Summary: (BM/WW Wedding-fic) When Batman finally gathers the courage to ask Wonder Woman to marry him, the Dark Knight gets more than he bargained for when the entire League decided to pitch in and help plan their impending nuptials – contains fluff, random humour, a temperamental Amazon princess, drunken bachelor-party escapades, and various attempts on Superman's life!
A/N: Coffee, anything generally just packed with caffeine, is a wonderful thing… I'm sorry this took so long, it's just been a seriously busy week – I'm off to college in less than a month and honestly, there is still so much to do and my mojo is for naught! *Sighs Dramatically* Oh well! Enjoy! And thank you all again for the epic feedback! Again, this chapter is longer than I anticipated.
Oh, and for the purpose of future events, I'd like to note that Tim is around 14 here, while Dick is in his early twenties. Cool? Great! Read on!
[CHAPTER EDITED] [2013/03/24] (Thank you R-Dude for pointing out my typo!)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, but would it not be awesome? Anyway, no the Justice League and the Batclan belongs to DC Comics and their respective owners.
Bridezillas & Kryptonite
03.
~Chapter Three~
Press & Cat-Burglars
It was passed midnight when Diana touched down on a rooftop in the southern side area of Gotham. Taking a deep breath, she then scanned up and down the relatively empty streets until her communicator went off.
"This is Wonder Woman," she answered.
"Status," came as the reply.
"All is quiet over at my end, Batman – although I have prevented several muggings and a break-in attempt tonight."
"Any injuries?" he asked.
"I dealt a few blows. I might have given this one man a black eye and-"
"I meant to you, Princess." Batman said with a hint of amusement in his voice.
Diana tried to scoff but couldn't quite manage to. "I'm fine, Batman – am I to ask how many injuries you have sustained so far?" she asked wryly.
"That isn't important."
Diana frowned but before she could call him out on this, she heard the sound of glass breaking and then wailing of an alarm from a building in the street below. A car had pulled in front of it.
"Wonder Woman?"
"It seems there is another robbery in progress." She answered, spotting three masked men with duffle bags each exiting the car. "There are three of them, not including the driver though I do suspect he is armed as well."
"Do you need assistance?"
"That won't be necessary – it appears to be only a minor break in," she said, watching as the men took guns to the display cases, thoroughly breaking the glass and then grabbing whatever was inside. "I will contact you as soon as I have apprehended the perpetrators."
Soon enough, just as she closed her comm. link, the sound of sirens filled the air and, with their bags fully stuffed, the robbers scattered out of store and into the getaway vehicle. Just as the first police car came around the corner, the robbers sped away.
Diana took off, keeping well above the car but made sure to keep it in view as the police were in pursuit. She wouldn't intervene, not yet, she would watch how it played out first and when trouble arose then she would step in – this was how Batman operated, and since Gotham was still his city, she had to play by his rules, even if she was an exception to his most important one.
The driver was talented, Diana would give him that. He had lost the first police car and successfully evaded another by ducking into an alleyway and switched off the headlights – with the engine off and the black paintjob blending into the shadows, the police barely noticed it and drove passed.
Diana took that as the sign she needed.
Just as the car was started up again, Diana landed heavily on the hood of the car, creating a huge dent and a hell of a racket in the process.
Obviously alarmed, there were screams and cursing before two of the robbers open fired at her.
Diana easily deflected the bullets with her bracelets and, taking advantage of a brief pause between shots she kicked the windshield open and knocked both the driver and the masked thief in front out with a swift, but not lethal, blow to the head.
It was then when the two remaining men tried and made a break for it, not even bothering to try and shoot at her.
Diana all too quickly apprehended the first by snaring him with her lasso while the second kept running. He didn't get far however, as, out of nowhere, a leather cord like that of a whip, suddenly wrapped around his neck and pulled him up towards the dark rooftops.
The robber Diana had tied up thrashed around and yelled foul things until she walked up to him at which point his mouth all but dropped open and he froze mid-curse.
