A/N Things kind of get darker/sadder for a moment, for these two updates...
Things were making a little sense.
It meant a lot of things were not still, however Elrohir thought he got an idea of what was happening, even if he could only discern small details.
…when did the rabbit get here?
Elrohir concluded something terrible had happened, something that forced him into feeling like a coiled-up rope. It still hurt and exhausted him when his legs and arms were stretched, but, if he was honest with himself, the warm burning was pleasant. So, there were boons to this torture, even if he hated it with a passion.
What happened in specific, Elrohir could not recall for the life of him. His last clear memory, amid this maze where everything did not line up in a way to be understandable, was leaving camp on their last stretch home on a journey they were on. Then…nothing. Immediately after being on a horse, he was where he was now. It was strange.
Elrohir learned that things got boring and dull very fast and could not stay focused on it. He even lost track of himself speaking or wondering why he did what he did. Why was he speaking anyway?
It was a jumbled-up mess, and though Elrohir might wonder why he was so confused, he was not able to fully focus on the troubles he had. His subconscious however was the culprit, storing away thoughts just out of reach, and it him feel poorer than he felt already. Elrohir could not pinpoint the exact causes or influences to make him to feel this way, but he felt sad and bad regardless.
Somewhere deep inside, a thought came to be: 'I do not want to go through this again. I do not want this life…' And those two lines were the planters of dark seeds.
…when did the rabbit get here?
They moved him to the porch and set him up on a couch. The ground was heavily adorned with fallen leaves and the trees were mostly bare. Elrond believed the first snow would fall soon, as the temperature continued to steadily decrease. Elrohir had regained some of his elven-resistance to cold, so he would be able to endure it and remain comfortable, but they still covered him with blankets to add to that comfort.
The rabbit remained in the room, and Elrohir had given her ten different names by now. The most recent one was Velegdal-big foot, and Estel and Elladan, liking that name the most and whenever Elrohir came up with yet another name, they would correct him, hoping it will be engrained into his mind.
Estel sat at the edge of the porch with his legs dangling over the side. Elladan had pulled Elrond aside to wherever. If Elladan wished to speak to him away from Estel and Elrohir, then the human knew he should not interfere.
Estel felt out of place and unsure, now alone with the younger twin for the first time since that day he read to him and the dog.
Nothing was too different from that time to the present, but much has changed regardless.
Estel felt uneasy. He has heard and even seen Elrohir's emotional outbursts and it unsettled him. Even though Elrohir normally passed out from that exertion and returned to his new normal, Estel could not help but dread that it might be permanent.
Elrohir was not an angry elf, nor was he uncooperative most the time. Neither was he a gloomy and sad elf (thoughtful, but that is different). This Elrohir was not the Elrohir he knew and admired.
This would not last forever, Estel tried to convince himself. It is just temporary, and his brother's nerves will settle down into their original pattern, and after a couple of months or more he would be running and jumping like before.
Elrohir started to hum again in the background. Estel looked over his shoulder from the crumbling leaf he had in his hand. The younger twin's head hung at an uncomfortable angle, yet Elrohir did not seem to care or he felt not the strain yet. The constant stimulation being removed allowed Elrohir some sort of break. The change of setting may have exhausted him too.
Estel still did not like the position of his brother's head, and in the back of his mind he said it would not kill him, but the young man did not want Elrohir to be hurting unnecessarily
And the humming…there must be a reason for that; they just have to figure it out what that was.
"Brother?" Estel asked slowly. "Can you move your head?" He kept in mind about the 'no touching my head' rule that had been established.
Elrohir's eyes opened, since they were closed. He stared at the human, and if Estel looked long enough he thought Elrohir had a look that said: 'what a pointless question.'
It was a stupid question. Estel tried a different approach. "That cannot be comfortable, Elrohir. Is your neck not hurting?" 'Oh, please do not have any altered sensations, or lack of them…'
Elrohir's brows furrowed after two minutes and he readjusted his head and Estel grinned in approval. The adolescent stood up and sat at the Elrohir's feet. The uncertainness came back. The younger twin had stopped humming, but it resumed after he readjusted himself. Estel looked back to the leaf.
"'stel…"
The adolescent's eyes jumped back to Elrohir. The elf was looking at him drowsily. Actually looking…
"Yes, brother?"
Elrohir continued staring for a long moment, he swallowed and opened his mouth. "…n-no q-quit…"
Estel's brows furrowed. "I…I am sorry, I do not understand."
Elrohir gave the man an odd look. Why did he not understand? "…d…d-don't s-stop…"
Estel waited. When Elrohir had 'the look' fall on his features Estel knew the elf had lost himself again. The young man sighed.
