Hello everyone!

Happy December! Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: Not in the cards for me, I hear, to be the owner of any copyrighted information.

The only thing that went through her mind was a string of bad words. Bad words that mostly started with "F." And she was a professional woman who didn't use such words.

She had been so caught up in being fine and everything being okay that she didn't actually realize she was nowhere near okay. She was panicking. Badly. She needed a paper bag or an inhaler or something. Her head was buzzing, and she hadn't even been anywhere near the free wine bar. Did he see her? Because then he'd know she was freaking out. He always new. Damn him.

Casey looked around. Maybe she should move seats? He was on the other side of the arch, so if she moved just a few seats she'd be blocked. Maybe his lady-friend would distract him for the entire evening. Oh, gross, Casey scolded herself. Not like that. But honestly, that's usually why people brought dates to events like this, right? Why hadn't she brought someone again? Right. Because she was fine. She wished Gwen would get here faster.

Casey arranged her purse, crouched down, and moved two seats down. Perfect. Now she couldn't see him. She could just see lady-friend. Great. She could see his arm over her shoulder and watched her giggle as he stuck a finger in her ear. That's nice, she thought, rolling her eyes. At least he's matured.

She bit the inside of her cheek and checked her watch. Ten minutes before the ceremony started. She didn't want to be that person, the one always on her phone, but she clicked it on and shot her sister a text.

'You'll never guess who showed.'

The response was almost immediate.

'Oh, wonderful. He lives.'

And Liz wasn't her only responder. Apparently she was a sharer.

'abort! abort! abort mission!' from Marti, followed a second later by, 'unless there is cake to throw at his stupid face'

'Honey, I don't think this is a very good idea. Why don't you just come home? Love, Mom'

Casey typed her sister back quickly.

'What, did you have a phone tree ready or something?' Because, really, if she was going to have this kind of text response, she was hoping Liz didn't know anyone in the Mounties. Or a SWAT team. That would definitely draw attention her way. And today was about Amanda. Amanda and Nathan.

'No cake yet, Mart, just flowers.' No wine either; it already felt like a long night.

'I'm fine, Mom.' She tucked her phone under her leg and looked across the arch. She could see him lace fingers with his date.

Casey looked at her program. If she was smart, and nixed the glass of wine she had planned on having, she could duck out of the reception before the firework send off without offending Amanda, and without having to run into anyone else. Or anyone else's lady-friends.

'there's plenty of snow outside. throw that. cake later' Marti was so mature. Casey wasn't going to throw snow, or cake for that matter. She was a grow-up. Grown-ups didn't throw things. They handled things in a mature and adult manner. And maybe if she said it enough, her brain would start to believe it.

She kept her head down and focused on her breathing. In and out; in and out. There. She was fine, everything was going to be just fine.

He should be the one freaking out, anyway. Because he'd been the one that stopped talking to everyone. He'd been the one that made it weird. It was he that stood there, not saying anything. He should be the one to get antsy and hyperventilate. She knew he never would, though; he was too Type B for that. Too cool. He'd usually leave the freaking out to her.

She swallowed. She would be calm and collect; the picture of sophistication and elegance. If only her knees would stop shaking. She wove her fingers together in her lap and stared at her shoes.

"Hey," Casey looked up as she felt the seat next to her become occupied. Gwen arranged her dress over her legs and leaned over, giving Casey a hug. "How are you? It's been forever!" Her voice blended into the din of small chatter; she was keeping her voice low.

"I'm great, Gwen, how are you?"

"God, I'm freezing. I should have worn boots like you instead of heels and tights. I cannot feel my toes." She sniffed and settled herself in her chair, rubbing her hands together. "Oh, God." Casey looked at her.

"What?"

"What, what?"

"What are you 'oh, god'-ing?" Casey narrowed her eyes as Gwen pointed discretely to the couple on the other side of the arch. "Oh."

"I didn't think he was going to come! I mean you knew Mands better than he ever did, so I was sort of thinking that maybe he wasn't going to be invited. Or if he was, that he wouldn't show. Especially since you're here."

"It's a wedding day miracle." Casey deadpanned.

"I am so sorry, Case," Gwen gushed. "If that ass-hat gets anywhere near us, I'm going to verbally abuse him."