"No way… are you," he began just Diana struck the nerve between his neck and shoulders and he fell over sideways, unconscious – Bruce taught her about the various pressure points and weaknesses in the human body during one of their many training sessions in the Cave together (though admittedly, Diana expected he had ulterior motives for doing so at the time…).
Once she freed her lasso from around the thief, she went after the remaining one and flew up to the roof.
Touching down, she found the robber, semiconscious, clutching to his stomach and groaning.
Cautiously scanning the roof, Diana's blue eyes fell instead on a distinctly feminine figure in tight, form-fitting black leather standing several feet away from her, back turned with a duffle bag at her high-heeled boots.
"It's such a shame," said a silky voice. "It was as if they weren't even trying."
Diana stiffened as she watched the figure bend down and pick up the duffle bag, taking out a small rectangular box and looked at a golden necklace with a brilliant cat's eye gem set in the centre.
Shaking her head, she closed the box again and turned around. "I ask you, where was the style?"
Seeing the two distinctive pointy ears on top of her head, Diana instantly recognized her. "Catwoman…" she said slowly, her hand firmly grasped around her lasso.
Catwoman's jade green eyes flickered behind her goggles towards Diana's hand and smiled tartly at the Amazon.
"Come now, there will be no need for that, dear," she said. "If I wanted to hurt you, I would have done so two minutes ago."
"Then why are you here?" Diana asked suspiciously.
"To lend a friendly hand of course," Catwoman purred. "I also though, while we're at it, we might chat as well, a little 'girl-talk', so to speak."
Diana straightened up slightly. "I… appreciate your assistance, but I'm not sure I trust your intentions."
Catwoman laughed. "Oh my – he's gotten to you, hasn't he? Don't worry, I've only come to talk, that's all."
"Do I need to venture a guess about what?" Diana asked dryly.
"Not at all, because we both know about whom I'm talking about. As you know, I've known Batman both professionally… and intimately, for years now," she said, unfazed by Diana's narrowed eyes, "but, I don't think I've ever seen him so… different before. And, I have a feeling – call it a 'sixth sense' if you will – that you might have something to do with it."
"What do you mean 'different'," Diana asked, losing the hard edge in her voice but not dropping her guard.
"Just like I said, he's not the man I knew trying to save a place beyond saving… I think he's better off, lighter. Anyway, word has been getting around, and by the look of that ring on your finger, I know the reason for that… which, is exactly why I don't have to tell you that if you break his heart, I will claw that pretty face of yours off." She said with a smile.
Diana's posture stiffened. "Are you threatening me?"
"Not at all, just a promise. But then again, I'm sure I don't have to remind you about what would probably happen next if you do, do I?" she said sweetly.
"You don't have to worry about that – Batman and I are perfectly happy together, I can assure you." Diana said, smiling a tight-lipped smile of her own.
Catwoman nodded. "Lovely."
"Now, do you mind – that doesn't belong to you." Diana said, looking at the bag still in Catwoman's hands.
Shrugging, Catwoman carelessly tossed the duffle bag into Diana's hands, but 'neglected' to do so with the smaller box.
"All of it."
"Observant, aren't we?" Catwoman teased and threw the box as well.
But, as Diana caught it, when she opened the box, she found it to be empty.
Looking up, Catwoman was standing at the ledge of the roof, holding up the necklace with one of her claws. "Oops… did I forget to put that back? Silly me, but you know a cat's got to eat too." she winked and jumped off.
When Diana ran over and peered over the edge, she saw that Catwoman had all by disappeared, vanished without a trace – she didn't even make a sound.
Diana stood there in baffled silence for a good few minutes until both the sound of the thief's pained groans and the feeling that she wasn't alone made her turn around.
"How much of that did you hear?" she asked, not really too surprised to find Batman standing there.
The Dark Knight smirked as he stepped towards the Amazon. "Enough…" he allowed. "But if it makes you feel any better, Princess, I've been getting death-threats all week."
Diana stared at him in disbelief, "From whom?"
