Chapter 7: Ash-hole
Marceline was lying on Bonnibel's oh-so-fluffy mattress with her feet at the headboard, the exact inverse of the pink girl who lay next to her. For this night, she had decided not to match the thirteen-year-old, but to instead remain her tall, eighteen-year-old self, and Bonnibel didn't mind in the least. She hummed mildly into the air, enjoying the pleasant silence that surrounded them.
There is no place I'd rather be than right here, having a bagillionth sleep-over with Bonni. Marceline thought, smiling and laughing inwardly about the vivid memory of a very young Princess demanding weekly visits and doing lost of sleep-overs. She hasn't changed much…still as commanding, still stern then kind, still demanding sleep-overs and more-than weekly visits. But to say Marceline would have it any other way would be a complete and total lie. She loved hanging out with the girl. In fact, she might just love the girl herself, though the tough-as-nails Vampire Queen would never admit it to herself, let alone to anyone else, and she'd simply die all over again if she ever told Bonni.
Still, thinking of the girl caused warm tingly feelings that Marceline was very unused to to cloud her mind and make everything fuzzy. No! No fuzziness! Death and soul-sucking demons and killer plants and decay and hard core metal! And…and maybe I'll take Bonni to a concert sometime… Marceline thought, frustrating herself with the ooey-gooey feelings rushing through her head.
Attraction was a whole other bag of beans. She was not attracted to the thirteen-year-old Bubblegum, at least not when she was her usual age. But when she shape-shifted down to match the far younger girl, it was as though her brain adopted the younger laws of attraction. She was thirteen physically, so was Bonni, so it was okay. At least, it was okay according to her body. It was definitely not okay, and she totally knew that, but the younger mindset coupled with over nine hundred ninety years of adult thoughts and experiences led to some rather inappropriate trains of thought. Well, she knew it was inappropriate, her body and mind seemed to miss that little detail.
So lately it had become her habit to remain herself around Bonnibel Bubblegum, taking into account that when she was her own physical age, she only thought the girl cute in a younger-sister let-me-pinch-your-cheeks kind of way. Still…she's growing up…in a few more years she'll match my biologically if not chronologically and then what? I'm totally going to have to like, tone down crazy or she'll think I'm a total freak. Bonni and I? Even in the future when I'm sure she'll be all curvaceous and smokin' hot…Gah! Death, decay, and diseases!
Just as Marceline tried to purge her all-too impure thoughts of what she would do to a slightly older version of Bubblegum, the current version cleared her throat and placed her book aside. Marceline raised her head a little, indicating that she was listening. The princess cleared her throat again, and her face reddened a little, which Marceline noticed curiously. "Marci…have you ever…been on a date?" The princess asked, as if it were too bold (which to her, it was).
Marceline looked at her a moment and, realizing she was serious, erupted into hysterics, which only caused the girl to get angry, flustered, and even more red. Dates? I'm a thousand years old and she wonders-? Oh glob! Oh man that is like, too funny! Gasping for air and swiping tears from her eyes, she took stock of the girl before her. "I-I'm like…sorry Bonni!" She gave hiccupping laughs between her words. "I'm not-I'm not laughing at you it's just-its just-!" And all over again, she curled into herself, unable to fight the laughter.
Bubblegum was furious. She drew up her legs to criss cross and covered her chest with her arms, huffing heavily. "Really, Marceline, that is nothing to laugh at." She said with a twinge of anger, though remaining diplomatic, as her title required. "I merely asked a question and you had to go and laugh at me. I'm a scientist; there are things I want to know." Of course, this last part was only partially true. Yes, she was a scientist; and yes, there were things she wanted to know, though the two had really nothing to do with each other.
Gasping out her last few laughs, Marceline took a few deep breaths before deciding to humor the pouting Princess. What harm can it do? She's at that age…she'll start liking boys and going out and kissing and like…whatever… Marceline inwardly cringed at the thought. Better she learn some stuff from me beforehand I guess. She prepared herself for what she was sure was going to be a long conversation involving many questions and interruptions. She sat herself up so she could look at the curious girl as they spoke. "Yes, Bonnibel, I have been on dates." She answered, with slight condescension, figuring it should have been common sense at this point. After all, Bonni knew how old she was. "And I'm sorry I laughed," She continued, "I just thought it was cute. I'm over a thousand, Bonni. Of course I've been on dates."
