A/N Sorry that I haven't had the chance to respond to your reviews from the last chapter. I have 6900 words to go to finish NaNoWriMo and I wrote this 8000 word update this week to make sure that I wasn't late in posting. Hopefully that makes up for it :) I almost made this chapter two parts with a really mean cliffhanger in the middle, but I resisted that urge lol. Thanks for being wonderful and supportive. See you next week!
Chapter 34
Friday could not come quickly enough for pretty much everyone at King High, but that was especially true for Spencer and Ashley. The last couple of days had been awful in every way possible. At least there was a reprieve in sight, although if both girls were honest, the idea of two days in which they didn't have to be anywhere was also daunting. That meant endless time without distractions to think about the events of the past week, not that either of them could think of anything else anyway.
Ashley wasn't sure how she'd managed to get through school that week without having a nervous breakdown. She felt incredibly alone and had only herself to blame. Her anger towards Madison hadn't gone away, but as more time passed, the anger was directed mostly at herself. Spencer's words to her that day outside the blonde's house would not leave Ashley head. The more she thought about it – and it was the only thing she thought about – the more she hated herself for what she'd done.
As much as Madison might have been the catalyst for events unfolding the way they had, Ashley began to take responsibility for her own actions. She wished more than anything she could go back to that moment and change what she'd said to Madison. It didn't matter that she knew logically that was never going to happen. She still longed for the chance to go back and fix what she'd done.
Outside of everything else that Ashley had to worry about and be upset over, she was still waiting for the moment when Madison posted the incriminating video. Ashley knew she couldn't stop it, and it wasn't even that she wanted to for her sake; it was more about Spencer at this point. The brunette could only imagine the fallout of what would happen when the make out video made its way around school. She hated that, because of her, Spencer would have to deal with that fallout. It wasn't fair.
Ashley had already wronged Spencer. The guilt she felt over that was impossible to describe and weighed on her mind more than anything else. It didn't mean that she couldn't worry about this and what affect it would have on the blonde. In a particularly scary and awful moment, Ashley had found herself alone in the girl's restroom with Madison. The brunette couldn't stand up to Madison on her best day, now that she felt incredibly weak, it made Madison appear even stronger. She had taunted Ashley to the point that Ashley had been on the brink of tears.
But she hadn't said anything, she'd just tried to get past her former friend, but Madison was having none of that. It was then that she had shared with Ashley the news that the video wasn't going to be posted. Yet. Oh, it was going online, Madison assured her of that, but she thought that dangling it over Ashley's head for a little while was a much better idea than doing it immediately. When Madison had been busy admiring her brilliance, Ashley bolted passed her and taken off for the library. It was the only place she could be on school grounds without worrying about Madison finding her. The head cheerleader never went to the library and probably didn't even know where it was located.
That's where Ashley spent the bulk of her time since Monday. She made it her refuge. She ate her lunch there, studied there and if she needed to get away, it's where the brunette went.
It wasn't just Madison that she was avoiding. She was evading Spencer, too. Every time she saw the blonde, Ashley's heart broke all over again. Unlike Ashley, who couldn't hide her feelings at all, Spencer walked around like nothing was wrong. Ashley recognized this as the same thing that Spencer used to do when they had stopped talking before. But the difference now was that Ashley could tell it was all a façade. Behind the fake smiles and the fake laughter, Ashley knew that Spencer was just as heartbroken as she was. But Ashley felt she deserved the pain she was in; Spencer deserved none of it.
Being at school was hard, but being at home was even worse. Alone with only her thoughts, time moved agonizingly slow. She would torture herself with reliving her relationship with Spencer via pictures like she had that first night. She ached and longed for Spencer constantly. Her trips down memory lane made those feelings even stronger. There was no one for Ashley to confide in or to help her feel better, not that feeling better was even possible. She poured her emotions into song writing as a way to cope. It was the only thing that was getting her through each heartbreaking moment that she experienced without Spencer.
Spencer might be putting on a braver face than Ashley, but that didn't mean she wasn't suffering too. She went back and forth between anger and wanting to be with the brunette that it almost gave her whiplash. Every time she entertained the idea of reaching out to Ashley or anything along those lines, the anger inside her would make its way to the surface. There was a difference to past times when she had gotten angry, she wasn't lashing out at anyone, but especially not Sean who was with Spencer most of the time. She wasn't exactly rushing to share every feeling with him, but she wasn't being a jerk to him either.
