Supernatural does not belong to me, although I wish it did. I am simply playing in Kirpke's sandbox for a bit. All rights and ownership are the property of Kripke and the CW network. I am not making any money from this; it is for my own personal pleasure.

Synopsis: Set at the start of Season One, Dean had been in a wheelchair since his father disappeared more than a year ago and he finally has to tell Sam… There'd been an accident that night and Dean had paid a very high price….one he still doesn't understand. The story will have some hunts from season one and possibly into season two…the brothers will continue their search for their father…there will be alterations to the hunts to accommodate Dean's new situation. I have every intention of returning Dean to good health before this ends…but getting there is going to be bumpy.

Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so all grammatical errors are my own. Not Slash. Brotherly love and Angst only…

Please Review: So I know there's interest

Previous Chapter:

Sam had known that their father had treated them differently. He'd known that Dean was expected to be perfect in his application of the skills that their father was teaching them. But he hadn't known what happened when his brother wasn't…perfect. And now he could feel the burn of tears as he realized just how awful their childhood had been for his brother.

"He always did that. He always trained that much harder or worked through that much more pain; and it was always for you." John said as he saw clarity reflecting out of Sam's eyes. "You were the key to training him then and you're the key to destroying him now."

"You're not him." Sam said through clenched teeth. He was trying desperately not to let the apparition's words bother him. But something inside of him was screaming that this was Dean's mind! Which meant that his brother must think this…at least on some level.

"No. I'm not your father. But I am your brother." John's face shifted to Deans and Sam's eyes widened in shock. His brother's face was beaten all to hell. But it was the dead unfeeling eyes that would forever haunt his dreams. The thing staring at him wasn't his brother. It wasn't Dean…it couldn't be. The eyes were obsidian black and full of rage and hate.

"You left me, Sammy." He moved toward Sam, his gate was a broken limp and his hands curling into fists at his sides. "He hurt me because you hurt him. I spent the last year in the fucking wheelchair because of you." Dean spat out. The venom filled words hit home for Sam and his eyes burned with unshed tears. "All that I have suffered was to save you! And none of it. None of it! Mattered."

"That's not true Dean. I love you. I always have." Sam responded softly.

The thing standing across from him laughed. It was a hollow tight sound that was nothing like the hearty laughter of his older brother. Sam cringed at the sound. "You only care about yourself, Sam."

"That's not true."

"You sure about that?" Dean's eyes flashed back to green and the hurt was so evident that it cut Sam's heart to ribbons.

Another soul ripping cry echoed through the salvage yard. It was Dean's…and he was in pain. Sam's eyes flashed around him and he was surprised to find himself completely alone. He quickly moved toward the noises emanating from the backside of the yard.

"No, Sammy! Stop!" The echo of brother's words tore at him and Sam rushed into the last garage that Bobby had worked in. It was the one where Dean had restored the Impala when they'd been younger. He didn't know how he knew it. But Sam was certain that Dean would be there. Maybe it was the desperation in his brother's voice. Or maybe it was the unrelenting despair, either way; Sam knew he'd tracked his brother to his own personal prison.

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Chapter 60

Safe Haven

Dean struggled angrily to his feet as Sam begged for help. The demon inside him laughed at his helpless keens of pain. 'He'll never know it wasn't you that turned on him.' The demon said.

Dean's fists were brought back again and again, driving down into Sam's body until his brother was on his knees staring up at his protector. No matter how much Dean tried he couldn't block out the sounds of flesh on flesh and it was the most agonizing thing he'd ever dealt with.

The voice taunted him and there was nothing he could do to avoid it. He backed into a corner and sank down covering his ears with hands. It was completely counter intuitive to the way he lived his life. Dean Winchester was a fighter and he knew he wasn't fighting. But how could he fight against himself? He didn't have control. He didn't know how to take control back and he couldn't watch this anymore.

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Sam slogged through the muck and the mire of the salvage yard as he tried desperately to get to his brother. The cries were building to a crescendo of pain. His chest tightened at what he was hearing and this was only part of what he'd witnessed. He wasn't sure how well he really knew his older brother. Dean had kept all of this from him. If he hadn't been cursed with those damn visions he never would have found out anything. He wouldn't have known that their father was a sadistic son of a bitch. Or that his brother loved him unconditionally and irrevocably.