"Oh… just the entire female half of the Justice League," He said matter-of-factly. "Particularly Hawkgirl, she made it perfectly clear she would hunt me down like a dog and beat me to a bloody pulp with her mace if I ever hurt you.
Despite herself, Diana stifled a giggle. "That was uncalled for… I'll speak to Shayera about it."
Batman shook his head. "Don't bother. If it was me, I would have threatened to do much worse…" He said and spared the robber at his feet a fleeting look-over, lightly nudging him with his boot in his sides to get a response. "The police have been contacted – we need to put him with the others and return the stolen jewellery."
Without another word, Batman took the duffle bag from Diana and grabbed the man at the scruff of his dirty jacket, dragging him away as more sirens wailed in the distance. When he jumped down the side of the building, Diana took the opportunity to turn back to where Catwoman was standing minutes ago.
She stood like that until Batman returned, and just as he did, his communicator went off.
"Killer Croc just broke out of Arkham," he stated grimly. "He's been spotted near the harbour."
Diana nodded. "Then what are we waiting for?"
Six out of seven days a week, at around five in the morning, Alfred Pennyworth would get up and then get dressed, and around five-thirty-five he would go down to the kitchen and prepare himself a cup of green tea.
Five minutes before six, he would then go outside in the dark, rain, snow or hail, and arrive at the main gate just as the paper was being delivered. Five minutes later, he would go back – there, he would then set up enough placemats and lay out enough sets of cutlery for the current inhabitants of the Manor, neatly place the paper at Master Bruce's spot at the table and start on breakfast.
Most people would have regarded such a routine as tedious and demanding, but to Alfred, he found beauty in the familiarity and pride in the knowledge that under his supervision things at the Wayne Manor ran like clockwork – after all, he had been doing so for over 40 years.
As always, just as the first batch of eggs, bacon and toast was about ready, Masters Bruce and Tim entered the kitchen.
It was six-thirty.
"Good morning sirs," Alfred greeted first as per usual.
It was a Saturday, but while young Tim was still in his nightclothes, Bruce was dressed in his finest tailor-made business suit with crimson silk tie.
"Good morning, Alfred." Bruce greeted back, sitting down at the head of the table, automatically reaching out and taking the paper in front of him.
As Tim sat down, he yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and Alfred took it as his cue.
"Coffee, Master Tim?"
The teenager smiled up at the butler. "Thanks, Alfred."
"And you, Master Bruce?" Alfred asked, walking over to the machine.
Bruce's eyes briefly scanned the headlines as he nodded. "Yes, please."
"Are you heading out to work today, Master Bruce?" he asked, pouring two cups of coffee into their separate mugs.
"I am. We have an early meeting scheduled with some foreign investors."
"Foreign investors – that's cool, from where?" Tim asked curiously, graciously accepting his mug.
"Spain," Bruce answered absentmindedly, reading his paper as he took a sip from his own coffee. "Barcelona, if I'm not mistaken."
Tim nodded and silence reigned until broken by another yawn coming from the door.
Looking up, Alfred watched as the tall figure of Richard Grayson, also in his nightwear, walked into the kitchen.
"Morning all," he said with a lazy smile, ruffling Tim's already messy hair as he passed him to get the coffee machine.
"Good morning, Master Richard." Alfred said, returning to the stove as Dick made his own coffee.
"Hey, Dick," Tim greeted.
When Dick took his seat across from his, Bruce looked up from his paper at his eldest son. "You're up early…" he noted.
"I smelled bacon," he admitted. "I couldn't resist – if there's one thing I missed from living here the most, it's your breakfast, Alfred."
Alfred smiled. "I only wish you could visit more often, Master Richard."
Dick smiled back before looking over at his adoptive father. "But… you guys are aware it's a Saturday, right? You know, you work too hard, Bruce. You're a bad influence on Timmy."
Bruce rolled his eyes and returned to his paper, separating it and began reading on the financial section.
Dick angled himself so that he could reach for the remaining paper. "Do you mind?"