Arthur called every night and, while the conversation was still very much strained, what it meant to the blonde to have her dad reach out like that, she couldn't process yet.
Even with these kinds of so-called positive developments, Spencer was still miserable. Catching glimpses of Ashley in the hall and thinking she saw the brunette in a hundred other places made school the last place that Spencer wanted to be. But she had no choice in the matter. More than that, she wasn't going to run from this. As hard it was, her dad's words scared Spencer when he talked about running from the pain and turning instead to alcohol. She didn't want that life; she didn't want to end up like him.
Without a doubt, the toughest part of the day for both girls was Home Ec. It was the one place that the two of them could not avoid each other. They were forced to sit together while having to pretend that their worlds were not crumbling around them.
On the Wednesday, they were given a reprieve when Ms. Devereux spent the class teaching a lesson and they weren't forced to interact with one another. On Thursday, they weren't so lucky. With the semester coming to an end, she announced that in two weeks each pair of "married couples" had to give a joint presentation to the class about their partnership and to talk about the project. She discussed what was to be included in the presentation and how much it was going to count towards their final grade. That was going to be the focus for the remainder of the semester. They were going to be given time to work on it in class as well as be expected to work on it outside of school hours.
Ashley felt sick. She couldn't even look at Spencer. How was she supposed to work on this with her? How were they going to try and talk about a stupid project Ashley didn't care about and she was sure Spencer didn't care about either? It was nothing compared to what they were going through. Spencer was also horrified at having to work so closely with the brunette. Her emotions were already all over the place, and this was only going to make it worse. It was already difficult enough to have to sit beside Ashley and not touch her or kiss her or yell at her or anything else except feel devastated.
When the bell rang, Ashley rushed out of class without a word to Spencer. She was so ashamed of her actions she couldn't even look at her. She couldn't look into the eyes of the person she'd betrayed; she wasn't strong enough for that. It's not like Spencer was upset when Ashley took off, she understood why she'd done it. But that didn't mean she was any closer to figuring out how she was supposed to work with the brunette with everything else that was going on. It didn't seem possible.
"Lover's quarrel?" Madison asked when it was just the two of them left in the room. She'd been waiting for a moment like this. A moment to relish in the victory she'd earned.
"Fuck off," Spencer replied. She had no problem channeling her anger onto Madison. Spencer still firmly believed that Ashley was responsible for what had happened, but that didn't exonerate Madison one bit in her opinion.
Madison laughed. "I expected a better come back. Especially when you had to hear what Ashley actually thinks of you. It must have been quite a shock, but it shouldn't have been. She's always been-"
Spencer grabbed Madison's shirt roughly and pulled her close. The blonde's nostrils flared and she spoke in an angry, almost unrecognizable voice. "If you value your life, I suggest you shut the fuck up."
Madison's eyes widened in fear, but she was doing her best not to show how terrified she was. She hadn't expected this. "Let me go."
"I said shut the fuck up," Spencer continued without caring what Madison was saying to her. "You are a worthless, disgusting, horrible person who deserves to get her ass kicked. And I would do that if I thought you were worth two seconds of my time. Next time you think you have any right to talk to me, think again." The blonde let go of Madison and pushed her backwards in the process. Without looking back or saying another word to Madison, she left the classroom.
Madison was glad that no one else was around to witness what had just happened. She brushed off the incident quickly when she realized that it really wouldn't affect her that much. Not when she still had Ashley to push around. She decided that giving the brunette the weekend to worry even more about the video she had was the best course of action. Then on Monday morning, she'd post it
Satisfied, she smiled to herself as she made her way to her final class of the day. She was going to destroy her former friend and enjoy every second of it.
For Ashley this had been, without question, the toughest week of her life. She couldn't imagine what could possibly make it worse. All she had to do was make it through Home Ec, which wasn't easy, and then when she got home after school where she could hide in her room for the next two days. It wasn't a great plan, but it was the only she one she had.
There were two problems standing in her way. The least of her worries was Madison, who seemed to be everywhere that day. Ashley kept seeing her in the halls and every time she time she looked in her direction, Madison started laughing like she'd won something. The more pressing of Ashley's worries was the possibility of talking to Spencer later on. Every time she thought about that, her stomach got tied into complete knots. Ashley had hardly eaten the last few days—food was the last thing on her mind.
Spencer at least had Sean to keep her company over the weekend. He had already insisted he was going to stay with her because he was worried and because he cared. The blonde wasn't sure how she'd get through everything without him. Normally Fridays would drag, but this day moved super fast for Spencer. She was sure the looming Home Ec project was to blame for that.