That hurt. The idea that maybe his brother didn't trust him enough to tell him. The rational side of his brain told him that Dean had been trying to protect him. Which he believed, he truly did. Dean was trying to protect me. The way he had their entire lives. Sam clamped down on the pain of his realization and kept walking. He thought that Dean's mind was going to throw something else at him, but as he reached the cracking porch steps of Bobby's place, nothing happened. The entire way he could hear his brother's cries and the pain and the fear that he must be going through were tearing Sam apart.

What he saw when he round the corner was enough to sent the bile racing up his throat. There on the old tile floor was Dean. He was huddled into a tiny ball. His arms were wrapped around his knees and he was rocking back and forth. At first Sam couldn't figure out what he was saying, but as he closed the distance between them he heard his brother muttering his name over and over.

"Sammy. Sammy. Sammy." His name was uttered in a small broken voice that Sam couldn't recognize as Deans. There was a pool of blood beneath his booted heels. The gore had soaked into Dean's jeans making them more black than blue. Sam's gaze followed the stains up and he clenched his teeth in fear when he saw the knife lying near his brother's right elbow. It too was covered in the thick metallic smelling blood of his brother. At least Sam assumed it was Dean's. There wasn't anyone else there. Other than the sadistic things that fucking demon had set loose inside the elder Winchester.

A loan keen gained strength until Dean was all but screaming. His face still nestled into his folded arms.

Sam sprinted the last few feet between them and dropped to his knees beside Dean. The air inside the old house smelled like dust and blood. It was oppressive and immersed Sam more fully inside whatever his older brother was feeling. "Dean?" He was leery about touching the unresponsive person rocking in front of him. Dean was well trained and dangerous when he chose to be.

He had no idea what had been happening to his older brother since he'd been taken by that damn demon. But as he let his eyes wander the only home either of them had ever known, Sam knew why they were in this house. Dean didn't have too many places where he felt safe. Their father had seen to that, but he had felt safe at Bobby's…they both had. So not only was that demon attacking Dean's physical body, but his mind as well. Destroy the refuge…destroy the man. The words of one of his philosophy professors emerged from some deep place in his memory, causing Sam to shake his head in denial. He would not lose Dean. Not today.

Dean continued to rock without shifting a muscle to indicate that he knew Sam was there. Tears burned behind the lanky Winchester's blue-green eyes and he hesitantly reached out and touched his brother's arm. In that moment he would take a fist to the jaw if it meant getting Dean's attention.

"Dean?" He didn't know what he expected to happen here. But when Dean finally lifted his head Sam was knocked backward onto his ass in shock.

His brother's eyes were missing. They'd been gouged from his head. The knife lying discarded next to his knees suddenly took on a new meaning and Sam's heart twisted for his brother. The blood on the floor was Dean's and from the appearance of his brother's hands? Dean had done this to himself.

"He couldn't take it." The gravelly voice of the angel cut through Sam's horrified silence. He didn't even question the angels presence. He was too wrapped up in what he was seeing.

"Sammy?" Dean asked softly. He turned his head toward the sound of Cas's voice and Sam felt the rage inside him build.

"I'm here, Dean." His words were soft and completely belied the turbulent emotions now swirling behind his eyes. Sam shifted his gaze to the angel. Dean's sightless eyes shifted toward his brother's voice.

"How do I help him?" Sam asked tightly.

Dean's bloody hands reached out and he ran his trembling fingers over Sam's face, leaving bloody trails along his skin. Sam swallowed the anger and reached out to take Dean's questing fingers between his own. "I'm here. You're not alone anymore, Dean."

Suddenly something shifted inside the room and Dean's movement froze as his vacant gaze shifted to the entryway. He was staring exactly where Castiel was standing. He didn't say anything, he just continued to stare in the angel's direction.

Sam finally turned and looked over his shoulder. "I thought you couldn't help." He said bitterly. How could they personally know an angel of the lord and this shit be happening?

