A/N: Hey, here's the next chapter. Please fav, follow, and let me know what you think of the story so far :)
This chapter's song is 'Not Today' by Imagine Dragons.
Beca threw up in the toilet a third time. She hunched over the toilet, tears spilling out her eyes as she gagged again. Terminal. That word just kept spinning round her head, making her feel sick and dizzy. She knew she should be with Chloe right now, supporting her and Aubrey, but she didn't think she could look at Chloe's face without her heart-breaking in two.
Beca had let herself fall in love with Chloe, she had let Chloe break down all her walls and turn her into the person she was today, and it was all ending in a couple of weeks. Chloe Beale only had a few weeks left to live.
Beca retched again, but nothing came out. She was too tired and dizzy to move, so she stayed where she was, crouched on the hospital bathroom floor. The last thing Beca wanted was for Chloe to see her like this – tears staining her face, vomit on her chin and her hair stuck to her forehead with sweat – Beca looked worse than she had in weeks and it was all because of one word: terminal.
Chloe lay in bed, utterly alone with her thoughts. Aubrey had left an hour ago to go and call the redhead's family, and Chloe hadn't seen Beca since she'd run off after the doctor had announced the development in Chloe's cancer.
Chloe had absolutely no idea how she was supposed to feel. In one sense, she was relieved that this painful, sickening struggle would all be over in a couple of weeks; but on the other hand, Chloe was utterly distraught. She had so much more to give, and to think that her time on the planet would be over in just over a month left her feeling entirely empty and alone. Beca wasn't with her to comfort her or make her laugh and Aubrey was doing important stuff on the phone… Chloe felt useless, helpless and lifeless as she lay in bed and let the pain in her body wash away all the thoughts swirling round her head.
Aubrey thought the hardest thing she would do in her life would be to overcome her controlling tendencies but no, the hardest thing Aubrey ever had to do in her life was tell Chloe's parents that their daughter was going to die in a matter of weeks. Their beautiful, talented, happy daughter's life was coming to an end. Chloe's parents cried and cried, saying over and over how they should have come down earlier to support her, how they were awful parents. Aubrey tried to assure them otherwise, but they wouldn't be reasoned with. Eventually, Chloe's parents hung up, booking the very next plane down to Atlanta.
Aubrey looked at her phone, thinking of the endless list of people she would have to call about Chloe's condition. She let her hands fall loosely at her side, feeling light-headed and sick at the prospect of Chloe just… not being there in a couple of weeks. Aubrey had found that Chloe was terminal after Chloe and Beca. The blonde had seen Beca storm out the room, her face completely leeched of colour and her hands shaking as she went. Aubrey had tried to speak to Beca as she had rushed past, but the brunette didn't stop so Aubrey entered cautiously into Chloe's room. There had been a doctor in the room, offering Chloe a sympathetic look as the redhead looked straight ahead, her face as pale as Beca's. Aubrey had asked what was going on, and the doctor had carefully revealed that Chloe was terminal. That this cancer was going to kill her.
Aubrey felt empty. Tears fell silently from her cheeks, but the blonde didn't know why, she didn't feel particularly sad – just empty. The complete sorrow and despair in Chloe's parents' voices still rang through her, sending shivers down her spine. There was no word that could describe how Aubrey felt right now. She had never had to face anything like this in her life before – her grandparents had died before she was born and since then, no-one close to her had passed away. And now she was faced with the prospect of one of her closest friends dying having not had the chance to live her life to the full.
Chloe was discharged from the hospital a couple of days after she was informed of the development in her cancer. The hospital wanted her to check in every 3 days so they could assess her condition and get a better grasp on how long she had left, but other than that she was free to do almost anything she wanted. She no longer had to have chemo sessions, or take masses of tablets, because nothing could be done to get rid of her cancer. The absence of her chemo meant that Chloe felt stronger and better – which seemed ironic since she was actually worse than she had ever been. Aubrey stayed with Chloe and Beca for a couple of days before going back to work to sort out some issues before she could take official leave for a number of months, wanting to spend as much time with Chloe as possible before… before time ran out.
Beca tried to keep treating Chloe like she had before she had been told she was terminal, but it was hard. Beca had to stop sleeping in the same room as Chloe because she would find herself awake all night, listening to Chloe's breathing, terrified it would suddenly stop and leave Beca in a deafening silence. Chloe noticed the change in Beca behaviour – she noticed all the forced smiles and hidden frowns. Chloe lay alone at night, unable to sleep without the warmth and comfort of Beca's body beside her. Chloe wanted to spend her limited days cherishing the time she had left with Beca, but Beca barely spoke to the redhead. Beca was subdued, sombre and reserved around Chloe, she barely spoke to her and seemed to flinch away from all contact and affection.
