Chapter 5

Kylo Ren stayed in his office as much as possible the rest of the day. He had to return Rey back to her cage for the admission of the requested books, meals, clothes for Rey, and the construction crew, which hastily made some changes to provide Rey a refresher and a curtain for privacy at Kylo's instructions before leaving. She was in a different spot in his quarters each time and received the clothes, books, and meals without a word. The construction crew had been so nervous to be in the same room as her that Kylo escorted her into his office until they finished, where she sat reading one of her new books and ignoring Kylo entirely.

Kylo conducted his business via the com, projector, and screen systems, but he did not leave his quarters. Part of him was terrified that Hux had forgotten something that would allow Rey to escape. Another part of him was simply reluctant to be far from her, even though they did not interact and were nearly always in separate rooms. Furthermore, Kylo did not trust that one of Hux's fail-safes might not "malfunction" while he was gone and kill Rey. The general was still quite upset and had been adamantly insisting that Kylo reconsider whether she was worth keeping alive.

The day wrapped up, and Kylo began to get ready for bed. By now, Rey had showered and was dressed in clean, simple, loose black pants and a sleeveless grey shirt. Her breast bindings were visible in the armpit holes, and he wondered that she could be comfortable sleeping like that, but he said nothing. Perhaps she intended to remove them after pulling her privacy curtain closed. She certainly didn't seem concerned by them where she was stretched out reading on his bed.

"You like the bed," he said as he pulled out clothes for his own shower.

Rey put a finger on the page she was reading and turned her head to look behind her at him. "It's a bed. It's soft."

"The cot's not soft?" he asked. He went up to the cage, reached through the bars, and felt the cot. It was foam over a hard surface with little cushion. Even the pillow was flat and uncomfortable.

Rey shrugged. "It's softer than what I had on Jakku, except the pillow. I saved up for a pillow there. Nearly starved for it, but it was worth it."

Kylo furrowed his brows. Rey was almost acting like… well, the Rey he had briefly gotten to know while she was with Luke Skywalker. The Rey he had killed the Supreme Leader to protect. He didn't know what to make of it. "You take the bed. I can sleep on the floor."

Rey gave him a curious look. "You won't be locking me in while you sleep?"

"Should I?" he asked. They gazed at each other, both keeping their faces expressionless. Rey looked away first.

"I don't think that I would have trusted you as much if our positions were reversed," Rey said.

Kylo didn't comment on that. He had no idea what he would do if he were her personal prisoner in the Resistance. It was beyond his imagination. He doubted he would survive long in that scenario. The Resistance was not built on discipline like the First Order. He would likely be murdered even if his mother ordered no harm.

"Do you need anything for bed before I enter the shower?" Kylo asked. Rey shook her head, and he went into the refresher. It was odd taking a shower knowing she was in his room. He had fantasized about her in the shower more than a few times in the last month, and yet he knew nothing would come of this other than a night of poor sleep. Maybe he could order a second regular bed put in for tomorrow night.

He normally slept without a shirt on, but he put one on anyway. It would help insulate him from the floor, and he didn't want Rey to think he was pushing anything given the context of their earlier conversations. He toweled off his hair and wrapped it up before stepping out.

Rey was sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked up and snorted. "What is that?" she asked.

"What?" he said and looked around.

"Your hair… it's got a turban… a badly-wrapped one. Do you sleep like that?" she asked.

Kylo realized she was talking about the towel, and he pulled it off and held it up so she could see what it was. "Just a small trick to help dry off the hair after getting clean. Here, watch me." He pulled the towel around his shoulders under his hair, folded it over to his forehead, twisted each end, and placed the twisted ends on top of each other on his head.

"Let me try," she said. Kylo tossed the damp towel to her, and she caught it. A few seconds later, she had her own hair wrapped up. "I wish I had known about this a few weeks ago. Do you know how many shirts I've had to change through to keep my back from itching after it gets wet from my hair? I knew there had to be something I was missing, but I didn't know how to ask… Everyone just assumes that because I'm a jedi and Luke's student that I know everything, and I don't. I hardly know anything."

It was more than Kylo heard from her in nearly a month, and he just gazed at her until he remembered what she had said. "You know scavenging, and because of scavenging, you know ships. I saw what you did to save the Falcon. You outdid my father on repairing his own ship. Do you know how rare that is?"

Rey bit her bottom lip against a grin. "Pretty rare?"

"Very. He and Chewie were the only ones who made repairs on that ship. Whether he was trying to hide his illegal upgrades or simply didn't trust anyone else to do a good job, he never let anyone else take a wrench to it. But you outdid him, and you impressed him so much that he invited you to be part of his crew."

