A/N Hey all, it's good to be back and updating this fic. I didn't actually end up going on vacation because my father passed away a few days after I posted my last chapter. I should be back to my weekly updates going forward. Thanks as always for reading and supporting me after all this time. You are awesome readers!
Chapter 17
When Spencer woke up the next morning she did not feel like herself.
As good as opening up to Ashley had been, she didn't like it how exposed it made her feel. She had let someone in – someone who had proven to be untrustworthy in the past – and the blonde didn't like the uncertainty that came with that.
In a lot of ways, it was easier to just be cut off from people. Even with Sean, as close as Spencer was to him, there was still a barrier she put up with him. If he tried to get her to open up, she would often just change the subject, because at least then, without anyone else knowing, she was safe.
Spencer didn't know what was going to happen when she next saw Ashley, but she was uncomfortable. The blonde was starting to think that the previous day had been a big mistake.
Why did things have to get serious? She'd been having fun making out with Ashley – why did it have to turn into more than that? Spencer should have been perfectly content with what she was getting and not having to turn her dalliance with Ashley into something more. It would have made her life a lot simpler.
Even though she wouldn't admit it, Spencer was well aware that inviting Ashley back into her life was never going to be without complications. They had a long history, after all. Keeping it just about physical attraction was likely never going to happen. Still, maybe Spencer could have waited a few weeks before forcing the matter. At least she'd have time to enjoy herself before everything got messy.
She got ready for school while fighting the urge to skip the day. All Spencer wanted to do was avoid seeing Ashley, or anyone else, for that matter. The blonde needed time to process what she'd divulged the day before. Instead of feeling lighter from unburdening what she'd kept inside for the longest time, she felt weighed down by what she'd done.
Spencer was quiet throughout the car ride to school, not that Sean noticed anything out of the ordinary with that behaviour. She ignored an insult Madison threw at her because she couldn't be bothered to reply. It wasn't as easy to keep away from Ashley. She was fighting both sides of herself: one side wanted to run towards the brunette and the other side wanted to run as far from her as possible.
Ashley's texts were met with curt answers and, when she asked Spencer to meet over lunch, there was suddenly a project that needed all of the blonde's attention.
Home Ec proved more difficult for Spencer. Ashley kept trying to talk to her but she was pretty good at avoiding having a real conversation. It was a skill she had perfected the last few years. When Ashley asked directly if anything was wrong, Spencer told her, "Of course not." Both girls knew she was lying.
Before Ashley could corner her, Spencer took off for her last class. She was thankful the day would soon be over so she could go home and be alone.
Unfortunately, for Spencer, it didn't happen that way.
Ashley knew that Spencer was avoiding her at all costs. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. It was painfully obvious. Although she wasn't exactly sure why, Ashley had a few guesses.
There was no question how hard the previous night had been for Spencer, but it wasn't exactly easy for the brunette either. She had to hear a lot of things that were difficult to hear. The guilt she felt was almost overwhelming. More than that, Ashley finally knew what Spencer had been through since they stopped being friends.
For someone who had cared about the blonde as much as Ashley did, she should have been there for Spencer. She should have been the friend that Spencer needed. But focusing on what should have been wasn't going to do any good.
She could be there for Spencer now. And that's exactly what she intended to do, whether the other girl liked it or not.
Madison wasn't happy to hear that Ashley planned to ditch cheerleading practice. Luckily for Ashley, she didn't care what Madison threatened with, so she ignored the dire warnings she received and hightailed it to Spencer's right from school.
If Spencer was going to ignore her, that was her choice. It didn't mean that Ashley was going to take it. She got out of her car, very determined. She checked that the Spencer wasn't actually at home, and when she confirmed that was the case, she sat down to wait.
About twenty minutes later, her patience was rewarded.
Sean did not recognize the car parked in the driveway when he pulled up to drop Spencer off. At first he was concerned, but when he saw who was waiting for his friend, he became confused. "Uh, Spence, why is Ashley Davies at your house?"
