[Disclaimer] SM owns everything Twilight
[A/N] I really suck at making out time lines which has a lot to do with the fact that when I started the story, I never expected it to be that long. So, I decided to make a three month leap in time after the wedding, for I wasn't too keen on writing a Christmas scene in May.
This chapter is dedicated to bad7578. Your feedback really made my day. Thanks a lot for it.
**Chapter 66**
Reality and its dull consequences came way sooner than I hoped they would.
Edward didn't show up to any of the meetings his arrogant lawyer arranged for Lilly to spend some quality time with her father.
At first he was too busy, as his company made him constantly fly back and forth between Seattle and Anchorage.
Then he spoke to Lilly on the phone for a few minutes when she was at Esme's house. Afterwards she cried and insisted that she never wanted to see him again –ever. It cut into my heart like a sharp knife, especially when she stubbornly refused to tell me or Ali what the hell he had told her on the phone.
The only one who would probably be able to get anything out of her was Jasmine, but she was out of town visiting her parents in Texas.
"You're worrying too much, Bella." Ali whispered into my ear as she hugged me tightly from behind, planting a soft kiss right above my hairline.
"How do you know?"
"You keep biting your lower lip when you're doing that."
"Pretty observant today, aren't we?"
"Not more than usually, honey."
I turned my head and kissed her lips very gently, letting my tongue dart out to lick up a tiny drop of golden colored honey at the edge of her mouth.
"Tastes sweet; tastes like more."
She chuckled slightly and twisted a wisp of my hair around her fingers to pull me closer to her.
"I don't think we have time for more, unless you're going to call my brother and ask to cover your shift in the bookstore.
"Too bad…I don't think I can do that, although the idea is pretty tempting."
She kissed the tip of my nose and put the wisp of my hair that she was still holding behind my ear in a tender gesture.
"Miss you already."
"You know that I'm still here, do you?"
"I thought that I might get some extra points for missing you while you're still around."
"You'll get as many extra points as you want, Ali."
I cupped her face between my hands and kissed her mouth again, letting my left hand circle over the small stripe of exposed skin between her shirt and her jeans.
"You're going to be late." She mumbled against my lips when she pulled back.
"I don't care." I whispered while my fingertips stroked up her spine.
The phone started ringing and I loosened my grip around her waist to pick up the call. Then my eyes caught the number of the caller and I hesitated long enough for the machine to start.
I didn't have the nerves to deal with Edward's lawyer right now. No, that wasn't even true. I didn't have the nerves to deal with him –ever.
After a few moments the machine picked up his call, letting him leave a message on it that informed me that my ex wanted to see his daughter this weekend.
With trembling fingers I deleted the message almost instantly.
"Shhh, everything is going to be okay."
She put her arms around me and I buried my face into the dark curls of her damp hair, trying to absorb as much of her intoxicating vanilla scent as possible.
"I don't know that I'm going to do. She doesn't want to see him."
"Maybe he won't show up at all. That would be better for all of us."
I sighed deeply and planted a last kiss on her lips.
"We can't spend the rest of our life in fear of him."
"I know, but I don't think running away would help. Plus it wouldn't solve the problem with the visitation rights the stupid judge gave him."
"I'm going to talk to Zafrina about that again. Why the hell, does he need to have a visitation right when he doesn't want to see her regularly?"
"He's doing that on purpose, you know."
"But why?"
"Because he's trying to intimidate us with it; My brother," she almost choked at the word before she continued.
"My brother knows exactly how to manipulate people, it's his strong point."
"I guess we'll just have to be careful."
"Hmm, yes we have, but promise me not to worry the entire day."
"If you promise the same to me,"
"I will…and there will hardly be anything to worry about. All I'm going to do today is some shopping with my sister, discussing whether or not purple and yellow are unisex colors or not."
"Talking about your sister, Rosalie is still talking to Edward, isn't she?"