When she got to class, Ashley wasn't there. Spencer wondered if she was going to bail, which wouldn't surprise her. This was probably her way of not having to deal with the blonde and what she'd done.
Seconds after the bell rang, Ashley rushed into the room, head down and mumbling an apology to the teacher. She had been delayed because she'd been throwing up in the bathroom from nerves. But she didn't tell Ms. Devereux that. She was so out of sorts that she kind of crashed into the table she shared with the blonde, everything she was carrying went flying. Ashley mumbled another apology and went about gathering up all her stuff and tried to ignore the laughter around her.
When she looked up and saw Spencer looking down at her, she expected to see angry eyes staring back at her, but the blonde just looked confused and unsure. Ashley found it difficult to breathe so she quickly focused her eyes on the floor. She would have given anything to be somewhere else.
Spencer's emotions were conflicted all over again. She had wanted to help Ashley when the other girl tripped, and she also wanted to punch everyone that was laughing at her. For the briefest second when Ashley and she locked eyes, the sorrow looking back at her made Spencer want to hold her as tight as she could. Then she'd replayed the locker room incident and she'd go back to wanting Ashley to suffer for what she'd done and for the pain she'd caused. Spencer was all over the place. She wondered if that feeling of being conflicted would ever change.
"Everyone settle down, please," Ms. Devereux said in order to start her class. She had a surprise that she was excited to share. "I hope everyone finished their individual reports on what married life has been like." A murmur went through the class in response. "You've had two weeks to work on this so I expect that there is no reason for anyone not to have it finished."
Ashley fumbled through her bag to look for what she'd completed last week. She'd forgotten it was due today with everything else on her mind. Thankfully, she didn't have to think of a lame reason not to have it done. Spencer also had hers done, although it had been finished the night before. She had almost not done it but figured that faking her way through it would at least pass the time. Spencer was going to be so glad when she was through with this dumb class.
"Before we start working on the group component to this project, we are going to try something fun." Ms. Devereux couldn't wait to hear what her class thought about her idea. "Instead of just handing them to me for me to grade, I thought it would be much better if we read them out loud for everyone to hear." The collective groan that greeted Ms. Devereux's announcement very much matched the reaction she got when she announced that she was pairing people off to work together. Once again she ignored that reaction. "It's important for us to learn what others have learned."
Nobody was for the idea, except Ms. Devereux. She was confident that even with some people not loving it at first, they'd come around to her side eventually. "And don't worry, I'm not going to ask for volunteers to go first." This time a murmur of approval went through the class. Nobody liked when that happened. "Instead, I'm going to randomly pick people to go." For the second time, she refused to acknowledge the negativity that greeted her announcement. Nobody wanted to make eye contact with Ms. Devereux as nobody wanted to be chosen first. "And because you were late to class, Ashley, you can randomly go first."
Ashley had barely been paying attention when she heard her name called. After everything, she couldn't believe that this was now happening to her. She felt weak and tired, not to mention the idea of sharing anything with her fellow classmates was the last thing on her to-do list. She didn't want to speak in front of Spencer and she didn't want anyone to be paying a speck of attention to her. What she wanted was the ability to think of a reason that she couldn't go first. She might have been able to think of an excuse if Ms. Devereux hadn't seen her already completed report on her desk. There was no way to escape.
With a very heavy heart and a lot of reluctance, Ashley rose from her seat and walked to the front of the room. When she thought about what she'd written she couldn't imagine saying a single word out loud. It all seemed pointless and stupid. How could she talk about what she thought made a successful marriage when she had failed at her relationship with Spencer? They might not be the same thing, but they were related. She already felt phony enough, and this was making that feeling even stronger.
As she stood there, her breathing became erratic. Ashley tried to calm herself down without success. Her hands were shaking as she held her assignment tightly. The problem was, that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't speak.
"It's, OK, Ashley, take your time." Ms. Devereux said when she could see that the brunette was struggling.
A knock on the door, and a request from another teacher that they speak to Ms. Devereux, gave Ashley a temporary reprieve from having to go. Or so she thought.
"I'll be right back," Ms. Devereux announced on her way out the door. "Go ahead and start without me, Ashley, I won't be long. Everyone, please be on your best behavior and please give Ashley your full attention."
