over to the bed. But as she stepped between them, Hiccup succeeded in releasing an arm from the healer's grip. It swung back and his clenched fist smacked right across Astrid's left cheek.

They both stopped. Stunned. He hadn't meant to hit her.

The healer with the goblet seized her opportunity and with the two others by the bed pinning him down again she forced the contents down his throat, making him gag.

Astrid snapped out of it. She ran towards the bed but once again a healer tried to prevent her.

"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU!" Hiccup heard her say. He continued to struggle but he could do nothing. The distilled liquid was already taking its affect and he slipped quickly into unconsciousness.

Fog surrounded him. He could neither see nor hear anything. He felt trapped. Something was pinning him down, preventing him from being able to move. It was terrifying. The more he struggled the more he was restrained. Why? Why was this happening to him?

Gradually, something appeared through the mist. A shadow. It was calling him. He focused on it. Was this what was containing him? Slowly, the fog began to clear and the shadow morphed into a human shape with head and shoulders. It was above him. He could feel its arms on his shoulders pinning him down. He fought but it was too strong. No. He wouldn't be a prisoner. He would get out. He would get out of here.

His head felt fuzzy and his eyes heavy but he forced them to open. Everything around him was blurred. The person above him, holding him down, was calling him. He continued feebly to struggle. He was too weak. Let go! he thought. Let me go!

"Hiccup! Hiccup!" called the person above him. "It's okay. It's okay. They've gone. It's just me. You're safe now."

He knew that voice. It was her. She was here. He grabbed onto her tightly and looked sluggishly around the room, fearful the other women were still there about to force that dreaded liquid down his throat again.

"It's okay," she repeated. "They're not here. Queen Mala sent them away. She told them to leave you alone. They're not coming back. It's okay. You're safe now."

Still clinging to her, he regarded her for reassurance, his eyes full of fear.

"You're safe," she said once again gently. Valka and Mala had been right. He needed her.

He looked once more around the room. She was right. They were gone. It was just him, Astrid and Toothless in the room. He let out a shaky moan and loosened his grip on her beginning to relax.

"You were out for two hours. How are you?" Astrid asked.

Hiccup lay down on his pillows and looked back at her. Concern was etched across her face. Then he spotted something on the left side of her face just below her eye. He reached out and touched it. It was a bruise. A big, black bruise. He remembered he'd lashed out and hit her. He'd given her a black eye.

Still slightly under the influence of the drug, his cognitive state was a little sluggish. He closed his eyes to help himself concentrate and forced out his words, slurring as he spoke.

"I-I-IIIIIIIIII'…mmmmmm… ssssssssssss," he struggled.

"You're sorry," helped Astrid. "I know. I know you are," she reassured him. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault. And I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you. I could have prevented this. I was just… I was just too scared after yesterday. Stupid really."

And they were back there. Both unsure what to say. Both feeling uncomfortable. Both uneasy at the thought of the others feelings. They sat in silence together for a long time. Then, finally, Hiccup had an idea.

"B-b-b-beeeeeee… fffffffffffrrrrrrrieeeennnnds?"

"Friends?" considered Astrid. It hurt. It felt like another step backwards to her. To think they had so nearly become husband and wife and now they were to be friends. But maybe it was for the best. It was probably all he could offer her right now so she nodded in response.

"Nnnnnnnnot g-g-g-goooooo… a-a-a-ah-out?" he asked.

"Hiccup. Did you seriously just try to crack a joke?" He grinned at her, pleased with himself. "It was lame," she said grinning back and playfully punching him on the arm. "Yes. We can be friends. And, maybe, instead of going out, we should just stay here and I can finish off that story we started."

With that she took the book she had been reading off the bedside table, settled herself in the chair, brushed her fringe back and picked up where she had left off. Hiccup too settled himself down on his pillows ready to listen to her. It was okay, not to go out today. It had been quite an eventful afternoon and he was worn out. They could try again tomorrow instead.

Over the next few weeks Hiccup's health improved greatly. His headaches eventually ceased, making it easier to speak and he stuttered less and less. With support from Astrid and Toothless he learned to walk again. They would practise in private inside the room, firstly locking arms, whilst Hiccup staggered. Then he would hold onto a wall with one hand and Astrid with the other. Finally, as he grew in strength, he was able to walk alone for brief periods while she stepped backwards in front of him ready to catch him if he stumbled.

