A/N Hey all, I know I still haven't responded to your reviews and PMs but I promise, promise, promise to get that done this week. I really appreciate your support of this story and I don't want you to think I don't. I'm participating in NaNoWriMo again (this time with an original story) and still trying to update this fic once a week, so my schedule is a bit hectic right now. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will be back with another one next weekend. Have a good one!
Chapter 30
Ashley was worried.
Something was going on with Spencer and she couldn't figure out what. She had come right out and asked the blonde the day before what was going on, but Spencer brushed her off and told her it wasn't a big deal.
As the brunette recalled the events of the last few days she tried as hard as she could to pinpoint the problem. No matter how hard she tried, she didn't have any answers. She hoped it was nothing and her concern merely the result of an over active imagination. It's not like she could even say exactly what was setting off alarm bells in her head.
She might not know what was wrong, but Ashley was sure that Spencer was hiding something from her. She was acting weird and almost secretive. Not only that, but a lot of times when they were together, the blonde was distracted.
It's not like anything had happened to change how good things were between them. Ever since their talk about sex and what they wanted, their relationship had gotten better. They were talking more and Ashley had begun to verbalize what she enjoyed and what she wanted Spencer to do to her. It wasn't always easy but the results of being forthright paid off greatly. Besides the benefit of the physical side of their relationship, their overall communication had seen an improvement as well. Spencer was even speaking to her dad every few days. Their chats weren't anything special and still very tense, but they were making progress and that's what was most important.
That's why the change in her girlfriend's behaviour had taken Ashley by complete surprise. She hadn't seen it coming and, now that it was happening, she didn't know what to do.
They hadn't even made formal plans for the weekend and it was already Friday afternoon. Spencer had made a vague reference to seeing Ashley later when they had arrived at school that morning, but that was it.
Ashley was doing her best to keep her paranoia in check. She had no reason to doubt Spencer or suspect her of doing anything wrong. It was just hard to keep the bad thoughts at bay when her girlfriend had hardly messaged her or spoken to her all day. They hadn't had lunch together either. Spencer had said she had a project to finish, so Ashley had spent lunch with Sean. He wasn't bad company, but he wasn't Spencer.
At least they had Home Ec together. Unfortunately for the brunette, Spencer arrived right as class started. Then the teacher spent the whole class talking so Ashley had no time to speak with her girlfriend. She tried as often as possible to catch her Spencer's eye, but the blonde was focused on the class and hardly looked her way. When the bell rang, the Spencer said a quick goodbye to Ashley before she was out the door.
The panic she fought all day was starting to take over. She nearly skipped her last class so she could find the blonde and demand to know what was going on. But then Madison started blabbering about their cheerleading practice after school and Ashley was stuck listening to her.
"So, even though there's no game tonight we are still going to run through all our routines because the last couple of weeks we've been too sloppy for my liking," Madison said as she walked along side Ashley.
Ashley kept checking her phone every two seconds to see if Spencer had sent her a message. "Yeah, that makes sense."
Madison then started gushing about how amazing Aiden was, which Ashley just tuned out. She wasn't bothered by it, but her mind refused to focus on anything but Spencer and what could possibly be wrong.
All through practice, Ashley was distracted. She faked her way through it as best as she could. It was lucky the other girls were struggling so Madison hardly paid any attention to her. Once practice was over, Ashley had a quick shower and got dressed. She would normally shower at Spencer's house but the blonde hadn't even gotten back to her yet about plans for that night.
Ashley sprinted to her car and she was more than surprised when she saw Sean waiting for her. Now she was beyond worried.
"Hey, Ashley," Sean said when he spotted the brunette coming towards him.
Ashley took small comfort in the fact that Sean appeared completely relaxed. "Hey, Sean, is everything OK?"
"Everything is fine. Did you have a good practice?"
"Uh, yeah, it was OK I guess," she replied, her confusion only growing. Sean never asked her about cheerleading.
"You know, I was thinking," Sean began and now he started to appear nervous, "I was thinking that we never really get a chance to hang out the two of us and I was wondering if you were free to go grab a coffee?"
"Are you asking me on a date?" Ashley practically shrieked. First Spencer was acting weird and now Sean.
"What?" Sean exclaimed in surprise. "Of course not." Then he started to laugh. "First of all, I would never try anything like that behind Spencer's back; and secondly, I'm pretty sure I'm not your type."
Ashley started blushing. She really wished she could get that under control. "Sorry, I have no idea why I even asked you that."
"It's OK," he assured the other girl. "We'll just chalk this up to you being dehydrated or something along those lines."