Immediately dropping all her anger, Bubblegum turned to the older and far-more-experienced girl before her, hands on the mattress and staring intently at her. "When was your last one? What was it like? Who was it with? What do you do?"
Marceline laughed. "Whoa, Bonni. One question at a time, okay? Um…my last one would have been…like…I don't know, seventy years ago?"
The pink girl's eyes opened in shock. "So long ago? But…objectively you're very beautiful, so you should have no troubles finding dates!" She blushed, realizing she had spoken before she thought.
Huh…so she thinks I'm beautiful. Marceline smirked a little. "Yeah well…after so long, dating just gets boring. All it is really is the race you run, when everyone is trying to get to the goal. It got old, so mostly I just cheat and go straight to the goal without the run involved."
Bonnibel raised an eyebrow, "The goal?"
The vampire coughed, realizing her mistake. "Uh…um…the goal is…a kiss!" She nodded. "Yeah a kiss, and it sure takes like, a lot to get there. I mean, it totally should take a lot to get there! But I know what I need and I do what I want how I want and for the past seventy-ish years I've like, skipped the race. No big. Moral codes get lost when you live so long, so now it's totally not a problem."
Bubblegum scooted even closer to her friend. "But one should wait, yes? And anyway tell me what one is like and what happens and how you act and-!" Her excitement got the better of her.
Marceline laughed again at the girl's eagerness. "One should definitely wait. At least three dates. Okay, what it's like? Well…the last date I went on totally sucked cabbages. It was with some guy from the Night-um…from home. And well, guys from there aren't really the best." She said, deciding that if she told Bonni where she hailed from, research and promptly fear outrage and disgust would ensue. "Anyways it was with some guy named Drake or something and he took me to a restaurant, which wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't used a coupon." She mused.
"A coupon? What's so bad about that? Doesn't it save money?"
The vampire shook her head at the innocence of the princess. "Do you want a guy to take you out just because he can save money, or do you want a guy to take you out because he wants to take you out and is willing to pay for it and be a gentleman?" She asked.
"Oh…the latter, I should think." Bonnibel hadn't thought of it that way. All around, she was very practical, but now she could understand how using a coupon could be seen as disrespectful.
"Right so after that he took me to a concert and flirted with a bunch of other girls there. Then this jerk had like, the audacity to try and get me to slee-" She coughed, trying to cover her mistake, "To kiss him and I was like 'No way! You are a total skeez!' And that was the end of all my dating."
Bubblegum nodded slowly, humming to process the information of Marceline's bad date. Storing the conclusions she had drawn away in her file-box brain, she moved on to her next line of questioning. "So…what should a good date be like?"
The Vampire Queen opened and closed her mouth a few times, thinking hard for the appropriate answer. "I–I couldn't tell you, Bonni. A good date varies from person to person. Like, one person make like running with wolves while another like beach-side picnics, y'know? It's like, whatever you imagine doing with the person you like most, whatever makes you feel happy and good and fuzzy." She nodded; entirely satisfied with the answer she had given.
Bubblegum, on the other hand, was not pleased. Her curiosity was insatiable, and the vague answer only caused frustration. "Marci you need to be more specific!"
But the Vampire simply shook her head. "I'm sorry Princess, that's as much as I can tell you. I've had a lot of good dates and a lot of bad dates and they've all been completely different. There is no formula, little miss scientist. I guess though, it would be a nice person that you like and them being courteous and thoughtful and attentive to you. Sorry." Bubblegum humphed a little, still dissatisfied, but Marceline had questions of her own. "Anyway, Princess, what brought this on? Do you have…a crush?" she teased, and laughed as the other girl turned beet red. "All right, spill, pinkie! Who is it?"
Of course, Bubblegum was in no way going to tell the vampire that she was her crush, so she diverted the topic. "Have you ever had a boyfriend?" She asked shyly, realizing that maybe Marceline had never been with a girl.
Marceline, for her part, decided to drop her own line of questioning. Really, she did it just to make the other girl less embarrassed. When Bonni's happy, I'm happy. She thought. "Oh…um…yeah I actually had one not too long ago, I-"
"What?" Bubblegum interrupted. "But you said you hadn't been on a date in seventy years!"
