A/N: Hey, so I kind of already finished this story but I wrote this a few nights ago and wanted to post in. It's kind of based off the song 'It's Ok' by Tom Rosenthal. It's short but I wanted to post it anyway.
Beca stumbled into the flat early in the morning, her mind reeling.
She unlocked the familiar door with her familiar key, stood in the familiar corridor, but she stepped inside the flat, and everything felt foreign.
The air was static with the absence of Chloe. Everything was cold and stiff and Beca shivered where she stood. Her eyes were raw from crying and her face was wan with grief – it had only been a couple of hours since Chloe's death – and Beca felt numb.
She barely noticed Chloe's various useless medications left strewn across the kitchen cabinets or the Finding Nemo DVD left on the floor by the sofa; Beca didn't think to switch any lights on or tidy up the unnervingly vacant flat. Instead, she walked straight in her and Chloe's bedroom. Inside, Beca made her way slowly around to Chloe's side of the mattress and gently set herself down, her legs shaking underneath her. Weary and wounded with grief, Beca found herself lying down and surrounding herself with the familiar comfort of Chloe's scent; daises and sleep and safety. Beca felt more tears fall silently from her eyes, and before she knew it, Beca was crying again, yearning to feel the amenity of Chloe beside her, chest rising and falling with sleep and life.
But Beca was alone, alone in a room that once held so many happy thoughts, feelings and memories.
She eventually fell asleep, her eyes drifting close and her sobs turning to even breaths.
When Beca awoke, she noticed a slip of paper sticking out from underneath Chloe's pillow. With her mind till bleary from sleep, Beca fumbled for it and took it up in her shaking hands, using the morning light streaking in through the windows to read it.
The paper was covered in Chloe's familiar cursive. The note contained cute little notes and drawings that Chloe had obviously spilled onto the paper as she lay in bed doodling. In the centre of the paper was a small poem that Beca knew was for her after reading just the first line. Chloe had always been into her poetry – finding great joy in discovering small, beautiful poems that she would sometimes read to Beca when either of them had been feeling particularly stressed. It was a habit she had picked up when she had first found out about her cancer. The poem read:
'If I should die, and leave you here awhile,
Be not like others sore undone, who keep
Long vigils by the silent dust and weep.
For my sake, turn again to life, and smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine.
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine,
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.'
Beca read the poem over and over, hating and loving Chloe for giving Beca these final words, even if they were written by someone else. Beca let the words of the poem sinking in, her mind wandering over the other little notes and doodles dotting the page. The notes were also all intended for Beca, reminding her that Chloe loved her, and that she would always be there for Beca. The doodles were musical notes, hearts and stars – Chloe's favourite things to draw – and they made Beca's heart swell.
Beca read through the poem one more time, her eyes glancing over each curve of Chloe's Ys and the crosses of her Ts, taking in every bit of Chloe that she could from this small note.
Beca turned to look at the rising sun outside and realised that yes, Chloe would always be here. Because Chloe was the sun. She was bright and warm and lovely, and as long as Beca saw the rising sun every morning, Chloe would always be with her: in her heart and shining proudly in the sky.
'Oh my eyes are on your eyes again tonight
I'm happy to be near you…
Hold me close, I need you so I want you in my dreams.
You'll see I've come a long way for you, my love…
Can you hold me to my word; my nights are cold, my memories blurred.
You have a lot of love to give out; you're gonna see the highs and the lows…
Hey love we're gonna be fine one day,
Oh, our lives will move with the breeze and that's how it will be…
There's a lullaby, saving us a riot,
Giving back the time, stilling my desire…
Did you ever know that you were in the middle of my mind?
I could never figure out why you were so hard to find.
You were in the sand, dancing forever,
I was there with you, somehow, somehow…
Yes, I know that love is like ghosts,
Oh, and the moonlight baby shows you what's real.
There ain't a language for the things I feel…
You got wires, going in; you got wires, coming out of your skin.
You got tears, making tracks; I got tears, that are scared of the facts…
Soon goodbye but now love.
Draw the oceans, make a wave,
I know nothing more than you…
They say it's a matter of time,
A thousand days and the sun won't shine,
Before I come back to you…
It's been a little while since I've held your hands, oh my arms won't stretch to your distant land.
Give me every person in the whole wide world, and I'll pick you out in a second, girl.
I am ready, I am ready, for you to be here…
Do you know what we're fighting for? Well let's fight, let us fight.
Do you know what we're asking for? 'Cause I don't sometimes,
I just want to kick off at something, go to town and then make a scene.
We don't know what we're fighting for, but we'll fight…
A thousand years, I've got time, I've come a long way.
A thousand years, I've lost time, I've come a long way.
A thousand years, I am life, I've come a long way…
The world is too heavy, too big for my shoulders;
Come take the weight off me now.
1000s of answers, to one simple question;
Come take the weight off me now…
We finally fall apart and we break each other's hearts,
If we wanna live young, love, we better start today;
It's gotta get easier, oh easier somehow,
'Cause I'm falling, I'm falling;
It's gotta get easier, oh easier somehow, but not today, not today…
How can I say this without breaking,
How can I say this without taking over,
How can I put it down into words,
When it's almost too much for my soul alone.
I loved and I loved and I lost you.
I loved and I loved and I lost you…
If I should die, and leave you here awhile,
Be not like others sore undone, who keep
Long vigils by the silent dust and weep.
For my sake, turn again to life, and smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine.
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine,
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you…
Speak to me, my heart is free, my love has gone away,
Tell me true, my heart is blue, my love has gone away;
It's okay,
I know someday I'm gonna be with you…'