Each day they would go out visiting different parts of the island. Initially, he would ride on Toothless to save his pride and strength, but after a month and a half he was well enough to walk unaided. Their trips out gradually increased in length as Hiccup's condition improved until he was well enough to remain out all day.

They would spend time playing with their dragons, Hiccup getting to know Toothless. He learned just how affectionate this animal was: that he enjoyed being scratched just behind the ears and neck; that, when he licked him, his saliva was extremely sticky and wouldn't wash out; that he loved to pounce after little specs of light glittering on the ground when Hiccup or Astrid produced them with shiny objects.

One day they all went to the beach. Hiccup scratched an image in the sand with a stick he'd found while he and Astrid talked. They heard behind them a large snapping sound. Toothless had ripped a branch off a tree and began mimicking his rider by creating a large swirling pattern in the sand.

"Fascinating," said Hiccup.

Astrid laughed and said "It's one of his favourite games he likes to play with you." Hiccup watched, mesmerised by this behaviour.

Astrid would show Hiccup the different types of dragons which lived on Caldera Cay and educated him about them. They visited the eruptodon, The Great Protector, at the top of the volcano and she told him she protected the Defenders of the Wing tribe by devouring the lava flow and, in return, the villagers worshipped the beast. She also showed him the terrible terrors, explaining that they used them as air mail by carrying messages to and from Berk and that this was how she was able to keep in touch with their friends and his mother.

"You talk a lot about my mother," he said once, "but nobody else. Do I have any other family? Any brothers or sisters? And where is my father?"

"No, Hiccup," Astrid said apologetically. "I'm afraid it is just you and your mother. Your father died just over seven months ago."

Hiccup felt strange. He thought he should be heartbroken, that he should grieve, but he felt nothing but an ordinary sadness anyone would feel for having heard of a passing. But this man had been his father. The man who had raised him.

"How did he die?"

Astrid tried to pick her words carefully. This was a sensitive subject. She knew he'd ask this sooner or later but she'd been dreading it just the same.

"There was a war between Berk and a man who wanted to control all dragons called Drago Bludvist. I'm sorry, Hiccup, but for a while he was able to control Toothless. He was going to have him kill you but your father pushed you out of the way and took the blast instead."

Hiccup looked over at Toothless. He was happily rolling about on the grassy bank of the cliff side playing with Stormfly. How could this be? In the last few weeks he had learned dragons were gentle, amazing creatures. How could his very own dragon do something like that?

"It wasn't his fault," Astrid interjected, seeing the look on Hiccup's face. "He was made to do it. He was being controlled by Drago and the bewilderbeast, an alpha dragon. Later, when we flew back to reclaim Berk, Toothless protected you from an icy blast, saving your life. He is loyal to you, Hiccup. More than any other dragon I know. He would never hurt you."

It was a lot to take in. They sat together in silence overlooking the sea. Astrid, letting Hiccup absorb the information.

"Is that when I lost my leg?" Hiccup asked.

"No. That was in another battle with the Red Death. You and I were fifteen. Vikings and dragons were at war with each other back then."

"What do you mean 'at war'?"

"We haven't always flown dragons. They used to raid us for food for their alpha and we would kill them. But you and Toothless changed all that. See, his left tail fin is missing? You shot him down. We were all supposed to be learning how to kill dragons, but in secret you were befriending Toothless and learning all about him. Everyone was amazed by your skills in the ring. Nothing like anyone had ever seen before.

"Then, one day, you were chosen to kill the monstrous nightmare for right-of-passage and everything went wrong. You tried to show everyone we didn't have to kill them, that dragons weren't who we all believed them to be. But when your dad, the chief, stopped the fight…

"Chief?" Hiccup looked up abruptly.

"Yes. You were Stoick the Vast's son." She paused for a moment to let this seep in.

"But, if my dad was the chief and he's now dead, would that…" he broke off. The words stuck in his throat and he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Yes, Hiccup, you were. But you don't have to worry, your mother's covering for you. You just need to focus on getting yourself better."

Hiccup didn't say anything. This was a lot to deal with. Did it really mean he was supposed to be chief of this place called Berk? He? A leader?

Astrid waited for a moment to see whether he'd have anything else to say but Hiccup remained silent.

