Chapter 13- Randomness always!
Yakko's world of Baldness, colours (Spray-Paint) and Manicures!
'Hi, there! I'm Yakko Warner and I want to shave and spray-paint your head for just $19.95! Is your hair whacked and losing its glow for the cleansing finish? Or your nails are all messed up?
Then come down to Yakko's world of Baldness, Spray-paint and Manicures today where our trained professionals will shave you bald and spray-paint your head so that your friends will have to wear sunglasses to look at your wonderful head! You can a different colour: like Pucus, Coral, Mustard-brown, Salmon, minty-green, and New lavender! We also add in a free wash and hot wax deal at no extra charge!' Yakko said.
'Ahhhh!' Ralph the guard cried as he went through the hot wax machine.
'What's that? You don't want your head spray-painted? Well, as long as you end up bald, we're happy! We also have another option where Wakko Warner will take off every bit of your hair with his teeth! And to add into the mix, you also get an ice-cold manicure to top it off!
So don't deal as operators (Dot Clones) are standing by today, Order an appointment today! We want to shave and spray-paint your head along with a manicure for just $19.95! Aw! What the hey! We'll do it for free! So please we beg you, come on down to Yakko's world of Baldness, Spray-paint and Manicures! And Remember I'm not only the president…I'm also annoying!' Yakko said.
End of skit
What happens when you mix the cold ending episode when the warners talk through the credits with Iron Man? You get complete mayhem!
It was the last day of the Easter break, So the warners, Max, Mist and I were outside relaxing in the sun while the other did their homework inside the water tower with Skippy.
'Hey, Yakko what do you want to do today?' Wakko asked.
'I don't know, Wakko. Dot, what do you want to do today?' Yakko asked.
'I don't know either, Yakko. So Wakko, what do you…' Dot began.
'Quiet! Please! Trying to think here!' Spot cried from above.
'I think it's time to visit the Marvel universe' I announced.
'Yeah! What is it?' Wakko asked, cluelessly.
'It's the universe where all the superheroes created by Marvel live in, Wakko' Yakko said.
'Correct, even though I haven't got a clue how you know that' I exclaimed.
'I keep up with the cartoon/Comic news' Yakko replied.
'Let's go!' Dot cried as a red portal appeared in thin air and sucked us inside.
We arrived in Tony Stark's louge while Nick Fury was talking to Tony.
The word 'Executive producer: Steven Spielberg' appeared in front of us on the screen.
'Executive Producer, Steven Spielbrig?' Wakko suggested.
'no,no,no! Steven Springblush!' Yakko said.
'No, Springbiel. No, Sprielslove' Dot ried.
'Spielbig?' I suggested.
'Springbud?' Mist added.
'SpringLust?' Max attempted.
'Oh for the love of Fudge! It's Steven Spielberg!' Tony cried.
'HellOOOOO Tony!' I cried as I hopped into his arms.
'Careful! She's fargile' Yakko warned as I broke into glass pieces and returned to normal again.
'Who are you?' Tony asked.
'We're…' Wakko and Yakko began.
'They're Yakko, Wakko and Dot Warner, sir' J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted.
'Oh, that computer guy's smarter than he sounds!' Yakko said with shock.
'How did you know…?' Tony began.
'They're in the cartoon universe section of my database, sir' J.A.R.V.I.S. quickly explained.
'OOOOH!' The warners said.
'I don't get it' Wakko said.
'So you girls are?' Tony asked.
'I'm Grace and these are my pals Mist and Max' I said.
'Do you have a girlfriend?' Tony asked Wakko.
'Yes, so sue me' Wakko said.
'She will' Dot stated.
'Good luck with that' J.A.R.V.I.S. said.
'Anyway, we're selling Ore biscuits and thought you'd like to buy one?' I suggested.
'I haven't got time for Oreos, I have to save the world AND protect Pepper' Tony stated.
'It's just one box?' Dot said as she tried to use her cuteness on him.
'No!' Tony said.
'If you don't want any Oreos, then leave' Yakko said.
'No! This is my house, you leave!' Tony declared.
'Ok, then. You leave!' Yakko said.
'Fine!' Tony said as he stormed towards his front door.
'Sir, you just gave Yakko the upper-hand to trick into leaving your own house' J.A.R.V.I.S. stated.
'I'll play some loud music then' Tony said as he turned on his stereo with ACDC playing 'Shot to thrill' really loud.
'I'll use my mallet!' Wakko cried.
'What?!' We shouted over the music.
'I said I'll use my mallet!' Wakko repeated as he fought the sound-waves of the music and destroyed the stereo with is mallet.
