(AN: I'm taking liberties with the Attack on Titan world in this chapter, and really manipulating it, applying the ideas of memory alterations, along with sleep-teaching, a somewhat ludicrous idea, but it's applied heavily in Sci-fi.)
When we were coming down they said it was too soon; I never had to lie no no, no no. We were coming down, they left us all alone. Way to nowhere, nowhere. I know you've been around, I feel you in and out, how are you? Do you sleep? Are you with me? We used to be unspoken. Now everything is broken
Zoe spluttered as her head was lifted back, unable to catch her breath. She saw the red tinted water, tasted the blood streaming from her torn out piercings, then she was shoved back in, about to pass out, but Nathan lifted her from the water, cuffs at her wrists yanking her against his pull. Jay looked amused, crouching, hand on his chin, fingers drumming slow on the side of his face.
"What did Captain Ackerman say?" Jay asked, over her harsh breaths. "Oiya, John, what did he say?"
"Ben, cool it, let me think." Nathan frowned.
She had no idea why they didn't recognize her, and she'd stopped talking a long time ago, the names making everything worse as they brought chuckles. Her body trembled with exhaustion, listening to the men, who'd been her loyal soldiers, never mind their flaws, laugh at her desperation. Jay rose, moved closer to her. Nathan yanked her back from the table, chain rattling with her, hitching her arms up high this time. His large hands gripped the start of her clothes, then tore down.
Jay stepped in again, and something pressed to her skin. Zoe found her voice again, screams tearing from her lungs, twisting, turning, kicking out, hearing her skin sizzle. Her breath wasn't coming properly, and black spots swam in her vision, as well as the smoke. Jay dragged the poker over her stomach, Zoe retching, dry heaving, water and stomach acid the only thing to force out of herself. She'd used that exact torture method once, and she remembered all too well the scar left.
She passed out, woke up to darkness. Zoe heard something that convinced her otherwise, and her body shuddered, closing her mouth, listening to the noise. Her stomach twisted, tears starting up, the hissing, shifting, tangible slithering there every time she woke. At some point, she started pleading, wondered how they knew about this phobia; she'd never, ever talked about it, had it redacted on medical documents, nor really thought about it, though the fear was there. Down in the underground going after her pendant. It was a common passing thought when she saw was making her way around a forest, long grasses, even alleyways. The latter had given her more shocks, due to the frequency of rats, and she just; thank fuck that it wasn't a spider.
It was so dark, as well, and she hated the dark, hated the snakes, hated everything. She began jerking herself side to side, screams pitching, foreign to her own ears, a single thought going round and round by the end of it. Just to get out, she just wanted out, that was all, before the snakes got her. Her mind went stretches farther, and she couldn't stop the thought of snakes, managing to cloud all of her senses.
One thought. Nothing else. No more snakes.
A door opened, a break in the stream, and she stopped babbling for an instant, straining for the safety she hoped would be provided. Soft, cold skin brushed over her arm, the first actual contact, different from her influencing thoughts, very much real. Zoe's mouth stretched wide, scream cut off by her own panic, breath halted in her throat. She couldn't seem to clear her mind enough to recall how to breath, jolting like she was attached to copper filaments.
Jay delivered a hard slap that seemed to restart her, and Zoe slumped, sucking air into her corrupted lungs, "She doesn't look pretty anymore," Jay murmured. "Wanna talk, lovely?"
Zoe nodded. Nathan made it so she could move, holding her up as he walked back to the large door, thrust her inside again. Captain Ackerman stepped forward, caught her before she fell. Someone stepped forward, pressed a cloth along her chewed up ear, and Zoe shook, huddled in front of the fire, noting that barely a day had progressed. Fuck. She was so worthless, she couldn't- she wouldn't-. Just no more snakes.
"Now," the man's voice was behind her. "Tell me."
"I know him," she started, felt a comforting hand on her shoulder, and words spilled from her lips. They didn't stop, and Zoe wanted to die, kill herself, because she'd never be able to look him in the eye again. She was betraying the only person who she had left, really, but she didn't want the snakes. Her words petered off to that phrase, "no more snakes no more snakes no more snakes no more snakes no more snakes no more snakes no more snakes no more snakes no more snakes."
