They had known that something was up all day. Something didn't feel quite right around the castle, something like unease and fear. Hogwarts never feared.
And then there was a cry of warning that struck them deep down in their head but it was too late. There were hands behind their back, pushing them forward, struggling, and they were falling down and down, uncontrollable rolling and someone screaming and everything hurt so badly and then it was black but they knew that the last thing they felt was the control slipping away from them.
...
When they woke up, Charley was sitting by their bed and everything hurt. She was crying and looking over to another bed. And there was something wrong. There was a block somewhere, something, it was so wrong and it hurt in their chest, real, physical pain... What were they missing. What.
"Lethe's awake!" She called, and they winced. They thought they'd gotten rid of that...thanks to...something was wrong.
They blinked as someone ran over. He looked scared, and hurt, and they were confused. They didn't recognize this person at all. No. What was going on. Who did they forget.
"Lethe? Are you okay? I'm so- I'm so glad you're awake, oh dear Merlin...Lethe..." And then he grabbed their hand and it was too much oh Merlin it was too much they'd forgotten someone really important. They couldn't respond. They didn't know how. They looked up and there was so much desperation, so much worry, and love, so much love...
This person was someone so, so special. What did they forget that meant that they couldn't remember a single thing about this person? And how was he going to feel? Were they related? Were they...dating? It felt like something was missing and they couldn't take it, they couldn't take it oh Merlin...
They were crying and they couldn't stop themselves.
"What? Lethe...what's wrong? Please, tell me..."
This person, this boy who was so upset...was someone too good to lose. And now they couldn't stop crying. They didn't want to have lost this love, the memories of all the tenderness in his eyes...
"I don't-I don't know who you are...you love me, and I don't know who you are..."
He froze. He froze and he looked so heartbroken, and then he did the thing that made them feel so, so much worse than just some broken ribs and bruises.
He dropped his hand and started pleading. Pleading, saying their name, saying his name, begging for even the smallest scrap of memory.
"I'm so...so sorry, I don't, I can't...I don't know who you are..." They were crying again because they were trying so hard, they didn't want to forget this Fitz, they didn't want him to be hurt, please no, they wanted to know the love they had for him...
He was gone. The nurse (her name wasn't surfacing but they did remember her) had lead him away, and now he was shouting at her, and it was horrible to hear. He was devastated, more than Lethe could be, because he actually knew who they were. He could hear Fitz's disbelief, his anguish, his pain.
He was gone, then he was shouting, and then he was crying. A lot. And then he was completely gone, Clara and Charley were gone too. They probably went with him.
How did they forget? How could they have forgotten someone who cared so much? Their thoughts echoed into the sudden silence of the hospital wing, and they felt so, so guilty.
The second day was a little bit better. Fitz came in the morning, and brought them some breakfast.
"You don't eat after you forget, I know, but...you like these. I thought you'd want to eat them." He seemed sort of empty, robotic, and it was horrible.
"Sorry." They said, and tried to eat what they were given. Fitz was right, it was something they liked.
Fitz left again, and they didn't do much all day. They stayed in bed, talked to the person next to them (her name was Cecilia, she reminded them, and she was Charley's sister).
Fitz came back after what was probably dinner, and brought more food. Then he talked, about his day, and informed Lethe when they asked about things they had forgotten. He was endlessly patient and so, so sad. It was horrible. The guilt was crushing them.
Then Fitz got sent back to his common room for curfew, but he was back within half an hour.
"How did we meet?" They asked. They wanted to know, they wanted to trigger a memory.
Fitz smiled at him, a shaky smile. "I didn't have anywhere to sit on the train, and ended up in your carriage. We didn't really speak, and later you were scared of getting in the boats, so I helped you. And then we didn't speak for ages."
There was nothing. They remembered being scared of the boats, but not much else. This was horrible. Nothing was there, and that wasn't good. It must be that anything with Fitz was gone, because they could hardly remember anything in the last few years...
They just nodded and smiled at him, and Fitz didn't smile back.
"Try and sleep." He said sadly. "You'll need it to heal." He stayed until after they were asleep. They liked to imagine that when they woke up they'd remember.
