Disclaimer: We do not own Type-moon, and never in a million years could we even dream of having a fraction of the power to own Star Wars. That is firmly in Disney's hands, and they are far too powerful…
Ch. 0-6: Not so long ago, Traveling from Far, far away…
/Some Abandoned Old Junkyard, 5:12 p.m. (Monday, Week 1)
Now Johnny Cid R was a patient man, it's how his momma raised him. You don't get to where you're going by being hasty, you just get kicked off the bus, she used to say. Hell, Johnny knows that rushing anything can lead to fucking it up royally, though his momma would have whipped his tongue for phrasing it that way. So Johnny Cid could be said to be a patient man, surely.
However, the waiting was the worst part of any assignment. Not only was he not being paid by the hour for the task, but his contact Vincent had messed up on the details of a previous hit, so it was possible that the targets weren't even going to be arriving at this location.
Had that been the case, Johnny Cid would strongly consider that hit put out on Vincent himself by a disgraced mage, as this would be the third time the man had given him an assignment with little to no intel on the matter.
As for why this man is referred to as Johnny Cid, and not just Johnny, well that's a tale for a different time. But let's just say that the lad stumbled upon some high-level magic no other mage thought we be found in old Arizona, after many a hard trial and with some serious competition. And upon seizing such a prize, instead of using it for riches, women, or an easy life, he just put a hex on the world. Whenever anyone refers to the man, even this humble narrator, he is to be called Johnny Cid in full. No need to say his last name, as that's a private matter. But he ain'tno Johnny, John, John-boy or Cid. It's Johnny Cid, or nothing. That's the way it is.
The assassination mage was sitting within the area of a haze spell he had casted, leaning back against a tree and surveying the area before him with binoculars. An abandoned warehouse lay before him, the supposed destination of the targets the Mages' Association wants him to eliminate. He was on a hill nearby, with the haze being an obscuring spell to conceal his presence, should anyone actually come by.
Despite his previously established reliability, all the American mage had been told was that a group of rogue Mages' Association mages were gathering to perform a forbidden ritual. Vincent neglected to say what the ritual was, what to expect from it if they succeed and what to prepare for, only mentioning that about 15 mages are the targets, and that they're fairly skilled combat magic users.
Being rewarded for his patience, Johnny Cid saw 3 vans pull up, with the 15 targets spilling out, 5 per van. They were dressed in casual clothes, so as not to seem too suspicious at first sight. Despite, you know, coming out of several vans.
Looks like Vincent is safe from my wrath…for now.
Moving down the hill, closer to the warehouse, Johnny Cid made sure to duck between various bushes and hedges so as to keep out of the mages' sight. Keeping an eye on them as he continued downwards, Johnny Cid saw 3 members of the group stay outside to guard the warehouse's doors, while the rest grabbed various items from the van and proceeded indoors.
It would have helped if anyone bothered to tell me what they were up to. For all I know they're planning to nuke the surrounding area, and I'm on some kind of time limit of how late I can interrupt them before it's too late.
Taking out a coin and flipping it, he sighed as it landed heads.
Whelp, guess that's mean I'm going in loud.
Whipping out his custom Beretta 92, Johnny Cid attached a silencer to its nozzle and fired a shot at the guard in front of the door before him. The mage barely got to fire off a dark bolt of magic in Johnny's direction before the bullet found his throat, and due to this his blast went off target and flew by Johnny's head a foot away. The other two guards heard their friend crumble against the wall, and came to investigate, leaving their posts. Pulling off a tooth from the necklace around his neck, Johnny Cid murmured a quiet spell with his hand hovering over it. Suddenly junk from around the yard came flying forward,wrapping around the tooth like it was its heart before finally settling in a humanoid form.
The junk had flown past the approaching guards, and when they turned to corner to see the source of the noise, they were greeted by the sight of Johnny Cid being accompanied by 3 scrap-metal golems, each having a shimmer spell attached to them that made them appear similar to their creator. And each of them armed with an AR-15.