"Shh-shh," Captain Ackerman's hand patted at her back, and she tipped into the warmth, thinking that at least it wasn't snakes.
She felt a needle at her skin, but she stuck close to the Captain, drifting into a sleep that Zoe didn't wake from.
Emma did, looked up to a man's face, thin, sallow, wrinkles prominent. A frown bent her lips, but Emma blinked, recalled something that was whispering there on the edge of her consciousness. This was her long time Captain, appropriately Captain Ackerman, who, along with her, served the Royal family. They'd carried a relationship on for 3 years, hadn't they?
So Emma smiled, and all that whispering knowledge asserted itself, as Captain Ackerman closed the machine, pushed the needle to the side. "Hi," she said, reaching, rubbing at her eyes before she did, vision wavering for an instant, a brief flash of a handsome, younger, dark-haired man with a frown and gray eyes replacing the Captain. She rubbed her eyes harder, and the image vanished. "What happened?" because her entire body hurt.
"Some people...who wanted to harm the kingdom got in our way."
"mmm. Who?"
"Just a couple of Scout Regiment soliders."
Her lips fell into a slash. "Really, now?"
"Yes, but. We've got one suitably contained."
"Hmm?"
"A silly little girl. Tried resisting."
A man with red hair walked in, but she placed a name to him quickly; John. And then a slimmer man, with sleep ringed eyes; Ben. Men she'd fought along side with. Emma tipped her head to Captain Ackerman, his mannerisms familiar, if not overly tall, but then- She frowned, something there, right there, but once again, she didn't try to follow it. He'd always been tall, who was she trying to fit in that place? Someone short, she thought, but shoved it away, not liking it. She assigned Captain Ackerman to the significant other trope without really realizing it, the chunk left out from the memory alteration properly slotting.
"Well. We should get moving, Ben and John are waiting."
His hand was at her back, pushing her forward into the next room. Ben tossed her a uniform, and Emma grabbed it from the air, the leather of the jacket sliding soft against her fingers. She moved into a changing room, pushing her leg through her pants, wondering why she had so many scars she didn't remember. Emma pulled up her pants faster, the material form fitting enough to allow knee length boots, wrapping the straps around her legs, fitting it for 3D movement gear. She eased more straps over her torso, wincing as they pressed bandages that spanned her stomach.
Emma pulled a button out to look at those bandages, eyelashes wet with tears that'd come from nowhere. She frowned, blinking the water from her eyes, scowling when they refused to stop. To pass the time, she finished dressing, the Central Military Police insignia detailed in gold. For some reason, it wasn't as familiar as it should've been, if she'd been in this part of the military for so long.
And she didn't know how to use the anti-human gear; it felt odd, on her back instead of her waist, with guns instead of blades. She didn't know what it was. Emma didn't dare press for the meaning, or close her eyes. When she did, she saw the frowning man again, knit brow heavy over gray eyes, and her heart hurt as bad as her head did.
Captain Ackerman asked about Levi again. The pudgy man didn't respond quickly, but he did, eventually. Emma wondered what was so special about Levi, jealousy spiking through her, resting against a tree, John close to her. He chuckled, and Emma turned, narrowed her eyes, her chewed up ear giving a sharp jolt of pain validation. So she ignored John, wondered how she'd lasted 6 years with that idiot at her side. and then Ben, who was resting close to the little clearing as well, the lanky man slinking around to their side as the Captain dispatched the pudgy man.
She thought she saw someone, but focused on the Captain, "I thought I was your pride." She could've sworn he'd said that.
He chuckled, and then snapped his fingers. The three moved, mixing with the five other men, bundling the targets, a small blonde, and the other, a shifter, in to the cart. Emma spent time on the boy, wondering why he was trying to say, 'Zoe', brows furrowing, then thought, Hanji Zoe. So she tightened the bonds, made sure everything was properly placed. With a tiny humm, she stepped back, regarded her work.
Captain Ackerman rapped on the side, and she dipped to tighten it, not leaving anything to chance. She turned, slipped off with the use of his offered arm, his kiss always making her confused, comparing it to something else, wondered why the affection she remembered wasn't in his eyes. Nor were they grey. Emma scolded herself, smiling for her own reassurance and his.
