Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage, The Professor, The God of Shinobi had seen many curious things in his long and illustrious career as a shinobi in the service of the leaf village. But this was pretty close to taking the cake. First was the simple fact that one of the chuunin instructors at the academy was standing tied in an oddly and uncomfortably familiar way, standing just at the end of a short leash leading to none other than Mitarashi Anko.

Usually one could presume that they were here for a marriage ceremony, as happened many times in the history of shinobi, to the captor goes the spoils. But this time it brought up the second point of oddness to this scenario, was that Anko wasn't trying to marry Umino Iruka, but instead wanted to take one of his students on as an apprentice.

This had happened before, when one of the jounin got bored and decided to check out the future members of the shinobi ranks and found a surprising candidate that got their attention. Which brought about the third point of oddness, she never specified whom she was asking for instead standing at his desk, bouncing like a puppy with huge sad eyes as she pleaded. "Come on ya gotta lemme take him, please? I'll be your bestest best friend! I'll pick up that special tabacco you like in Kumo! I'll walk him, and feed him, and paper train him, and make him fetch my dildos! Come on ya gotta lemme, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaase?"

Okay, so he couldn't figure out if she was talking about a person or a dog, but he hadn't seen her this excited since before Orochimaru betrayed her, so he was considering just saying yes to keep her in a good mood. Instead he decided to find out the entire story. "At ease Mitarashi-kun... Umino-kun... what is she talking about?"

"You see Hokage-sama it's like this..." Iruka explained while coiling up the rope he'd slipped out of somewhere along Anko's rant. "It's the start of a new school year, and we were testing the students on what they learned over the summer months..."

~Flashback no Jutsu!~

Mizuki smirked at his opponent for the taijutsu match to welcome the students back for the year, supposedly he was being fair and drawing a name at random from the box he'd brought to the field. But all the slips had only one name on them, the demon fox's human name: Uzumaki Naruto.

"Don't feel you have to hold to the academy taijutsu if you don't want to..." he offered, knowing the brat couldn't even do that properly, there was no way he could win this battle and it would be an easy and legal way to get some blows in against the damn demon.

So one could imagine his surprise when the boy charged in, and ducked under the kick that had been meant to send him sprawling to the far side of the ring. His surprise was only compounded as the blonde drove his open hand up against his balls rather forcefully. While springing back to regain some semblance of control, he failed to notice that Naruto had already rushed past him. At least he failed to notice it until he felt the demon attempt to mount him from behind.

He couldn't imagine what the brat hoped to accomplish by clinging to his back in such a fashion, especially when he slipped his legs inside Mizuki's own and grabbed onto his shoulders. It was when he felt the hip thrusts that he really began to worry, wondering if maybe the fox had gone into heat and was trying to mate him.

As he tried his best to swat off the offending pest, the laughter of the watching students filled the air. Up until the point Naruto surged up his back, hooked his legs around Mizuki's head and swung down the front side of the instructor. After that the only sound heard was a subtle whump-crunch as Mizuki's chances of pleasing his girlfriend for the foreseeable future died.

Staggering with the pain, he barely noticed that Naruto released his head just in time to continue his flip. Once the boy's feet were planted firmly on the ground, he pulled back a few inches and surged up and forward again sending the dreams of heirs into faded memories, as well as the instructor onto his back, cupping the injured area.

Iruka, having been the official for the match could only stare in horror as his fellow academy teacher called out in a choked soprano for a medic. It didn't even seem like there was a point to stating that Naruto had won the match.

~KAI!~

"I cornered him later after class and got him to admit that he had learned the style from a set of books he thought were forbidden ninja techniques when he was six..." Iruka continued, while Anko smiled happily at the thought of what her student had done. Oh what fortune had smiled upon her as she snacked on her dango and saw the boy reproducing some of her favorite positions. "Those books being Jiraiya-sama's Icha-Icha... according to him he nearly has the full set..."

"I... see..." the wizened old man answered while he stroked his beard for effect. An entire taijutsu style based off of sex positions, to be honest he had seen stranger things happen before, and most likely would again. But there was still one matter bugging him. "Mitarashi-kun... why would you wish for Uzumaki-kun as your pupil?"

"Oh it's simple really, I think he's totally awesome, and I wanna teach him to do page 139 of Icha Icha: Royal Suite Rumble!" Anko proclaimed proudly before getting a distinctly perverted face that made the two men wonder if her teacher hadn't been Jiraiya instead of Orochimaru for a minute. Then the images of said page filled their minds, and only one reaction could possibly occur.

As the trio of nasal discharges splashed into each other, a solitary figure arose from it, proudly proclaiming, "By your nosebleeds combined... I AM CAPTAIN PORNO!"

"Not now Kakashi..." Anko bemoaned once she stoppered up her nose with a few wads of cloth from Iruka's first aid pouch. Hey, knowing an academy instructor had its benefits after all. "So Hokage-sama, can I take him? Please? I promise to teach him, and love him, and hug him, and pet him, and dress him up in cute little costumes, and call him George!"

As the three men watched the strange, and somewhat disturbing woman fantasize about doing things they weren't entirely sure were legal with the boy in question, Sarutobi considered her request. Finally giving her the answer, "I will consider it Mitarashi-kun."