Chapter 12: Shame

Bubblegum lay on her bed with Marceline's head lying in her lap. She absentmindedly played with it as she read a book on the theories of space travel. Marceline had gotten it for her from glob knows where, and she was finding it absolutely riveting. However, at the moment, she was finding Marceline's hair far more riveting. It's so silky and soft. And the color…it's more than black; it glows, like a night sky. She is so beautiful. I'm lucky to have her back. I'm lucky she gave me another chance.

It was true. For a while there, it was just incredibly complicated, with the vampire refusing to talk. But eventually, the pink princess had worn her down and forced her into a conversation and they had been together ever since. This is why Bubblegum lay on her bed, propped up on pillows, with Marceline in her lap. And I couldn't love it any more…I couldn't love her any more.

She put the book down completely, and began weaving both sets of fingers through Marceline's massive amounts of hair. How she keeps it so nice is a wonder…it's so clean and smooth...and no split ends. Bubblegum sighed. "I absolutely love your hair. You know that, Marci?"

"I want to tell people about us." Marceline said, and it was clear she had been thinking about it for a long while.

Bubblegum's fingers stopped dead, and she gulped. Marceline looked up at her expectantly, and Bubblegum opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Still, the vampire just stared at her, head still in a pink lap, not frowning, not hopeful, just looking at the princess, waiting. I don't want to disappoint her. But…I just…I can't. A strangled sound escaped from Bubblegum before she found her words again. With a definite negative tone to her voice, she said, "Marceline…"

The vampire sighed, and pulled herself off the lap of the other girl and floated off the bed, wishing there were somewhere else that she could sit, because floating was definitely not what she wanted to do. "I figured." Marceline just shook her head; prying that she could just sink into the floor and stop existing. "I figured…" she repeated.

Bubblegum sat up on her knees on her bed. "Marceline…" She began earnestly. This was something she knew wasn't going to end well. But what can I do? I can't help the way people see her. And what's more, I cannot lose the approval of my people. That's my job, and it's not like I chose it. Her brow furrowed. "Marci…sugar…" She used a pet name that she knew Marceline secretly loved, "You know that it isn't a good idea…"

Marceline floated over to the corner where her axe bass sat propped up. "No," she said quietly, "No I don't know that it isn't a good idea." She forced her arm up to grab her instrument and dragged it, along with her feet, across the floor.

Bubblegum watched the vampire carefully, an uneasy feeling settling deep in her stomach. "Wh-What are you doing, Marci?" She asked, seeing the vampire picking up old left-over clothes from off the floor.

"I'm tired, Bonnibel. I'm tired of being your dirty little secret. I'm tired of having to hide, and sneak in, and not see you whenever I want, or just hold your hand out in public. And I'm tired of Finn being all over you, still, because he doesn't know you're taken. Things are the same as they were before, and I don't like it." She had collected a small pile of clothes in her arms and slung her bass over her shoulders. She picked up the rock shirt she had given Bonni, which had been tossed onto the floor the previous night after an unplanned visit. Bubblegum's breath had gotten quick and heavy, and she felt like her heart guts had fallen right out of her. She isn't doing this. She isn't.

Marceline rubbed the shirt between her fingers and smiled sadly. "You can keep the shirt, Bonnibel. Call me again if you're done being ashamed of me." And she turned to leave out the balcony doors.

At that, Bubblegum leapt off her bed and sprinted past Marceline, slamming the glass doors out shut before the older girl could leave. "No. You are not leaving me again. I am not ashamed, I'm not! But you have to understand, people are afraid of you! They wouldn't approve or get it or anything!"

Marceline shook her head, remaining completely composed. "No I don't have to understand. I just can't understand. And I might have left the first time, but it was upon your request and–"

"I apologized! And I will always apologize and never stop apologizing because it was the stupidest thing I have ever done and I knew that as soon as I saw that lumping apple on my pillow I just didn't say anything and denied it!" Bubblegum interrupted, stepping closer to Marceline and placing her hands on the girl's blue cheeks and trying to find hiding eyes.

"I know, Bonnibel, I know, but…but I…" her face twisted up in concentration, it was still hard for her to say. "I…I love you and-and you say you love me and that's what should matter. And if you're too-too scared, or whatever, then I need to move on. Because I'm not scared. I love you with all my being and that scares me, but telling doesn't. It makes my heart guts feel like they beat again when I think about everyone knowing I'm in-in love, and if it's not the same for you, then it's…" Tears welled up and spilled quietly from her eyes. "Then it's over."

Bubblegum shook her head fervently, looking hard at the girl, tears of her own falling, and her grip on Marceline tightening. "No it isn't over. It isn't, Marceline. I love you more than anything, but…I mean I haven't even told anyone I know that I'm gay because don't even know if I am! I've only ever had eyes for you, Marceline. I've never even thought about anyone else! So you aren't leaving me. You aren't because you're the only one for me and the only one there ever has been and that's that!" She said, fully sobbing and gasping every few words as she went.