Spencer didn't answer at first. She was too distracted by the thumping sound in her ears to hear what Sean had asked. Ashley was staring at her with a look on her face that immediately put Spencer on edge. To say she was not a happy to see Ashley would be a huge understatement. "We have to work on that stupid project," Spencer lied.
"Man, that thing is taking over your life," Sean commented. He sensed this weird tension coming from the blonde but put it down to her dislike for Ashley. "Well, have fun and if you are done early let me know and we can hang out."
"Sounds good," Spencer replied, her jaw set and her eyes staring angrily at Ashley. How dare she just show up like this? Who did she think she was? "I'll talk to you later."
Ashley's heart was beating rapidly. She hated confrontation and usually did anything to avoid it. She could see how unhappy the blond was with her presence. Oh well, she thought to herself, she would have to get over it.
Spencer slammed the car door behind her, much to Sean's chagrin. She apologized half-heartedly to her friend, but her focus was on the brown eyes boring into her. Even though she didn't want to, she would listen to what Ashley had to say and then get rid of her.
Why didn't anyone understand that she wanted to be left alone?
"And to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" Spencer asked. Her tone was reminiscent to how she spoke to Ashley when they were first paired together in Home Ec.
Ashley ignored that and decided instead to address why she was there. "You're avoiding me."
Spencer let out a hollow laugh. "It's good to know that after all this time, your ego is still huge. I've just had a busy day. You know my life doesn't revolve around you, Ashley."
"That's bullshit," Ashley replied without getting angry. This wasn't about getting in a fight with Spencer, even if the blonde's words stung. "Why have you been avoiding me?"
"I haven't been avoiding you." Spencer's nostrils flared. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd really appreciate it if you could leave. I don't remember inviting you over."
"No," Ashley stood with her arms crossed defiantly. "Not until you tell me what's wrong."
Spencer sighed. She really wasn't in the mood for this. "I don't want to fight with you-"
"I don't want to fight with you either," Ashley cut in. She was so careful not to sound confrontational, as she knew that would lead to the other girl lashing out. "But I'm not leaving here until we talk. I know what you're doing, Spence, and it isn't going to work."
"Oh, please enlighten me," Spencer said with an eye roll. She could feel the anger inside her wanting to come out. The blonde felt like a cornered animal with nowhere to go. "Because you know what I really love? Being psychoanalyzed in front of my house when all I want to do is go inside."
Ashley ignored the way that the blonde was baiting her into a fight. "I meant what I said to you last night, I'm not going anywhere. So, no matter how hard you try to push me away, it won't work. I made a promise to you and I'm won't break that promise."
"God, Ashley, do you enjoy making shit up?" Spencer asked as panic began to take over. "I am not pushing you away. I mean, you're not my girlfriend. Am I not allowed to have some time away from you? I never knew you were so clingy."
As confident as Ashley had felt in diagnosing what was up with Spencer, the blonde's words made her begin to doubt herself. She pushed aside her own feelings, though, because the rational part of her knew she wasn't wrong. "As hard as you push me, I'm not going anywhere."
"Stop saying that!" Spencer screamed in frustration. "Why aren't you listening to me?"
"Because," Ashley said with a steely determination, "you haven't been honest with me all day, and even though you think you can hide your feelings, you suck at it. I'm just asking you to talk to me, let me be there for you."
"Why should I?" Spencer was not in a good place. She knew what was coming and felt powerless to stop herself. "You're just going to screw me over like you've done before. Tell me that's a lie, Ash. I dare you." She started breathing heavy, "You think you can come here and pretend you know me as well as you think you do? It's been three years of being ignored. So don't you dare stand there and tell me all sorts of lies just because you get our jollies from doing that."
Ashley did her best not to feel hurt by what Spencer had just said. They had addressed so many things about what happened between them that it sucked to have the blonde bring everything back up today. It was difficult to try and remain above hearing those things. "If you want me to go, I will."
Spencer inwardly rejoiced. She was going to finally be left alone. And now she knew that everything Ashley had promised her was a big fat lie. That was called vindication.
