CHAPTER 9

"No… No…! NO!"

Hiccup bolted upright. Sweating all over, eyes wide and a hand outstretched. He sat there in the dark for a long time, frozen with fear.

Another nightmare. He was having them every day now and they were becoming more intense, but still he hadn't a clue what they were about. All he knew was that he didn't want something to happen and he was unable to stop it.

His mum wasn't aware he was having these dreams and he had decided he wanted to keep it that way. He didn't want to burden her with any more of his problems. Good job she was away right now else he was sure to have woken her. He had cried out pretty loudly.

Breathing heavily, he pulled his knees into his chest and gently rocked back and forth.

Toothless had stirred. He stretched himself awake and came over to check on his rider.

"What's happening to me, bud?" he asked as he petted his dragon.

Toothless nuzzled him. He didn't like to see Hiccup so upset and wished he could do more to help.

It was the middle of the night. Everyone else was still tucked up soundly in their beds, yet Hiccup didn't feel like going back to sleep. He was fearful that if he did he may experience another one of those dreams. He had had two of them yesterday. To keep himself awake, he reached over for the book of "Boulard the Brave" resting on his bedside cabinet and placed it against his chest. It was an infantile thing to do and he felt a little foolish but he didn't really care right now. It comforted him. It reminded him of her soothing voice and the love she had for him. It surprised him when he realised just how much he loved her too.

He stayed like that all the rest of the night, watching the sky gradually grow lighter and listening to the village coming to life.

After some time there was a knock at the door.

He knew it must be Astrid. They had planned to spend the day together and she was going to call for him. They had been officially back together for about four weeks now and this was to be their first all-day date.

She was great: she was being so patient with him and happy to take things at his pace. He knew none of this had been easy for her to bear. He was so appreciative and found he only loved her all the more for it.

He put the book down and ran down the stairs to let her in.

"Are you nearly ready? I've made us some lunch as I said I would and I've even brought some yaknog…" She stopped as she took in his complexion. "Are you alright, Hiccup? You look awful."

He did. His skin was grey and bags lay under his eyes. It wasn't just last night he hadn't slept well, he hadn't slept properly for a week and he was bushed.

"It's nothing. I'm okay."

"It's not nothing. Something's bothering you, I can tell."

"I told you, it's nothing!" Hiccup instantly felt guilty, he hadn't meant to snap at her. He'd been doing that a lot lately with everyone. It felt like something was slowly pressing in on him, but it wasn't her fault and she hadn't deserved that. "I'm sorry. I'm just a bit tired that's all. I didn't sleep very well last night."

Astrid thought back to a few months ago before his accident. He wasn't sleeping well then either and things were bothering him but he wouldn't open up. She gave him a hard stare. She wasn't going to let it go. Oh no, not this time.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing much, honest." He could see she wasn't going to accept this weak response. Sighing, he added, "I've only been having dreams… if you can even call them that."

"What are they about?"

"Nothing."

"Hiccup!" she warned.

"Honestly, Astrid. I really don't know. My mind's a complete blank. I don't see anything, don't hear anything. They just wake me up in the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep." He left out the fact that they scared him. He didn't want to worry her too much.

She gave a resigned sigh and leaned in for a hug. She hoped he was telling the truth, that there wasn't more to it.

"Look, it doesn't matter. Let's not let it ruin our day. Let me get my hip-flask and I'll be ready."

A moment later, as they stepped back outside and were about to mount their dragons, Ruffnut appeared. She stood grandly and cleared her throat.

"Ladies and gentle-Vikings. May I request that you kindly make your way to the theatre and take your seats? The performance will commence shortly."

"Oh no…"

"Oh! Is this one of your plays, Hiccup? I haven't seen one yet," said Astrid, becoming quite animated.

"You've not missed much. There's not a lot to see," he tried to mutter so only Astrid could hear.

"So it won't take long. Come on, babe. We've got all day and it'll be fun!"

Hiccup wasn't convinced but she seemed so keen he didn't have the heart to disappoint her, so, grudgingly, he submitted and followed the girls to the same makeshift stage and sat down on the box next to Astrid to wait.

