Kakashi looked over his new genin squad curiously as they sat on the roof, soaking up the sunshine. To say they were not what he expected upon reading their files would be something of an understatement.

First was the tiny fact that he expected THREE genin, not five, but he could deal with that later. No, it was more to the fact that three of the five were performing things he could almost quote word for word from Icha-Icha: Desserts – Whipped Cream Edition, signed by the author.

But he digressed, the blonde boy in the center being oiled up across his abs by two girls he couldn't quite place, though what that bun-haired brunette was doing to the boy's ear was threatening to send him rocketing away via nasal blood discharge, was most likely Naruto. He seemed to have traded in his orange jumpsuit for a pair of black pants, and a white silk dress shirt left open to expose his well defined abdominal and pectoral muscles. He did have to admit, the tanned look suited the boy who had grown his hair out to past his shoulders. Maybe he could get Iruka-koi to take lessons...

Wait... what?

Moving on to the left, he found... what he thought was Sasuke Uchiha... the make-up, black nail polish, and arm bandages were a bit worrying though. As was the actual storm cloud brewing over his head while he brooded over a book, that Kakashi could see was full of handwritten poetry of death, mourning, and hating his life. He also saw an web address for dead journal at the top of the page.

The music he was playing was also rather worrisome, Kakashi wasn't entirely sure, but that sounded like My Chemical Romance needed some of that chemical cocktail known as Prozac... but he wasn't a psychologist or anything like that, so he couldn't be certain.

The final one was perhaps the most troubling of all, barring just how low that Hyuuga girl's hands were going on Naruto's body. After all, how often do you see a pre-teen girl with bubblegum pink hair, playing tea party with a dolly that seemed to be her exact counter part. All the while talking about melting the flesh off people while they screamed in agony and begged for mercy, or raping a member of their newly formed team until he liked it, while smiling blissfully innocently.

Maybe he should have read their files a little bit more than that brief glance last night before bed...

But a ninja adapted and overcame any challenge set forth before them, for that was their job. And besides, how much more mentally scarring could they possibly be after his years of experience with Gai?

Kakashi wondered why he suddenly thought of that proverb about not asking questions that he didn't want to know the answer to. Instead of heeding the warning, he decided to start with Sasuke. "Alright, you oh dark, gloomy, and depressing, you're first for introductions."

Without even looking up, Sasuke began speaking in a morose sounding monotone, and Kakashi could swear he saw black lipstick on the boy. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha, and my life has been a spiraling pit of hellish self-loathing and misery ever since my older brother Itachi killed off my entire clan. I guess my goal is to avenge them, and until I do, I'll bear the scars of their deaths on my forever bleeding heart and soul."

. . .

Yeah, so he was in need of a sunshine enema to even get him to human levels of emotions, but he was dedicated to avenging his family. That had to count for something.

"Right then... we'll get you trained up so you can avenge your clan..." Kakashi answered before pointing at the pink haired one. "You with the dollies, you're up."

"And then I'll rip off his flesh to match that stupid mask he..." Sakura continued for a moment, before looking up at the instructor in surprise. Blinking a bit she smiled and nodded. "Just a moment, let me go get her..."

Kakashi could almost swear he heard a door inside her head open and close, stomping on stairs, and then a reverse accompanied by tiny squeaks of protests. But he was sure that was just his imagination. Before he could begin to second guess that, or move on, the lights returned to Sakura's eyes, and she shrank back visibly. "Um... Hello... I'm Sakura Haruno... I hope to be a brave and valiant kunoichi..."

Kakashi nodded and was about to switch over to Naruto, when she continued. "NO! I don't want to tell him that! You do it! But... Oh fine... take over..."

"Hello pathetic worms, my name is Sakura Haruno and I plan to peel your skins off and rub your bodies in salt," Sakura finished with a sweet smile before returning to her tea party, as if she hadn't threatened them with a gruesome and painful death.

"I'm almost afraid, but you being flanked by the girls... you're up..." Kakashi stated while pointing to the oiled up blonde.

"Yo, I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I'm the eros ninja," Naruto began in a smooth and soft voice that had the two girls beside him purring happily. "I hope to someday best my idol and the creator of the Icha-Icha style of combat, Jiraya the Toad Sannin, and perhaps add a few moves of my own. These are my favorite partners Tenten and Hinata Hyuuga, and it's time for me to tend to their needs... so if we're done?"

"Right... you three meet me at the Hokage's office tomorrow morning at ten..." Kakashi finished before standing up. "Just the three that did introductions... you two go back to your teams..."

With that, he was gone, and went to complain to the Hokage.

Little did he know that after getting the Hokage to agree to see what little ungodly blights to the earth his team was, they would show up the next morning with Naruto the chaste monk, Sasuke wearing rainbows and spouting off about the goodness of life and love, and Sakura studying first aid while talking to Naruto about how to best help people.

Needless to say his stay at the padded wall hotel was a pleasant one for him.