/
On the third day, Fitz came up in the morning and ate breakfast with them. They liked Fitz, as a person, and somewhere lost deep in their memories they trusted him. They knew they didn't trust many people, and they knew that Fitz was probably the person they trusted most. But they couldn't remember him no matter how hard they tried. And it hurt to forget this much.
"Are you feeling a bit better?" He asked. They knew that he meant 'are you getting your memories back and when will everything be fine', but they didn't know the answer to that. They thought that maybe, they might be sort of getting some things back but nothing was concrete. It was just sort of a vague glimpse of someone and a feeling of being happy, they didn't know who it was. And they didn't want to hurt him, give him false hope.
"I think the pain spells are working." They said instead. "Nothing hurts anymore." That was a blatant lie. Their chest sort of hurt but it wasn't something physical. Heartache was a better word.
"Should I try and bring some of the work that I've been studying in class up?" Fitz asked. "I mean, I know and I'm pretty sure you remember that you're not doing well in class, but..."
They nodded. "If that isn't too much bother." But Charley had told them. Fitz wasn't doing anything at the moment. And it was their fault. If they could only remember, Fitz would be fine again.
\\\\\
The days went mostly like that. There were a few differences. One of the days they panicked and no one could calm them down for two hours and Fitz wasn't even allowed in. They were pretty sure that Fitz could have helped, they could feel it, but they couldn't voice it.
One of the days, Fitz came in with a guy trailing in two minutes behind him ("He said you were a freak and you deserved it. He deserved this more") Fitz informed them, just keeping his voice down so no one else heard. He was very angry, and that just made them feel worse because Fitz cared so much and they still couldn't do anything...).
One of the days, Fitz was the one who was crying, and they tried hugging him and it felt right and warm but they still couldn't remember him. They were pretty sure that if they spent enough time around Fitz it would never be the same but they could see exactly how they'd fallen in love before, and maybe, if they tried, they'd be able to do it again. It would come easily, they were sure, if not for the terrible aching weight of guilt that suffocated them whenever they saw Fitz.
They were healing quite quickly, and they would be going back to lessons soon. They were almost dreading it, and it made them feel ill almost constantly, but they tried to put a brave face on for Fitz, who looked like he was completely exhausted and very run down. They wondered if he'd been sleeping at all.
They just wanted to remember. They knew for certain that they loved Fitz, or had loved Fitz, and they wanted to know what that felt like, and they just didn't want to feel guilty about hurting Fitz anymore.
Everyone else had already left the hospital wing, fully healed. Memory was a complication, and they remembered having to stay longer in the hospital wing before because if they dived straight into Hogwarts as soon as they were healed, they ended up too stressed to be able to cope. They weren't sure they'd be able to cope with Fitz being upset, but they'd have to try.
Lethe was tired of this. So tired.
::::
Fitz came up, and he was even sadder than usual. They spoke normally for a while, as always, but then he asked them.
"Will you still be around? I don't want to pressure you but...sorry. I know. It's probably just creepy for you."
They shook their head. "No, no, Fitz, it's...I'm sorry. I'll stay around, I promise. Maybe... I'll remember..."
He smiled. "I'd like that."
They talked idly again for a short while, and they gradually drifted off to sleep.
They were almost fully asleep when they heard Fitz mumble something, something he hadn't said before like this, so quiet and careful.
"I love you..."
It hurt. It hurt that Fitz loved them so deeply.
Fitz. Fitz. Fitz!
Lethe wasn't tired anymore. They felt like they could do anything and they didn't have to be guilty, they didn't have to be hurt. They could be anything, they were sure, but for now, well, they were going to love Fitz. And they were going to love him more than ever.
"Fitz?" They were pretty sure they were crying, but it was happy this time. They felt so happy.
"Lethe? Do you-are you-"
"I remember."
Fitz grinned, and it was a grin that was now doubly familiar.
They slept well, and Fitz was right there next to them, close, closer than he had been in what felt like forever, and the ache in their chest that had been persistent since they woke up had lifted.