Ashley's gaze remained fixated on her paper as her shaking intensified. She could feel her throat closing up while tears started to form in the corner of her eyes. "When, uh..." Her voice sounded shaky and uncertain. She cleared her throat before she tried speaking again. "When, uh, this project, uh…"
The sound of Madison's laughter cut through the otherwise silent classroom. She was taking a lot of delight in the torment that Ashley was experiencing. "Sounds like you have a real winner of a paper there, Ashley." She laughed again and was joined by a few people around her. "Please do go on."
As Ashley stood there, paralyzed by her fear and anxiousness and loneliness, the magnitude of what she did to Spencer, before their recent reunion, hit her most profoundly in that moment. It's not like she hadn't felt similar emotions over the last few days, but it hadn't ever been like this. She thought of what it must have been like for Spencer when the blonde had lost Ashley and the social circle that they had shared. How lonely and cut off she must have felt, because that's exactly how Ashley felt and she'd only been suffering for days, not months or years. She'd thought before that she couldn't hate herself more, but she was wrong. Unlike Spencer, Ashley realized she didn't have the strength to face what Spencer must have faced every day. And all the while, not showing anyone that she cared a single second what she thought of them. Ashley had no idea how she did that. She had always admired Spencer's bravery, but it wasn't until now, until she'd gotten just a taste of what it must have been like for her, that Ashley realized just how amazing she was.
But now was not the time for admiration, it was time for survival. She had to figure out how to escape this horror of this situation. She just wanted to slink away and go hide until everything passed.
"Come on, Ash," Madison sneered, "I'm sure there's so much you can tell us about what you learned. I'm sure this project has been very educational for you." There was no missing the innuendo in Madison's words and the laughter of the class only got louder.
Ashley wasn't even aware that she had started crying. It was only when she saw the paper that she was holding dampen that she realized what was going on. Why wouldn't Madison leave her alone? Why wouldn't she just shut up?
Nobody was paying attention to Spencer, but she was she paying attention to what was going on right in front of her. The simmering rage that she'd always had for Madison threatened to boil over. She had been fighting her feelings of anger, but now, as she watched Madison go on the attack towards Ashley, she started losing control. In fairness, she felt a ball of anger in her over a lot of different things, but this was now her focal point. It was one thing for her to have issues with the brunette, but she didn't think she could, or should, watch what was about to take place.
"It's not like everyone isn't going to find out eventually," Madison taunted to the delight of a few people. To them, this was a lot more entertaining than listening to some boring report about a boring project. As more tears from Ashley fell, the more Madison got off on it. "You are so fucking pathetic. I can't believe I ever let you be friends with me."
The reaction from the class was to "ooh." The reaction from Madison was to cackle with laughter. The reaction from Spencer was to break the pencil in her hand that she'd been holding and to ready herself for action.
But the reaction from Ashley was quicker and years in the making.
"You know who's pathetic?" Ashley asked, her tears dried up. She was seething and didn't care about anything other than having her voice heard. "You're fucking pathetic."
Spencer had been about to tell Madison where to go, but she held back. She had not expected Ashley to sound so in control and so fired up. Especially when she had looked like she was going to break down only seconds before.
"Excuse me?" Madison was on her feet immediately. She was not happy that Ashley didn't look upset anymore. "Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me like that?"
Ashley wasn't about to back down. She wasn't going to be intimidated by Madison anymore. Ashley was done. She had been Madison's punching bag for far too long. She didn't care about the consequences of her actions or who was around. Ashley was seeing red. "Who the hell are you to think you can talk to people like you do, huh? Who fucking died and made you queen that you think you can walk around like you're better than everyone else?"
"I am better than everyone else," Madison declared. She was outraged and going to make Ashley suffer for daring to speak out against her. "Some people are just born to lead and some people are born to follow. I lead because I can and because I have the power. I've always been more popular than you. It's not my fault you can't handle that."
"Holy shit." Ashley wanted to laugh but nothing about Madison or this situation was funny. "You think I even care if you're more popular than me? What the hell does that even mean? You know why people follow you, Madison? Do you think it's your winning personality or because they genuinely like you? If you do, then you're the delusional one. You might have popularity and you might have people who listen to you but the only reason you do is because people are scared of you, not because they like you. Nobody likes you, Madison, nobody. How could anyone like someone who's empty and ugly inside?"
The class had been reacting to the barbs being exchanged between Ashley and Madison. As the fight intensified, they sat in attentive silence to watch the whole thing play out.
