Naruto was BORED. He had been out walking along, minding his own business when Iruka popped out of nowhere and dragged him off to a library to finish some report or other for class. He still had a whole three weeks before it was due! So instead of enjoying a nice sunny day outside, he was stuck in the library browsing through books on survival.

Looking over his shoulder, he sighed heavily as Iruka continued to keep an eagle-eyed watch on him. Letting out a grumble, he turned back to his search, looking for the smallest book he could get away with for the report. 'Crikey!' by Steve Irwin was just too large, while "Bear Wrestling" by James "Grizzly" Adams sounded like it'd just get him laughed out of class. Finally his eyes landed on a book simply titled "Survival Guide" by some dead guy named Angus MacGuyver. To be honest, that just sounded like a really odd name, so he pulled it off the shelf and began reading.

What he found inside was a man that spoke to his very pocket book. This wasn't just about surviving in nature, no this was about surviving in any situation. Everything seemed to be in here, from how to fish with only a bit of gum and a wrapper, to how to blow a hole into a wall using only a pocket knife, a banana peel, and some cleaning supplies.

Oh, this was going to be perfect.

Five Years Later

It was a bright and sunny day in Konoha, the birds were chirping, the ninjas were getting missions of a kill or be killed nature, and all was quiet and calm. A rather unusual day for Konoha actually. But they do get a few.

"HE DID WHAT?"

Ah there we go, the sweet sound of peoples minds snapping like brittle twigs. Let us away to the Hokage's office to see what the old man's advisers are yelling about today, shall we?

"He did nothing that we can confirm, however it would seem he escaped from being tied up over a tiger pit, and blew a hole big enough for himself to escape through, with only a paperclip, the rope and chains he was tied up with, and one of the tigers in the pit," Sarutobi explained calmly, knowing that the investment in ear plugs he had bought was paying off today.

"How in all the hells does that little nuisance manage these things!" Homura cried, exasperated. He honestly couldn't understand how it was physically possible. And worse, this wasn't an isolated incident!

"He claims clan-technique rights as the head of the Uzumaki clan," Sarutobi admonished in a practiced tone, that almost hinted at being utterly bored with explaining this over and over again. "Now, can you tell me why he was there in the first place? As it was your warehouse he was locked into..."

"Just planning to teach him a lesson for last week," Homura admitted, blushing and unable to meet his old teammate's gaze. His pride still stung...

Sarutobi took a long drag on his pipe, and let out the smoke in a simple circle which drifted lazily out the window. "And would you say that he learned said lesson?"

"...Somehow, I doubt it," the disgruntled elder grumbled. Honestly, that boy had far too much of his mother in him... and too much of the evil, irksome, loathable, mischievous side of his father for that matter.

"Insurance claim denied on act of annoying Naruto, move along."

"You can't be serious," Homura muttered mouth hanging open.

"Homura, under any other circumstances, I'd help you," 'I'm still planing to actually,' he thought, "but I need to make an example otherwise these circumstances will repeat and Naruto will keep causing damage and become increasing angered with his aggressors, and that's just not anyone's good interest."

"I suppose..."

"Care to join me for some tea later?" the old Hokage asked.

"But we haven't-" then Homura noticed his old squadmate winking at him. 'You sneaky son of a bitch!' "I would be delighted Hiruzen."