Bruce grunted a response and Dick leaned over and took it. Paging through the paper, he suddenly stopped and a broad grin spread over his face, his bright blue eyes lighting up mischievously. "Oh this is too good…"
"What is it?" Tim asked.
Dick smirked and gestured him to come and see. Standing up, when Tim walked up behind his brother and saw what Dick was talking about, he sniggered.
"Should we tell him?" Dick asked, still smiling.
Tim grinned. "Do it."
"What are you talking about, young sirs?" Alfred inquired, bringing the frying pan over to the table and began loading each of their plates with scrambled eggs and bacon.
Dick and Tim exchanged matching Cheshire smiles before Dick turned over the paper and revealed a giant picture of the man sitting across from them and Diana at a table by the window in a restaurant, the two of them were smiling at each other while a picture of Diana's hand with the ring on it was blown up. There was then a caption all in bold underneath that read; 'Bruce Wayne & Wonder Woman – Engaged!?'
"It looks like somebody made the headlines of Page 6." Dick said cheerfully.
"Oh, and there are double exclamation marks in the heading – nice one, Bruce." Tim laughed. (*)
Bruce stared at his two sons and then at the picture, blinking, but other than that didn't reveal much of his emotions.
"What does it say, Master Dick?" Alfred asked.
Dick turned the paper back to him and skimmed through the contents of the article. "Not much, but it says that Bruce Wayne was spotted yesterday evening dining in the opening at Gotham's newest hotspot, the 'Jade Lotus'."
"Isn't that that new Thai place downtown?" Tim asked.
Dick shrugged. "I dunno. Anyway, it also says here you were enjoying the company of our lovable princess from a previously unknown Greek island nation – not only were you two seen as very intimate with each other, but Diana is also rumoured to be wearing the same ring Martha Wayne had last been reported wearing over thirty years ago…"
Tim then read on. "They want to know if it could be possible that Gotham's 'most infamous heartbreaker' has finally decided to settle down. Rumour of a possible engagement has neither been confirmed nor denied publically by anybody from Wayne Enterprises or the Wayne family…" he said, pausing and looked up at Bruce. "Is it true? You haven't told anybody besides us and the League that you and Diana are getting married?"
"It's none of their business." Bruce stated. "I told Mr Fox and Dr Thompkins… and I think my secretary knows as well."
"Er… Bruce, I hate to burst your bubble or anything, but that's not really what I meant…" Tim trailed-off.
Alfred nodded. "Indeed. Master Bruce, you and Miss Diana have been engaged for almost a week now, it's foolish to think that the media wouldn't have caught wind of it eventually."
Bruce shifted his gaze momentarily away from his paper and onto his wards and butler. "I know – why do you think we were there at the first place? I hate Thai food."
"So… let me get this straight," Dick said, sitting back in his seat, "you let the paparazzi see you guys, on purpose?"
"Pretty much," Bruce admitted nonchalantly.
"Okay… next question, does Diana know?" Dick said, crossing his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow.
"No, I don't think so."
"So… what are you going to do about it?" Tim asked uncertainly.
Bruce sighed and folded the paper. "I'll take care of it." He said and stood up. "Now if you will excuse me."
Alfred frowned at him and looked at his plate – Bruce barely ate anything.
"We're only pointing out the obvious, Bruce!" Dick called after him as he walked out of the kitchen. When he was gone, he shook his head and sighed dramatically. "Geez… anyway – I call his bacon!"
As Dick and Tim started talking about other things, Alfred looked at his vintage leather wristwatch and smiled to himself.
Two things crossed his mind at exactly six-fifty-seven that morning; One, he loved his routine, but although he's been going about it for 40 years, not once did any day ever quite play out the same as the last, and Two, he needed a vacation.
Meanwhile, right as Bruce walked to the front door, Diana happened to be coming down the grand staircase. When he saw his princess, Bruce couldn't help but to smile a little – when Diana first started staying over for the night, she began sleeping in his shirts and ever since she started staying at the Manor that hasn't changed.