"Like I give a single fuck what you think!" Madison fired back. This wasn't supposed to be unfolding this way. Ashley was supposed to be cowering and scared. "You're the one that's all alone, not me."
After being at the lowest point she'd ever been, getting to have this moment with Madison was exactly what Ashley needed. Every single pent up feeling she had ever carried with her was getting a chance to be heard. She didn't feel that familiar fear that often came with dealing with Madison. Instead, she felt empowered. It was like a switch had been flipped and there was no going back to how it used to be.
"I'd rather be alone than have to spend one more second having to listen to you or pretend to care about what you have to say. Nothing is worth having to pretend that you're a person worth being friends with."
Madison was incensed. If Ashley thought she could get away with saying those things about her, she was dead wrong. The other girl had no idea how dirty Madison was willing to play. "You have a lot of nerve talking about pretending, Ashley." Every word out of Madison's mouth was said with such vitriol. "Maybe it's time that everyone sees exactly what you've been pretending to be. Won't that be fun?"
"You mean that I'm gay?" Ashley asked rhetorically. Her reaction was days late and if she'd only said those words to Madison before, all of this would have been avoided. But she couldn't go back and change things, she could only try to do the right thing going forward. Whatever power Madison thought she had over her, Ashley wasn't going to let her have it any longer. "Sure, go ahead and tell everyone that, I don't care. It's true. I am gay."
Spencer wasn't sure how to react to Ashley's very public coming out. She actually wasn't sure how to react to anything that was happening right then.
"You're gay?" Aiden asked loudly.
"Shut up, Aiden!" Ashley and Madison replied at the same time.
Madison would not have her moment of victory snatched away from her. So what if Ashley admitted she was gay? She would still be ostracized for being the freak that she was. Plus, it's not like that's all there was to the story. This wasn't over. "At least you're able to finally admit how disgusting you are," Madison spit out. "But, come on, Ash, there's more to it than that. The video evidence I have of your deviant behaviour isn't just about you, is it?"
"Shut up!" Ashley ordered. She wasn't ashamed if people found out about her and Spencer or anything along those lines. If she was still with the blonde then Ashley would have no issue with her being brought up. But that wasn't the case. She didn't deserve to be dragged into things when she had already suffered enough because of Ashley. Plus, this was Ashley's fight to fight, nobody else's. "You want to go after someone, go after me."
Spencer's heart was racing. She wasn't angry at Ashley; she understood why she was trying to get Madison to focus on something other than her. She continued to just observe the drama that was happening without really being able to process much of anything.
"Oh, believe me, I will," Madison threatened. She was going to make going after Ashley her new favorite hobby. "But I don't take orders from you, so I will do what-"
Ashley dropped the papers that she was still clutching tightly in her hands and took a step towards the other girl. "I said shut up."
"Or what?" Madison laughed. She was never going to be intimidated by someone like Ashley. She did what she wanted, when she wanted. "I have to say, I'm surprised that you're getting this worked up over Spencer." A few people turned towards the blonde, but she paid no mind to them. They didn't matter. What was going on with Ashley right now is what mattered more. "I mean, if it was me, I would do everything in my power to make sure I was never associated with a fucking loser like her."
The words were barely out of Madison's mouth when Ashley rushed at the other girl. She got right in Madison's face, her anger palpable. "Don't you ever say that about Spencer again!"
The brunette was back to shaking, but this time it was with rage. She didn't care what the fallout of this was going to be for her, but she'd be damned if she was going to stand by and let Madison go after Spencer. Ashley had stood by and been too scared to speak up before. But that wasn't going to happen today or any day in the future. It wasn't because she was all of a sudden brave or trying to win Spencer back. It might have taken her too long to get to this point, but now Ashley was going to do what was right. She owed this to Spencer. She owed it to herself.
"I will do whatever I want," Madison replied. She stood tall to show Ashley that she wasn't going to back down. "If I want to call Spencer a fucking loser, I will-"
"I told you not to say that," Ashley started, her tone absolutely fierce. "I'm not kidding around, Madison. I've listened to you berate Spencer and call her names too many times without ever saying anything, but that won't happen ever again. I've been a coward and made so many mistakes I can't even count them. I've cared more about what other people think than standing up for the person I love most in this world."
Without wanting to, but being unable to stop it, Spencer started to cry.
