A/N The moment we have been waiting for...: guilt sibling angst.

Elladan banged his head on the wall, before bending over and dry heaving, since his body forced him to. His throat felt tight as well. And no, he reminded himself severely, there is NOTHING choking him!

Stop. Thinking. About. IT!

It had been so long since he had episodes like this. He had gotten over that trauma years ago. Alas, ever since Elrohir woke up (if his current state could be considered being awake), Elladan could not help but think about his time with the hillmen of Rhudaur. It was them that caused his brother's vulnerability…them that made life such a miserable experience after they were freed. Them that made Elrohir forget the ways of the sword after such a long time trying to live even normally. Them that robbed Elrohir of functionality.

And now, oh now…indirectly, they just made all that work and healing be for nothing.

Elladan hissed as he tried to get rid of the phantom sense of choking and pressure on his neck. He stopped retching, thank goodness. He took a few deep breaths. Those men that caused this suffering were long dead. He could not get angry over dead people. Elladan could do nothing about it.

And he could not have prevented the rockslide. Elladan gripped his hair, nearly pulling the handfuls in his hands from their roots.

Nothing he could have done…nothing he could have done…So he could not blame himself for that. Ah, but here he was, doing nothing for his brother, who was still alive and healthy, considering all things that could have gone wrong. Elladan felt and saw nothing on the tattered web that was their family bond.

That web had really fallen apart ever since their mother sailed.

Elladan shook his head and thought about the current plan of action and the things that have happened.

Yesterday he and Estel went searching for a nice place to sit in the private gardens. They had made a nice leaf pile to sit on: nice and squishy, and cold. And quite disgusting, given the fact the adolescent man decided to put a bunch of leaf mulch down Elladan's shirt. That had made the peredhel tackle said man, and they wrestled playfully. That day had been rather pleasant.

Yesterday was when the lady Tathardes came home from her visit to Mirkwood. And also the day that she made the three important elf-men of the vale (excluding Elrond, including Elladan) split the work, report, and organization load between them to give Elrond a needed break. Here was another thing that made Elladan guilty, that he had left his father alone when he also needed help. Elladan had apologized for his behavior and returned to his duties as heir, however…

He had been awfully irresponsible lately.

And being a bad brother.

Elladan continued his deep breathing, the panic finally beginning to ease off his spine and heart. Elladan knew he should be a bit more involved in Elrohir's "recovery". Alas, Elladan could not stand to be there for long before he had to find a private corner and deal with his terror and regain himself. He could not look at Elrohir over long before remembering. It was unpleasant at least and unproductive at best.

Elladan hated it.

'You have been isolated long enough.' He told himself, 'Now, start being the responsible elf that you are supposed to be, and STOP, panicking.'

Elladan made a fist and then relaxed his hand, before leaving this private corner.

"She stood still by the lake, and looked to the gem she had removed from her circlet. She sighed and lifted her head, tears streaming down her face, "You will always live on, in my heart." Estel finished dramatically and closed the book. "Well…that was…something." The mortal said lamely. "What did you think of it, Dolmardo?" He asked Erestor's dog.

Who was on her back, making doggy snores.

Estel frowned severely. "My reading was not that boring! I think I did a wonderful job! Elrohir?" The young man turned his head towards his brother.

Elrohir was "awake", having been set up to lay on his side and facing the sitting room. Estel imagined him to be staring at the floor, given where his eyes were set onto.

The adolescent man had been here very often lately. As much as Elrohir's condition and state of being greatly disturbed the man, Estel did not become antisocial or disheartened like everyone else. He did not blame the others for their grief, if this had happened before, and simply let them do what they needed to do. Elves were wise. They knew how to manage things.

Estel was there the day when some healers were stretching out Elrohir's muscles when he heard him groan and moan during the process. Hearing the sounds, small as they were, Estel could very well have run naked to his father and eldest brother from the jump he had that would be equivalent of jumping out of his clothes had he been scared, and the elation he had. Sadly, he tripped on his own feet in his haste, and one of the healers sat him on the couch and told him that Elrohir had not regained awareness.

The man's hearted plummeted at this, and went into a heated argument with said healer. Estel had lost the argument very quickly. He was learning the healing arts, but he was not that proficient in knowledge.

Still, faithful and optimistic (perhaps in vain), Estel had plopped himself in the twins' suite, after encouraging Dolmardo to follow him and be an active audience to listen to him read.

It had been thrilling, obviously.

Estel hummed at the lack of response, then opened the book he had been reading to a random spot. "Was my reading really that bad?"

Dolmardo sighed and groaned in her animal fashion as she rolled over onto her side. Elrohir, unsurprisingly, did nothing. Estel began thinking he was trying to imagine Elrohir being more…alive, out of desperation in fact. So, in his mind, Estel assumed boredom that rewarded no comment to.

Estel reread the page that he had opened to. There was something nagging the back of his mind, he just did not know what…

Then it clicked.

Estel paled and quickly closed the book.

