CHAPTER 6

"No! Absolutely not. My son has been through enough. I will not have him made a spectacle of."

"Valka," urged Gobber, "I too care for the lad. This is not abou' making a spectacle of him. The people hold your son in the highest regard and all they want is to celebrate his return."

It was late evening and the two of them sat inside the Haddock cabin round the table drinking ale. News about Hiccup's current state of health and his now impending return to Berk had spread like wild fire round the village: it was all anyone could talk about. This fact bothered Valka. She didn't take kindly to those gossiping about him and raged at anyone she caught doing so.

"It will be too much for him. In Astrid's last letter it plainly states he still has no recollection of himself or others and he won't know how to cope with all the fuss."

"Aye, I am aware of tha'. But think, Valka. All I'm asking is a chance for the people to welcome their chief home. Once they've had their cosy little hello, all they will want to do is to feast and be merry. Hiccup doesn't have to attend the do if he's not up to it. Please, Valka, satisfy them. Give them tha' and then they will leave him alone. They won't let him be if ya don't."

Valka was defeated. Still new to Berk herself and only two months in the role of acting-chief, she relied heavily on Gobber for moral support and advice, but when it came to Hiccup's well-being, the twenty-year separation they'd had vanished and her motherly instincts to protect him were as strong as ever. She would not allow anyone to upset him. However, she could see Gobber was right. Being in the position of chief, Hiccup was going to be harassed by the people of Berk one way or another and allowing them one evening where they could burn off steam may work in his favour.

"Oh, alright. Let them have their party, but we must notify Astrid immediately so she may prepare him. And don't for one minute think I'm happy with the idea."

"Thank you, Valka," said Gobber. Sensing his dismissal, he nodded a bow and left.

"Hey! Who put you in charge?" whinged Fishlegs.

"The banner was my idea. I get to decide what goes on it," retorted Snotlout.

"No, it wasn't. Gobber asked both of us to make it."

"And Gobber has already decided on the design," interjected Heather as she walked past them on the grass, making her way up the long, stone steps towards The Great Hall, arms filled with pots and pans. "It will say 'Welcome Back Hiccup'. Nice and simple."

"Shut up, Heather," Snotlout grumbled to himself. The twins lay on the grass just above smirking.

"We've all been given a task to do," Heather went on. "I'm leading the banquet, Ruff and Tuff, are creating zippleback gas filled balloons and lighting a fire image in the sky and you and Fishlegs are making the banner. You've only got a few short hours to do it in or it won't be ready. He's coming back tonight so you'd better get a move on."

"She's getting worse," muttered Tuffnut to Ruffnut. "More like Astrid every day."

"Have you two sorted out your sky picture yet?" Heather said turning on them.

"Not quite. Ruffnut keeps making Hiccup's nose too small. It needs to be bigger. More authoritarian like. Impressive enough to be a Berkian chief's nose."

"What do you mean I keep making it too small? If it got any bigger he'd have no face left. He'd be nothing but nose."

"Hiccup as a big nose… Very suitable: a nosey Hiccup. Nosey, snoopy, meddlesome, intrusive, sneaky, officious, nosey…"

"Thor, help us," sighed Heather. "Look, just get it done," she ordered.

Tuffnut stuck out his tongue at her but Heather ignored him.

"You know, I still find it hard to believe what happened. Hiccup and Astrid, going through all that. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be."

"I know, right," replied Fishlegs. "They were going to get knot-tied too." Heather and Fishlegs exchanged glances, both thinking the same thing. How would they cope if it ever happened to either of them?

"I can't wait for him to take back the role of chief," said Tuff. "I thought he was quite the self-important control freak until his mother took over. She never lets us have any fun."

"Yeah, really bossy," agreed Ruffnut.

"He won't be chief when he comes back you idiots," snapped Snotlout. "Valka's still going to be acting up."

"Who are you calling 'idiot'?"

"Not you my princess," back-tracked Snotlout. "You are the light of my life, the woman of my dreams…"

"Go on," encouraged Ruff.

Heather rolled her eyes and carried on up to the hall to get on with preparing the feast, leaving the others to it.

Back on Caldera Cay, Hiccup was in his room supposedly finishing his packing. He stood facing his bed deep in thought as Astrid walked in behind him.

"Hiccup, are you nearly ready? We need to leave soon if we're going to make it before nightfall."

"Almost," he said quietly, not turning round.

"Is everything alright?" she asked. She approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder attempting to get his attention. He gave her a quick sideways glance and sighed.