"You want to call someone a loser here, that's me," Ashley continued. There was a part of Ashley that thought about censoring herself, but now that the floodgates were open, she couldn't close them back up. This probably wasn't the best place to air all her dirty laundry, but she didn't care anymore. Ashley had hit rock bottom; she had nothing left to lose. "I'm the one that was so worried about pissing you off that I let you talk badly about her. So you were right before. I am fucking pathetic but not for the reasons you think I am."
Madison was getting more and more enraged. Ashley was taking the joy of having discovered her secret and stomping on it. She would not go away without trying to inflict more damage than she felt she had already. "Nothing changes the fact that you don't have your girlfriend anymore because of me. I fucked over your life and you should think about that the next time you want to go up against me."
Ashley rolled her eyes. It was hard for her to believe now that she was ever scared of Madison. She had taken Spencer's words to heart when she had seen her the day after the locker room incident. "Whatever happened had nothing to do with you," Ashley said with a lot of confidence. She had to let Madison understand that there was not going to be a power struggle anymore. Madison had none left to wield over her any longer. "I fucked up and I'm the one responsible for what happened between us."
Madison had to try a different tactic, this wasn't working. "Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, Ashley. We both know the truth."
"The truth? You have no idea what that word even means." Ashley would not be stopped, or silenced. "This is the truth: Spencer is amazing, caring, funny, loving, gorgeous, sweet, thoughtful, wonderful, patient and tender. She's the best person I know. You, on the other hand, are the exact opposite of all of those things. There's your fucking truth, Madison. I'm so sick and tired of listening to the garbage that comes out of your mouth. You want to sit here and yell at me or whatever the fuck you want to do, fine. I will take that, but leave Spencer out of this and don't you fucking dare try to go after her. Because if you do, I will end you."
Madison didn't feel threatened, she just laughed in Ashley's face. "And how exactly are you going to do that? Nobody has your back, nobody cares about you, nobody wants you around. You're a dirty, disgusting dyke, which is why I kicked you off the cheerleading team and why-"
"What the hell is going on here?"
The sound of Ms. Devereux's shocked and angry voice got everyone's attention, except one person who was fixated on Ashley.
When nobody responded, the teacher tried again. "I asked what's going on here. I left the classroom to go deal with something and I come back to those hateful, bigoted words?" Her eyes were squarely on Madison. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
The expression on Madison's face went from anger to contrition almost instantly. She had perfected this move on more than one occasion.
At the sound of a chair scraping across the floor, thirty heads to turn in Spencer's direction. She was on her feet, her face still damp from the tears that had fallen. But Spencer wasn't looking at anyone but Ashley.
Ashley was worried at how troubled Spencer looked. She hadn't meant to make her cry or to pull her into her fight with Madison.
Spencer slung her bag over her shoulder and then she picked up the brunette's stuff. "Uh, Ashley and I have somewhere to be right now," she announced.
Ashley was in complete shock. She didn't even move when Spencer walked towards her—she couldn't figure out what was going on. When the blonde grabbed her hand and started dragging her out of the classroom, Ashley was finally able to react. She followed Spencer not knowing what the other girl wanted but assumed it was to yell at her.
Once Spencer was in the hall, she dropped everything she'd been holding in her one hand on the floor. She was still holding Ashley's hand tight in hers but that all changed when she pressed the brunette up against a nearby locker.
Ashley was about to apologize for what she'd done, but that apology died on her lips because the next thing she knew, Spencer was kissing her—kissing her hard. Ashley let out a yelp that was soon swallowed by the bruising kisses she was on the receiving end of. She started kissing Spencer back just as hard, not caring about anything other than how fucking good it felt. Ashley had truly thought that she'd never get this chance again. She was going to relish the moment as long as possible. She pulled Spencer into her and her hands then went to the blonde's hair. She was drowning in the bruising kisses that were being exchanged between the girls, but at the same time, Ashley felt like for the first time in days, she could breathe.
Spencer pressed her body as hard as she could against Ashley. She needed to drink up as much of the brunette as she could. The last four days had been the lowest she could recall. Kissing Ashley was helping to erase some of the pain that she'd been in. When Spencer pulled back to look at Ashley, she was out of breath and panting. "How could you do that?"
Ashley didn't understand what was going on. One second she was fighting with Madison and the next second she was making out with Spencer in the hallway at school. But now the blonde seemed really upset. "I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't have said all that stuff but-"
This time when Spencer kissed Ashley, it was a lot softer and didn't last as long. She pulled back, her eyes glistening again and then she rested her forehead against the brunette's. "You made me cry at school—In front of everyone. How could you do that?"