'This means war!' Tony cried.
'You mean Warners' Wakko corrected him.
Wakko fired a cannon at Tony and Tony fired a cannon at Wakko.
'Yakko, I'm worried about the beaver' Dot said as we watched Tony and Wakko destroyed the mansion a second time.
'Had enough?' Wakko asked.
'You didn't even touch me' Tony replied.
Just then, Hello Nurse walked which made them freeze in time.
Wakko:
She's the woman of the year,
Independent, a career,
There's not a thing that she couldn't do.
Oh, she's alert, she's aware,
She's got legs like Astaire
And a hundred-fifty-seven IQ.
She has several PHDs,
Speaks fluent Japanese,
And her shoes will always match with her purse.
Whatever street she's walkin' down,
Everybody turns around
And says...
Yakko and Wakko:
HellOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NURSE!
Wakko:
She likes cheese and pepperoni,
Won a Pulitzer and a Tony,
She played the leading role in King Lear.
She never drinks, she never smokes,
She never laughs at dirty jokes,
She was ambassador to China last year.
Oh, she's politically correct,
She'd never collect,
She plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse.
And when she's walkin' by,
I give a little sigh
And say...
Yakko and Wakko:
HellOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NURSE!
Wakko:
She gets her math equations right,
She reads Tolstoy every night,
She won the Nobel Prize in physics. It's true.
She drives a shiny new Corvette,
Sings opera at the Met,
And volunteers her time at the zoo.
She won a scholarship to Yale,
Got her Fulbright in the mail,
And took a two-year junior college degree.
She's manna sent from heaven!
Too bad I'm only seven
'Cause, Hello Nurse,
I wish you'd take care of me!
Yakko and Wakko:
If she's not everything that we've said,
Then may lightning strike us dead!
(A flash of lightning singes them)
HellOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NURSE!
Then we left the remains of Tony's mansion and saw a purple bus in New York with the word 'LADOT' on the side.
Dot:
Hey look! It says "L.A. DOT" on the side of the bus! They put my name there! Boy, does this town love me or what?
Yakko:
Uh, excuse me, Dot, but—
Dot:
L.A. Dot, L.A. Dot,
That's the sign that the bus has got
Written up where everyone can see
Me, L.A.D.O.T.
Spells L.A. Dot;
Who'd've thought
The one so cute could be this hot?
The metro line has built a sign for me.
When I go walking down the street
All the folks I chance to meet
Will wave and smile and throw a fuss
'Cause I'm the girl whose name is on the metro bus!
And no else
Has that spot
Meryl Streep and Cher do not
Madonna, she is totally not
No, the only name there's L.A. Dot!
'Cause I'm the best
Still, I'm floored;
Who'd have guessed I'm so adored?
You'd think I'd be conceited but I'm not.
Crowd:
No, no!
Dot:
I'm just simple, humble, gorgeous L.A. Dot!
I'm overwhelmed
Quite a lot
Blown away; I kid you not!
Who would have expected
For a sign to be erected
Saying L.A. Dot?
But hey, why not?
I am a star from the Warner lot
Who they're thinkin' of 'cause they're all in love with me.
So if, my friends, you chance to spot
A great big bus with "L.A. DOT"
No need to ask or wonder why
You know that it was put there by
My loyal fans
Who clap their hands
And cheer while banging pots and pans
They'll greet me now with marching bands a lot.
Crowd:
Yeah, yeah!
Dot:
Yes, they put me on the bus
So that every one of us
Could see that they love L... A...
Yakko':
Dot, excuse me, but that's not your name. L.A.D.O.T. stands for Los Angeles Department Of Transportation.
Dot:
Oh. Well...
You can find me on my web page spot
It' dot Dot dot
Yakko and Wakko:
Dot dot Dot!
What happened before history
Is still a certain mystery
From long ago when people weren't around.
Before the Prophets and Apostles,
There were ancient things called fossils,
Which reveal the hidden stories
Of the many categories
Of creatures that were here before us:
Wooly mammoth, brontosaurus,
Even a tyrannosaurus rex!
The geologic explanation
Of the planet Earth's creation
Is something quite amazing and complex.
Four and one half billion years ago, my friend,
In a time we call Precambrian, you see,
Some stellar gas was warmed
And the planet Earth was formed
Alone in space and empty as can be.
And then that geologic clock,
It started slowly ticking by.
A million years just disappears
In the twinkling of an eye.
Things were slowly shifting,
The continents were drifting
There were mountain ranges lifting
And four billion years went by.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, ticka ticka tick-tock, tick-tock...