"It just feels strange leaving," he admitted and pursed his lips. Astrid stood by him, silent. He could tell she wanted him to talk but it was hard. Opening up made him feel vulnerable. He had a strong, misplaced fear of rejection. If he dared to disclose his thoughts and feelings to her he was afraid of the reaction he'd get, that she would think him pathetic and laugh at him. He knew these feelings were irrational but they overpowered him and his mind froze, stuck in a painful state of being. She was so patient with him. Why was she willing to try so hard? Surely he wasn't worth her bother. But there was no sign of her giving up; she continued to stand there waiting, so, from deep within the tangled mess that was his mind, he forced himself to say something that might satisfy her.

"This…" he gestured to the room. "This is all I know. I… I-I don't know of anything else. I-I know I'm supposed to be going home b-but I don't know what 'home' is. I won't know anyone there…" He stopped. That had been so hard to say. There was more too. He was petrified of the idea that he was going to be placed on display for the whole village, but he couldn't bring himself to admit this too. Clenching his fists, eyes shut tight, he waited for her response.

"I know this is hard for you," she said gently, trying to soothe him, "but we need to go back. This isn't our home and, if it means anything, I'll be there. You'll know me."

It did mean something. She'd been with him right from the start. She'd helped him through all his pain and struggles. Why would anyone do all that for him?

"Thanks, Astrid. I appreciate it," he said quietly.

"Well, I'll give you a few more minutes to finish off. I'll be outside with our dragons waiting," and she turned and left.

Hiccup let out a shaky sigh as the door closed shut and took another glance round the room. He had finished packing ages ago but he was just reluctant to leave. Despite the fact that his memories here weren't all pleasant, he had grown attached to the place and it was proving difficult to let go. But he was better now, so everyone kept saying to him, and he couldn't stay here in the healing centre any longer.

Looking around, he spotted something familiar on the small, rickety bookshelf to his right. "Boulard the Brave and other terrific tales": the first book Astrid had read to him when he had woken from his accident and was stuck in bed. He picked it up off the shelf and turned to the first story and began to read. A strange sensation came over him. He didn't want to let this book go. There was an essence surrounding it he couldn't quite place, which made him treasure it for some reason but couldn't think why. Why? It was just a book, a tatty, old, book with pages falling out of its spine.

"Young Hiccup. Why do you dither? Miss Astrid is eager for your presence." It was Queen Mala.

"I'm coming," muttered Hiccup still staring at the title page of the first story.

"Boulard the Brave and the Sea Monster," a truly delightful tale. I remember reading that when I was not yet eleven years old. Lots of memorable tales." She studied Hiccup as he clung onto the book. "Take it with you."

"Mala? Are you sure...? I mean, I…"

"It is a gift." As Hiccup opened his mouth about to protest she added, "I insist."

"Umm… well… thanks. Thank you, Mala. That is… Thanks, for everything. You and your people have been very kind to me."

"Not at all, young Hiccup. My tribe and I are always eager to help those in need, especially those of our friends and allies we hold dear to our hearts. You, Astrid and all your dragon rider friends at Berk are forever welcome here. But now I think it is time you must go. Miss Astrid grows restless."

Hiccup closed the book and placed it carefully inside his satchel. He took one last look around and followed Mala out of the room.

Their conversation was somewhat strained during their flight to Berk. Astrid frequently tried to engage with Hiccup but he wasn't really in the mood so only gave short, abrupt answers in return.

They had decided they would pass by the island where he had had his accident to see whether it would help spark any memories but, as expected, it didn't – the cavern where he had lain, the ravine that he had climbed and the tree, now with a very mouldy, weathered piece of rope that he had hung from – none of it was familiar.

They then visited The Edge and Astrid showed him round the island.

"We spent the best part of two years here while fighting against a dragon hunter named Viggo Grimborn and his cronies Krogan and Johann. That's your cabin up there next to mine, that's the twins', Snotlout's, Fishlegs', and Heather's is further that way. Do you…?" she broke off. She knew what the answer would be, she could see it in his expression. They walked round the entire base but not once did anything trigger even the slightest recollection. Eventually Astrid left him looking around the dragon stables and wandered onto the decking. A moment later he too left and found her sitting at the end of the decking, looking sullen and sat down beside her.

"What is it? You look as miserable as me and that won't do," he joked trying to cheer her up.

"It's nothing." Hiccup gave her a knowing look. "Really, it doesn't matter."

"Tell me. We can't have both of us sulking. It won't do."

"You really want to know?"

"Really."

"Well, this place, this spot, just here, this is where we had our first proper kiss."

"Oh." Hiccup hadn't expected that. They had become good friends but whenever that subject was broached the atmosphere between them thickened.