"But I'm not going to leave you alone," Ashley continued. "You can say all the shitty things you want to me, Spencer. I'm OK with that." Well, that wasn't exactly true, but the brunette had a point to make. "But that won't make me stop caring about you and it won't make me stop wanting to be with you." She wasn't sure that leaving was a good idea, but getting in a screaming match with Spencer wasn't going to help either. "If you change your mind and want to talk, let me know; I will be back here in a second."
Spencer couldn't believe that Ashley had responded like that. Where was the yelling? Where was the big blowout that she wanted? The blonde thought for sure that the other girl would engage her in a fight. When that didn't happen, it made Spencer feel really bad about her behavior. And that was enough for her to drop the façade she'd been wearing all day. "Ashley, wait," Spencer called out.
The brunette did as she was asked, while keeping her expectations in check.
"I'm uh…" Spencer stood in front of Ashley feeling completely tongue-tied. Apologizing, or even caring about someone else's feelings, wasn't something she was used to.
"Sorry?" Ashley finished in an attempt to help Spencer out. The way that Spencer was looking at her made her forget her day of being ignored.
"Yeah, that," Spencer said sheepishly. She reached out for the brunette's hand and was happy when that familiar feeling of warmth replaced the cold she'd been feeling all day. "I, uh…"
"I get it," Ashley said. The sheepish expression on Spencer's face made her heart melt. At the same time, she had to get something off her chest. "I wasn't lying when I said that you can push and push and I won't leave, but I can't be your punching bag when you can't handle things, Spencer. If you're always throwing what I did to you in my face, we are never going to get past it."
Spencer felt awful. She hadn't meant to do that but Ashley was right on the money. Lashing out at the other girl when she hadn't actually done anything wrong wasn't fair. "I'm really sorry," she finally said the words that had failed her before, "And you're right. I was avoiding you all day."
It was so tempting to want to skip this part so Ashley could be kissing Spencer again. That was a horrible idea, even if it also was an appealing one. "Why?"
"Because yesterday was hard and…" Spencer's voice trailed off. The excuse in her head sounded so lame to her. "I felt overwhelmed."
Ashley didn't think there was anything lame about the blonde's explanation. She was finally getting to the truth and that's all that mattered. "You're allowed to be overwhelmed and you're allowed to need your space. Just tell me that and I'll let you have whatever time you need. But all I ask is that you please don't shut me out."
"I can do that," Spencer replied sincerely. "Because apparently if I don't you'll show up at my house like some kind of stalker."
This time Spencer's humor did not feel out of place. They had talked enough for one day about an issue that wasn't going away any time soon. The best they could do was work on it, from both sides, and hope that it eventually wasn't going to be a problem they had to deal with. "You'd be lucky to be stalked by me." She leaned in so her mouth was right by Spencer's ear. "Because I know what I'd want to do with you when I caught you."
Spencer smiled warmly at the brunette while reveling in the tingly feeling that only Ashley could give her. She was relieved that she appeared to be forgiven. "Like I said, your ego is bigger than my house." Now that her sullen mood had been lifted, Spencer was in the mood to go inside with Ashley. What she wanted to do required a lot more privacy than they had at present. "Let's head in."
Ashley cocked her head. "What are you talking about?"
"You, me and my bed," Spencer said, her voice getting husky. "I should probably make it up to you for being a jerk today."
"That's true," Ashley's eyes were twinkling, "But if you think I'm going to just let you have your way with me after how mean you were, you're sadly mistaken." She moved away from the blonde and towards her car. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."
Spencer stood there for a few seconds with her mouth hanging open. She had assumed that Ashley coming over, even though it was to talk about what had been wrong, also meant that she'd stick around now that they had resolved things. "Are you serious?" Spencer asked in disbelief.
Ashley's mouth was twitching as she kept her back to the blonde. She felt so much better than she had all day and that meant having fun at the other girl's expense. "Absolutely, I really have to go."
"But, Ashley," Spencer whined uncharacteristically. She suddenly felt like a little kid who wasn't getting what she wanted.