"Oh stars, what have I just read and tormented you both with for the last four hours?" Estel practically dumped the book onto the nightstand and retracted his hands back to his person like the object had fleas. The man sighed and slumped into his seat, looking at his audience. He stared at the wall afterwards. "Well, this is quite grand…"

Dolmardo grunted in agreement.

Estel did not feel like getting another book. He did not want to risk scarring his mind again after the last one ('And to think that was written by an elf!' he thought). He ended up falling asleep in the chair at one point, and when he woke up, ended up playing with Elrohir's hands. He stretched the fingers out and flexed them, and even massaged both wrists. It was something he could do to help, even if it was small. During this is when he heard the door open.

"Estel?"

The person in question turned his head at the familiar voice; a voice that two people claimed. Were it that it was Elrohir who spoke his name. Estel grinned at Elladan regardless.

Elladan looked at Elrohir for a moment, the elf's breath catching briefly, before he tore his eyes away and focused on the mortal. "I see you have managed to lure the mutt in here."

Estel shrugged. "It was not that hard to do. Besides, I did not want to leave her out on listening to the most…" He shivered, "…riveting tale I just read."

Elladan caught the shudder and raised a brow. "What were you reading?"

Estel hastily grabbed the book and held it out to Elladan, with a look in his eyes that spoke that the elf should take it before it ate the adolescent.

Elladan blinked, slowly, at the quick movements. He took the book and looked at the cover. An untitled volume. He opened it near the beginning, and blanched, "Oh…this."

"You have read this before?"

Elladan snapped the volume shut. "Yes, and I rather wish I never did. You found it in the library?"

Estel nodded. "When did you…read this? I know you must have been around when this was…written…"

Elladan stowed the book away into his tunic. "Oh…I was around. It was a gift even."

Estel could not help but stare, his eyes wide.

Elladan actually smiled at him, amused, though his tone remained casual. "A hopeless romantic I believe, who fancied me at the time. I do not know what her ambition was…" he cleared his throat. "…But I should be glad I never heard from her again, I suppose."

"Burn it," Estel whispered. "No one should have to lay their eyes on that…literature."

Elladan snorted. "I think I will, given hiding it in the deepest darkest shelves did not seem to work."

"You should thank me for that." Estel murmured.

Elladan shook his head, before looking back to Elrohir. The elder twin sobered immediately. Do not think, do not think, do not think…

"I know you were busy today," Estel said. "But…when could we bring him outside?"

Elladan snapped back to the present. He said nothing as he moved to check Elrohir's back. He should not expect the bruises and sores to be gone in the span of a single day, but he was happy to see some have disappeared. He let his hands drop back to his sides after his brief examination.

Estel watched expectantly.

"…maybe, we can try in the early morning." Elladan looked at the human.

Estel blinked again. "…how early?"

"Early, Estel. I will respect adar's wishes on doing this while no one else can see." Elladan paused. "If you wish, I can let you sleep and you can join us when you wake."

Estel blinked, looking at nothing in particular as he weighed the options. He made his decision. "I do not get to see the twilight hours in the morning a lot. It might as well be a good chance to see the beauty elves are so enamored with in the early hours."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I know you and adar have been overwhelmed by this…sudden turn of events. I do not think I can do much to help father, not yet at least, but I can at least try to help you and Elrohir as circumstances allow."

Elladan looked at the human carefully, before giving him another smile. "I appreciate that, brother. And I will apologize for being so isolated as of late." He bowed his head.

Estel had been battling himself over if he wanted to know the full story or not. He wanted to know, to understand his family. But did not want to know, for the possible horror of it all. Glorfindel had only glossed over it. "I will not blame you or accuse you of anything, Elladan."

"Ah…but I may have to make one accusation in the future."

Estel gaped. "W…what did I do?"

Elladan tilted his head to the side. "For not going to sleep on time, if you turn up grouchy on the morrow. And, for preventing me for not burning this tome that you love so much."

Estel huffed, "The sun is not even down!"

Elladan only smiled. "I did say early, yes?"

Estel harrumphed sarcastically and turned to leave. He stopped next to the sleeping dog. "Guard the door," he said to her, before he left.

Dolmardo slept on.

Elladan looked at the plump animal affectionately as he sat down in the chair. Eventually he looked at the wall, not wishing to look at Elrohir more than necessary. The last thing he wanted, in case Elrohir was able to hear and understand, or influence his subconscious (when it came back), was bring more pain with his trauma.

But Elladan challenged himself. Soon the healers would come to feed his sibling and massage his limbs again. He would stay and watch.

He will get through this.

They will get through this.

A/N Thank you for your comments MistressofImladris, Silk Leaf, AndurilofTolkien, and Lydwina Marie, and thank you Dark-Zeblock for favoriting and following.

Elrohir lives. That can be taken as present tense. Can't spoil too much.

There may not be a lot of humor, but I hope this chapter relieves some of the suspense and doom and gloom with Estel still technically being a young boy. Early teen years can be nightmares. But this is a tragedy...and teenagers...well, however you like to interpret that.

Encyclopedia of Arda is a Tolkien Fan's best friend in writing fan-fiction or role-playing. (not sponsored).