"Like I said, it doesn't matter," and she turned away from him.

"I'm sorry."

"I know." Astrid braced herself and stood up, still not looking at him. "Come on. We've spent far too long here, we need to get going," and she left to find Stormfly.

Hiccup remained where he was a moment longer taking in all she'd said. He wished he could remember and feel the same way she did. He didn't like to see her hurt. He was beginning to feel there was more to this than she let on.

Sighing, he got up and followed her.

It was already dusk by the time they saw the watch towers of Berk alight in the distance.

"There it is. That's Berk, our home," pointed out Astrid.

Hiccup's heart leaped into his throat. This was it. Astrid saw him tense up.

"Remember, all you need to do is give everyone a quick smile and a wave. They just want to see you and welcome you home. After that it's completely up to you whether you want to join in with the festivities or go home." Hiccup nodded to show he understood. It still didn't make it any easier.

"Here they come!" someone down at Berk cried out and everyone began to cheer. The twins exchanged looks and leaped into the air on Barf and Belch.

Suddenly there was a huge figure ablaze in the sky.

"Whoa!" cried out Hiccup and reined Toothless to a halt in mid-air. "What is that? Is that… supposed to be me?" He looked more closely. "Is my nose really that big?"

"Ha, ha!" laughed Astrid. "No. But your hair is."

Hiccup gave her a perplexed look.

They flew down passed the image and under the welcome banner towards the cheering crowd.

As they dismounted a tall lady with autumn coloured hair, tied back in three long braids approached them.

"My son, welcome home. It is good to see you are well," and she wrapped her arms around him in a tender embrace. Hiccup could just about remember this woman visiting him when he had not long woken from his accident. She had not stayed long but he did remember her being just as loving then. Gingerly, he hugged her back.

Then they both turned to face the crowd.

"Your chief has returned!" Valka cried out. A loud ruckus broke out from the crowd in elation. Hiccup's cheeks flushed and he did his best to refrain from cringing. He felt most uncomfortable with all the attention.

"And Astrid, dear. I cannot thank you enough for all you've done," and the two women hugged.

"How was your flight?" Valka asked them both. "You must be worn out from such a long journey. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat," answered Astrid. "How about you, Hiccup?" She saw him looking across the crowd. It seemed he hadn't heard her. "Hiccup?" He turned to face her, a glazed expression marked his face. "Are you hungry?" He smiled weakly and grasped her hand, so tight it nearly hurt. His palm was all sweaty and his eyes darted across the crowd. He looked lost. "Valka, I think we need to go home."

Valka nodded in agreement.

"Heather, dear, please send our meals to our hut." Then, speaking to Hiccup, "This way," and took his other hand.

They walked past the gawking crowd with Toothless and Stormfly in tow, through Berk, and finally arrived at a hut high up on the hill overlooking most of the village. Cloudjumper lay on top of the roof, far too big to fit inside.

"You sit down here, love. Our food will be with us shortly," she said settling him down at the table before finding a seat beside him. "So, how are you, son? Astrid has kept me well informed about your progress, that you have recovered well?"

"I'm fine, thanks," he said coyly.

"Did their people look after you well?"

"Yes. Umm…"

"On the whole they did, Val," interjected Astrid, recognising Hiccup was struggling. "But I'm afraid there was one incident that I didn't mention in my letters."

"Oh?"

"To put it politely, there was a 'misunderstanding' with some of the healers at the centre and…" She was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in," called Valka. Heather and two other people walked in carrying trays with plates of food and drinks. "Just pop it down here, thank you."

Heather placed Hiccup's food and drink in front of him giving him a smile. Hiccup smiled back sheepishly in appreciation and began to pick at his food. He showed no sign of recognizing her. Astrid and Heather exchanged glances, a mixture of unspoken words of welcome and sorrow.

"Thank you, dear. You may leave us now." Dismissed, Heather and her helpers left. "So, you were saying?"

"Yes, umm… There was a misunderstanding of sorts. It was at the time Hiccup couldn't speak clearly and was still in bed. He wanted to go outside but, thinking he was being difficult, they put him into a drugged sleep to subdue him."

"Oh, my!" exclaimed Valka in horror. "That's dreadful! Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"I thought about it, but the situation was dealt with. Queen Mala refused them access after that leaving me in charge of his care." Astrid reached out and placed a hand on Valka's shoulder. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but I didn't want to worry you. I thought it best to tell you this in person."

"Hiccup. Is this true?"

Hiccup gave his mother a quick glance, nodded, then continued to pick at his food.