"This must be very hard for you…I know it is already hard for the others sometimes. But you are the one having to deal with all this." Estel let the leaf crunch between his fingers. "…Do you know what is going on, brother?" He asked the elf, once he returned looking at Elrohir.
Elrohir looked vacant.
"El…" Estel trailed off, deciding to not try to snap Elrohir out of it. Let him be, his mind told him, let the peredhel heal and regain his grasp on reality.
Estel hoped Elrond and Elladan will come back soon.
Elrohir's hand managed to worm its way out of the cocoon he was in, resting near his leg. Elrohir was staring again, something in his expression was telling the man that he was expecting him to do something, or waiting for it to happen.
Estel was not sure anymore and he bit his lip. He got down on the floor and kneed his way to sit in front of his brother while on the ground. "Elrohir? What is on your mind?"
"M-mind…"
The human nodded, even if it would not have done much.
Elrohir blinked and his head lifted an inch and his hand moved. Slowly, he inched it forward and lifted it, the arm shaking from the strain. Estel held his breath. Elrohir planted his hand on Estel's head with a shaky sigh and his eyes drooped. Estel tried to keep as still as possible, and unsure of what Elrohir wanted still, lifted his own hand to cover the elf's so it would not slide off his head. Elrohir opened his eyes a bit more again, and the human saw they were moist.
Stars, Elrohir…
"Brother?" Estel pressed, trying to keep himself together. "Talk to me."
Elrond and Elladan walked outside along the stream. Elladan led his father towards a small alcove of trees where a bench was placed. They said little, but the silent message was discerned. Elladan knelt down on the ground and remained there; Elrond remained standing for the time being.
The older twin simply waited.
Elrond sighed tiredly and he bowed his head. "I am sorry, for all the wrong I have done and my short-comings in your upbringing." He sat down on the bench.
When Elrond did not continue, Elladan spoke. "We have wronged you more than you to us, father. We paid for each as we deserved, and came out wiser from it…"
"Yet they could have been avoided entirely if your mother and I did things differently…" Elrond shook his head. "This calamity, I am not sure what we will do will be enough…I do not know if I can provide enough to help Elrohir."
Elladan's brows furrowed.
"…They praise my skill and knowledge more than I deserve. Is my knowledge enough to help all: no, not all the time." Elrond closed his eyes. "I have failed you both, including Estel. As your father I am supposed to set you on the right path, and prevent serious harm from falling on you. Yes…I have said before these situations cannot be helped, but it is wishful thinking. Pains of a parent: sharing the pains of the child, perhaps more so."
There was a long pause, and once more Elladan took up the lead. "We could do nothing to prevent the soil from becoming loose…Different actions could have been executed on our part, but that is past. Father, do what you believe is best. You have others to help you, as you have helped us."
Elrond said naught.
Elladan bowed his head and got closer, still kneeling. "Ada…"
"I know, my son." Elrond interrupted in a low voice. "Age bears down on me, but I cannot cease a work that is unfinished…" He lifted Elladan's chin up. "Especially when you are still here."
"You will have to let us go eventually, Adar…"
Elrond smirked. "Not while you are still in my realm, little one. Until you find yourselves wives or establish your own domain, you are still in my care."
"I have no plans on leaving yet." Elladan said softly, pressing his forehead into Elrond's knee.
Elrond stroked his eldest's hair. 'I would not want you to leave either,' he thought.
Elrohir felt another headache coming on: one that throbbed in tune with one's heartbeat. His eyes were closed, but he heard someone sniffling. It was not himself doing it, he felt sure of that. Elrohir tried to see and he saw Estel crying silently, the tears streamed down his face. Why was Estel upset? What had happened?
Elrohir forced himself to get his brain together, which was barely enough. "E-estel?"
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Estel whispered brokenly. "Please don't die…don't fade…"
Why would he fade? Elrohir wanted Estel to stop, but he was too tired now.
"Estel, what has happened?" someone else called. It was his twin. Why did Elladan leave in the first place?
"The words…Ada, please don't let Elrohir succumb to this. He doesn't want any of this."
…Want what?
"I know, Estel. I will do what I can."
Elrohir wanted to shake his head to clear his mind. It was hard to move, and he did not want to put in any effort to move.
"Estel…you have to tell me what he said." Elladan was sounding upset too.
"Elrohir?"
Elrohir opened his eyes and flopped his head against the couch. "A-adaa…"
"Is your head hurting?"
Everything was blurry. And yes, his head was hurting, why did they not get that? Elrohir made a noise to confirm it.
"I am going to move you now, Elrohir."
Move? His nerves flared when he felt something near his head. He could not tell if it was a hand or something else…but he let himself be lifted, and he knew nothing else.