Ben tossed her a knife, pointed, and she turned in the direction he'd pointed out as she caught it, the merchant running headlong into her knife. She pulled it out, stabbed back in once, twice, then walked back to the cart. Emma swung herself up, sat close to Captain Ackerman, considering, for some reason, that she should be sad. Or something.
Ackerman leaned back in his seat, tipping his hat over his eyes, "To town, John."
The redhead nodded, flicked the reins, the carriage shooting forward, bouncing over the rocky terrain.
She watched Kenny get blown back out of the bar, the loud noise of a shotgun deafening, and the team jolted in surprise. Emma just managed to duck as a flash of movement preluded Levi diving from the bar, slashing through one of her squad members. His eyes locked on her, and he gazed at her, disbelief cracking the emotionless mask. Raising her gun, she took aim, but he was already moving, a dead man used to halt her and her two squad men's fire.
Blood sprayed when he slit their throats, and he took a few steps towards her, dragging the dead man with him, "Zoe, what the hell-"
Emma squeezed the trigger, and he used the dead man one more time, flinging him towards her. In the time it took for her to dodge and line up her gun again, he was already moving fast through the streets, out of range. Kenny's second in Command moved beside her, the two of them checking that he was, in fact, alive. Ackerman even chuckled when he sat up.
"My dream is slipping away."
She spoke on instinct, hardly thinking, "I'll catch it, Captain."
"Will you, Emma? Will you?"
"Yes," she hissed, swinging her arm out to attach her wire to the nearest building. "I'll get him. And I'll be better than him."
Kenny looked bored; she hated that look, desperately launching herself after Levi to get rid of it now and forever. She didn't know who the small guy was, but no one was better than her. No one. She wanted to be better than everyone, or she'd lose her worth. Emma couldn't remember a lot of things, but she knew that drive like it was engraved in stone. With viable competition in front of her, the want became a need.
Two soldiers of the First Interior Squad were out of commission by the time she gained on the cart. A woman landed in the escaping cart, and the next minute, she was dead, the small blonde directing the horses turning and putting a bullet between her eyes. Emma used the tiled roof to project herself further into the air, heading for the man with the superior skills.
His blades clashed against her gun as she made to bring it down over his head. He attempted to elbow her away, but she stuck with him, forcing him to focus on her as she attacked him relentlessly, sparks flying between them. She fired a shot at him, but he was fast enough to deflect it, delivering a solid kick to her stomach in the lull. The additional pain from her bandages hurt like hell, forcing tears to her eyes, and she clenched her teeth together.
He angled himself, shoving her into the nearby wall. Emma barely recovered before he came for her, his fighting style familiar to the point of madness. She was messed up by that familiarity and the questions brought with it, increasing the speed of her attacks to offset her nerves. Levi stepped up to the level she provided, the both of them still flying through the air behind the cart.
Where the hell was he from?
"Zoe, what is-"
People kept calling her that; people she didn't know, but she reacted to the name as if it were her own.
She shouted at him to rid herself of the crushing doubt, "Stop calling me that!"
She launched a flurry of attacks on him, guns a disadvantage against blades, but she refused to let those slow her down. Emma would not have him best her, and put everything behind her next attack. The bullet burned through the side of his shirt, and she saw blood bloom. Her attention lulled as she congratulated herself, and Levi took that moment to grasp her waist, dragging her to the cart.
They tumbled around a bit before Emma tried to get up, but Levi grabbed her collar, slamming her back down on the wooden surface. Dots appeared in her vision. He was stronger than his small stature gave; just like her. Another man was on her, face long like a horse's, grasping her wrists and binding them with a leather strap, soon doing the same to her legs. She wiggled wildly, but eventually took a damn hint and stopped fighting it.
A goddamn prisoner now. Fuck. Her body trembled when she thought of Kenny, wondered what he'd do once he found out she'd failed. All her big words had fallen short, and she was going to...have hell on her heels if he saw her again. She curled into a ball, frantically searching for a way to handle herself, but her memories were blank, and nerves shattered her entirely, black enveloping her.
Emma had nothing, her life a blank slate, no memories where there should be some. She knew that right now, she was like a blind man reaching upward for the sun, feeling nothing but the heat, the burning question; should there be something? Or was the sun nothing but wives tales set up by a population luckier than he?