Castiel didn't move. His unnatural blue eyes were locked on Dean's shaking figure. It only took him a moment before he was reaching for Sam. "That is not Dean." He wasn't fast enough though.

The gory holes where Dean's eyes would have been shifted with pin point accuracy to Sam's face. The shaking stopped and he surged to his feet. Sam was knocked backward a second time, landing a few feet away. He wasn't hurt, but he was surprised as hell.

Not-Dean shifted its' head to the side and clapped his bloody hands together as a grin spread across the features of the eldest Winchester son. "I was so close to pulling that off. Guess I won't be getting the Oscar this year. Oh well, I suppose I could make due with a People's Choice Award." It was flippant and disrespectful. Both things that Dean was capable of being, but hadn't been for a very long time.

Sam scrambled back until he was sitting at the feet of the angel. Castiel looked down at him in question. He ignored the look and hurried to get on his feet. "Who the hell are you?"

His brother's normally throaty and warm laughter came out as a cold reflection of the changes in this version of Dean. "Why I'm your big brother, Sammy." He answered easily.

Sam shook his head and looked over at Cas. The angel had been silent this entire time. "Why so serious, little brother? Don't you believe me?" He took an easy step forward and Sam felt the air shift around him. "You want to know what I've done for you, don't you? What I've sacrificed? What I've given up?"

The figure moved in a flash and Sam found his head cradled between the bloody hands of his brother before he could shift a muscle.

It came hurdling at him in flashes of images. And it was everything that Dean had suffered. Sam cried out as the pain lanced through his head and he dropped to his knees. Still not-Dean held on and the angel remained stock still, watching.

Memories of their mother and the life Dean had known for the first four years of his existence were the worst for Sam. He didn't have any memories of Mary Winchester and being forced to live through his brother's was crushing him. Still the bloody hands pressed against his skull, the images were unyielding. "You are the reason I wasn't good enough Sam. Without you? None of this would have happened. No demon sneaking into the nursery to turn you into a freak. No fire burning away at dad's humanity until there was nothing left but a bastard hunter." Dean leaned in and whispered. "No witches torturing me. Taking my ability to walk." He leaned back. "All of it was because of you, Sam. Every. Last. Fucked. Up. Thing. Was. Because. Of. You."

When Sam's gaze shifted to the spot where Castiel had been seconds before, he found himself staring at empty space. The angel was gone.

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Dean lifted his bloodied hands as he stared at Sam's still form. He watched as the silky crimson drops slipped from his fingers and splattered across the stained coat that his younger brother had been wearing. He knew it was pointless, but he reached down and pressed his stained fingers into the cooling skin of Sam's neck. His worst fears were realized when he didn't find the soft thump thump thump of a heartbeat. Failure the likes of which Dean had never experienced coursed through him and he threw his head back and screamed his rage.

He was angry. He was scared. But most of all, he was alone.

Time loses its meaning when grief is involved. Dean had no idea how long he knelt there by the body of his little brother. The tears no longer fell and the fire of denial had given way to the tormented grief of a man with nothing left to fight for.

"He is not dead."

The unexpected voice pulled Dean's gaze around and he stared, almost blindly, at the dark haired man standing a few feet away. The sky lit up in the distance as his grief manifested in the clouds. Dean's hands were still lying on the motionless chest of his baby brother and he did not need a fucking angel watching him suffer. And then he realized that Castiel had said something important. "What?" He ground out through clenched teeth.

"He is not dead."

Dean's eyes flickered between Sam's form and the angel telling him the one thing he wanted to hear. He had enough experience with the supernatural to know that that could be true. "How?"

The angel squatted down; his trench coat billowing around his ankles as he interlaced his fingers. "That is merely a manifestation of your brother. It is not Sam Winchester."

Confusion washed over Dean's expression. "I…I don't understand." The angel motioned him toward him. Dean didn't leave Sam's side. He wasn't able to completely buy what the angel was selling. His brother was lying here in the dirt of the salvage yard. And Dean had been the one to kill him. The cascade of emotions that that caused was like category 5 hurricane inside the young hunter. Swirling masses of anger and grief were destroying everything else in their path.