"Oh, I don't believe it. I should have been there. I…"

"It's okay, Valka. You were needed here. I handled it. After that everything else ran smoothly."

"Well, I'm just glad you were with him. I have so much to thank you for, child."

Hiccup found he couldn't eat, his stomach was in knots. He placed his cutlery down and looked about the room.

"Maybe we should talk about something else, move our focus onto tomorrow. Hiccup, I am afraid I have far too many things I must do. You know Astrid. How do you feel about her giving you a tour of Berk in the morning? I can be with you by teatime. Would that be alright?"

"Sounds good I guess," he replied, only half listening. He felt out of place. He couldn't eat and the conversation put him on edge. "Actually, would you excuse me," he asked politely, getting up from his seat. "I'm pretty tired. I… err… oh. Wh-where is my room?"

"It's up the stairs straight ahead of you," said Valka. "Would you like any help?"

"No, thanks. I think I can manage." Then, as a second thought, "and, err… thanks for the meal," and he left with Toothless at his heel.

"I was afraid the welcome would be too much for him," muttered Valka after he'd gone. "I said to Gobber…"

"It's okay, Val. You couldn't have done anything else. Gobber was right, the people wouldn't have left him alone anyway. At least, this way, they've had what they wanted and should leave him be now."

They continued with arranging plans for the next day, but despite their hushed voices, Hiccup could hear every word as he stood by his bedroom door. He knew they were doing their best for him but he couldn't help feeling like some prized possession placed on show, being told where to go and what to do. He let Toothless through then closed the door.

He was in a fairly big space. His room seemed to cover most of the attic. The bed on the left side of the room, which lay under an open window with a pull-down hatch, was decorated with carved dragon faces hanging over the head of the bed on either side. A small cupboard and a table were placed either side of it. There was a desk at the far end of the room littered with papers and to its right was an oddly shaped slab of stone that looked to be some kind of raised platform.

He watched as Toothless plodded over to the platform, circle himself round, heating the area with a flame before settling down. That spot must belong to him thought Hiccup.

He continued to observe the area, taking in more of the room. There were lots of pictures pinned to the walls decorating the place, most of which were above the desk. Curious, he wandered over to have a closer look. Many were sketches of different kinds of dragon, some he had seen back at Caldera Cay with Astrid and others he did not recognise.

Amongst them were also pictures of people. A large man with a great, ginger beard and wearing a long, fur cloak appeared a fair few times. There was one picture where this man had been drawn with his arms around who he knew now to be his mother and… himself. R.I.P. with a heart was written at the bottom of the page. This couldn't be his father, could it? He was enormous, with arms three times as wide as his own and looked to be at least as strong. He was quite the scrawny looking thing in comparison.

Shaking off feelings of self-doubt that had risen, he moved his gaze to study some of the other pictures. There were drawings of a fair few other people dotted here and there, but the person who appeared most frequently was Astrid. There were many pictures of her varying in age, from what seemed to be as young as ten right through to how he knew her to be now, but he could see it was her every time. There were the same eyes, the same nose, and the same mouth.

He decided to take one down from the wall and went to sit cross-legged on the bed. He wanted to take a proper look. In this picture she looked to be about fifteen, maybe sixteen? She was leaning against a wall with one leg bent at the knee, holding an axe which pointed down towards the ground. She glanced to her right side, deep in thought, like she was waiting for something. A slightly disgruntled expression lay upon her face, though, by the way the image had been drawn it seemed most endearing. It appeared she may not have been aware she was being sketched.

He sighed and looked around himself again. This was supposed to be his room, his stuff, but it didn't feel like it. Nothing felt right. Nothing was familiar. Toothless seemed to have noticed his state of mind and came over, placing his head on Hiccup's lap to comfort him.

"Arrrooo."

"What am I going to do, bud? Everyone expects something from me. Astrid, my mum, the people… And I…" He sighed again and petted the creature. "You don't expect anything from me, do you? Whether I remember or not, you don't care. Thank you." Hiccup bent down and placed his head affectionately on top of Toothless' and stroked him.

"Purr."

Hiccup yawned. He was tired. He reached inside his satchel, pulled out the book he'd brought back with him before placing the bag on the side table. He then lay down on his pillows to study it for a while. Why did this book have such a calming effect on him? This tatty, old, beaten up book? He looked again at the picture of Astrid. She was quite pretty, and fun. She had been a great friend to him the last couple of months. He hugged both the book and the sketch against his chest.

It had been a full-on day and he was exhausted. Still laying on top of his covers, he rolled over, closed his eyes and was soon fast asleep with the book still cradled in one hand, the sketch in the other and Toothless, his dragon, watching over him.