"Thanks."
"But you haven't answered by question. Do you want to hang out for a little bit?" Sean asked for a second time.
Ashley wasn't sure how to respond without being rude. Instead of telling a white lie, she decided to tell the truth. "Look, normally I would love the chance to hang out with you but I really need to find Spencer. She's been avoiding me all day and I need to find out why."
Sean scratched his chin, he wasn't sure what his next move should be. He knew what he was supposed to do, but that didn't seem to be working out.
A thought struck Ashley as she watched Sean grow more and more uncomfortable. "Do you know why she's avoiding me?"
Sean shifted his feet. He was a terrible liar. Like Ashley, he decided to go for the truth instead of making it up. Well, most of the truth anyway. "What if I told you I know what's going on and that nothing is wrong."
Ashley wasn't sure if she should be happy or upset that Sean had more insight into what was going on with her girlfriend than she did.
"Please just trust me and don't ask me any questions," Sean continued hoping he was doing the right thing. "How does that sound to you?"
"I don't know," Ashley replied honestly. She was confused and didn't know what to think. What she did know is that she trusted Spencer completely. Her girlfriend hadn't given her any reason not to. She might not always be able to express herself but she didn't lie. In the short time that Ashley had known Sean, he had also proved trustworthy and was great guy to be able to call a friend. When she used logic, the brunette didn't have any reason not to go along with what Sean wanted. All she could do was hope that she wasn't wrong. "I guess a cup of coffee couldn't be a bad thing."
Sean exhaled and then smiled at a still perplexed Ashley. "Great. I know an awesome diner not too far from here. Just follow me; it shouldn't take us more than a few minutes to get there."
Even though she was still anxious about what Spencer could be hiding from her, Ashley followed Sean to the diner. When they arrived, he lead her inside and picked a booth for them to sit at. After the waitress took their orders, Ashley did her best to stay calm and not pepper Sean with questions.
They chatted about the school day and a movie they had watched together the weekend before. Spencer's name wasn't brought up at all. As more time passed, Ashley couldn't keep her anxiety away . She was trying to concentrate on what Sean was saying, but was finding it increasingly difficult not to let her mind wander to worst case possibilities.
Sean was in the middle of a story when his phone, which was sitting on the table, vibrated. He looked down at the message that he received, read it and then looked up at Ashley. "Well, I think that's enough coffee for now, thanks for keeping me company. I better be going."
"Uh, no problem," Ashley replied, very confused. Who had messaged him and why was he leaving? She didn't get the chance to ask him because then her phone went off.
I'm at home, are you coming by?
The message was from Spencer and it annoyed Ashley that it was so short and without explanation as to what the hell had just happened. She wanted to ask Sean if he could at least give her a hint as to what was up, but he had already left.
A small part of Ashley didn't want to respond right away. Maybe then Spencer would understand what her day had been like. But she had very little willpower when it came to the blonde, so instead she replied she was on her way over and then she took off.
When Ashley pulled up to Spencer's house, everything looked normal from the outside. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. Before she had a chance to use the key that Spencer had given her, the door opened and an apprehensive looking blonde was standing there.
There were a ton of questions Ashley had for her girlfriend. She was all ready to start interrogating her, but then Ashley noticed how fantastic the other girl looked and that caused her mouth to go dry and she could feel her pulse rate rise. It's not that Spencer didn't always look good, or even that there was anything even out of the ordinary about her appearance, but for some reason Ashley couldn't concentrate on anything besides how beautiful Spencer was.
"Hi," Spencer said without inviting Ashley inside. She was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown and wasn't thinking clearly.
Ashley just stood there in response. Mostly because she couldn't believe after everything she'd been through, the only thing that Spencer had to say to her was: "Hi.'
"So," Spencer started, her voice trembling slightly. "I, uh, well, I know you've been wondering if I'm hiding something from you and I didn't mean to upset you or anything like that." She needed to take a deep breath before she could continue. This was so much harder than she thought it would be. "And even though I thought I could pretend like nothing was going on, I guess I was really bad at it."
Ashley started freaking out. She couldn't help it.
"You know I love you, Ash," Spencer said as she took a step towards the brunette. The speech that Spencer had practiced in her head was coming out completely different now that Ashley was standing in front of her. "This isn't easy for me."
Ashley wanted so badly to ask Spencer questions, but she bit her tongue and waited for Spencer to explain herself.