"It's fine, Gwen."

"But, for reals though, if he wanted to neck her without looking like a complete douche-nozzle, then he should have done the decent thing and not even show up."

"It's fine. He's an adult. He can make his own choices." And decency usually wasn't one of them.

"Yeah, but he's also really stupid, so sometimes I'm doubtful of his cognitive abilities."

"It's okay, Gwen," Casey soothed again. Gwen was so fiercely her friend that it was almost overwhelming. She might have been more upset than Casey. "Everything's okay. We're all grown-ups and this is about Amanda."

"Right! Okay, forgetting Mr. Ass-clown, and focusing on sobbing hysterically over the fact that a girl I went to college with, and who is several months my junior, is getting married and I haven't even seriously dated anyone in over a year."

"Good plan," Casey mused, opening her program again and checking her watch. "There is a free wine bar later."

"Perfect. Amanda's day is just absolutely stunningly perfect. As long as there's wine. "

The ceremony really was lovely. Casey'd had a perfect view of Amanda, and only cried a little when Amanda's dad got choked up as he handed her off. It was magical.

Casey and Gwen picked up their chairs as soon as Amanda and Nathan had retreated down their aisle and moved over to the tables set up in the wine barrel storage room next door.

"Are you going to peace out?" Gwen asked, as she searched her purse for tip money. Casey put her scarf and her bag on their claimed table and shifted her weight from foot to foot, pondering her options. Gwen put a few dollars between her lips as she closed her bag and looked up. Casey took a deep breath and made up her mind.

"No," she sighed. "I mean, he's clearly cool with it and it doesn't really matter." Gwen arched an eyebrow at her. "Really, I'll be fine."

"Okay," Gwen sounded resigned. "Are you going for the 'sophisticated' or the 'don't you wish you still talked to me' approach?" Dammit. Gwen was on to her. Casey chewed the inside of her check.

"Probably both?" Casey winced. Gwen nodded, linking her arm through Casey's and tugging her to the forming line in front of the bar. "I'm just going to try really hard to not say the mean things my brain is thinking out loud."

"Maybe we should cut ourselves off at one glass then, eh?" Gwen smirked. Casey smiled. They both grabbed glasses and wove their way back through the meandering people.

"So, how's your new job?" Casey asked, looking around.

"Oh, my God, I love it. I mean I went to school for HR, so that's totally what I wanted to be doing, but this recruiting thing is fabulous. I love talking to people and meeting people and forcing people to listen to me. It's quite a power trip." Casey nodded, half listening, trying to stay ultra aware of her surroundings. Maybe her brain would pick him up on radar or something so she'd know if he was near her without making it look like she was looking for him. Because she wasn't. She'd rather not look at him, or see him at all really. But he didn't have to know that. She was a sophisticated adult. And this was his fault.

Gwen watched her for a second more than Casey was comfortable with, making her feel like an orphaned duckling. She knew that look. She'd received that look a lot. Liz and her mother were particularly talented with that look.

"I'm fine, Gwen, stop looking at me."

"Where am I supposed to look then, Case, when we are having our simulating conversations?"

"Ugh, fine, just stop-don't look at me like that, okay?"

"It's just," Gwen started, "I feel so bad about, you know, the present guest list."

"Don't, Gwen, it's fine. I'm a big girl and I am doing amazing things, so stop looking at me like that and we will have a fabulous time."

Gwen seemed to want to protest, but she cleared her throat and took a sip from her little plastic cup. "Okay, fine, you win."

"Excellent. I like winning."

"Oh, yes, I know," Gwen smiled, widely. "Hey, there's Manda, let's go say hi and squeal really loudly." Casey grinned conspiratorially. She really did miss these girls.

The three of them chatted for a moment, allowing Amanda a minute to breathe and steal tastes of each of their wine choices.

"God, this is so crazy! I can't believe you're married," Casey gushed.

"I know! All I wanted to do was throw a party and get really dressed up." They laughed.

"So, nothing to do with the fact that you've loved each other since high school?" Gwen raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, no, of course not." Amanda giggled and hugged them both before her family called her attention away.

"Want to go reclaim our table and I'll see if there's anything to eat?" Gwen offered, already looking to a line forming near a canopy. Casey nodded and wandered through the now mostly occupied tables. She didn't know a single other person here.