The twins and Snotlout were back wearing the same garments as before. The only difference was this time Snotlout's leg wasn't trussed up, for once he was standing steady on both legs.

"Today we tell the tale of The Red Death," began Tuffnut, acting as both narrator and Stoick once more.

As the play began, Astrid leaned in towards Hiccup and rested her head on his shoulder. His heart skipped a beat at the sudden affection and he moved in towards her, resting his cheek against the top of her head. They laced fingers.

Astrid watched with amusement as Ruffnut attempted to impersonate her and laughed when Snotlout was forced to jump from a high pile of boxes resembling the red death dragon and, instead of being caught by Ruffnut, fell flat on his face. Her laughter was infectious and Hiccup found himself joining in. He had always found the plays irritating before, believing them to be a means of ridicule, but watching them now with Astrid, he found himself beginning to enjoy it.

As the play came to a close, Heather and Fishlegs came running up. Heather looked rather flustered.

"I'm sorry guys but I'm really glad I've caught you all. I've just received a t-mail from my brother. Berserker Island is under attack by a large group of wild monstrous nightmares and they're destroying the village. Dagur is struggling to fend them off. He really needs Berk's help but, as you know, Valka has already taken the A-team to resolve the whispering death crisis in the east and won't be back for a while."

"I'll come with you, Heather," said Astrid snapping into her battle mode. "I'm sorry, Hiccup: it looks like our day together will have to wait."

"There will always be another time. Berk must always meet the needs of its allies in times of crisis. Besides, why don't we all go? It sounds like your brother could do with as much help as he can get."

"Thank you, guys," said Heather touched.

"Heather, send word to Dagur and tell him all the dragon riders will be there," continued Hiccup. "Astrid, you could get the B-team in place to defend Berk while we're gone. We can then go as soon as we're ready."

Heather and Astrid exchanged looks. They'd both noticed a subtle yet certain change in Hiccup. Keeping quiet, they went to follow their orders.

Moments later, as the group approached Berserker Island, they marvelled at the level of devastation. Streams of thick, sticky fire ran down the steep, jagged hills of the island like flaming rivers. Dozens of dragons swooped the skies above setting fires everywhere. As the riders drew closer, they could see many huts had already burned down while others were still ablaze. Villagers ran around with buckets trying to put out the flames but it was obvious they were struggling to keep up with the speed of destruction. As fires were put out the monstrous nightmares set themselves ablaze, crawled over the huts and reset them on fire. Some of the braver villagers, wanting to defend their homes, made for the dragons but this only resulted in their being hurtled across the air by the power of a wing or being swallowed whole then chucked aside like a discarded toy.

"Oh no!" gasped Heather.

"Don't worry, Heather," reassured Astrid. "We'll find Dagur and get this messy business dealt with."

They swooped down and soon found him busy helping to put out the flames of one of the huts. Catching sight of them, he turned to welcome the riders.

"Heather! Sister!" he said as he embraced her. "Everyone. Thank you so much for coming so quickly."

"Not at all, Dagur," replied Astrid. "Tell us anything we need to know."

"The monstrous nightmares arrived here yesterday and have been making a right nuisance of themselves. They've been eating all our new crops we've been trying to grow and there's now little of it left. I thought they only ate fish. When we tried to get them to leave they began to attack. You know I won't allow my people to harm any dragon but the more we tried to get them to leave, the more aggressive they became and as you can see half our whole village is now burning to the ground."

"What you need, Dagur, is an expert in the field, i.e. me," said Snotlout making his presence known. "I know this breed like the back of my own hand. I will have your little nightmare problem cleared up before you can say fish guts." He made his way over to the nearest monstrous nightmare who was busy crawling across a wall of a hut. "What they need, you see, is to know who is boss. Watch and learn."

He turned to the dragon.

"Oi! You! Yes, you! Get over here and show the Snot-man some respect!" The creature looked at him bored, then continued to stoke the hut. "Right! You asked for this!" Snotlout jumped onto the dragon's head and began to wrestle the jaws of the beast shut.