"Fuck, I sound stupid." It shouldn't be this hard to get out what she wanted to say, she reasoned. Then she looked into Ashley's eyes and took another calming breath. "Having you back in my life is the best thing that's happened to me in years. Getting to be your girlfriend and knowing you love me too is better than I ever dared to let myself imagine it would be. I never thought that I would love someone as much as I love you."
"Spence," Ashley whispered, getting emotional. She took both of the blonde's hands and squeezed them tight. She wasn't going to let go for any reason.
"I never thought I'd let someone love me as much as you do." Spencer had to fight with herself not to let the tears forming in Ashley's eyes distract her. "You make me feel special and, God, I can't even tell you how amazing it is to be with you." She didn't care if she sounded sappy, Spencer had wanted to tell Ashley all of this for a long time. It was only now that she felt safe enough to. "I'm sorry I haven't been really present this week, I've just been busy trying to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you without you knowing about it.
Now Ashley started to bad for suspecting that something was wrong with her girlfriend, but the expression of uncertainty and tenderness on her Spencer's face was enough to get Ashley to stop focusing on that.
Although Spencer had tried to stay calm and centered while she explained to Ashley what she had been up to, the nerves she'd fought had finally won out. "I picked out this recipe that I thought you'd like and then Sean took me shopping for all the ingredients, but we had to do it when you weren't around, which was hard to do because apparently you and I like to spend a lot of time together." There was no opportunity for the blonde to breathe as she began to ramble. "Everything was supposed to be perfect, you know, but then when I tried to cook after school today, it all went horribly wrong. And I know you're thinking I'm exaggerating or something, but I'm really not.
"What I made came out horrible and, to top it all off, I burned the bread that I was supposed to just heat up in the oven and the smoke detector went off and the kitchen looks like a hurricane hit it. Basically, it all went to hell and I'm so sorry that my shitty cooking skills ruined dinner."
Ashley couldn't believe that Spencer was apologizing to her. She wanted to interrupt her girlfriend to tell her that she didn't have to apologize for anything, but that proved difficult because Spencer wouldn't stop talking.
"I ended up ordering us Chinese for dinner because I know you love it and I figured you'd hopefully be OK with that." She didn't tell Ashley how frustrated she got and how she had freaked out on Sean when he suggested she order in. She had wanted to do everything herself for Ashley and because she had failed in that, Spencer had actually considered shelving all her plans. Luckily for her, Sean had talked her down from the edge and rightly told his friend that Ashley would love anything she had done for her, even if it hadn't gone exactly as planned. "The food got here not that long ago, so, if you would, uh, like to, uh, follow me..."
Spencer let go of one of Ashley's hands to lead her into the house. Her heart wouldn't stop pounding. She felt uncomfortably vulnerable, jittery that Ashley would think everything she'd done was stupid or not good enough. The blonde never claimed to be rational when she was putting her heart on the line.
Ashley was in a daze. She wasn't really processing what was happening as she walked through Spencer's house. It all felt like a dream—an awesome and amazing dream.
Spencer couldn't do anything to quell the panic she felt. The difference between now and other times when she felt like this was that she wasn't going to let it stop her from doing what she wanted to do. As hard as it might be to let Ashley see this side of her, Spencer knew that letting the brunette in was the way to keep their relationship growing and healthy.
She paused briefly before leading Ashley into the dining room for one last boost of courage. Wanting to see the look on her girlfriend's face, Spencer went quickly inside and then turned around so she had a good view of Ashley's reaction.
When Ashley stepped inside the dining room, her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. Spencer had set the table properly and there were candles strategically placed throughout the room so there was this warm glow everywhere. In the middle of the table was a vase full of the most beautiful flowers. Ashley couldn't speak because she was so blown away that Spencer had done all of this for her.
Spencer took the silence as a bad sign. She immediately went into damage control mode. "It's stupid, I know, and completely lame but I-"
Ashley shut her girlfriend up by grabbing her and kissing her with an incredible amount of passion. "Nothing about this is lame, Spence," Ashley said, kissing her girlfriend's doubts away. "I don't know what I've done to deserve this."
Spencer smiled. She was so relieved that Ashley liked her surprise. "You put up with me."
"That's a good point," Ashley teased. "You are really hard to be with."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Spencer replied in fake annoyance. She gave Ashley one more kiss before pulling the brunette's chair out for her. She loved the smile that Ashley gave her when she did that.
It still bothered Spencer it was the takeout she ordered instead of the meal she had planned to cook that was sitting on the table, but Ashley didn't seem to care so she was going to try her best not to care either.
"You got all of my favorites." Ashley said, her smile even wider.
Spencer shrugged like it was no big deal. It was hard to pretend like she didn't care when she cared so much. "I'm glad you like it."