She'd never met Amanda's family, apart from her parents and her sister, and she'd only ever met Nathan himself once, so Gwen was her lifeboat in a sea of people she didn't know. It probably didn't help that after she graduated, everyone else still had their senior year. Which, it seemed, was the crucial time for friendships.

She sat at their table, periodically checking her phone. She felt awkward. Where was Gwen? She didn't want to come across as pathetic and sitting alone, especially in present company. She was saved from her downward spiral train of thought as Gwen squeezed between two chairs, carrying three plates and her cup of wine.

"Okay, I've got spinach artichoke dip, some sort of puff pastry thing, crackers, cheese, and some fruit. Nothing super substantial over there," Gwen listed out, nodding to each food item.

"Fine by me," Casey said, stealing one of the plates for herself. They were quite for a while as they ate and watched people mill around. Amanda seemed to be everywhere all at once. She really was quite impressive.

"We all think he's an idiot, by the way," Gwen said softly. Casey's stomach dropped. Everyone always wanted to talk about it. She was so tired of that; she was talked-out on that subject.

"Yeah, well, that's sort of his MO." Casey hoped Gwen picked up from her tone that she didn't want to talk about that.

"But, really, he had so much going for him and, then that whole thing with Kayla," Gwen was not easily deterred. "He's really a dumbass."

And Casey really didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to keep remembering. She wanted to pretend it never happened, and usually, that was fairly easy. It was helpful that he'd cut himself off from everyone; it was one less thing she would have to do herself.

She sighed loudly, hoping to change the subject.

"Did you know he moved to Sudbury? With a girl?"

"Gwen."

"He's working in a coffee shop. So, I mean, thank God he got a degree, right?"

"Gwen," Casey tried again.

"He's not happy." Casey snorted.

"Okay, I very much doubt that he would involve himself, and stay, in a situation that doesn't make him happy. Have you met him? He's pretty good at self-fulfillment, others be damned."

"I know, I'm just pretty sure he's-"

"Gwen," Casey cut her off, "I really, really don't want to spend any more time talking about this. It was a million years ago."

"Well, three," Gwen interjected. Casey ignored her.

"And we both have separate lives and we don't have to be involved in each other's existences any more. It's not a big deal, and if we keep talking about it and bringing it up, it will turn into a big deal."

Gwen looked at her too long again, but didn't say anything. "Okay," she finally sighed. "I just though you ought to know."

"Ignorance is bliss," Casey grumbled.

"Okay, fine." Gwen threw a grape at Casey's head. "Oh, dear Lord."

"What? What now?" Gwen was looking behind her. Sadly her wish for radar had not been granted, and she was too scared to turn around.

"Hi Gweny!" A female voice called, heels approaching the table. Casey turned, slightly relaxed at the gender of vocal chords, and immediately regretted it. Lady-friend was click-clacking toward their table. Casey spun on Gwen.

"Sorry," Gwen whispered, wincing slightly. "Hey, Jocelyn." Lady-friend had a name. Jocelyn. Casey frowned. She knew that name. Amanda had mentioned that name before. At school.

"Oh, my God, this is the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's like I'm inside one of those wedding blogs, you know?"

"Yeah," Gwen commented, her eyes flicking over to Casey. "Amanda is a champion of the cute."

"Oh, my God, I know!" Jocelyn giggled. She was a giggler. "Just don't tell her that it looks like Pinterest, because she got a bit offended at that." She put her drink on their table and adjusted her strapless dress.

"Good to know," Gwen commented.

"Yeah, so I got her a beer to repent for my sins, and I think I'm forgiven." Lady-friend flicked her hair over her shoulder.

"Smart thinking."

"I thought so," Jocelyn giggled again. "So, how are you? What are you up to?"

"Oh, this and that," Gwen's tone was airy.

"I heard you started a new job? A non-college kid job? With an actual company? Not like a retail job? I was just telling D-"

"Hey, Jocelyn," Gwen cut across. "Have you met Casey yet?"

The response was immediate. The girl turned toward Casey and looked like she was choking on her tongue.

"Oh, my God," Lady-friend coughed, her eyes bugging, "You're Casey?"

Aren't weddings fun?