"Light 'em up, boys!"
Doing as they were bidden, the scrap-metal golem filled the mages full of lead. The mages inside the warehouse had certainly heard this, so Johnny Cid's element of surprise was now lost.
Not that that was of much concern to him, now that his blood was flowing.
"Knock knock lads, it's the Postman! Here to deliver your mail you yah, with a special package from the Mages' Association!"
He quickly rushed the door and kicked it open, ducking to the side behind some boxes as hexes and cursed bolts that came flying towards him. Switching weaponry to his grenade launcher, he poked his head out so as to quickly determine what targets to go for.
This initial peek let him see that the remaining 12 mages were struggling with a few stray cats, and wielding knives while doing so. Those that weren't aiming for his head, anyway. Seeing the little furballs in peril did not improve those mages' chances of coming out of this encounter alive.
"Boys, I want those fuckers in the back toasted! But make sure to avoid clipping the cats!"
Moving into the warehouse, Johnny Cid's scrap-metal golems complied and started firing at the mages in the far back. They managed to hit a few, though some of the mages had heard Johnny Cid's order and ran off before the firing started. Finding cover behind knocked over tables, the other mages launched a combined cursed bolt at one of the golems, reducing it to dust.
This seemed to cause an adverse reaction in the remaining golems, to Johnny Cid's annoyance.
"Oh don't tell me they're going to start doing that again?!"
Sure enough, as he poked his head out to spy on the mages firing on him, his golems started to mimic his actions, instead of seeking cover as they're pre-programed to seek in these combat situations. They had glitched out again, and were mirroring him completely.
Well this got a lot more complicated.
Finally firing his grenade launcher at 5 of the remaining 9 mages, it detonated and succeeded in blinding 3 of them, though the other two had managed to turn away when the grenade went off, not knowing how they had saved themselves by doing so.
Johnny Cid tried getting his golems to fire upon the blinded mages, but every time he went to switch to a different gun, they would drop their own. Not wanting to lose the advantage, he just brought out his prana-fueled flamethrower.
"Fuck it!"
Spraying in the direction of the 5 mages, he succeeded in alighting 4 of them, though the remaining mage had moved out of the way of the flames as well, and was obviously one of the two that kept their sight.
She rushed at Johnny Cid, her arm contorting and twisting until it was like a Tropical Harpy's kicking leg. Dropping his flamethrower to the side, Johnny Cid drew his Basilisk Kukri, named such for being dipped in the beast's blood during its forging.
"Oh, you want to get rough, do you?"
"Do you think you're some sort of action movie?! Shut up already!"
She made the first move, clawing and ripping at him with incredible speed, though Johnny Cid managed to keep her from seriously cutting through his throat or veins. Reaching back for his Beretta, Johnny Cid tried to push her back with both the threat of his gun and his knife work. The lady didn't seem to concerned with the addition of his peashooter.
In fact, she sweep kicked him and batted the gun from his hand as he fell. Jumping on top of him, she pressed her transformed claw of a hand against his throat. This didn't keep Johnny Cid from making light of the situation.
"If I had known you were this kinky, I'd have brought us both a beer."
Growling, the lady reached back to claw at him, but by now the golems had reset to their proper functions, and saw an enemy combatant threatening their creator. Picking up their AR-15's, they fired into the mage, knocking her off of Johnny Cid and into a weak pile of boxes. Her body broke quite a few of them as she landed in a heap, her mutated arm twisting and contorting before changing into something that mostly resembled a human arm, though feathers were still sticking out of her flesh.
Now the only targets that remained were the mages in the back, and after getting up and dusting himself off, Johnny Cid could now see what they were up to. A nearly complete circle was traced on the ground, freshly red from what looked to be animals blood. Seeing that he hadn't managed to protect all of the cats, our boy Johnny Cid was in a right horrible mood.