She woke in a hay bale, legs still bound, but her hands were free, Levi crouched in front of her, gray eyes conveying concern unlike the woman behind him, holding bandages in her hand like she'd soon move to turn them into weapons. "One of my squad, Sasha, will re bandage your wounds, but you can't run, and if you hurt-"
"I won't do anything," Emma snapped, cutting him off, purposely rude so she didn't have to hear his inexplicably comforting deep voice. Like he was her lover, or something. And she had that, didn't she?
"Good."
He still grasped her wrists in his hands, holding her away from the mousy haired girl. Sasha reached to unbutton her shirt, and Emma jolted, uncomfortable having one of the enemy undo her clothes. Despite the fact it was flimsy cloth, it was a line of defense she was loathe to allow the rebels to get rid of. The pain radiating from her wounds convinced her otherwise, and she relaxed unconsciously towards Levi.
Everything about him was familiar. Everything; from the pattern of his breathing, to the sharpness in his tone when he told Sasha to take a better approach. She allowed the puzzle Levi presented to distract her, head tipped away from Sasha and her wounds to stare at him. Where was he from?
He didn't break their gaze, instead speaking to her in a low voice, "Do you remember me, Zoe?"
"That's not my name," she said, "it's Emma."
"What the hell did they do to you?" he asked, eyes going to her stomach, jaw clenching. "You at least remember those burn wounds, right?"
"No, I-" she attempted, voice breaking around the syllable, and she swallowed to keep her nervousness from overtaking her again, "I don't."
"I'm going to go get Armin," he said, speaking her her as if she'd know the face behind the name, beginning to release her wrists.
"No, no, wait," She grasped his hand this time, stopping his progress. "How do I know you? You can't leave when I have questions, right?"
Levi sighed, sitting back down, nodding to Sasha to fetch the person he'd named. After a few seconds in which Levi did not answer her questions, Sasha soon darted back into the stables, a small blonde boy in tow. The one who'd killed a squad member of hers, actually, though he didn't fit the bill of a killer at all. In fact, he was sort of shrimpy, with his long blonde hair and blue eyes, two things she'd not seen a lot of in the military. But then, she couldn't remember her military training, really. It was all vague, a fog surrounding everything when she attempted to call the memories up..
"Yes, Captain Levi?" Armin said, standing near Sasha as she crouched again to handle Emma's wounds.
"What do you know about memory manipulation?"
Aramin hesitated, looking between her, and Levi. "So, you don't think she willingly switched sides?"
Levi looked more than mildly irritated at that. "She wouldn't."
"I think memory manipulation is a plausible idea," Armin said,
"I asked her her name, and she said Emma."
"If it is possible, then you'd assume the government would have a remedy."
"You think we'll get any remedy from the Central MPs, Armin?"
"No, but I don't see any other way. Maybe jog her memory, but with all of them gone, it doesn't seem possible."
"You really think we'll find on?"
Armin nodded with a good amount of zeal, "They're not as dumb as you think; they'll keep a failsafe."
"Where?"
"If it's used commonly, then you'd think it'd be common knowledge to the higher ups, or some apothecary in service to the Central Government."
Levi made a 'tch' noise, eyes flicking from Armin to the floor. "I know an apothecary; he might be employed by the government."
"Could you contact him overnight?"
"No. We have to stay hidden. I'm not putting everyone's lives at risk for one person, especially when the action isn't needed."
She was tucked away in the corner of the barn, four or so of her kidnappers sleeping on the floor around a dimmed lantern, Levi sitting close to her, eyes resting on her now and then. He should've been sleeping; he wasn't scheduled for a watch, so why not take advantage of that? Emma had ropes around her legs and hands again, so she wasn't confident that she'd be able to get out of her bonds, nevermind the minefield of highly trained teenagers on the floor.
Sleep wasn't coming to her, and she hoped it would stay that way, as she'd be plagued by confusing dreams with people who she didn't know. Or maybe her subconscious would decide to play out just what Kenny would do to her when she came slinking back to him. He didn't handle failure from his subordinates well, especially when she'd been so quick to make him proud by grabbing Levi. But she always fell short of her expectations.