But Marceline just pulled Bubblegum's hands from her face and shook her head again. "This isn't one of those things you can command different, little one." She said, making reference to the way the monarch had acted as a small child. She always had been demanding one moment and flitty the next. Not much had changed.

"Why not…why not?" She asked desperately. "I need you Marceline. I need you. I'm not ashamed. You are beautiful and wonderful and talented and everything anyone could ever want. But my people think…they think bad things of you, and they wouldn't trust me if they found out. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. Please, please don't go. They think you're a monster. That's why…that's why…"

She fell to her knees, realizing that she was losing Marceline for a second time and there was nothing she could do about it except the one thing she knew she couldn't. "Bonni…Bonbon…"Marceline whispered, kneeling down with her and putting the clothes aside to embrace her girlfriend in a hug. "They think those things of me because their Princess never let me have a chance to prove otherwise. She hides me away like a dark secret instead of letting me meet her people and form a different opinion of myself. I'm a skeleton in a closet…in more ways than one." She joked, and was rewarded with a small giggle from Bubblegum, who had stopped crying at the reassuring tone in Marceline's voice. "It doesn't have to be all at once, we could start with people we trusted, with people who knew us. I'm pretty sure Lady knows already so we could start with her. But Bonni, the people who know me know I'm not a monster. You just need to be a little brave and trust me to make a good impression. Even Jake likes me, and I tease him mercilessly, and he is desperately afraid of me! If he can like me, anyone can."

Bubblegum looked up at her, giggling again at the joke and sniffling away the last of her tears. She got the feeling Marceline was willing to go slow, but she just had to get started. "He is afraid of you terribly…" And the two laughed.

Marceline took on a more serious tone. "Bonni I do…I have all those gushy feelings for you, and I want people to know. I'm tired of hiding. And there will be some people who are scared of me but…I just can't sneak around with you anymore. It makes me feel…" She trailed off, none too sure about wanting to divulge something so intimate to the candy girl. Feelings and gush were not her strong suit.

But Bubblegum needed to know. "What? Makes you feel what?"

Marceline pinched her lips together, and forced her face into concentration, as though she had to force herself to speak. When the words did come out, they were small, quiet, and vulnerable. "…Worthless…like a plaything for you to throw away…"

Oh my glob…I hadn't…how could I have not seen that? How could I have not noticed how she felt? I am the worst girlfriend in the history of girlfriends! Of course she feels like that, how else would she feel? Here at night and gone in the morning…lumps! Bubblegum grabbed Marceline's face again and forced their eyes to meet. "Marci…" She shook her head, "Marceline I am so sorry. I didn't realize…I should have-I…I am so sorry. You are not worthless, you mean everything to me! Do you realize all the day I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you and how all your sarcasm would make the boring meetings go faster and your presence would make the room brighter and I'd be happier? I think about you all day, and every evening with you is the highlight of that day." She laughed a little. "Marci I even sleep in your shirts when you aren't here because I need you somehow every night."

Marceline buried her head into a pink neck. "Do you mean that?" she mumbled, embarrassed at her need to know all the mushy details.

Bubblegum giggled slightly, knowing exactly why the vampire hid. "I do Marceline. I really do." The candy princess nodded her head, a new resolve coming over her. "And I want people to know. I do. I want you to be able to spend the night and morning and day with me. I want to have to get new drapes to not let the sun in just so I can wake up with you in the morning. I want Peppermint to bring extra strawberries so we can eat breakfast together. So tomorrow, I'm telling Lady. Like you said she probably already knows. From there we'll go to Finn, Jake, and Beemo, then the princesses like LSP and finally my city. I can't promise it will be fast, but I will try Marceline. I would do anything to keep you. Anything."

Marceline began crying into the candy girl. "Do you mean that?" She asked again, joyful sobs wracking her body as she began to laugh.

"With all my heart guts." Bubblegum said simply, and the girls shared a long hug, before going back into bed. Marceline watched Bonnibel fall asleep, and lay with her as long as she could, before making her way back to her cave, looking forward to the day when she didn't have to.

A/N

So this one was semi-inspired by TigerLilly22 who wanted to see 'Marceline and Bubblegum coming out to their friends.' Well, I decided that they'd have to have a serious (and more than a bit sad) conversation about it first. Fear not! I will do a chapter on them coming out to everyone, so don't worry there. But this is what I was thinking of when I saw the request. And thank you for it! It's lovely, and I will most definitely complete it in full!

*****PLEASE REVIEW AND REQUEST!******

Next will probably be how Marci acts after their break up, but it depends on the reviews. I kinda wanted to save it for later, so please suggest! Thanks for all my readers who don't review (don't worry, I don't hate you) and a particular wonderful bout of thanks to my readers who do!

-JD