"Well now, I'm afraid that whatever mercy was on the table is official gone, strangers."
"Oh god, he's that idiot assassin the Association drags out when everyone else is busy. The one who talks like a fucking C-rated Western."
Indeed, Johnny Cid had a bit of a reputation among other mages. Indecent, rude, ill-bred, just goddamn annoying; various words were used to describe Momma Cid's boy in a not to pleasant light. Still, they all paid him day to day, so their complaints ain't worth a spit if they're content enough to hire his services.
Retrieving his Beretta from the ground, Johnny Cid mailed a bullet directly into the offending speaker's skull, before gifting a similar bullet to his friend besides him. The 2 remaining mages moved to the summoning circle, as if to bring forth an ally to slay Johnny Cid before he slayed them.
Not interested in having his job complicated, he fired a round into the leg of the closest escaping mage, bringing him down on his knees. Running up to him and slit his throat from behind, Johnny Cid rushed down the last mage. The older mage seemed to know that he wouldn't be able to outrun the young man, so instead he turned to face him, wielding the sacrificial knife used to kill too many innocent cats.
The fact that the old man thought this would be a suitable defense against him did not humor Johnny Cid.
"Whatever it is that those Mage Association dogs are paying you, I'll-"
"Triple, nor quadruple the amount. That's what you were going to say, wasn't it partner? Sorry, but I believe I done told you there no mercy to be found tonight from me."
Clashing blades with the younger man, the older mage was able to put up a noticeable defense, but it was merely a matter of minutes, if not seconds before his strength gave way and Johnny Cid could cut him down. Fortunately for the old cat abuser, they had fought backwards enough that they were on the edge of the ring of the summoning circle.
Having planned for this when he turned to face Johnny Cid, the older mage started chanting something old and weird, but Johnny Cid knew better than to let him finish it.
"May this humble sacrifice draw your gaze,
For the time has come for you to charge upon the land again
I, Emiliano Gustav the 3rd– "
"-am a no good, animal harming scoundrel,
who deserves nothing save a just death!
But if you're to be bound to this world,
Buddy up with me!
For I ride the wind like a majestic Owl,
And Even the Stars are a road before me!"
To cement his chants power over the elderly mage, Johnny Cid managed to overpower him and slit the man's throat, spilling his blood upon the summoning circle.
In response, there was a loud noise above, and Johnny Cid looked up to see the roof of the warehouse break and collapse, as if something invisible had fallen upon it. For he could not see what had caused the roof to start raining debris around him, but for a moment he thought he could make out some spherical disk appear out of thin air.
"Oh Lord, these mooks were bringing in space-men!"
"Who are you calling a space man?!"
Standing before him was a man that certainly wasn't there before. In fact, rather than standing he was sitting on top of some bipedal furry creature. It was like an overly fluffy kangaroo, but with a broader back and horns. For some reason, Johnny Cid felt like he had seen that beast befo-
"Hey, punk! I'm talking to you. Who you think you're calling a space-man?"
Now Johnny Cid has a horrible knack of shooting any man that talks unpleasantly to him, or at least those who don't pay well enough to warrant "forgiving". He'd gotten so used to doing it, that he'd just nonchalantly fire off in the direction of an offending mage without even looking their way.
This was to be another one of those moments, firing up at the man on the strange beast without ever taking his eyes off of it, as he tried figuring out why he knew the look of this space-beast.
Or at least, he could have sworn he had fired, but the next moment his hand was scorched from burns and his Beretta was destroyed and lying on the ground behind him. Looking up at the man, it was only now that the picture began to piece together in Johnny Cid's mind. He had definitely seen that beast before, because he had grown up watching this man since he was a wee little boy.
"By God, you're Han So-"
Another shot by the assassin mage's head, and the summoned Servant had made its mood quite clear. Getting down and both knees and bowing apologetically to the mounted Servant, Johnny Cid made it clear how sorry he was.