The darkness that had hung over Ashley's head started to clear up. The way that Spencer looked at her now and the kisses she kept receiving played a large part in the hope she'd refused to believe in over the last few days. "I thought you didn't care about what people think of you."
Spencer laughed. "Wow, that's pretty ballsy of you to say."
"I'm so sorry." Ashley felt herself start to panic. She didn't want to throw away whatever this was because she had said something stupid. "I really am, Spencer, so sorry and not just for that, for everything. I can't believe what I did and-"
Spencer pressed her index finger against Ashley's lips. "I know, Ash." And she did know. What Ashley had done in that classroom had changed things for the blonde. Seeing Ashley stand up for herself was something that Spencer hadn't realized that she'd needed from Ashley. She let Madison walk all over her for years, and it was time that she pushed back. Although not the catalyst for Spencer to considering giving Ashley another chance, it was certainly a factor. Not to mention her very public declaration of her sexuality.
But it was the way that Ashley had spoken about Spencer that had touched the blonde the most. When Ashley had defended her, Spencer felt confident that it wasn't for show or for Spencer's benefit. Ashley had respected Spencer's wishes and backed off, so it wasn't like she suspected this was a ploy of some kind. What Spencer had seen in the brunette was guilt and a genuine remorse for her actions. If she was being insincere or just trying to smooth things over, she would have been hounding Spencer for another chance all week. At least, that's the way Spencer read the situation. That didn't mean what Ashley had done was just forgiven or that all was OK. She's hurt Spencer in a deep and profound way. Those feelings didn't just disappear.
As she had listened to Ashley defend her with gusto, it made Spencer think of what her dad had said about regret. Spencer loved Ashley. The reason she felt so betrayed and so hurt by Ashley was because of how deeply her feelings for the brunette ran. While what Ashley had done in Ms. Devereux's class wasn't going to fix everything, it was a start. It was a start that Spencer wanted more than anything. The argument that Ashley didn't deserve another chance could certainly be made. How many times could she mess up before enough was enough? There was validity to that point.
On the other hand, if Spencer walked away and never looked back, she was certain she would regret it. That didn't mean that Ashley had carte blanche to mess up. What the brunette had ripped apart with her callous words to Madison, absolutely needed to be rebuilt. The key was Spencer wanted it to be rebuilt. Not only that, she also wanted to be with Ashley as that happened. Life only gives you so many opportunities for happiness and Spencer was going to take this one. She didn't want to look back years from now and think about what could have been.
Things with Ashley might not work out. Other factors might come into play—there were no guarantees in this world—but Spencer would be dammed if it all ended because she wasn't willing to try. What she'd learned about herself was that she was strong and could get through horrible times. She could do it without being self destructive and without pushing the world away. She was different from the angry, bitter, person she was when Ashley had come back into her life. That could not be denied.
And maybe Ashley would let her down again, but Spencer couldn't control that. She couldn't control the world around her. It was a hard lesson to learn, but she had learned it. She was still scared, but she wasn't going to avoid the fear that had often lead her to miss out on the good things that she didn't want to take the chance on. If anyone was worth taking the risk of heartbreak on, it was the girl that Spencer was kissing.
Ashley wasn't perfect, but neither was Spencer.
Somewhere in the time that Spencer had started kissing her again, Ashley began to cry. She was petrified that all of this was some kind of amazing daydream, but the longer she felt the blonde's lips on her lips, the more remote that possibility came. When another break for oxygen was needed, Ashley's need to get all of her feelings out bubbled back to the surface. "I've missed you so much, Spence, fuck I'm missed you. I thought I lost you forever and I just can't believe…" The brunette was too choked up to continue.
"This can't happen again," Spencer told the other girl when Ashley was more composed. The were things that needed to be said. "I mean it, Ash, I just—it really can't happen again."
"It won't!" Ashley pledged. She wasn't able to predict the future or promise Spencer that she would never hurt her, but that kind of betrayal she could make promises about. Ashley did not make that pledge lightly. It didn't matter how long it took, she was going to prove to Spencer that could be trusted. "I love you with all my heart."
"I love you too," Spencer whispered. It felt incredibly good to be this close to Ashley. And to be able to kiss her and to know that those kisses were happening with nothing hanging over their heads. "I wish I could promise you that this will be easy and that I won't have moments where I'm upset or defensive. But I can promise you that I will be there with you every step of the way and that we will work on this together. You and me, Ash, that's what I want."