She didn't want to brood on it. "Why do you look at me like that?" she asked, wondering if he'd ignore the question.
"Like what?"
"Like you care, or something. Maybe you care about that Zoe girl."
He shook his head, soft looking lips tipped down into a seemingly permanent grimace. "yea."
"You shouldn't care about someone like that."
"I know."
"Did you lose her?"
"Maybe."
"You think I'm her."
He clenched his teeth, snapping, "I know you are."
"Really?" she asked, feeling as if she should treat him like fire.
"I've know her, you, for six years, so don't say really like you think I'm crazy."
A hesitant smile pushed at her lips, "That's nice to hear. I suppose Zoe's luckier than me. I'm not her."
"Why don't you remember me?"
"I don't know, I-"
"What about those nights we sat up in the bell tower? That book I stole from you? All those stupid arguments, even?" he asked, though he didn't give her space to answer. "The months of training? The sex, at least? How generally unstealthy you are? Your brother, Jaz? His kid; your Nephew? That night when I-All those nights when your anxiety flared I held you through it? How worked up you can make yourself, even if the reason is stupid? Nathan, or Jay? That locket-the locket I gave you a new string-"
She jerked violently, elbow knocking against the wall, tingles fizzing over her body. "Stop it, I'm telling you I don't know those things, and it hurts my head to try and break the fog, so please, please stop." Emma didn't know how he knew about her anxiety, but he seemed to know those little things that made her up.
"But-"
"I want to be her, okay?" she said, shoulders shaking with a strained laugh. "I want to be someone else, because I feel like I'm going to implode. I don't know why I don't have any memories to really go on, except vague suggestions of the First Interior squad, and Kenny."
"Do you remember anything?"
She gazed at him, taking in his face, the cheekbones, and stormy gray eyes. His frown broke an otherwise handsome face, much more youthful than Kenny's. Emma was at least able to place him now, recalling flashes of him when she closed her eyes, or Kenny stepped in to do something mildly amorous. What Levi had described to her seemed more real than whatever haze filled memories of Kenny. Still, she wasn't Zoe.
"Maybe."
Levi tipped his head back, let it hit the wood panelling behind him, "I promised you the world once. You know that normal life shit? A farm, maybe, with a porch and a fence, with fucking rocking chairs, and a goddamn kid, who "
"Life's not fair."
"I know, but she made it bearable. You do, I don't mean to speak in past tense," he said, resting there with one knee crooked, and the other stretched out on the floor.
She stared down at her hands, asking, "Could you even handle normal, Levi?"
"I'm not normal, not after all the shit I've been through."
He moved suddenly, leaning from the wall to reach into his jacket, bringing out a pretty, oval gold locket, strung with a braided string. Levi eased closer to her, holding it out, lantern light caught in the gold. She held out her hand, and he dropped it, watching her as she inspected it. Emma didn't want to open it, raising her eyes to the man who seemed to have all the answers to her questions.
"Is this mine?"
"Yes."
"Could you tie it around my neck, then?"
She turned her back to him, tipping her head forward, feeling the ghost of his hands as he moved the necklace into place, fingers making quick work of the tie. Emma welcomed the familiar weight on her chest and Levi's presence. For once, she felt comfortable in her own skin, turning back to the man who'd professed to love her; Zoe, at least. Her eyes lingered again on the planes of his face, dropping to his lips, wondering how soft they'd feel against hers. But she didn't have time for love, or any sort of optimism, focusing on taking the knife she'd seen him slide into his pocket when he first cut her bonds. Her nose brushed against his, and she allowed a minor slip to send her body onto his, the shuffle of movement allowing her to remove the knife from his person.
Levi stood, walked out of the barn. Emma instantly took up the knife again, managing to saw her bonds away from her hands, flexing her numbing fingers before she went to her feet. The leather binding had also reduced that region to pins and needles, and she stood gingerly, sliding out the back of the barn, a slight hole just enough to wriggle through. She took up a fast walk instead of a run, annoyed that her feet were still protesting.
Every branch that cracked under her foot made her wince, casting a gaze behind her as she came to a halt in a clearing, gazing up at the moon, attempting to gage some sort of location. Her eyes caught a blur of movement a moment before Levi charged her, and she jolted out of his way. He caught her wrist, holding her still for the moment needed to sweep her feet out from under her. Abruptly, her progress to the forest floor was stopped, his grip too tight around both of her wrists.