"Mr Solo sir, I am so very, very sorry for my attitude so far. I had thought you were some alien or demon, or demon alien thing that these here corpses were trying to summon. Had I known that you were what they were aiming for-"
"They weren't trying to summon me, kid."
"Wait, really?"
"Yeah, they don't even have a relic. Honestly, the work on this summoning was so poor, they could have ended up with a cursed Tiki head or something, if anything at all."
"Right…why do you know anything about summoning? I don't recall any magic, well real magic in the old films."
Nursing his head, the Servant looked as puzzled as Johnny Cid was.
"Not quite sure. I just heard these summons from within the Force, and next thing I know I'm showing up here, and there's a lot of junk being piled on into my head. Something about a 'Holy Grail War', but what that's about-"
"Holy shit, you're a Servant!"
"Excuse you?!"
"No no, not that kind of Servant! Well kinda. No wait, look-"
Pulling off his glove, Johnny Cid inspected the back of his hand, but seeing that he'd gotten the wrong one he tried with his other one. Sure enough, three red marks, in the symbol of the Galactic Rebellion's insignia, were blotched on his hand.
"You're my Servant! We're a pair that's going to fight in a Holy War! My God, I thought there wouldn't be another one in 50 years."
The Servant raised his gun again, and Johnny Cid had to wave frantically to try and get him not to shoot.
"It's a term, a stupid outdated term! I mean no disrespect by it, sir! But surely you have that information in your head now too, don't you?"
There was a pause, after which the Servant seemed to have gotten said information, and holstered his weapon. Johnny Cid gave a sigh of relief that he wasn't about to be murdered by Han Solo.
"So wait, from what I recall hearing about these Grail Wars, each Servant comes in a different class. Like a Quarterback or a Linebacker. Which one are you?"
Giving Johnny Cid an amused look, the Servant known as Han Solo simply patted his stead, then pointed up at the de-cloaking ship above them.
"I have a Tautaun I'm saddled on and above me is the Millennium Falcon; what class do you think I am, kid?"
Smacking himself on the head, Johnny Cid chided himself for not putting it together himself.
"Of course, you'd be a Rider. Not like you were waving a lightsaber about or using that Force hocus-pocus yourself."
"You're a mage, and you use the term 'hocus-pocus'?"
"Right, doesn't sound good coming from me, does it?"
Looking around them, Rider seemed to take in the amount of bodies lying dead because of his Master. Rather disturbed by the display, the inquired about them.
"What exactly are you going to do about all of them?"
"Eh, the Mages' Association handles the cleanup. I just find and produce the bodies."
This earned a tired sigh from Rider, not too pleased by this Master's lack of empathy for the people he's killed. Granted, Rider himself had killed plenty of imperials in his day, but that was war. Or Rebellion, whichever. This was just a hit, which if nothing else reminded Rider too much of his old "friends" that the Hutt sent after him.
"-cannot believe this is happening, I gotta text Baptiste and Eleanor about this! My God, they're going to freak! We're gonna take the Falcon out for a joyride, while of course thinking ways to take out the other Masters and Servants, but first I want to see how quickly we can get from here to Sydney- no no Tokyo! And then maybe we can pick up some cute Russian chicks-"
Rider began to miss the days when it was just him and the Wookie causing trouble around the galaxy. Not that he regrets linking up with the Rebellion, but if anyone had told him that his increased fame would result in him being summoned by some fanboy a universe away, he might have just told that old man back at the Cantina 'no'.
But as he looked at his 'Master', who was busy talking more to himself than to Rider about their various plans and strategies, and just generally freaking out about 'how cool' this wall was, Rider couldn't help but feel like he was in for as much fun as he had, back when he did say 'yes'.
At least this time there's no Hutt putting a bounty out on his head.
FRR: What? Going with a Force-sensitive would have been too easy. Besides, everybody loves Solo.