Along then comes the Paleozoic era. (Paleozoic?)
Out of nowhere, life just suddenly appears.
And soon there's seaweed fish and plants
And spiders, insects, ants,
In a span about three hundred million years.
And then comes next the Mesozoic era (Mesozoic!)
With a reptile population starts to grow.
That's when the dinosaurs arrived,
But none of them survived,
The last one died about seventy million years ago.
And that geologic clock,
It kept on slowly ticking by,
Now there's tiny snails and great big whales
And birds up in the sky.
The planet keeps revolving,
And new species keep evolving
In a process that's involving
Several hundred million years.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, ticka ticka tick-tock, tick-tock...
We finally passed into the Cenozoic era (Cenozoic?)
And the rise of modern creatures now began.
With things like horses, goats and camels,
It's now the age of mammals
Including one new species known as man! (There goes the neighborhood!)
He walks upright and brights the night with fire.
He builds a cattle fence and then invents the wheel.
In just a couple thousand years,
He's making tools and spears,
Then building cities out of brick and steel.
And still that geologic clock,
It kept on slowly ticking by,
Pretty soon, he's on the moon
With spaceships that can fly.
Now on Earth, the human race,
We've got this whole entire place,
We still can't find a parking space!
Things keep moving, rearranging,
Life evolves and things keep changing!
(Car horns honk in rhythm)
And in a couple million years from now,
You just might get a shock,
When your great-great-great-great-grandkids
All have ears like Mr. Spock!
And you know that it was all because
That geologic clock
It takes a licking, keeps on ticking,
Yes, that dadline cotton-picking,
Geologic clock keeps ticking
By 1000, two-1000, three-1000, four-1000...
(It would take me a million years to just stand that!)
Then just before we returned to the water tower, we sang a very long song that sent Tony Stark screaming into the distance with his iron man suits:
Yakko:
Everybody knows about the ankle bone connected
To the other bones you have inside your leg.
Wakko:
And everybody knows, it's true,
Without the bones inside of you...
Dot:
Your body would become a scrambled egg.
Yakko:
So the toe bone's connected to the
Foot bone...
Wakko:
And the foot bone's connected to the
Ankle bone...
Dot:
And the slide is connected to the
Trom-bone!
Yakko:
The structure of the human body's
Something quite unique
And I'd imagine all the bones inside
Connected to each other
In a complex distribution
Formed by years of evolution
And there still is some confusion
Over how it came to be.
Wakko:
The foot and toes and ankle
Help us walk. We should be thankful
They're connected to the lower leg
Or else we'd all fall down.
And here's the tibia, the shin bone
And the fibula is ingrown
To the back of the patella,
Which is also called the knee.
The Warners:
Knee knee knee knee knee knee knee,
Knee knee knee knee knee knee knee,
Knee knee knee knee knee knee knee,
Knee knee knee knee knee!
Dot:
Here we classify bone
As the femur or the thigh bone.
It's connected to the pelvis
Or the lower lumbar region.
Up the sacrum to the vertebrae
And doctors all prefer to say
The sternum or the thorax
When they're talkin' 'bout your ribs.
Yakko:
The finger bones are numerous.
Wakko:
The upper arm's the humerus.
Dot:
The forearm's got two pieces
Called the radius and the ulna.
Yakko:
Then the scapula and clavicle...
Wakko:
The maxilla and mandible...
Dot:
The nasal and the frontal bone
And cranium on top.
Yakko:
The skeleton is really great.
Wakko:
It helps your body stand up straight.
The Warners:
Without it, all your brains and guts
Would fall out on the floor!
Yakko:
Heigh Ho, Dayaknow, the names of the US residents
who than became the presidents and got a view from the White House loo off Pennsylvania Avenue...
Wakko:
George Washington was the first, you see,
He once chopped down a cherry tree.
Dot:
President number two would be
John Adams, and then number three...
Yakko:
Tom Jefferson stayed up to write
A declaration late at night.
So he and his wife had a great big fight
And she made him sleep on the couch all night.
Wakko:
James Madison never had a son
And he fought the War of 1812.
Dot:
James Monroe's colossal nose
Was bigger than Pinocchio's.
Yakko:
John Quincy Adams was number six
And it's Andrew Jackson's butt he kicks.
So Jackson learns to play politics.
Next time, he's the one that the country picks.
Dot:
Martin Van Buren, number eight
For a one-term shot as chief of state.
Yakko:
William Harrison, how do ya praise?
That guy was dead in thirty days!
Wakko:
John Tyler he liked country folk...
Dot:
And after him came President Polk.