"Is it alright for me to continue?" Hiccup jerked a nod. "Like I was saying, when he stopped the fight, the monstrous nightmare tried to kill you and Toothless came to protect you. Your dad captured him then used him to find Dragon Island. He'd been after the nest there for years and was planning on killing them all.

"You weren't going to let them do it and hurt Toothless, so you got me, Snotlout, Ruff, Tuff, and Fishlegs together and taught us how to fly. We arrived soon after the dragon had come out of its cave. You found Toothless and together you conquered the red death. Then, right at the end, no one saw what happened exactly, but you had an accident. That's how you lost your leg."

Astrid finished her story and looked over at Hiccup. He was hunched over, staring into space.

"Are you alright?" she asked apprehensively.

"It's a lot to take in," admitted Hiccup. "Did I really do all that?"

"Yes, you did," she said with pride. "Without you things would never have changed. You changed things for the better. You've achieved great things, Hiccup."

Hiccup couldn't handle her compliments. He found the combination of learning all this new information and her approval overwhelming. So, he had no other family; his father was dead; he'd fought off monstrous dragons and lost his leg in one of the battles; had been the one responsible for all the change she talked about; to top it all off he was supposed to be the chief. And she was proud of him for it. He couldn't handle it. He brought his legs up to his chest and cradled himself.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked again more concerned.

He wasn't. He didn't know how to deal with this. He couldn't bring himself to believe he'd achieved all that and he couldn't handle her admiration. He didn't know why but her words grated on something within him.

"Hiccup?"

"I'm fine," he said flatly, keeping his gaze away from her.

"Is it something I said? I know it's a lot…"

"I said I'm fine."

Astrid didn't know what to do. He had gone somewhere where she couldn't reach him. They sat there in a long, awkward silence, both feeling tense and uncomfortable.

Hiccup felt a pat on his side. Then, a more forceful nudge.

"Arrrooo." It was Toothless.

"Oh! Hey, bud," said Hiccup a little startled as his trail of thought had been interrupted.

Toothless gave Hiccup such a prod he was knocked over.

"What was that for?" asked Hiccup scrambling to his feet.

"Purr." Toothless circled Hiccup, brushing against him.

"I think he's asking you to take him for a ride," said Astrid with a half-smile.

"A ride?"

"He wants to go flying with you."

"Arrrooo," said Toothless as if to say "yes, please."

Hiccup felt nervous. He'd never been flying before. Well, not from what he could remember, not since his accident, and he didn't know what to do. Astrid had always taken him.

Seeing his anxiety, she made a suggestion, "Why don't we go together? You could sit behind me whilst I ride him."

"Ummm…" Hiccup thought it over.

"I could teach you. Would you like that? Would you let me show you?"

Toothless circled Hiccup again and gave him another firm nudge from behind.

"Err… okay. I don't think I've got much of a choice anyway," he joked.

Astrid smiled, glad that the awkwardness between them had dissipated and, though Hiccup had chosen not to open up to her, at least they were talking again.

Astrid climbed onto Toothless' saddle and helped Hiccup climb on behind her.

"Okay, Toothless. We're ready," and they took to the sky.

Toothless rocketed high into the air at such speed Hiccup was flung backward dangerously. Astrid grabbed his back to prevent him from falling off.

"You've got to hold on."

Hiccup flopped forward, clung tightly to her waist and shielded his face behind her shoulder.

"Easy there, Toothless. We want him to enjoy this." As Toothless slowed down into a gentle glide Hiccup began to relax and looked around. He gasped in awe.

They were flying miles above the sea with the wind blowing lightly through their hair. He looked back to see Caldera Cay disappearing into the distance. They were so high up he was able to reach out and touch the clouds inches above him and down in the sea he saw enormous dragons swimming through the waters.

This was incredible. With all his worries and insecurities forgotten, he inhaled deeply the salty sea air and sighed. He felt free.

"This is amazing," he said half to himself and rested his hands upon Astrid's shoulders.

Astrid beamed with happiness. This was her Hiccup, she could feel his presence with her now. Admittedly he still couldn't remember anything, but she could sense his being, the dragon lover and gentle soul that he was, the Hiccup she had fallen in love with was coming through. He wasn't lost, not completely. He was alive. He was here. He was recovering. She would get him back. There would be a Hiccup and Astrid again. Someday.

As they flew on through the sky passing island after island, the sun beginning to set below the horizon, she clung on tightly to that hope.