Beca knew she was being selfish. She knew that it was narrow-minded of her to treat Chloe as if they were barely friends, but Beca couldn't bear to get any closer to the redhead for it all to be ripped away from her. All Beca could think about was how she had let herself fall in love with Chloe, she had let herself care for and cherish and love the sick redhead only to have it all torn from her grasp.
Beca wanted to be with the redhead; she wanted to sleep next to her at night, she wanted to sit and play with her at the piano, she wanted to walk round the park with her but she couldn't. It was too hard.
Beca hated herself for being so selfish. But she loved Chloe too much to see her every day and simply ignore the fact that she was going to die.
A week passed since Chloe's devastating news from the hospital, and Beca and Chloe had barely spoken. Chloe's mom, dad and brother were staying at a hotel in the city – they met up with Chloe every day, making sure her days were filled with smiles and company given how there was a time limit on everything she could do. Aubrey was coming down to stay with Beca and Chloe in a few days, Amy was spending more time with the redhead and the Bellas had all organised to meet up again on hearing Chloe's news, but Chloe was miserable. The hospital had confirmed that she probably had just over a month and a half left given how quickly her leukaemia was developing, and all Chloe wanted was to be held and comforted by Beca, but the brunette was more closed off than Chloe had ever seen her. She was barely at the flat during the day – she worked late into the nights and left early in the mornings. Beca actually looked worse than Chloe: she looked constantly sleep deprived and pale whereas Chloe's hair was growing thicker again due to her lack of chemotherapy and there was more colour in her cheeks. Chloe still ached, she was still covered in bruises and she was still weak but she looked more human, despite what the hospital had revealed about her cancer.
One night, Amy was out, Chloe's family were back at their hotel, Aubrey was still at work and so it was just Beca and Chloe left in the apartment, which was a rare occurrence because of how much Beca avoided Chloe. Chloe muttered something about how they needed more milk, and so Beca leapt at the opportunity to get out the apartment, offering to grab some from the corner shop. Chloe posed that she go too, hoping for an opportunity to actually talk to the brunette but Beca just said that Chloe should stay inside because it was cold. Chloe rolled her eyes;
"For god sakes Beca, why won't you just let me come with you? Why have you been acting so weird lately?"
Beca gave Chloe an incredulous look.
"Why have I been acting so weird? Why have you been acting so normal? You're dying Chloe, but you're acting as if nothing's changed!"
Chloe didn't say anything for a moment, happy that Beca was finally talking to her but taken aback by the brunette's words.
"Because nothing has changed, Beca. I still love you… you still love me?" She asked, not sure if she actually knew the answer to her question.
"Of course I still love you, Chloe. But that's the problem," Beca explained, her voice breaking and tears spilling down her cheeks, "I… I can't lose you. I love you too much to lose you. I fell in love with you Chloe, you fell in love with me… and now I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life without you. You're acting so normal about the whole situation, as if it doesn't bother you but Chloe, I can't think straight because every time I see you all I can think about is how in a month… I won't be able to. You won't be there, Chloe and it will just be me and Amy in this flat, without you. I can't… I can't lose you." Beca uttered, her voice coming out in barely a whisper.
Chloe swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and chocked back the tears that threatened to fall, taking in Beca's crumpled face. She walked forward slowly and wrapped her thin arms around Beca, her heart singing at the contact she had been denied for weeks. Beca reluctantly returned Chloe's embrace, breathing in Chloe's fresh, daisy smell. Beca sobbed in Chloe's arms, realising how much she'd missed the redhead's familiar scent. Beca had been so distant, so reserved for the past week that she hadn't realised how much she'd missed holding Chloe, how much she'd missed smelling her hair, how much she'd missed looking into her crystal eyes.
"I just want to be with you Beca, I just want to spend my time with you."
Beca sighed, holding Chloe tighter to her, as if afraid Chloe would slip away if she let go.
"Okay." Beca breathed, sniffing and letting Chloe wipe the tears from her eyes. "Are we going to the shops then, or what?" She smiled, looping her arm through Chloe's. The couple walked slowly out the door, basking in the pleasure of each other's company while they still could.
'We finally fall apart and we break each other's hearts,
If we wanna live young, love, we better start today;
It's gotta get easier, oh easier somehow,
'Cause I'm falling, I'm falling;
It's gotta get easier, oh easier somehow,
But not today,
Not today…'