Yakko:
Zachary Taylor liked to smoke,
His breath killed friends whenever he spoke.
Wakko:
1850, really nifty,
Millard Fillmore's in.
Yakko:
Young and fierce was Franklin Pierce,
The man without a chin.
Dot:
Followin' next a period spannin'
Four long years with James Buchanan.
Then the south starts shootin' cannons
And we got a Civil War.
The Warners:
(to the tune of "I Wish I Was in Dixie")
A war!
A war down south in Dixie!
Yakko:
Up to bat comes old Abe Lincoln.
Dot:
There's a guy who's really thinkin'!
Wakko:
Kept the United States from shrinkin',
Saved the ship of state from sinkin'!
Dot:
Andrew Johnson's next,
He had some slight defects.
Wakko:
Congress each would impeach...
Dot:
And so the country now elects...
Yakko:
Ulysses Simpson Grant,
Who would scream and rave and rant...
Wakko:
While drinkin' whiskey, although risky,
'Cause he'd spill it on his pants.
Yakko:
It's 1877 and the Democrats would gloat.
But they're all amazed when Rutherford Hayes
Wins by just one vote.
Dot:
James Garfield someone really hated
'Cause he was assassinated.
Wakko:
Chester Arthur gets instated.
Four years later, he was traded...
Dot:
For Grover Cleveland, really fat,
Elected twice as a Democrat.
Then Benjamin Harrison, after that,
It's William McKinley up to bat.
Yakko:
Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill.
Wakko:
And President Taft, he gets the bill.
Yakko:
In 1913, Woodrow...
The Warners:
Wiiiiillllllllllson
Takes us into World War I!
(Military cadence)
Yakko:
Warren Harding, next in line.
Dot:
It's Calvin Coolidge, he does fine.
Wakko:
And then in 1929,
The market crashes and we find...
Yakko:
It's Herbert Hoover's big debut.
He gets the blame and loses to...
Dot:
Franklin Roosevelt, President who
Helped us win in World War II.
Wakko:
Harry Truman, weird little human,
Serves two terms and when he's done...
Yakko:
It's Eisenhower who's got the power
From '53 to '61.
Dot:
John Kennedy had Camelot
Then Lyndon Johnson took his spot.
Yakko:
Richard Nixon, he gets caught
And Gerald Ford fell down a lot.
Wakko:
Jimmy Carter liked campaign trips.
Yakko:
And Ronald Reagan's speeches' scripts
All came from famous movie clips,
And President Bush said, "Read my lips."
Dot:
Now in Washington, DC...
Wakko:
There's Democrats and the GOP...
Yakko:
But the ones in charge are plain to see...
Dot:
The Clintons, Bill and Hillary!
Yakko:
The next President to lead the way,
Well, it might just be yourself one day.
Then the press'll distort everything you say...
The Warners:
So jump in your plane and fly away!
Yakko:
The sense of sight is what guides us right
When we go out on walks.
Wakko:
The sense of smell is the way to tell
That you need to change your socks.
Dot:
The sense of touch is what hurts so much
When you bang your toe on the bed.
Yakko:
The sense of hearing is something good,
'Cause if a tree fell in the wood,
Would there be a sound? You bet there would...
If it landed on top your head!
The Warners:
Your head!
If a tree lands on top of your head!
Wakko:
The sense of taste affects your waste...
Yakko:
Which makes five senses in all.
Dot:
There's a sixth sense, too, but it's hard to explain.
It's a psychic connection inside of your brain
So you can understand people like Shirley MacLaine...
Yakko:
Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!
The Warners:
The mall!
Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!
Yakko:
And now, the other senses!
Dot:
There are scents you can smell like cologne from Chanel
Or the scents of expensive perfume.
Yakko:
There are scents of flowers we hope overpowers
The kitty box next to your room. Pyew!
Wakko:
There's a sense of pride you have deep down inside...
Yakko:
When you practice a sense of fair play.
Dot:
There are dollars and cents that you pay at a toll...
Yakko:
Or the census man who is taking a poll...
Wakko:
And a sense of confusion we're out of control...
The Warners:
And they really should take us away!
Away!
They really should take us away!
Dot:
There's a sense of humor, a sense of doom, or
A sense of awe, sense of timing...
Yakko:
The sense of a word, a sense of absurd
Like trying to do all this rhyming!
Dot:
There's incense...
Wakko:
And horse sense...
Yakko:
And common sense, it's true.
Dot:
Sense of wonder, sense of beauty...
Wakko:
Sense of honor, sense of duty...
Yakko:
A sense of doubt, a sense of danger...