"Oh Ash and I didn't date. We were…um…roommates. Yeah, roommates who did a lot of kissing. It was all for fun until he started bossing me around and junk. I took a lot of un-coolness from him…" She said, dancing lightly around the concept of having a live-in bed partner. She is way too young for that…
"He wasn't a good boyfriend?" Bubblegum asked, furious (and more than a little bit jealous) at the man who had not only had Marceline, but who had treated her poorly, and whom she had never met. Why should bean poles get to kiss Marceline when she couldn't? She scowled inwardly.
"Yeah no…he like, totally sucked. But I was like whatever about it. He called me lots of names and bossed me around and told me to clean and get sandwiches for him all the time. That, and he totally didn't bring anything into the house money-wise so it was like, super one-sided. He was a real jerk. But I was like, infatuated or something." Marceline said, frowning at the thought and her own foolishness.
"So why did you break up with him?" Bubblegum asked, glad that the boy was out of the picture.
Well there's a sore subject…Marceline thought, and opted for the suitably vague answer. "He…he lost something very important to me and I never forgave him…and never will."
Bubblegum just hummed, sensing the Vampire's discomfort about the subject, and moved on to what she really wanted to know. "And…I mean you've lived a lot so…have you like…ever been with a girl?" She squeaked, wishing that she could hide in plain sight.
Oh I get it…Marceline put a reassuring hand on Bubblegum's shoulder, which (unbeknownst to her) caused Bubblegum's heart to flutter in her chest. "Yeah, Bubblegum, I totally have, and it is totally fine and normal and okay. I've been with girls almost as much as boys. Anyways, I think I know what this is about…" Bubblegum eeped. "It's Lumpy Space Princess, isn't it?" She said, a sly, curious, devilish smirk appearing on her face. "I had a feeling you had something with her! I could like, totally tell! Whenever you two are together it's all like…touchy and huggy!" Marceline put her finger up in presumed correctness and confidence.
Bubblegum just laughed nervously, not giving a yes or a no. She didn't want to say that she could never touch Marceline that way, because her heart guts would explode, and that she touched LSP that way because they were just best friends. So she just laughed. A silence washed over them for a moment, before Bubblegum decided to jump back to an old topic out of nervous, embarrassed desperation. "I'm glad you think its okay…and that boy Ash sounds like a real patoot."
Marceline smiled, "Yeah he was a total ass-hole." She said, feeling the archaic phrase wonderfully appropriate.
"Ass-hole?" Bonni questioned, having never heard it before.
"Oh! It's from back when there were humans. Ass means butt, only more intense. And ass-hole is like…calling someone a cabbage-licking patoot jerk butt times ten. Only easier to say." She lay back down on the bed, feet once again hitting the head board.
"Oh…well than yes, he was an 'a-s-s-h-o-l-e'." she said, trying the word out. Then giggling, she added, "One could say a real Ash-hole." Bubblegum, quite bravely, decided to lie on the older girl's stomach. It was the most they had touched since she was very little, and it caused her to feel happy and good and fuzzy. She wondered that if just hanging out with Marceline felt so wonderful, what a date would feel like. She decided that one day, she would find the gumption to ask the vampire out, and the whole experience would be so mathematical that she could just die from the fuzziness of it all.
Marceline groaned, laughing a little at the sheer corniness, which in turn shook Bubblegum's head up and down on her tummy. "Yeah Bonni, a real Ash-hole." She said, and with that, she placed a hand on the Princess' head, softly running fingers over sticky hair.
Bubblegum felt her heart melt, and knew instantly that Marceline was for her.
A/N
Alright! Another chapter completed, and what's more, I'm mildly satisfied with it! *confetti* So both Shadowfox and Monochrome Masquerade asked '...did she ever hear about or meet Ash?' Which I happily obliged with a resounding 'yes!' Of course, I could always do another Ash chapter later, when they are older, and I might. But be forewarned, my filthy, dirty, mind is still forcing very naughty Bubbline scenes into my head (can you tell?) Anywho, thanks to you both for that!
*******KEEP THOSE ALL TOO WONDERFUL SUGGESTIONS FLOWING!*******
Have a most exquisite day!
-JD
(PS. If I could draw, I would draw these two so hard all the time every day.)