A/N Thanks for being awesome readers and welcoming me back after such a long absence :) Here's another chapter for you guys, I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 28
Ashley sat alone with headphones on, listening to music while concentrating entirely on the books opened before her, completely oblivious to the fact that she was being watched—her every move was being scrutinized.
Spencer worked hard to suppress a smile, a nearly impossible feat considering the girl that she loved was being absolutely adorable – at least in her eyes. The brunette's head bopped up and down as she mouthed the words to whatever it was she was listening to, unaware that Spencer had been studying her for a few minutes.
Not wanting to be creepy, Spencer decided to let her girlfriend know that she wasn't alone in the library. She slid into the chair beside Ashley and then she pulled the headphones out of her ears. "Good morning."
Ashley jumped in her chair. She had been so lost in her own world that Spencer's arrival sent her heartbeat into overdrive. In fairness, the blonde often caused her heart to beat erratically, and even though she'd been startled, her face broke out into a smile. "Thanks for scaring me."
Spencer looked around to make sure nobody was watching her and Ashley before moving her head so that her mouth was right by her girlfriend's ear. "I missed you this morning." She placed the softest of kisses on the lobe that she loved to kiss. "And last night."
Ashley involuntarily shivered as her eyes closed. Only Spencer could make her feel this good. "I missed you too," she replied, her voice husky. She wanted to grab all of her stuff, drag Spencer to a place they could be alone and show the other girl exactly how much she'd missed her. She would have done that, too, if Spencer hadn't placed her hand on her bare leg. "W-w-what are you doing?"
"You trust me right?" Spencer asked. She knew the answer to her question, but she wanted to make sure that she wasn't mistaken. It was only after Ashley nodded her head that Spencer ever so gently began to trace her fingers up and down the brunette's leg. "You're so beautiful."
"Spence," Ashley's voice cracked.
"I love you, Ash," Spencer continued when the brunette had gone silent again. It was rare for Spencer to be so forthright with her feelings, but this was something new she was trying. It still made her feel uncomfortable and weird inside, but the look on her girlfriend's face made any discomfort she felt completely worth it. "You coming over tonight?"
"Mmmhmmm," Ashley responded. She was finding it hard to form words as her girlfriend continued to stroke her leg. She was so glad that she'd worn a skirt today.
"Good," Spencer said. She knew that she was lucky to have as much unsupervised time with Ashley as she got. But she still hated the nights when they the brunette didn't stay over. She loved falling asleep with Ashley and waking up with her. It was a feeling she was already very used to.
Ashley worked hard to get her mind to focus; there had been something she'd been meaning to talk to Spencer about. For the life of her, she could not remember what that was at the moment. It was probably because Spencer's hand had moved even higher up her leg. How was she supposed to concentrate on anything when this was happening?
"You OK?" Spencer asked in a cheeky tone. "You're looking kind of flushed. Maybe you need to lie down or something?"
A slew of images rushed through Ashley's mind of all the sorts of things that her and Spencer liked to do when they were lying down. Her body shuddered and she had to suppress a moan from escaping her open mouth. This was like the best kind of torture. Unfortunately, the nagging question that she wanted to ask the blonde refused to leave her mind. She really hated her mind right then—especially when it finally remembered what she had forgotten. "Have you," the brunette gulped, "have you, uh, given any more thought to calling your dad back?"
The reaction to Ashley's question was immediate. Spencer's shoulders slumped and her twinkling eyes dimmed just a little bit. But she didn't make any move to stop touching the brunette's leg. "You, Ashley, my dear, are what we call a buzzkill." The last thing that Spencer wanted to do – especially that second – was think of her dad.
"I know." Ashley wasn't going to fight Spencer on this point. But she wasn't going to let the other girl get away without answering. Avoiding touchy subjects was something that Spencer was an expert on. And she was trying to work on not doing that as much as she did. Ashley had promised to help her as best she could. "Sorry," she added when her girlfriend began to pout.
Spencer's change in mood was mostly for show. She wasn't actually mad at Ashley for bringing her dad up, even if her timing did suck. The blonde was trying to rev her girlfriend up, not have a heart-to-heart talk. In the spirit of trying to be better, Spencer decided not to be an ass. It was a move she was doing more and more lately with good results.
The truth was she hadn't made a decision regarding her dad. He had just passed the first thirty days in rehab and had only called the day before. Spencer hadn't recognized the number on her phone so she had ignored it. When she listened to his message a pit had formed in her stomach. She had switched to worrying mode right away. His first month away made Spencer realize how much of her day to day life was spent hoping he was OK and wondering what was coming next with him. Knowing he was in a place where he was getting help had made the blonde more relaxed and less uptight.