The dragon, however, wasn't very amused. It jumped off the hut, swung its head and began ramming Snotlout against the ground repeatedly before throwing him aside.

"See…" Snotlout forced himself up trying to regain some dignity. "He knows the Snot-boss now." Too dizzy, he fell back down, unconscious.

"Dagur. Did you happen to notice in which direction the monstrous nightmares flew from?" asked Hiccup.

"From over there." He pointed east.

"That's where mum and the A-team went to sort out the whispering death crisis." He said to himself.

"Hiccup, what is it?" asked Astrid. Ignoring her, Hiccup asked Dagur another question.

"You said when they arrived they were eating your crops. What were you trying to grow?"

"Corn. Why?"

"Were they at all aggressive before you approached them?"

"No, only when we tried to protect our crops."

Hiccup put the pieces together and faced the whole group.

"I believe these dragons have been forced off their own island by the whispering deaths and they're now in search of a new home. They found Berserker Island and saw the corn. Though their main food source is fish, corn is a delicacy of theirs. They want to make this island their new home.

"But they can't stay," exclaimed Dagur. "We have no room for them."

"Gang," continued Hiccup, "we need to get these dragons off this island and help them find somewhere else. Dragon Island isn't far and it has plenty of room for them all. Fishlegs, is there anything else we know about monstrous nightmares that might help us?"

Fishlegs pulled out his set of cards and began scanning through them.

"They're the largest breed of the stoker class: very aggressive, powerful and stubborn. They never run from a fight unless it's one they know they can't win. They're very intelligent and proud creatures and have a strong desire to be respected."

"Right," continued Hiccup. "Twins, could you and Snotlout help the villagers put out as many fires as you can? Dagur, Astrid, Fishlegs, Heather, find yourselves a dragon. We need to let them know we're not a threat and that they have our respect. Once we've earned their trust, we'll be able to encourage them away from the crops and transfer them onto Dragon Island."

Everyone, including Dagur, was stunned by Hiccup's speech. He sounded very much like the old Hiccup they knew and admired.

"Looks like Sir Talks-a-lot is finally back," grumbled Tuffnut to his sister.

Oblivious to them all, Hiccup made his way over to the monstrous Nightmare Snotlout had approached moments before. The dragon noticed him coming and roared at him in warning. Keeping eye contact with the creature, Hiccup decanted all his weapons and dropped them to the ground as a signal to show he was no threat. He then bent down on one knee and bowed his head low. Becoming interested in him, the dragon crawled down off the hut and went to stand next to Hiccup.

With his head still lowered, Hiccup raised a hand and waited patiently. The dragon cautiously gave him a sniff, then, deciding this man could be trusted, he placed his snout inside Hiccup's palm. After a moment, Hiccup carefully stood back up, moved to the side of the beast and began gently caressing its right horn. The dragon seemed to enjoy this and rubbed its head against him. Finally, slowly and carefully, Hiccup began to apply pressure to the horn and pushed it down to the ground. He held it firmly in place with one hand and continued to stroke the animal with the other. The monstrous nightmare was relaxed and had completely submitted to him.

Nearby nightmares, who could see this amazing sight, became curious and stopped in their tracks. The riders watched in awe as they made their way over towards Hiccup.

Very soon, Hiccup was surrounded by half a dozen monstrous nightmares all waiting to have their turn of affection and their own horns pinned to the ground.

Astrid beamed with pride. This was why people called him the Great Dragon Master.

It was now early evening and already dark. The moon glowed like a large diamond over the archipelago sea. The riders had managed to relocate all the dragons and Dagur had invited them back to Berserker Island for a celebratory meal as a means of thanks. They sat round a campfire, stoking yak chops. Heather was snuggled up to Fishlegs, resting her head on his shoulder while Snotlout massaged Ruff's feet.

"This is great, you all being here," said Dagur. "It seems just like old times. You know, us hanging out while you lot were at The Edge? Hey! Do you remember the time when I had Gustav as my apprentice? What a laugh that was!"

"Not the best idea you ever had," chuckled Snotlout.

"I admit he wasn't great, Snotfeatures, but we had a laugh didn't we?"