"I don't think talking is the right word for it. She's constantly yelling at him when he calls her but somehow that doesn't seem to bother him. Em suggested that they could change their number but she doesn't want to do it."
"He could show up at their house at any time. There's no restraining order for that."
"That's not necessary, Bella. My sister can handle him pretty well. Or Emmett can handle him."
"I wished no one would have to handle him. Edward is causing nothing but trouble. The only good thing he ever managed to produce was Lilly."
Ali cringed and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs behind her.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know how much you dislike the fact that he and I…,"
"You don't have to apologize for saying what you're thinking. And just for the record…I'm happy that you have Lilly…no matter who...," her voice cracked before she managed to finish the sentence.
I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently before putting it to my mouth to blow a kiss over the back of her hand.
When I walked out of the room my eyes fell on the small silver framed picture of my little copper haired daughter that was hanging on the wall, her tiny face an almost exact replica of her father.
Slowly I stroked over the frame, wondering how close love and hate could actually be.
XXXX
Working with Benjamin didn't really feel like working at all to me because he constantly managed to make me laugh. No matter how inappropriate his jokes might be.
"So, have you and my sister decided anything about the baby thing?"
"What?"
"The baby thing; I thought that the two of you wanted to have one."
I put a few books back into the shelf and sighed deeply.
"Yes, we do want to have a baby, but it's…complicated somehow."
"How can that be complicated for you? It's just the stupid sperm donor that you have to choose. That can't be too hard."
I sat down on a chair and twisted my hair into a sloppy ponytail.
"You're wrong. It's not that easy. What if we make a wrong choice? Or what if the kid is going to hate us for the way we're bringing it into this world? I mean, every child needs a father, doesn't it?"
"Hmm,"
He poured himself a glass of coke and frowned when he took the first sip.
"Arg, why do we only have this crappy diet stuff here? Anyway, I think that you're worrying too much about it. Have you forgotten that you already had the perfect family? And how happy did it make you and your child? See, any baby that you and my sister are going to have should be happy to have you two as its parents."
I cleared my throat before I spoke up again.
"Thanks,"
"You're welcome."
He pulled a tiny mirror out of the pockets of his jeans and checked his reflection.
"You're pretty vain, aren't you?"
"It has nothing to do with vanity, if you're trying to look your best."
"But maybe you should calm down a little on the contacts thing. Your eye color is so pretty and you're constantly hiding it."
"Just until, I've saved enough money to get that laser stuff done on them. It's going to be so amazing to wake up and see more of the world than just blurriness."
"Hmm,"
"Bella, it's still you who is going to carry out the child, isn't it?"
"Ali wished it was her. She's trying to convince me that the risk isn't too high, but I won't give in. I don't want to endanger her life with this…baby thing."
"But she still wants to get pregnant, doesn't she? That's because she's willful, just like our mother was and you know how that turned out in the end."
"Don't remind me…,"
"I won't."
"It's just…she thinks of it being so unfair that she can't have a biological child because of her heart condition."
"Life isn't supposed to be fair. Life is…well life is just life."
He kneeled down to open a new carton of magazines.
"Choose your cock."
"What?"
My face automatically blushed into three different shades of red. Benjamin chuckled and waved with one of the magazines in front of me.
"Want to take a look?"
"You're disgusting."
"And you're a prude. These are going to be our top sellers."
"Maybe or maybe not, you don't have to shove it into my face. It's not a sight I enjoy too much."
"Prude,"
I wanted to punch him in his side to keep him from making any more comments but hurt my hand on the metal of his belt.
"Ouch!"
"You didn't hurt yourself, did you? Jeez, no wonder Lilly has no clue how to throw punches."
I rubbed my wrist for a moment and sighed in relief when realized that I hadn't hurt myself severe.
"She doesn't need to know how to hit people. I want her to learn how to handle a discussion without using physical violence."
"Sometimes it's necessary to know how to defend yourself."