She didn't let the display of strength surprise her, and collected her feet under her, using the obvious bias Levi felt towards 'Zoe' to her advantage; he wasn't going to hit her hard, right? Emma shoved him away from her, bringing her leg up to force him further away, booted foot connecting with his stomach. The hit would've slowed down anyone else, but he was still on her, slamming her against the rough bark of a tree, the hit rattling her.
Fuck, she'd fucked up, she'd fucked up so bad trying to mess with Levi. Maybe Kenny had been right in calling Levi his pride. She wasn't good enough. There wasn't a good with Kenny Ackerman, only a demand for great.
Levi didn't give when she pushed against him, using the four inches or so he had on her to effectively trap her. Wriggling brought more scratches and pain, so she learned her lesson and stopped, panting up at him, glaring against tears that were beginning to form. Emma hated losing, especially against him. The drive to win, and succeed, wasn't buffered by unfogged memories, and all she had was Kenny. "Let me go."
"No."
"Shit!" she sobbed, hands pressing with increasing futility against his chest. "Why the hell do you want me?"
"Because Central government has fucked with something they shouldn't of."
"You'd just break up with her, wouldn't you? You learn about someone, start to doubt them, and I know me, and I'd be better off without me."
He seemed to chuckle, eyes conveying some bemusement as his body shook with the internalized action, "Moron."
"That's hilarious," Emma sighed, rolling her eyes off to the side, crossing her arms over her chest to put space between them. "Are you sure she fell in love with you?"
"I never told you that she loved me."
Her eyebrows rose, and she laid her eyes on him. "Oh. The L word."
Emma shifted, focusing on the hollow of his neck, how he didn't smell as bad as he should after rolling about in the same barn she had. The attraction she felt to him was offensive, and normally, she wasn't…. And she reached for some sort of release, winding her arms around the back of his neck, willing him, or whatever emotions he held for this Zoe woman, to complete the inch between them. He did, lips meshing soft against hers, and she let a noise ease through hers, running her hand greedily into his hair, tugging the soft black locks as she fisted her hand. Levi leaned away, pressing his lips together, giving his head a little shake as if to say no.
She felt a physical ache for him, and pulled him back in, pushing her body against his in a flustered attempt to hold his focus on her. Maybe it was a bit pathetic, yes, but she just fucking needed to have his hands on her. Emma was alive, mind unfogged, enough to gain some recollection of her past. The ripples of the break fluttered through her, but she didn't let it deter her, moving her hands to one of his, pushing it to her belt line, nodding in hopes to stop him from hesitating.
"Zoe, I-"
"You love me, right?"
"Yes, but-"
"But what?" she snapped, clenching her teeth. Lust seemed like child's play to her. "Fuck me, okay? Why else would you want me?" The words felt hollow, and she covered her insecurity by kissing him fervently, coaxing his hand up to her breast instead, hook a leg as best she could around his waist. He thrust his groin harshly against hers, and she groaned at the sensation, feeling his teeth scrape her bottom lip, moving himself to better mold against her. Emma was thrilled he was taking control like this, his hands passing over her body, taking hold of her wrists in one of his hands, holding them above her head.
Something wrapped quick around her wrists, and she leaned away, twisting to look at the wire. Shit; really? Really? Weren't men supposed to get caught up in anything close to sex? Damn it. He was very good at distracting her. Emma lowered her gaze, eyes searching his face, annoyed that he was still incredibly attractive with his hair whipped up like that. While she was gasping for air, his cheeks were only slightly flushed. She assumed she looked like shit, and he was a statue in comparison.
He sighed, breath tickling her skin. "You're trouble, you know that? I know you're stubborn, but ignoring common sense?"
"It's called escaping."
"It was an attempt. You make it sound like it was a success."
"It would've been if you'd just-"
"What?"
"Did you not like what I was doing to you?" she asked, speaking quickly to try and minimize the embarrassment.
"Yes."
"Yes you did, or yes you didn't? You're rather cryptic."
"Yes I did."
"So why did you end it?"
"She doesn't have to ask if I love her. So you're not her; right now."
