I'm really running out of ways to write the required disclaimer. I'm surprised I've found so many ways to say "I don't own Doctor Who".

CHAPTER 34

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!" Jack's amazing singing voice resonated throughout the TARDIS. River had discovered that it was mid December in London, and it was unanimously decided that they would celebrate Christmas on the TARDIS. Preparations were in full swing. The Roses, Martha, Jenny, Donna, River and Amy spent a lot of time in the kitchen baking cookies and preparing for a huge feast. Clara, banned from the kitchen due to her lack of culinary abilities, thrived on bossing Danny, Rory, Shaun, and Mickey around as they decorated as much of the ship as they could. Jack "helped" by providing festive music for the occasion. In truth, though, no one minded because Jack's voice was very good, and a singing Jack was not a flirting Jack.

The Doctors, however, were putting together an arsenal of tools to combat whatever fate may throw their way on this Christmas.

"Why?" Nine had asked his future selves. "Are you expecting something to happen?"

"Well, we're not expecting it," Twelve spoke up. "Just with the luck we've had with the holiday in the past, something's bound to go wrong."

"Really?" Nine was intrigued. "I've never celebrated Christmas is this body, but I remember it always being a festive holiday!"

"That's because you regenerated into me on Christmas!" Ten quipped. "And oh, Christmas is festive alright, especially when you wake up from regeneration sickness before you're fully recovered so you can save Rose from a homicidal Christmas tree!"

"And then you learn that said tree is controlled by the Sycorax who try to use blood control on humans, forcing you to engage in a swordfight and lose a hand in the process," Tentoo chimed in, eager to share the story of his origin.

"Then the following year, you save Donna from the Racnoss," Ten continued.

"Then the year after that, you stop a space cruise ship called the Titanic from crashing into Buckingham palace!" his twin eagerly kept the story going.

"Blimey!" Nine said.

"Oh, it gets even better once you regenerate again!" Eleven replied, a bit sarcastically. "First, you have to save the Ponds from dying on their honeymoon when their ship almost crashes on Christmas Eve. And you have to do it by renacting our old buddy Charlie's "A Christmas Carol". And you lose half of your sonic in the process because a shark eats it!"

Twelve snorted. "That was a better year than the one where you rescued a family who inadvertently rescued the souls of a planet covered with trees. Though the Dad came back to life. That's good!"

"Then you go to Victorian London to try and escape life and end up fighting sentient snow. I mean, really. Snow!" Eleven was still bewildered by that. "Oh and that ended up being the second time that Clara dies on me. Well, at least the second time that I remember."

"And then there's the Christmas that lasts for oh, about 900 years as you defend a town that's actually called Christmas from every psychopath alien in existence!" Twelve grumbled. "It takes such a toll on you that you regenerate!"

"Blimey!" Nine said again. "Makes you wonder what's next! Creepy man eating aliens at the North Pole?"

"Heh. Yeah and Santa saves the day," Twelve rolled his eyes and groaned. "That would be, how do you put it, fantastic?"

Jenny was excited. She had never celebrated Christmas before. She had never even heard of it! So the Doctors planned a very special trip. When the TARDIS landed, they were someplace they had never been, but had always wanted to go. They were on Earth, somewhere between 7 BC and AD 1. And they had landed just outside of a town called Bethlehem.

"Rather then telling you what Christmas was all about, I thought I'd just show you!" Ten whispered eagerly to his daughter.

"Now, I've never really believed that everything that people have said happened here actually happened, but then again, I don't know for sure because I've never been." Nine also whispered, excitement evident in his voice.

"Oh, come on Doctor! You don't really believe that whole baby in the manger, angels in the sky, and bright star up above it story do you?" Rory, ever the sceptic, scoffed.

"Of course I don't! It's completely impossible!" Eleven exclaimed. "Although..."

Since the group had grown to be so large, they split off into four groups, the same way that the TARDIS had divided them into teams for the failed domestics competition. Jenny went with team Ten.

Team Twelve returned to the TARDIS to examine the stars and see if there was anything unusual happening. Team Meta Crisis headed for the fields just outside town, intent on interviewing some shepherds. Team Eleven began knocking on doors to see if anyone had seen a couple looking for a place to spend the night. Team Nine used Jack's vortex manipulator to travel to the Orient to meet three wise men. Team Ten was visiting stables.

"So, why are we doing this again?" Jenny asked as they visited yet another stinky stable full of nothing but animals.

"We are looking for the first Christmas!" Rose replied, with excitement in her voice.

"In a stable?!" Jenny wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Human legend has it that a very poor couple took shelter in a stable on this night, and the woman gave birth to a god!" Her father replied.

"Not just any old god, either," Rose continued. "God. With a big G. The genuine article!"

"But that's just silly!" Jenny remarked. "A human giving birth to God?! That's impossible! Isn't it?"

"Well, I guess we'll find out!" The Doctor replied.

"But what about the other teams? What are they doing?" Jenny asked.

"Researching the rest of the legend," Mickey piped up. The others were startled. The little family had almost forgotten that the Smiths were there!

"This is what we celebrate at Christmas?" Jenny asked.

"Yes," Martha answered. "Isn't it exciting?!"

But she didn't sound very excited. No one was, really. They were sure that this legend was just that: a legend. No one expected anything to actually happen! This could be the dullest adventure ever.