I nodded my head, almost instantly thinking of Edward. My hands started trembling and I dropped the book I was holding on the ground.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked me worriedly and kneeled down next to me.
"Yes, I'm good." My voice didn't sound convincing to me at all and I assumed that it would be the same for him.
"You don't look as if you were good. Stop biting your lip or it's going to start bleeding."
"You're too observant."
"Can't help it, that's just the way I am."
"It's something that you have in common with your sister. That and the pretty caramel eye color."
"And the fact that we both hate diet coke and have way more sense of fashion than other people."
His lips twitched into a smile and for the first time I realized how much it equaled Ali's…
XXXX
"You're kidding me, aren't you, Bella? You can't be serious about that."
She sipped on the glass of water in front of her, while I desperately tried to think of a good way not to look like a complete idiot now.
"Just forget it. I shouldn't have mentioned this stupid idea to you."
I turned around to put the empty plates into the dishwasher.
"Let me help you." she whispered, wrapping her hand around my wrist.
"And we can talk about this…idea, if you want to."
Did I want to?
"Yes. No…god, I don't even know what made me think of that."
"Did he mention that option to you? She asked me as she sat down on my lap again, resting her head against my shoulder so that the spikey ends of her hair tickled my skin pleasantly.
"Benjamin? No, he didn't. Please, you have to promise me not to tell him that I suggested this to you."
"What made you do it? And don't tell me that you don't know. You think and rethink everything over and over again before you make up your mind."
"Well, firstly it's because it feels awkward to me not to know the…," I searched for the right word, but couldn't find one.
"The father." She finished after a few awkward moments of silence.
"I didn't know that you were so keen on knowing him. I thought that we wanted the baby to be ours."
Her voice sounded tensed now, almost jealous.
I put one finger under her chin to make her look up to me again.
"Hey, look at me."
Her caramel eyes looked incredibly sad when the met mine. I cupped her face between my hands and stroked down her cheeks in feather light movements.
"The baby is going to be ours; mine and yours. I don't want to have it any other way."
"Technically the baby can't be ours and you know that." she whispered barely audible.
I pulled her closer to me and planted a kiss on her lips.
"This is not about technical things. It's about you and me and our family. The baby will be ours because we're both going to love it."
"Maybe I'm just jealous."
"You don't have to be. The baby is going to be ours, not just mine. I don't want you to feel excluded or something like that."
She sighed deeply and tried to stand up from my lap, but I held her where she was; knowing that she needed to feel close to me right now.
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"I doubt that's possible. No one has ever loved another person more than I love you."
I smiled and put a wisp of her short hair behind her ear.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have cute ears?"
She giggled. It was not a full Ali laughter but good enough to warm my heart.
"Has anyone ever told you that you give the weirdest compliments?"
"Not really…but yours are cute." I leaned forward to graze the shell of her ear with my teeth.
"But the things I love most about you are your eyes. They make me feel, well, I don't really think that I have words that are good enough."
"So, it's the eyes…isn't it? You want Benjamin to be the donor because of his eye-color?"
"Not only because of it. That would be a little too superficial, wouldn't it?"
I cleared my throat nervously before I continued, taking her hand in mine to squeeze it gently.
"The two of you are so much alike…in so many ways. The way you speak and the way you smile. Using him as the donor gives me a small glimpse of hope that the baby will at least inherit a tiny little bit of the things that I love so much about you."
She sighed deeply and started rubbing small circles all over the back of my hand.
"Promise me that the baby isn't going to call me Auntie Ali, will you? Because technically…,"
"Shhh, I already told you that it's not about technical things. It's about what you and I want."
She turned my hand around and planted a kiss on my wrist, letting the tip of her tongue swirl over the sensitive skin.
"I really want to have a baby with you, Bella."
"So what are we going to do?"
"We're calling my brother to invite him over for dinner or something like that. It's not like we can discuss things like that with him on the phone."