"That's weird. You don't look like someone who handles monogamy well."
"I handle it."
"What, are you going to open a tea shop with her, or something?"
" I talked to her about that."
"Are you serious right now? I can't tell, I just-you don't move your face. But a tea shop sounds...well, it's-yea."
He shrugged, silence ending the conversation, hand clamping harder around her elbow as he led her forward. She walked alongside him back to the barn, sitting with a huff. Levi sat right beside her, arms crossed over his chest.
Shaped like a figure eight who trusts pretty girls anyway?. And I can't recall the last time I took advice from anyone. I'm sure I'll be the death of me And I can't recall the last time I took love from anyone; I called daddy, who's got one anyway? Not me.
Levi tossed crude arrows onto a pile of weapons in front of him, rubbing the back of his head as he examined the somewhat lackluster pile. How the hell were they supposed to get into the Central Military Police's compound with this sorry shit? And yes, the compound would have a armory somewhere, but it was under lock and key, and who the fuck in the group of children would have the sense to complete the retrieval and door opening? Armin, maybe, but Levi swore the kid was scared of his own shadow sometimes, and the events of yesterday seemed to have shaken him to his core. Jean, no; flatly so. The boy might have advanced 3D gear maneuvering, but he'd hesitated the day before when his life was in danger, and he'd fare better in the combat arena
Sasha, no; he'd need her marksmanship abilities on the rampart as soon as possible. Connie was an option, now that he thought about it. The kid was small and intelligent enough to handle himself, so the option was up in the air. Mikasa; like hell he'd sideline her on a task like looking for potions. She didn't need weapon refills, same as him, and she could carry on through hell and high water. So Connie and Armin might be a good pair, maybe.
Zoe passed him, holding a stack of logs in her arms. Levi shifted to watch her go, perturbed by the lack of a smile and animation in her. She wasn't Zoe anymore. She'd lost the memories that made her Zoe; lost the meaning behind her scars, maybe. They'd stolen her from him in the most creative way, and he had to give Kenny credit for that.
"Commander Roth?" the black haired boy asked, and Zoe turned to him. "Mario, Mario Freudenburg."
Zoe narrowed her eyes, mouth parting as if she'd say something. She closed it with a snap, jogging away from the clearing towards the area where Sasha was fletching.
"She's had her memory altered," Levi supplied dryly, eyes sweeping over the boy. "Stop stalling, tell us what we need to know. Jean got hit in the head because of you, so prove your worth."
"Memory altered?" Mario echoed.
"Yes."
Hitch, the girl with the chin length wavy hair spoke up, voice strong despite a trembling hand, "I've seen that happen before."
"Have you?" Levi asked. He knew better than to allow any kind of hope to run through him.
"Yes, they...forgot to close the door, and I caught a little glimpse."
"How do you reverse it?"
"It's a quick and easy remedy, really. Most of the memory alteration isn't meant to last long. Mostly because the person can't operate under the altering for long, especially if it's a full wipe of everything besides basic abilities. I've heard they kind of snap because of it."
Levi wasn't happy that he had to hear that. "Can you describe the look of the potion?"
"it looks like a nettle tea sort of thing, really. Just, much more green."
"How do you know?"
"I mean, they were testing it out on a couple of people, really. The Central Military Police uses us too much to hide everything. We're not stupid."
"Just ineffectual?"
Hitch glared, and turned her nose up at him. Levi turned his attention back to Mario. He watched Zoe out of the corner of his eye, resisting a sigh. She'd spoiled him with gentle touches and kisses, easing his tension at the best moments, little things like her steady gaze doing wonders for him. And now all that was gone; permanently if the remedy didn't work. Levi wasn't sure he could handle that without help from a bottle. Maybe he was destined to turn out like Pixis, haunted by the images at the bottom of various alcohol containers.
Levi assumed Erwin would have words like, an end can be a start, to be applied, but he hardly knew what love was when she wasn't apart of the equation. He set a hand to his temple pacing forward, path wavering on the way to her. Zoe looked up as he moved towards him, and he relaxed instinctively, though words stalled in his throat. What was he supposed to say to someone who didn't know him?
He leaned against the tree next to her, eyelids heavy with exhaustion that didn't really call for sleep.