The angel looked sad for a moment before he finally said. "I cannot interfere, Dean. But I can offer guidance. That is not your brother. You are under a demon spell, which has locked you inside your own mind. You cannot die here." There was a pause in his story and Dean finally found the strength to stand.

"What aren't you telling me?" He could see it in the angel's eyes, the specific omission of words that could clear up Dean's haze of confusion.

"Sam is here…and he can die inside your mind."

The angel's words were amazing and terrifying all at the same time. Sam had come? Sammy was here to help him? And yet, Sam had come?! He had put himself at risk to try and save Dean, which wasn't something that Dean would never ask of his younger brother. He expected Sam to stay as far away from danger as possible. "You need to tell the whole story, feathers. I'm missing some important pieces of the jenga puzzle here."

Dean didn't know how long he listened as Castiel brought him up to speed on what had been happening. He had to physically unclench his teeth several times as he listened. At the end he was staring at the angel in disbelief and anger. "You sent him in? Why the hell would you do that?!"

Castiel tipped his head to the side, like a cat. "Because he asked me to."

"I want a million dollars. Can you rob a bank for me?" Dean shot back without thinking. He was on his feet, pacing inside the narrow alley where he'd been trapped for…god only knows how long. It took him a moment to realize that the dead form of his fake brother had vanished once the angel showed up. "Jesus Christ Castiel, Sam never should have risked it. There's a demon in here too! I can't find the bastard."

"I am aware of the demon. The reason you cannot find it is because without Sam you don't have the sight." He said it so matter of factly that Dean felt his irritation reach an all time high.

"Stop talking in fucking circles!" He cried in exasperation.

The angel pulled in a long low breath, like he was trying to control his temper, before continuing. "The damage that the witches did to you with the original spell? It awakened a latent ability in Sam, the sight. When you were healed, Sam lost his sight and you gained a portion of it. That is why you were able to see supernatural beings. It is one of the abilities that Sam never developed. The splitting of a single soul has only happened a few times over the history of man's existence. There is always a price. Most times that price is death."

"That's not happening on my watch." Dean's eyebrows cut down angrily and he clenched his fists by his side to keep from grabbing the angel by his lapels and slamming him against the cement fence. "So what's the price for Sam's side of the soul?"

"I do not know." Cas said softly. He wasn't being coy or retaining information for future revelation, he truly didn't know what the next step was. The angels had never seen a paired soul make it past childhood. They were generally killed by demons long before they reached maturity. But the Winchester boys were special. Both he and Gabriel had seen that and they had chosen to throw their support behind the two young hunters. "Does it really matter?"

A muscle in Dean's jaw jumped several times before he simply nodded and started down the long row of junk vehicles. "No." He growled.

The house was the one place that he'd tried to avoid since coming to the salvage yard. Dean hadn't wanted to know what was inside the place that used to his safe haven. Castiel was walking several yards behind him. They weren't speaking. Dean made it to the porch and that's when he heard it. His own voice and it was revealing everything about his past. A jolt of fear pierced him and his feet froze on the top step.

"All. Because. Of. You." He didn't know how he knew, but Dean knew that the demon was inside the house and that it had Sam.

A whimper that could only be his baby brother unlocked Dean's frozen muscles and he burst through the doors. He didn't have a weapon or any idea how he would fight a demon inside his head, but he couldn't stand there and listen to Sam's pained cries. He didn't feel the sharp pains racing along his body as he slid into the kitchen and stared at the grisly scene before him.

Sam was on his knees. His body arched backward at an unnatural angle. His arms were spread wide and his eyes were unseeing as they stared at the ceiling. What stood on the other side of his baby brother would haunt Dean's dreams for the rest of his life.

TBC…

Author's Note: Cliffhanger…I know. Sorry for that. But this is where the chapter breaks. Think of it like a commercial. You know the ones that piss you off when you're watching your favorite show? Yeah, it's kinda like that. Hope you enjoy the newest chapter. Thank you to everyone that took the time to review the last one. Much appreciation.

Please Review: And I'll tell you what is holding Sammy hostage…dun dun dun…