"You nearly lost your whole island to Savage!" sniped Snotlout, not very pleased with the nickname.

"And I have you to thank in helping me reclaim it, Snotbucket."

"Humph…"

"Talking about thanks, I cannot thank you guys enough for all you've done today. If it wasn't for you, Hiccup, I would have lost the entire village for sure."

"Err… it wasn't just me. We all worked hard."

"Don't be so modest, brother! If it wasn't for your quick-witted solution…"

"Brother…?"

"It's an affectionate name he has for you," explained Astrid, sitting beside him.

Hiccup gritted his teeth together and continued stoking his chop. It was still very common for the others to mention things he didn't know and it hurt being constantly reminded of the fact that he'd lost his memory. He hated feeling detached from all these people who were supposed to be his friends and he was finding it harder and harder to deal with. Rage boiled inside him but, determined not to ruin the evening, he fought to control it.

Noticing him sitting there all tense and disgruntled, Heather made an effort to change the subject.

"It's going to take some time rebuilding this place, Dagur. Some of our people are without a home tonight and out in the cold. I can stay here with you for a while and help."

"No need, sister, though I do appreciate the thought. Thanks to you, we still have a healthy forest nearby in which we can make use of. We will commence work first thing tomorrow."

"But…"

"Heather, it's fine. But if you must do something for me, then why not give me something to look forward to and get your knot-tying booked up? I've been waiting and waiting for my invitation and it would be nice to become an uncle before too long. Am I right, Fishlegs?" and he gave him a wink.

"We will, Dagur. We just decided to hold off for a while, that's all."

"Whatever for? Is there a problem? Is Fishlegs not able to satisfy you?" he said with a smirk.

"Dagur!" she snapped back. Then she leant into him and whispered, "We were hoping that Hiccup might be able to perform the ceremony. We did ask him before, but… you know."

Despite her efforts to be discreet, Hiccup overheard every word. They were all holding back because of him. He knew he should be grateful for their patience but all he felt was pressure. They all wanted him to recover but he could do nothing about it. Six long months he'd been like this and there was absolutely no improvement. Not a single memory had he had. Not one.

"Yeah, Hiccup," piped up Tuff. "When are you going to get your act together and take back the role of the Chief of Berk? This whole business is dragging on a bit, don't you think?"

"Tuffnut!" snapped Astrid.

"I'm just saying. And, besides, I thought you both were getting knot-tied soon too. Talk about dragging your feet. Geez!"

"Say something else, Tuffnut, I dare you!" and Astrid prepared herself ready for a fight.

It was more than Hiccup could bear.

"Thank you, Dagur, for the food, but if you'll excuse me I need to go," he placed down his uneaten chop and began walking away.

"Hiccup! Wait!"

"Don't follow me, Astrid. I need to be on my own right now," and he went to find Toothless leaving the rest of the group in stunned silence.

The next morning Astrid decided she'd go check on Hiccup. She had been worried about him walking off like that and wanted to know that he was okay. Hopefully he would have calmed down by now and be willing to talk things over a bit.

She went to his hut and rapped on the door. There was no answer. She knocked again a little harder. When there was no reply she let herself in.

"Hiccup? Are you here?" There was still no answer. It was a bit early; maybe he was sleeping in. She crept upstairs but, no, he wasn't there. However, something else grabbed her attention. She went over to the bed and picked up the book Hiccup had left there the previous morning.

"'Boulard the Brave and other terrific tales'…" she read aloud. He'd kept it. She had had no idea.

Blushing, she accepted he obviously wasn't home. Maybe he was out flying Toothless already. She put the book back where she'd found it, she decided she'd take Stormfly out for flight before catching him at Berk Training Academy.

"No, he's not here, Astrid. He didn't turn up today," replied Fishlegs. "Is everything okay?"

"You know how upset he was last night. I just want to make sure he's alright. Thor! I could throttle Tuffnut sometimes!"

"It was a lot for him yesterday, but I'm sure he's fine. Shall I let you know if I see him?"

"That would be good. Thanks, Fishlegs."