"I want that more than you can know," Ashley said with the utmost sincerity. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm sorry that I ever made you doubt that. I meant every single I word I said back there, you are amazing and I will spend every day that I'm with you convincing you of that."
Spencer was looking intently at Ashley, "No more secrets and no more lies."
"None. You are not my secret or anything for me to be ashamed of." Ashley assured the blonde. Now that she had found the right words, it was going to be up to Ashley to show Spencer with actions how serious she was.
"I'm glad we cleared that up." Spencer said, a smile appearing on her face. It was one of happiness and relief. "You do realize that just came out? Are you OK with that?"
"I'm sorry it took me so long," Ashley said in response. "But now at least I get to kiss you whenever I want. Well, as long as you want to me to kiss you."
"I always want that," Spencer replied before she engaged the brunette in another hot and fiery kiss. She couldn't get enough of Ashley and she doubted she ever would.
Ashley did not ever want to stop kissing the blonde. But she had to pull away, much to her disappointment. "Mmmm, Spence," Ashley's voice was husky and raw. "Either your phone is vibrating or you're happy to see me."
"Huh, what?" Spencer was in an Ashley fog that she didn't want to leave. When she realized what Ashley was referring to, she pulled her phone out of her pocket with every intention of just turning it off. Then she saw Sean was calling her, which almost never happened, so she picked up the call. She stayed pressed against Ashley because she needed to feel Ashley against her.
Sean didn't even give Spencer the chance to say hello. "I guess our plans for the weekend are off?"
Ashley was pressing the tiniest and softest kisses against Spencer's jaw line, which meant she could hear every word that he was saying.
"What do you mean?" Spencer asked distractedly.
"Well, my best guess is that with you and Ashley back together, my services this weekend won't be needed," he explained, the amusement in his voice impossible to miss.
"What are you talking about?" Spencer was beyond confused. How did Sean know that she and Ashley had reconciled when it had just happened. The fact that Ashley's kisses were lingering against her skin was not helping the blonde's confusion.
"Well, if you must know, I've received links to three videos in the last few minutes." Sean had snuck out of class to reach Spencer. "One of the videos is of Ashley giving Madison the verbal beat-down of a life time, another video is of you dragging Ashley out of class and then the last video is of you and Ashley making out in the hallway."
Ashley stopped kissing Spencer's neck and then they both looked up to see a handful of students watching them. Everyone was smiling and their phones were all out. Unbeknownst to either girl, they had been putting quite a show for their classmates.
"Shit," Spencer said. Her first reaction was to worry that this would freak Ashley out and that would be disastrous. When she caught a glimpse of Ashley, all she saw was the red of her cheeks. "You OK?"
Ashley nodded. "I'm fine, but perhaps we can continue this without prying eyes staring at us." Although she was blushing, Ashley she was going to have to get used to kissing Spencer in public. Something she was very much looking forward to.
"So, as I was saying, I'm going to assume that our plans for this weekend are off?" Sean cut in.
Spencer had almost forgotten that he was still on the line. "No, of course not, we uh-"
Sean was about to help his friend out. "If I see or hear from you before Monday, you're in trouble. Have a good weekend and we can talk when you're not so busy."
"You're the best," Spencer told Sean. She couldn't love him more if she tried.
"I know," Sean replied knowingly. "Enjoy, uh, catching up with Ashley and tell her that her and I will have a nice long chat as well on Monday. But also tell her that I look forward to watching her kick your ass playing video games for a long time to come."
Spencer looked at Ashley and when the brunette nodded, Spencer knew she had heard every word that Sean had said. "I will, and uh, can you tell Mr. Brown I won't be in math today because I'm not, um, feeling well."
There was no way that Spencer was going to her last class of the day. She wanted her weekend with Ashley to start immediately.
"I'm not sure he'll believe me, but I will." Sean was laughing. He was almost positive that Spencer and Ashley would be the talk of the whole school for a while. "Bye, Spence."
"Bye." Spencer hung up the phone and all of her attention went right back to Ashley. "Let's get out of here."
Once Spencer had moved back, Ashley picked up her stuff off the ground. She didn't look back at the people that were still watching the two of them, not because she cared about what they thought of her. It was because the one person she cared most about in the world was looking at her in a way that made Ashley shiver. She reached for Spencer's hand and, when she got it, intertwined their fingers together.
Ashley proudly walked down the halls of King High holding the hand of the girl she loved.
Just as it should be.
Two-part epilogue left and then this story will be finished.