At that minute, along with wearing a white t-shirt, she had on a pair of flowery pink night shorts and a pair of blue slippers.
"Morning," he said, amused as he watched her trying to work out the tangled tresses in her hair with her fingers – it didn't matter to him, personally, Bruce thought she looked perfect.
"Good morning," she said when she got to the bottom and kissed him.
"It is now…" he smiled. "It's still pretty early, when did you get up?"
"About five minutes ago, but I've been awake for some time."
"I hope I'm not the reason for that."
She shook her head. "Not at all, I was actually awake before you were."
"And is there any reason for that?" Bruce asked, surprised.
"I'm not sure… I had the oddest dream last night, but I can't remember about what it was about." She said, but shaking her head she smiled up at him. "But, never mind that, are you going now?"
"Yes – I'll come back as soon as I'm done, but in the meanwhile you should go to the kitchen, Alfred's already made breakfast, Dick and Tim are awake as well."
"Alright… but we will see you later?" Diana asked.
"You can count on it." He reassured and closed the gap between them again.
It was only some time later that the Manor had fallen into a state of peace – after breakfast was served and Dick and Tim excused themselves to get ready for the day ahead, Diana stayed behind for a while to help Alfred clear the table.
Once that was done, Diana realized she had an entire day stretched out in front of her with very little to do, since she didn't have to go to the Watchtower, she ran the risk of boredom.
Luckily for her, Alfred was very good at reading people. It was in a matter of minutes when she confessed her boredom to him that the butler made a suggestion.
"Baking?" Diana repeated. "Are you sure, Alfred?"
"But of course, Miss. 'Tis a fine way to pass the time and I would be thrilled if I could pass some of my culinary skills to somebody in this house before I die. I'm afraid Master Bruce will never be a chef – heaven help that man, I'm sure he would live on dry toast and coffee if he had his way."
"I don't know if I'll fare any better…" Diana admitted.
Alfred snorted delicately. "Nonsense, you'll do perfectly fine. We can start small if your highness prefers it, scones or cookies perhaps – after that, we'll see how it goes and then work our way up."
"You'll teach me?"
"I would see it as a privilege." Alfred said stoically.
An hour and a half later, after Diana had left the kitchen temporarily to get ready, she came back and found Alfred waiting for her, cooking utensils and ingredients at the ready.
If there was always one thing about the old butler that Diana always admired, it was the fact that Alfred had a near limitless supply of patience – he never yelled, he never got angry or irritated when Diana strayed from the recipe or asked questions and was always prepared to lend a guiding hand when needed.
He was teaching her how to make cookies, and though they wouldn't be anywhere near as good as his, Diana was very pleased with herself, lumpy cookie dough or otherwise.
The truth was the Amazon never expected to find herself in such a situation – standing in front of an oven being shown how to bake by a man – it was so domesticated, but at the same time, she was having more fun than she realized. Another bonus was, although Alfred didn't look the part, he was a real gossip at heart, and by the time the cookies were ready to go into the oven, Diana had enough blackmail material on Bruce to make even Dick and Tim's jaws slacken.
But, just as Diana and Alfred were about to sit down for some tea, they heard Dick call out to them, urging that they come to the living room.
Unsure at first, when they got there, they found Dick and Tim sitting on the edge of the couch, both boys' expressions that of complete astonishment as the TV screen in front of them depicted a media frenzy of sorts.
"Master Richard?" Alfred asked.
Dick turned around and waved them over. "You guys have got to see this. Look."
When Diana looked more closely on the screen, she was surprised to see Bruce at the centre of it all. He was standing in front of Wayne Enterprises, completely surrounded by reporters who was either desperate for a quote or bombarded him with questions all while wearing that notorious playboy smirk of his.
"Bruce…?" she asked, puzzled, taking a seat next to Dick
Tim shushed her. "Listen." He urged and turned up the volume on the remote.