Astrid had to get to work. She'd check on him later at the dragon centre before lunch. He was bound to be there at least.

"Sorry, lass. I've not seen him all morning. Hasn't shown up to work. If ya see him tell him I could really do with a hand. We're quite over-run today."

"Will do, Gobber," she trilled. She was starting to become anxious. She went round the whole of the village asking everyone whether they'd seen him. No one had. Where was he?

Giving up, she jumped into Stormfly's saddle, deciding to fly round the island, visiting all the places he might be. He was nowhere to be found.

Starting to panic now, she began searching all nearby rock formations.

Finally, there he was. He was sitting on top of what happened to be his favourite thinking spot. Oh, the relief!

Coming into land, Toothless came bounding gaily up towards Stormfly, happy to see his friend.

"I guess I shouldn't be too surprised to find you here," she said sitting herself down next to him. "You always did like your 'Hiccup-Thinking-Sea-Stacks'."

"You know me that well, huh?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, that makes one of us."

His face was drawn and he was ice-cold.

"Hiccup, you look exhausted. Don't tell me you've been out here all night." He didn't answer. "Oh, Hiccup."

They sat there in silence for a while.

"You know, I did come out here to be alone."

"I came here because I was worried about you. No one knew where you were. Fishlegs hadn't seen you and you hadn't turned up to work. You just disappeared."

Once again Hiccup didn't reply.

"Hiccup, what's the matter? You've been such a grump lately. You really upset everyone last night by leaving like that. What's happened to you?"

"What's happened to me? What's happened to me? Really? You don't know?" Flabbergasted, he stood up and began to pace. "Well, I'll tell you. I wake up one morning with strangers all around me, not having a clue who they are. I don't even know who I am. Do you have any idea what that's like? Do you? Then you bring me to Berk which is supposed to be my home and still there's nothing I know. Nothing!"

He'd snapped. It was as if he'd been holding onto these thoughts all night and now they came gushing out.

Shocked, Astrid, too, stood up.

"It's not been easy for me either, Hiccup," she retorted. "I lost my betrothed that day. I was terrified. I thought you were going to die! Do you realise how scary that was for me? I thought I lost you… In a way I had…"

"But you still had everyone else. I have no one. I remember no one! You don't know what that's like. None of you do! Being disconnected from everyone you're supposed to know and care about. Don't you get it? I – don't – know – anyone! I don't know you. I don't know my own mother, my own father. I don't even know who I am! You talk about being scared. Do you realise how scared that makes me?"

"Well, why don't you stop pushing me away and help me to understand? I want to help you!"

"Why? So I can make you feel better about yourself? So I can make pretend that everything's okay for everyone else? Pretend to be the Hiccup you all want me to be? Make everyone happy? Be the chief again? Perform Heather and Fishlegs' ceremony? Yes, I heard them last night. Be your betrothed again? I'm not that guy anymore!"

Toothless had been playing with Stormfly. Upon noticing the commotion he wandered over to Hiccup to see what was going on. He gave Hiccup a gentle nudge attempting to console him.

"Get away, dragon! Go on! Get out of here!" barked Hiccup, pushing him away. Toothless, hurt by his rider's abruptness, whined and skulked away.

"What did you do that for?" Astrid was stunned. She couldn't believe what had just happened.

Hiccup gritted his teeth and turned his back on them both, seething.

"Hiccup, what's really going on? You're being such a jerk!"

Hiccup said nothing. He just stood there rigid with his fists clenched tight, chest heaving. In truth he didn't know himself. Maybe it was the lack of sleep though he doubted this somehow. Whatever it was he knew he wasn't right: he felt overwhelmed, like he was at the foot of the cliff about to slip off, or trapped in a confined space which was getting smaller and smaller by the minute. The pressure inside him was becoming too great, he wanted to scream!

"We're all here for you and just want you to get better. There's no rush. Ignore Tuffnut, he can be a royal yak's ass at times, but no one else is rushing you. We all just want to help you and be there for you."

"See?" he turned back to face her, eyes blazing. "You admit that everyone wants something from me. You say 'no rush' but that just means you still want me to recover. It's been six months! Six months and nothing's changed. What if I can't? What if I don't? What if I never regain my memory? What then?"