It wasn't that she never thought about him. She absolutely did. But that constant anxiety about what he could do or if he was going to get hurt wasn't present like it always was. She hadn't even really missed him all that much. Not because she didn't care about him but because she didn't have to be the one looking out for him constantly. Plus she had gotten to spend an incredible amount of time with Ashley in his absence. It was hard to miss her dad when that was also the upside to him being gone.
She hadn't told Ashley, at first, that her dad had called. Her first instinct was to keep that information to herself. And it hadn't been the brunette noticing that something was wrong that prompted Spencer to speak up. It was actually because of the work she had been doing in therapy. Although she was reluctant to admit it, Spencer was getting a lot out of talking to Dr. Cooper. So much so, that after her second session she had upped her appointments to twice a week. It helped that Sean was also willing to drive her to the doctor.
Dr. Cooper had been right. It wasn't always easy. There were plenty of times after a session that Spencer would be extra sensitive and prone to shutting Ashley out. It was hard for her to control her feelings when she felt so raw and exposed. Dealing with shitty things in her life wasn't easy, but it was necessary.
"You still haven't answered me," Ashley pressed on. Spencer had gotten a lot better about not biting her head off so she was more comfortable in pushing the blonde on certain topics.
"I don't want to go visit him and I don't want to hear what he has to say," Spencer eventually replied. "I know that's not healthy or mature of me, but it's what I feel right now." The blonde was nowhere close to being ready to start forgiving her dad. He still had a lot left to prove to her and she was still very angry with him. "I can't respond to him yet; I'm just not ready."
"You're allowed to feel that way," Ashley said, her voice quiet and soft. "Now, let's forget all about your dad and find somewhere-"
"I thought I smelled loser. Should have known you were here, Spencer."
The sound of Madison's voice was unwelcome by both girls. Ashley couldn't stand the way that she spoke to the blonde, but more often than not, Spencer seemed unfazed by how nasty Madison was to her. So many times Ashley had willed herself to speak up, but she mostly she stayed quiet. Of course the fact that Spencer had no issue standing up to Madison often made the brunette's desire to defend her honor a moot point.
Spencer, on the other hand, was delighted to see Madison. It wasn't because she had anything nice to say or think about the other girl-that would be crazy. The opportunity to have some fun with Ashley, when she was sure Madison couldn't see what her hand was doing from her angle, was too good to pass up. She flashed Madison a Cheshire like grin as her hand began to move again. "Pleased to see you as always, Mads. You're looking particularly disgusting today. Almost revolting enough to make me straight."
Ashley's eyes widened at the way Spencer's fingers were lightly moving up her leg. It's not that she wanted the other girl to stop; it was just hard for her not to react. Her body shuddered as the pressure of Spencer's touch increased. Lucky for Ashley, Madison was distracted enough not to notice.
"Shut the fuck up," Madison fired back. She was not in the mood to be messed with. Aiden was not returning her texts and Sherry was nowhere to be found. She had only come to Ashley as a last resort. "The day I care what a nothing like you thinks is a cold day in hell."
Spencer burst out laughing. "Your insults need some work. They are about as lame as you are."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Madison asked when she finally turned her attention towards Ashley. The brunette was flushed and biting her lip very hard.
"N-n-nothing." Ashley wanted to pull her leg away but she didn't want to draw attention to what Spencer was doing. And, more importantly, she wanted the blonde to continue what she was doing. This kind of teasing drove Ashley crazy. "Did you need me for something?"
Spencer was working on looking as innocent as possible. She watched Ashley out of the corner of her eye and the look on her girlfriend's face only encouraged the blonde. She wasn't going to do anything that could potentially alert Madison to what was going on, but she wasn't about to stop either.
"Yeah, my car is in the shop, so I need a ride after school."
"Sorry, I have plans," Ashley replied. Even if that hadn't been true, she was not going to chauffer Madison around. Besides, spending time with Spencer, in her bed, was so much more appealing.
"I'm so fucking sick of this," Madison snapped.
Ashley shrugged. There wasn't anything she had to say.
"You think I don't know what is going on?" Madison sneered. She looked between Ashley and Spencer, the rage on her face growing more intense.
Ashley's heart stopped, this was not the ideal time or place for this conversation to happen. Things had been going so well with Spencer that having to deal with the fallout of their relationship being public knowledge was not something she wanted to have happen yet.
"I know, Ashley." Every word that Madison spit out was filled with venom. She'd been waiting to confront her friend and, seeing as she was already pissed off, now seemed as good a time as any. "I know that you're dating Spencer's loser friend. You're so fucking pathetic I can't even stand it."
Ashley went from being concerned to dumbfounded.
Spencer didn't feel the need to filter her thoughts when it came to Madison and her wild accusation. "Wow, Mads, you are a genius." She was trying to control her laughter to no avail. It was hard to let anything that Madison said upset her when she was such a moron. "Have you ever thought about going into detective work? You are that good."