"I love it," Ashley replied. She couldn't get over how much effort Spencer had put into this evening. She couldn't remember a time where she felt this special and this loved. "You're amazing."
Spencer shrugged again, but the smile on her face and the way she looked at the brunette gave away exactly how she felt.
The two of them started eating before the food got cold. Ashley was hungry from cheerleading practice and Spencer had hardly eaten all day because she had been on edge about her plans. Soon they were laughing and eating off each other's plates. Spencer had moved to sit next to Ashley because sitting on the other side of the table had seemed ridiculously formal.
Even though the mood was happy and light, every so often they would catch each other's eyes and for a few seconds they would gaze at one another like no one else existed in the world but the two of them. When the candles were almost burned out, Spencer reluctantly turned on the lights. The return to "normal" did nothing to break the mood that had been present over dinner.
But something else did.
"I am so full," Ashley groaned as she rubbed her stomach. "You're going to have to roll me out of here, I ate way too much."
"Me too," Spencer said, when she sat back down. She hadn't realized before how uncomfortable she felt. "It wasn't our fault; it was dinner's fault for being so good."
Ashley laughed. Sometimes Spencer had the weirdest sense of humour. "We could go for a walk to burn off some of what we ate. That would probably make us feel better."
Spencer was not a fan of that idea. "Or we could go watch a movie and let our food digest that way. I don't have the energy to walk right now."
"You're a terrible influence on me because I think that's a great idea." Ashley wasn't really in the mood for anything physical right now anyway. "I can help you clean up."
"Help me clean up?" Spencer repeated. "I planned all of this for you, I'm pretty sure you can clean it up on your own."
Ashley laughed. She was happy that even though Spencer was showing a sweeter side of herself, she was still the Spencer that Ashley had fallen in love with.
After some back and forth bantering, they decided to leaving cleaning until later. Spencer picked a movie, and it wasn't long before they were snuggled together on the sofa. Both girls were never more content than when they were wrapped up in each other's arms.
About halfway through the movie, Ashley felt Spencer hold her just a little tighter against her body. At first she thought nothing of it, but then the soft kisses that the blonde had been intermittingly placing on her neck got a little more lingering and a lot less innocent.
Within in the seconds, Ashley was on her back and the movie was all but forgotten. All that mattered, all that she wanted, was the blonde on top of her. Spencer was kissing Ashley so hard and yet behind that, she could feel every feeling and emotion that her girlfriend was trying to convey in the kiss.
It was incredibly easy for Spencer to forget everything when she was like this with Ashley. She didn't think it was possible that things with Ashley could get any better. It was like all her problems and every issue she was dealing with disappeared the second the brunette's lips touched hers. While that was a scary feeling, it was a feeling that Spencer would never even think of giving up. Sometimes being with Ashley was like walking a minefield through every bad decision and shitty things that had happened to the blonde. It felt like there were many ways their relationship could hit bad times or go awry. But Spencer was willing to navigate that minefield and tackle her issues because it doing that was leading her down a road to something amazing.
And tonight, Spencer wanted more than anything to show Ashley just how deeply and strongly she cared for her. She had already done that words and dinner, now it was time show the brunette exactly what she meant to her. Spencer pulled back from Ashley and looked deep into her girlfriend's eyes. "I love you so much." Ashley went to respond, but Spencer wouldn't let her. She had more to say. "I want to be with you tonight."
Ashley understood what Spencer meant and it sent her heart racing. "Are you sure?" It wasn't all that long ago that the blonde had asked Ashley to wait for her and Ashley didn't want the blonde to feel rushed or pressured into anything. This was too important not to be certain that Spencer was ready.
"I've never been more sure of anything," Spencer replied honestly. She hadn't planned tonight in the hopes of seducing Ashley. But as she lay down with her to watch the movie, Spencer realized the reason she'd been holding back had all but disappeared. She'd dealt with the doubts and fears that plagued her. Ashley made her feel secure and completely loved. There was nothing to hide from anymore. "Are you sure?" While Ashley had expressed her desire to have sex with blonde, Spencer wasn't going to make assumptions. This was about both of them being ready and both of them being on the same page.
"I've wanted you for the longest time, Spence," Ashley said. "That hasn't changed. I want more than anything to be with you. I love you with all my heart."
Spencer smiled before she kissed Ashley again. The kiss was slow and soft. Both girls took their time with the kiss. There was no need to rush or hurry into what was about to happen.