Astrid was worried for him. What should she do? She watched as his eyes glazed over.

"You'll have me!"

"Yeah, great. Just what I need. A pity party."

SLAP!

"Fine! Have it your way! Be alone!" and Astrid turned and made her way over to Stormfly.

"No…" she heard Hiccup call out behind her.

"No, Hiccup. Too late. You got what you wanted. You hurt me…"

"No…"

He didn't sound right. She stood still and listened.

"Toothless! Come on. What's the matter with you?"

"Hiccup?" and she glanced back at him. He wore a dazed expression. Was he talking to himself?

"No, no, no, no…" he went on. "Come on. What are you doing?" Panic etched his voice.

"Hiccup!" she ran up to him.

"Knock it off! Stop! Snap out of it!"

"Hiccup! Look at me!"

"Toothless, no! Toothless! NO! STOP! DAD! NOOO!"

With an arm outstretched, attempting to block something only he could see, Hiccup went quiet. His chest heaved and his eyes were wide. He was in a panic!

"Hiccup! Please! I'm here. It's Astrid. Wake up!" but it was futile. He had gone somewhere where he couldn't hear her.

"Dad!" he finally said.

"Hiccup?"

"Dad… no… no! No, no, no, no…" Seeing his face screw up like he was about to cry Astrid leaned into him to provide comfort. She didn't know what else to do.

Then suddenly he thrust her away, causing her to stagger.

"No! Get away from him! Go on! Get out of here! Get away!" and he tripped himself up and fell forwards onto his hands and knees.

Astrid stood back watching in horror. What was happening to him? She watched as his chest heaved in and out. Then, he began to make odd noises, almost like he was choking. Gingerly, she approached him, bent down in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

This time he looked up at her. His face was wild. Recognising her, he sprung himself on her and clung to her in quiet desperation.

"It's okay," she soothed him. "It's okay.

"Dad…" he choked out. "Dad, I'm so… I'm so… sorry!" and he broke down in her arms, tears flowing down his cheeks. "It my fault," he wailed between his sobs. "It's all my fault!"

Astrid held him as he began to howl.

He cried and he cried. It felt like an eternity.

Sometimes his cries would subside only for him to blame himself again for the death of his father and a whole new flood of tears would start. It was like that for a long time.

At some point Hiccup wore himself out and fell asleep resting on Astrid. However, after only a short while, Hiccup stirred again shouting out "No… no...! No!" waking himself up and he broke down once more.

Eventually, he fell silent and lay with his head on Astrid's lap as she threaded her fingers through his hair. Toothless cautiously approached the couple and Hiccup reached out to pet him. He felt bad for his previous gruffness with him.

"I'm sorry, bud," he rasped. Toothless nuzzled him accepting his apology. "And I'm sorry I said those things to you, Astrid. I was a jerk."

"Yes. You were."

"You've been there for me all the way. I've put you through so much."

"You've been through a lot too, Hiccup. Your dad died a year ago… A year today, actually…" Now there was a thought. "You haven't been yourself in ages. You've had to take on the role of chief while still grieving. You have a near-fatal accident resulting in a serious head injury. Of course you're going to struggle a bit."

"It's really been a year since he died?"

"Yep."

Hiccup contemplated this.

"I wonder whether he'd be disappointed in me if he saw me now."

"Is that what's been bothering you?"

"I guess. I've… I've always felt like I wasn't good enough for him, not being the son he wanted. Then… because of me… he's dead…"

"What do you mean 'always'…? Hiccup. Are you saying you remember that?"

Hiccup paused. Stunned. Slowly he sat up.

"Do you remember anything else?" Astrid dared to ask.

Hiccup thought. Then, realising just how much he did, he looked into her eyes and placed a hand gently on her cheek.

"I remember," he said. "And I remember us. I love you, Astrid," and he moved in towards her and kissed her softly on the lips.

It was all too much for Astrid. She gasped, pulled away, then shuddered. However, just as Hiccup grew concerned, she flung herself back on him, and together they shared a passionate embrace.