Madison couldn't figure out what Spencer found so funny. "Don't talk to me, loser."
Spencer leaned forward in her chair as her fingers reached the highest point on Ashley's leg that she was comfortable going. "You are an idiot."
"Fuck off," Madison fired back. She knew she wasn't wrong. She noticed that Ashley was giddy all the time. She had seen the red marks that were constantly on her neck. She saw the amount of time that Ashley spent with Sean. They had lunch together all the time. It bothered her that Ashley wasn't telling her about her new relationship. But if she was dating a nobody like Sean, Madison wouldn't be bragging about it to anyone either.
Madison stormed out of the library when the librarian came by to tell her to be quiet. She had better things to do with her time—especially now that Ashley wasn't going to give her a ride after school.
"That girl has some serious issues," Spencer said once Madison was gone. With a lot of reluctance, she withdrew her hand from under Ashley's skirt. The look of disappointment on the brunette's face was impossible to miss. "We will have to pick this up later, Ash. Sean needs me for some project thing he's working on."
Ashley was beyond disappointed. Spencer had revved her up and now she was going to have to wait until later to get some kind of satisfaction. Madison and her wild accusations was the furthest thing from her mind.
"Until later," Spencer whispered in Ashley's ear as she got up from the table. She placed a very quick and soft kiss on the brunette's neck.
"Yeah, later," Ashley practically moaned. She watched the blonde walk away from her and then tried to go back to what she was working on.
It was practically impossible when the kind of things she was hoping she would get to do with Spencer was the only thing she could think about.
Spencer was having a hard time catching her breath. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get enough oxygen in her lungs. That probably had a lot to do with Ashley – an almost naked Ashley – being on top of her. She wasn't sure what was possessing her girlfriend to be so aggressive, but Spencer wasn't about to complain.
Spencer's eyes rolled back in her head and her body lurched upwards as Ashley kissed her way all across her body. She moaned loudly when her girlfriend's mouth went to her breast. Spencer was lost in a haze of what Ashley was doing to her.
Both of their bodies were slick with sweat. They moved frantically against each other but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for either of them. They couldn't get close enough and they couldn't get enough friction going to satisfy what they were craving.
Ashley needed to be kissing Spencer again. She needed more of her girlfriend. The ferociousness in which she was kissing the blonde was matched by the girl writhing beneath her. What Spencer made her feel was overwhelming.
And still not enough.
She wanted to take the next step with Spencer. She'd been wanting that for a very long time. But Ashley hadn't said anything to the blonde: she assumed that Spencer would be the one to initiate sex. That wasn't happening and it was frustrating Ashley. She loved Spencer, she knew that Spencer loved her and she couldn't figure out why the blonde was holding back.
There was a kernel of doubt in Ashley's mind that wouldn't go away. She wondered if her inexperience was somehow a factor in what was – or wasn't – happening between them. Logically she knew that likely wasn't the case. Every action, every moan, every time Spencer couldn't keep her hands of the brunette, help assuage Ashley's fears. But in moments, when she wished that she could be with Spencer in every way imaginable, those doubts would come back to the surface.
She didn't have the experience that Spencer had. She didn't have the experience that the girls Spencer had been with had. In her time with Aiden he had pestered her about sex so often she figured that was normal. But Spencer wasn't like that. She was all about making sure Ashley was OK with what they were doing and having just as much fun as she was having. All good things, of course.
But that kernel, that insecurity, wouldn't leave Ashley's mind. Like right now: she wanted Spencer. She wanted her so much. And Spencer was doing nothing to move them passed the point they had already reached.
Their clothes had been removed along ago. The only thing between Ashley and Spencer right then was the underwear they were both wearing. And yet Ashley wasn't satisfied. She loved what they had been doing, but their weeks and weeks of foreplay were starting to drive the brunette out of her mind—especially when Spencer had teased the hell out her earlier that day.
She had ignited something in Ashley that the brunette couldn't ignore.
In a moment of boldness, she decided that if Spencer wasn't going to take the lead on this she was going to have to.
Spencer could barely hear the music they'd put on in the background anymore. Between the moaning, the kisses and everything else, she was completely lost in the girl above her. That was probably why she didn't catch on to what the brunette was doing right away. But when Spencer realized that Ashley's fingers were inside her underwear, she reacted immediately and without much thought.
"What are you doing?" Spencer asked after she had shot up and, in the process, pushed Ashley off of her. She didn't mean to sound harsh but her girlfriend had caught her by surprise.