"Just because you're good looking doesn't mean you can just lean and stare," Zoe said, side eyeing him as she employed some of her more critical sarcasm.
"I think I will."
Even if she wasn't 'Zoe' anymore, the bare roots of her personality still remained. That's what he enjoyed, that sarcasm, the stubbornness, the incredible lack of stealth and various social skills. She wasn't just his equivalent, she seemed to slot perfectly into his life. Always had. And he was loathe to forfeit that comfort, so used to it after all the years he knew her. He'd been pampered, maybe. All his efforts to not get close, to not feel something for, had failed spectacular.
She rolled her eyes off to the side, and walked a good ways, but he saw a smile on her lips. As always, it made his day a bit more bearable, even though he had to demonstrate how to properly tip arrows more than three times. It was like him having to tell Hanji to leave him alone three times.
-break-
"Captain!" Armin shouted, waving at him.
Levi brought his fist down on the man's face, flooring him before he brought his foot down on the man's ankle, making sure he was suitably hobbled. He stepped off towards Armin, noticing Zoe's presence at the small blonde's side. He'd bound her wrists again just in case, getting over the fact he usually trusted her. Armin turned, striding fast down the hallway.
"where are we going?" Levi asked, making sure Zoe walked in front of him.
"Captain, I think I found the chemicals room. And from what you told me, I think this might be it."
Armin grabbed a vial of green liquid from the shelf, holding it up for him. Levi inspected it closely before he snatched it from Armin's small hand, grabbed Zoe's in his, almost sprinting back down the corridor, finding the man with the apron he'd kicked a few moments ago. The man looked something like a scholar, when compared to the other Central Military Police, monocle broken beside him. He was going to explore all of his options, and this seemed like the best one.
"Oi, get the fuck up," Levi snapped, lip curling as he nudged the man with his foot. "Can you hear me?"
Monocle-man cracked his eye open as best he could, Levi's hand print clearly defined on the side of his face. "What-aren't you done with us?"
"Shut up, and tell me what this is," Levi shook the vial in front of his face.
A bedraggled cough and wheeze from monocle-man followed as if cued. "I can't-"
LEvi's hand shot out, gripped the man's collar, raising the considerably larger man off the ground, adrenaline fueling him anew. "Tell me what the shit this is. I don't have the time right now to be patient. She's had her mind fucked with by some of your cohorts, and guess who gets to clean up their shit?" Levi gave the man a good rattle, watching his face turn red.
"Let me go-!"
"Tell me."
The man struggled, legs churning the air under him, finally stopping when Levi gave him another shake, the tint of his face steadily shifting towards purple now. Maybe maroon was the right color at the moment; he wasn't sure. Zoe was right within reach, and if this position was going to clear up her issues, then he'd do almost anything to get it. He'd wring the man out if he had to. Levi wasn't particularly vexed by his decisions, whether they were too violent or not. He cared about his results. And in this case, he'd promised her the world. Levi wasn't looking to break another of his promises.
"It's the antidote, alright? Don't kill me, please, please; I swear it's the right one. Just give her a couple tablespoons with water, and she should recover her memories over 2 hours; maybe sooner."
Levi dropped the man before he really finished his speech, grasping Zoe's hand again, pulling her along with him back into the room. He yanked all of the tools off the shelf, patting through them until he found the tablespoon measure, unscrewing his waterskin to put the medicine into it, pressing it into her hands. She hesitated before she drank it, returning it to him empty.
Her voice was small, a flickering, almost burned out candle the only thing to illuminate her, "Are you sure this is going to work?"
"No," Levi said, wanting to hold her, do something to assure himself that she was still there, as she'd been reduced to a ghost of herself. "But I'm trying it. Okay?"
She nodded, and reached for him, fingers feathering over the exposed skin of his arm. The gentle intimacy the touch afforded made hope blossom within him. But he never trusted hope.
He reached for her, wrapping his arms tight around her just as the candle went out. Since he didn't see her, it was easier to imagine that she was Zoe again. That her eyes held the same warmth as Zoe.
And I'm a man of my word, that I got nothing at all. So tell me now does it hurt, or is it too late? I'm a man of my law, I gotta keep my weight up; But who will lean if I fall? But never mind, I'm fly, you know