That proved too much for the brunette. She turned around, taking pity on Spencer. "You are too easy."
"Hey!" Spencer exclaimed when she realized that Ashley wasn't really going anywhere. "You shouldn't say such things to me, I'm sensitive."
Ashley closed the gap between her and Spencer, choosing to suck on the blonde's neck a little. Spencer let out a strangled yelp having been caught completely off guard. Ashley kept up her assault on the other girl's neck until a small red mark appeared. "I know exactly how sensitive you are."
Once again, Spencer was dumbfounded. This time though she was not confused, just turned on. Being with Ashley was certainly going to keep her on her toes. She dragged the brunette inside her house before any other barbs could be exchanged. There were other things that Spencer wanted to use her mouth for.
Ashley was searching for her shirt, but the soft kisses Spencer was placing on her back was proving to be quite a distraction. Not that she was complaining. If she thought making out with Spencer had been good before, now that she felt comfortable enough to have removed her shirt as well, it only made things better. The skin on skin contact had driven things between the two of them to a higher level. And it left Ashley wanting so much more.
The most surprising thing to Ashley was how much she enjoyed touching Spencer and exploring the other girl's body. Sure there was plenty more for her to discover, but when it came to the boys she'd been with, trying to make them feel good had always felt like a chore. There was nothing chore like when it came to Spencer.
"Are you looking for this?" Spencer asked as she held up Ashley's shirt.
Ashley went to reach for her shirt, but the blonde moved out of the way before she could. Her quest to get dressed was put on hold as she watched a topless Spencer move around her room. Clad only in a bra and jeans, Spencer was having a lot of fun playing keep away with Ashley's shirt. Not only was it fun, she also to ogle Ashley more than she had already.
"You should give that to me," Ashley said, trying to sound menacing.
"Or what?" Spencer had the cheekiest smile on her face.
"This," Ashley replied launching herself at the blonde. She ended up knocking Spencer backwards onto the bed, much the to the surprise of the other girl. "Now, give me back my shirt."
Spencer shook her head slowly as she relished in having Ashley on top of her. "Why would I give it back to you when that would mean you'll put it on and I won't get to check you out?"
"Because I'm cold?" Ashley tried. That was a lie. Lying on Spencer made her feel many things, but cold was not one of them. She watched as Spencer shook her head again and she couldn't help but laugh. "Because I'm hungry and if you give me the shirt now, I promise to take it off later."
"Pinky swear?" Spencer very much liked the idea of later.
Not one to concede defeat, Ashley seized the brief moment when Spencer was distracted by the belief of her victory to roll the other girl off the bed and making sure to grab her shirt before the blonde fell to the ground. She quickly threw her shirt on before Spencer could get any revenge.
"You jerk!" Spencer said when she got up to her feet. Unfortunately for her, the fact that she was laughing made it impossible for the brunette to be worried that she was mad. "That was uncalled for."
"Uh, no, that was awesome," Ashley smirked. "You just can't handle the fact that you got outsmarted by me."
Spencer rubbed her lower back while giving Ashley the evil eye. "Just for that, you're taking me with you to get food."
For a second Ashley freaked out about being seen with Spencer. Outing their relationship wasn't anything they had decided on yet. Especially considering they hadn't defined their relationship yet. But when that moment of panic passed, Ashley decided to try not to focus on what would happen if they were spotted together. "Is that a fact? OK, I'll tell you what, I'll buy you dinner. I'm sure I can spare a couple of dollars for a Happy Meal or something."
"Ha-ha, very funny," Spencer said after putting her own shirt back on. "That's not exactly the lifestyle I had in mind when I landed me a rich chick."
"You landed me, did you?" Ashley asked, her eyebrow raised. "I believe I was the one who kissed you first."
"Look, we can argue about this over dinner. I'm starving, woman!" Spencer smacked the brunette on the ass, earning her a very satisfying shriek.
Ashley was so happy that things with Spencer were back on track she let the hit the other girl had given her go. "So, seeing as I'm now your bitch, or whatever, do you, uh, want to do something on Friday night?"