"In an unseen turn of events, Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Industries, confirmed rumours about a possible engagement between himself and Justice League member and founder, Wonder Woman."
Diana was stunned. "Good Lord…" she heard Alfred mutter.
Dick nodded. "And that's not even the best part – you should see this." He said, taking the remote from Tim and rewind to the point where Bruce must have been taking questions.
"-I'm sure you're all just dying to know if what they say about me in the papers are true, that I'm somehow lucky enough to be engaged to the most beautiful woman in the world so I'll just skip over the details and say this out straight – Bruce Wayne is as of this moment off the market, for good."
At that statement, there was a blinding haze of cameras flashing and a tidal wave of questions but in no way was Bruce done talking yet.
"Let it be known that I am totally, undeniably and irrevocably in-love with Wonder Woman." Bruce went on, smiling broadly. "I want to shout it out for the entire world to know and as far as I'm concerned, I want to spend the rest of my life with her."
Diana smiled at this as Alfred shook his head.
"Is it me, or does Bruce actually look like he's enjoying the attention?" Tim asked.
"A small part maybe, but one thing's for sure, the playboy's going out to town with this one." Dick commented wryly.
Bruce made more dramatic statements after that, each time only evoking more reaction out of the reporters until finally he stated that he wouldn't be taking any more questions and had to be ushered away by several bodyguards to the safety of the Wayne Enterprises building.
Tim chuckled. "It's a good thing I taped this."
Dick looked at his younger brother with a proud grin. "Tim, you're the man!" he stated and high-fived him.
"We're putting it on the internet later, right?" Tim asked with a twinkle in his blue eyes.
Dick nodded. "You know me too well, little bro."
Diana was still sitting there with a moonstruck look on her face even after Dick and Tim left the room, and it was only when Alfred spoke again that she remembered that the oven was still on.
"All the world loves a lover."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Don't make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours ain't."
- Anonymous
A/N: A little abrupt, I know, also, I'm not so sure if this is actually funny, but when I wrote this I had this weird image of Tom Cruise jumping up and down on Opera's couch stuck in my head, so... yeah, one thing led to another... and, just, yeah… it's been a long week.
Up next – as requested from a lot of my reviewers, I shall reveal the identity of the Best Man and Maid of Honour! Oh, and an attempt on Superman's life… I'm brainstorming how that will work out as we speak.
Note (*) when I wrote this originally, the headline had two exclamation marks – when I edited it on the site, the extra mark was automatically removed… so, yeah, keep that in mind.
In Response with the previous chapter's reviews(This is seriously becoming my favourite part of writing a chapter):
Cajun Strong Man 2: That is a surprise for later but what I can tell you is that the Bachelor party will be held in different locations.
Dougtoo: I don't think so since Bruce would be paranoid about something like that, but I am thinking along the lines of tampered liquor instead of the wedding cake.
LSZero: It was probably a corny line for me to use, but I couldn't resist – it just jumped up on me. And you're right, Flash is hilarious. There will be more of him in the next chapter!
The Goddamn Dark Knight: Next chapter, promise!
Guest: All in due time, Anonymous Reviewer, all in due time…
Gabriel-TDO: Well, laughter is good for the soul :) – glad you liked it!
MissWalls: I might just take you up on that offer! Thank you!
mbembet: I'm sorry this took so long, I'll try and work on the next one as soon as I can.
Guest (2): Yay, somebody else who feels my pain! Luckily for us there are an obscene amount of wedding-based reality TV-shows in the world… and chick-flicks!
Marie (Guest): You're too kind, though, as to my grammar, there are a few mistakes I want to correct some other time – thank you for taking time to review! :D
1Superman4Me: True, Bruce deserves a little happiness – but don't get me wrong, he's seriously badass when he's mad, or gloomy, or, actually, no, correction, he's badass all the time! Thank you for reading!
Could you, could you, please spare a review for a hungry writer? They are ever so heart-warming, and oh-so delightful – passion is encouraged when it is shared!
(And yes, I just made that up :3)
Until next time
GoddessofDawn out