Her smile stretched from ear to ear now, and she no longer tried to restrain it. "He did, didn't he." She pulled the towel free from her hair and tossed it back to Kylo, who caught it. "Thanks," she said, and her happiness faded from her face. "Um, I was thinking while you were in the shower, and I don't feel right taking your bed while you sleep on the floor." She took a deep breath and forced herself to look at him. "The other day, we were in a similar situation through our bond, and we had shared the bed, though only briefly. Maybe we should do that tonight?"

Kylo's heart pounded in his chest. This wasn't a bond where she was really in her bed and would disappear randomly. This was different. "This isn't a good idea, Rey. I move in my sleep," he said.

Rey shrugged. "Okay."

It wasn't okay. "You don't understand," Kylo said. Should he just say that he sometimes dreamed of making love to her? "Rey, I can't control what I dream about, and if you're there when I dream about being with a woman, I might not realize what I'm doing."

Dismay hit him through the force from Rey, and she looked away. He blushed, embarrassed to admit he had such dreams to her, but was relieved she understood now.

"I'll wake you." Her eyes locked on his, and he felt her swell with some emotion… compassion? Protectiveness? For him? "I won't let you touch me when you're dreaming about someone else."

"That's not…" he said and paused. What good would correcting her do?

"That's not what?" Rey asked.

Better to change the focus. Kylo studied her. "You don't have these dreams?"

She shrugged. "It's happened, but pretty rarely. I try not to think about it, since pregnancy on Jakku would have been a death sentence."

Kylo frowned with disgust. "That planet should be blasted out of space."

"Don't say that!" Rey exclaimed. "It wasn't all bad."

"You were abandoned there for drink, left to scavenge or starve, were constantly having to avoid the advances of that disgusting creature who cheated you out of rations in the hope you might offer him something more than the junk you collected… you had no friends, no kindness, and next to no food. It was awful."

Rey glared at him. "It was my home!"

"You deserved better!"

The force shimmered with the tension between them. Kylo wasn't sure when they had moved, but they now stood facing each other a foot apart, hands clenched into fists, baring teeth at each other.

"You may be used to throwing things away at the first sign of imperfection, but not me. I don't take what I have for granted. I'm a scavenger, remember? If I see value in discarded junk, I claim it, clean it off, polish it up, and make the best of it, no matter what it is or how poor its condition."

"Just like you scavenged my stormtrooper, my family, my lightsaber, and my teacher?" Kylo asked. The irony had not escaped him.

"Yes. Just like I tried to scavenge you after everyone else had lost hope. You gave up on yourself and everyone around you because they weren't perfect," she said, and her anger sizzled out as a heavy sadness replaced it. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "You gave up on me just because I cared about the Resistance, and then I gave up on you too. I hate it. I hate that I call you Kylo now instead of Ben. I wanted to believe so badly."

Kylo watched the tears stream down her face, wishing he could ease her pain even as he grappled with his fury at her obstinance. Furthermore, she was finally opening up to him again only to share that she wished he were someone he was not. "We should get some sleep."

He walked around Rey to the bed, fixed the sheets and comforter that had been left askew by Rey, and climbed in on the left side. By that time, Rey had cleaned up her face in the bathroom and climbed in opposite to Kylo. He knew without looking that she had her back to him, just as he had his back to hers.

Rey sighed deeply. "Was I wrong to give up?" she asked.

Kylo rolled onto his back and looked at her. "I'm not Ben, Rey. I'm not sure he ever existed, but that doesn't mean I can't do good, and it doesn't mean I don't regret how I acted after Snoke's death. If the First Order hadn't been in such desperate need of leadership, I would have likely destroyed myself too."

Rey's breath hitched behind him, and suddenly he was looking at her panicked eyes. Her face was so close he felt her breath on him.

"Let me hold you, please," Rey said.

Kylo nodded slightly, and turned towards her. Rey scooted closer, slid her arms around his waist, and tucked her head up against his chest with her ear over his heart. Only her legs remained separate from him.

Kylo gazed down at her brown hair and tiny form tucked in against him, and he wrapped an arm around her on reflex. This, he decided, was heaven, and everything else was made hell in contrast.

"Thank you for being here," Rey said. He could feel the vibrations of her words through his chest, and his heart trembled at the intensity of the moment. "That's strange," she said.

"What's strange?"

"You feel safe. I think I could fall asleep like this."

Sleep was tugging at Kylo too despite everything, as if the force itself willed him to rest. He closed his eyes and drifted off to the steady sound of Rey's gentle breathing in his arms.

For the record. I think I drifted off myself at least 5 times trying to wrap up the fact that they were drifting off too.

Hope you're enjoying it. Please let me know what you think.