"I would love to, but I have plans with Sean," Spencer replied. She was too busy getting her stuff together to notice how the brunette's face had fallen. "But I'm free Saturday night if you want."
"Yeah sure," Ashley said trying hard to ignore the feeling of jealousy that was taking over. It was stupid, so stupid for her to be upset that Spencer couldn't see her. She knew she was being completely irrational. "Sounds good."
As Ashley waited for the blonde to get her shoes on she continued to work on telling herself that not seeing Spencer for one night wasn't going to be the end of the world. The problem was, there was an actual reason, besides enjoying spending time with Spencer, that she wanted to see the other girl that Friday night. Instead of telling Spencer what that reason was, Ashley stayed quiet.
It was exactly the thing she had asked Spencer not to do.
"So, what movie do you want to watch first?" Sean asked when Spencer had joined him on the sofa. She had disappeared for a few minutes to do who knows what. The blonde had been acting mysterious all week. Far from prying, Sean had let her be even though he was dying to know what was up. "Lady's choice."
"Well when you see a lady, tell me what she chooses." Spencer quipped. She had just sent Ashley a message to say have a good night. She didn't really know what the brunette was up to but she wasn't too bothered by it. Things with Ashley had been going well since Spencer's freak out. That being said, she did have this nagging in the back of her head that there was something up with Ashley. Spencer wasn't sure what that would be, so she put her gut feeling down to paranoia.
The only thing that made her unhappy at the moment was lying to Sean. She wondered if she should tell him about what was going on with the brunette – minus the details – but ultimately decided against it. Ashley didn't seem too keen on telling people and Spencer didn't want to deal with having to explain herself quite yet. Besides, she reasoned, it wasn't so much lying as it was excluding very important details about what was going on from their conversations.
But that didn't bring her much comfort. Spencer hoped that whatever Ashley was doing, she was having as good a time as she was.
Just as her conscious was starting to gnaw at her, she felt something land on head, followed quickly by something else on her cheek. Sean had started throwing popcorn at her because she had spaced out. She retaliated by throwing some of her own popcorn back to him, and thoughts of Ashley and her guilty conscious were soon forgotten in the mayhem of a popcorn fight.
Ashley was absolutely miserable. She couldn't believe that she had agreed to go out with Madison and Aiden. To be fair, lots of their other friends were out with them as well, but that still didn't mean she was having a good time.
Watching Madison and Aiden make out in front of her was vomit-inducing. Ashley couldn't believe that she ever used to kiss Aiden. He clearly had no idea what he was doing and used way too much tongue. Lucky for her, she got to witness every gross moment between those two. Plus, Madison kept looking her way and throwing her fake smile after fake smile.
She was too busy having a horrible time to realize that Spencer had messaged her. Not that it made much of a difference. Getting a text from the blonde would have only added to Ashley's horrible night. She didn't want to be the type of person who needed to be with the person she was dating every minute of the day, if you could call what her and Spencer were doing as dating that is. That was a whole separate thing that she wasn't even going to touch at this moment.
Ashley would have loved to stay home, but seeing as that wasn't an option she was forced to stay at Gray's for as long as Madison wanted her to stay. Things couldn't possibly get worse.
"Hey, Ashley," Madison said as she sat down next to her friend. She put her arm around the other girl, "I have some bad news for you. Aiden wants to stay over tonight and seeing as he's my boyfriend, I can't really say no. Not that I want to, girl, if you know what I mean."
There were so many things wrong with what Madison had told her that Ashley didn't know what to address first. If she wasn't so angry, she would probably start crying. "And what am I supposed to do?"
Madison was already halfway out of the booth. "Pick up your own hottie and have a good time. We're heading out now. I'll call you tomorrow."
Ashley could not believe her bad luck. Although she probably shouldn't be surprised when she had someone as awful as Madison still in her life. One of her other friends handed her a flask of alcohol and Ashley gladly poured half of it into her drink.
At least that was one way to make sure her night got better.