Eventually the two of them found their way upstairs to Spencer's room. The blonde was having a difficult time getting Ashley's shirt off, her hands were trembling. As much as she wanted this – and Spencer absolutely wanted this – what she wanted most was to make sure that Ashley's first time was everything she had hoped it would be.
Ashley covered Spencer's fumbling hands with her own hands. She gazed up at the blonde and gave her girlfriend a soft smile. Spencer had nothing to worry about; everything that she did made Ashley feel incredible.
Spencer felt herself struggling to catch her breath. They way that Ashley was looking at her overwhelmed her. In her darkest and loneliest moments, Spencer had never imagined her life would ever be this good again. For the longest time she had convinced herself that falling in love was not anything she wanted or needed.
It was a lot easier to be angry at Ashley than face how much losing her had affected the blonde. The bitterness that she had spewed at Ashley in the early days of their project was just a cover for how much she ached for the brunette. That ache had only intensified in the weeks and months since their reconciliation, and that ache was making Spencer's body throb with need right then. She could tell that Ashley was experiencing exactly the same need for her.
She joined her lips with Ashley's again and everything else faded away: all the fears, all the past pain, all the doubts and all the angry words that had been exchanged between them. Their clothes came off and when Spencer lowered herself on the brunette's naked body she felt intense heat and just as intense love.
Ashley didn't know what to do with herself. She wanted everything and yet she didn't know exactly how to get there. She couldn't even describe how connected she felt to Spencer. It was like a bond was being created that she couldn't even conceive of. Every touch, every kiss was better than the one before. Spencer was worshiping her body with a tenderness that the brunette wasn't sure she could handle.
Every so often the blonde stopped what she was doing to look at Ashley and make sure the brunette was OK with what was happening. It almost made her want to cry in happiness. If she thought she had wanted Spencer before, it didn't even compare to what she felt that night. A part of her knew that she should also be checking in on the blonde, to make sure she was also fine with what was going on, but Ashley had momentarily lost the ability to speak.
She trusted that if Spencer changed her mind for any reason she'd stop and tell Ashley. Because the brunette knew without a doubt that if she was the one who wanted to slow down or decide that she needed more time, Spencer would not hesitate to put the brakes on things.
But that wasn't going to happen.
"I love you." Spencer had to make sure to tell Ashley that before they went any further. No matter how many times she had already told her girlfriend that, it was important that Spencer leave absolutely no doubt about what was in her heart.
"I love you too," Ashley replied breathlessly. She wanted to pull Spencer even closer to her than she was already. "I'm so glad I waited for you."
"I'm glad too," Spencer whispered. She couldn't believe how lucky she was. She didn't always understand what Ashley saw in her and she was far from perfect. But Spencer loved Ashley more than anything and now it was time to show her that.
Spencer kissed Ashley with every ounce of feeling she could muster. Their lips mashed together and they both moaned into each other's mouths. Ashley's moans got louder as Spencer started kissing her neck and her hands made their down her stomach to her legs.
Spencer hissed at how hard Ashley's nails were digging into her back but she didn't stop what she was doing.
Ashley's eyes shut the second she felt one of Spencer's fingers inside of her. It felt different than she had imagined, but so much better than she had thought it would feel. The blonde began to move her finger and Ashley's body arched up in response.
Spencer was in awe at the affect she had on Ashley. When she felt the brunette was ready, she added a second finger and her movements began to get harder and more rhythmic. Spencer's free hand was supporting her body above Ashley so she could watch exactly how her girlfriend was responding to what she was doing.
"Holy shit," Ashley moaned when Spencer's thumb brushed against her clit. She wanted Spencer to kiss her again. Every time Spencer thrust inside of her, Ashley felt like she was going to come undone.
Spencer could tell that Ashley was getting close so she slowed her movements down. She wanted this moment to last as long as possible.
Ashley opened her eyes to plead with Spencer not to stop. "Spence," She moaned but it was of no use. The blonde was going to take her time and Ashley was going to revel in every second of it.
When Spencer couldn't hold back any longer, she started kissing Ashley again and sped her movements up. Ashley could hardly respond to the kisses as her body went into over drive. She came seconds later, while Spencer continued to move inside her.
As good as Spencer had just made her feel, the way the blonde took Ashley into her arms and held her close while her body recovered from the mind blowing orgasm she had just experienced, made the brunette melt inside. They might have taken an unconventional path to get here, but it was worth the wait.
Spencer was worth the wait.
And when she had full use of her limbs again, Ashley was going to do everything in her power to give the blonde exactly she deserved.
Another first time that would hopefully be just as memorable as Spencer had given to her.