"What, I, uh…" Ashley could not form a response to the blonde's question. She could feel the heat rising to her face and she couldn't make eye contact with Spencer. Of all the ways that Ashley thought Spencer would respond to what she had decided to do, this was not one of them. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry, uh…"
"No, Ash, It's OK," Spencer said, while trying to regain her breath and composure. She could see that her reaction had upset the brunette and that's not what she wanted.
"I've, uh, I just remembered I, uh, I've got to, uh, go," Ashley stammered out. She could not handle being in the same room with Spencer. Not when she had made such a big mistake or, more importantly, not when she had been rejected like that.
"Whoa, Ash, slow down." Spencer needed to get the brunette to stop for a second so she could get this sorted out. "Just let me explain myself."
But Ashley was beyond listening to Spencer or any kind of reason. She could feel tears start to form in the corner of her eyes and that only fueled her need to leave even more. Even though Spencer was calling her name, she got dressed in record time and was running down the stairs seconds later. She had to get away.
At the sound of Ashley's car starting, the blonde let out a scream. Spencer was steaming. Ashley was always telling her not to run away and here she was doing that exact thing.
It was infuriating.
She tried messaging Ashley but after the first text sent, she heard the brunette's phone go off in her house. Ashley had left it behind.
How dare Ashley leave her like that! Spencer couldn't believe their fun-filled afternoon had taken such a turn for the worse. And all over a misunderstanding. It was stupid and Spencer wasn't about to let Ashley get away with her behaviour.
In a flurry of activity she got dressed, grabbed her keys and then made her way to the garage. This time, as Spencer rode her bike to Ashley's house, she didn't have to worry about being out of shape. Fueled by anger and frustration the ride to the brunette's place took no time at all.
She wasn't pleased to find that Ashley's car wasn't there. Spencer didn't know what to do. Seeing as she couldn't reach her girlfriend, she decided to wait for her to show up. The blonde was certain that Ashley would be coming here eventually. She did consider heading back home in case Ashley went there, but she wasn't sure that was the best idea.
Spencer got off her bike and began to pace around to work off the energy that she had to burn. She replayed everything that had taken place between her and Ashley to see if she could have done anything differently. But all that did was make more irate.
She wasn't wrong here.
At least that's what she told herself.
It didn't take a genius to figure out why Ashley had left in such a hurry and without stopping to let Spencer explain why she had reacted that way. That didn't excuse her behaviour. The brunette should have stayed and talked to the blonde.
But she hadn't. And now Spencer was left to worry about where her girlfriend was, what she was up to and if she was OK. This wasn't fair at all.
About ten minutes later, Spencer heard the sound of a car. Her head shot up and she was both relieved and fuming when she saw that it was Ashley's car pulling into the driveway. She glared at the brunette when Ashley finally made eye contact with her.
Ashley didn't want to get out of the car. The last thing she wanted to do was face Spencer. The second she had stormed out of the blonde's house, she had known she was making a huge mistake. And by the look on Spencer's face, she could tell she felt exactly the same way.
When she couldn't stall any longer, Ashley reluctantly opened the car door and stepped outside. She didn't have an opportunity to speak because Spencer was already right in front of her. The blonde wasn't going to let her move until she listened to what she had to say.
"Do you have any idea how much I want you?" Spencer asked, rhetorically. This wasn't the time for Ashley to talk. "Do you have any idea how much I think about what having sex with you will be like? Do you, Ashley?"
The brunette didn't know if she was supposed to answer her or not.
Spencer's usually cool, blue eyes were on fire. "Let me tell you: I think about it all the fucking time." Her voice was hoarse and it cracked occasionally as she spoke. "You drive me crazy, Ashley. When you touch me, when you kiss me, when your body is rubbing up against mine, when I can feel your heart racing when I'm kissing your neck, when you moan right in my ear when I'm pressed against and you and in countless other ways.
"I want you—more than I have ever wanted anyone I've been with." Spencer was starting to calm down as she got her feelings out, but she was still hyped up. "So if you think that by stopping you today, it somehow means I don't want to take things further with you, then you are dead wrong."
"I know, I'm-"
"Don't interrupt me," Spencer commanded. "You can't walk out on me like you did today. It's not fair. I had no idea where you went. You want me to try, you want me to deal with things, and then you go and take off like that." The blonde took a deep breath, her racing heart slowing down. "We need to deal with this. We are going to deal with this. That's all there is to it." She took a step back, but Ashley remained still. "I'm going to get my bike; then I'm going to get in your car. You're going to drive us back to my place and then you and I are going to talk. That's all there is to it."
Ashley was frozen in place. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. It took Spencer honking the horn to get the brunette moving. When she got in the car beside Spencer, her girlfriend was staring straight ahead, her jaw tight and her expression determined.
Ashley wasn't sure if she was terrified or turned on by how assertive Spencer had just been. As she made her way back to the blonde's house, she realized she was a little bit of both.