Dot:
A sense of fear when you meet a stranger...
Wakko:
A sense of style, a sense of worth...
Yakko:
A sense of direction for knowing the earth...
The Warners:
A sense of dread as we're singing this song
That it's starting to turn out completely all wrong
And it's time that we end it because it's too loooooooooooonnnnnnggggg...
(Deep breath)
'Cause it just doesn't make any sense!
Nonsense!
This song doesn't make any sense!
Then we returned to the water tower and my favourite Animaniacs song played.
Dr. Scratchansniff:
One Monday mornin', I got up late,
And there were these monkeys outside the gate.
The guard tried to stop them but he had no luck.
The monkeys got free and they run amok.
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko, Wakko, and Dot:
Don't know what to say, the monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
My office was run by the studio nurse.
I came downstairs und what could be worse?
The monkeys was doing a crazy dance.
They put buggies in my underpants.
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
Monkeys dance, then I dance, too.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
I ran outside to get a stick,
But I'm telling you, friends, those monkeys was quick,
'Cause when I returned, much to my disgrace,
Those monkeys had the nurse in a mad embrace!
Hello Nurse:
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko:
For a nickel, I'll give you a clue.
Dot:
I didn't know your eyes were blue.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Marita Hippo:
Yessir, woo!
Flavio Hippo:
Aw, play dat thing!
[instrumental break]
Dr. Scratchasniff:
I went to me bath for a shower and shave.
Them monkeys gonna put me into my grave!
The entire bathroom was laid to waste
And they shaved my head with minty toothpaste!
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
They's crazy nutso! I'm tellin' you!
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
Well, by this time, I was feelin' dread.
They was usin' a shoebrush to shine me head.
I asked them to leave, but they stayed around.
They pulled the chain, and, WHEE, I went down!
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
Call my lawyer! I'm ready to sue!
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
[Dr. Scratchansniff screams]
Marita Hippo:
Yessir, brother!
[instrumental break and chase sequence]
Dr. Scratchasniff:
Well, me patience ran out and I'm telling you sure,
Tomorrow, I show those monkeys the door!
And if they don't leave, I'm inviting you
To my house for dumplings and monkey stew!
I don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
Now I'm in the stew. Aw, pooh.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Dr. Scratchasniff:
Watch out for monkeys! I'm telling you!
The Hip Hippos:
Don't know what to say. The monkeys won't do.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
We're not monkeys, we're just cuckoo!
All:
Don't know what to say! The Warners won't do!
End of skit
Dot's Poetry Corner
'And Now Dot's Poetry corner'
'The quiet poem that I wrote. These are the word of the quiet poem that I wrote, This is the mouth that is saying the words of the quiet poem that I wrote, This the audience who would give anything to shut up the person who's mouth is the words of the quiet poem that I wrote, This the story that tortures people to listen to…' Dot recited.
'This has been Dot's Poetry Corner'
Plus Extra:
Dot was in the water tower trying to read her cheap romance horror thriller novel when Wakko and Yakko played war in her room. Then the rest of us rangers were laughing at the latest Animaniacs episode that was made in this century.
Dot:
Quiet!
All I want is quiet,
No reason to deny it,
I can't take that riot,
Quiet! QUIET! QUIET!
Let me clarify it,
The noise, I can't defy it,
I simply will not buy it.
Give me quiet! QUIET! QUIET!
Not to nullify it,
I just won't stand by it.
It's time now to bye-bye it.
I want Quiet! QUIET! QUIET!
(Beethoven's Sixth Symphony plays)
QUIET!
I want quiet! QUIET! QUIET!
This search I can't deny it
To find some peace and quiet.
I'll search both low and high, it
Must be quiet! QUIET! QUIET!
(Tranquil music plays followed by silence)
Gee, it's so quiet...Too quiet...Terribly quiet...Awfully quiet...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
I thought I wanted quiet,
I thought I could apply it,
But now that I have tried it
I'm sick and tired of quiet!
(Rock version of the theme song plays)
I hope you enjoyed this extra special chapter! I'll resume updating my stories possibly somewhere in July if I get too busy when I return to school tomorrow. Well, savour this 29 pages long chapter ok?
Anyway, Read and review or the warners will sing you this lullaby:
'Hush dear fans, please don't cry. We're gonna sing you a lullaby, a big scary monster man is coming for you he'll gobble you up like chomp beef stew!' The warners: Goodnight! Yakko: we'll be right outside, protecting you from the evil viper who looms in the shadows to do horrible, unspeakable things as you innocently slumber! The warners: Sleep Tight!