Summary: (BM/WW Wedding-fic) When Batman finally gathers the courage to ask Wonder Woman to marry him, the Dark Knight gets more than he bargained for when the entire League decided to pitch in and help plan their impending nuptials – contains fluff, random humour, a temperamental Amazon princess, drunken bachelor-party escapades, and various attempts on Superman's life!
A/N: I blame my lack of updating on the following three things: the games Kingdom Hearts II.5 Final Mix and Dragon Age: Inquisition (awesome, epic and fan-frickin'-tastic doesn't even begin to cover either), University end-exams (I passed and am officially a 3rd year!), and writers block (I have a bump on my head caused by frustration to prove this).
Sorry for splitting this up, but if I combined everything I wanted to in this chapter I would have probably ended up going over 30 pages which would approximately be 12,000 words (which, as you can probably guess, is a lot).
Still, I hope you're all happy… *drops dead and exhausted*
Disclaimer: While I do play with these characters from time to time, alas, they shall never be mine. That's DC's deal.
Bridezillas & Kryptonite
~Chapter Fifteen~
Part One
The Bachelor Party:
Phone Calls & Kidnappings
They were screwed, utterly, royally, and in every way conceivably possible, there was no doubt Clark's mind about this as he, Dick, J'onn, a semi-conscious Wally, and a still very-much hung-over Hal Jordon sat around the small breakfast table in the kitchen on his parent's farm in Smallville, all staring at the phone as it vibrated for the fifth time that hour.
Clark rubbed his face and groaned in a distinctively pained way.
Never again, he solemnly vowed – he would never, ever for as long as he lived step into another bar… or trust the word of sneaky, leggy magicians. It was just not worth it.
There was no two ways about it, the Kryptonian decided, they were all going to die very slow, very painful deaths, and if not by the headaches that threatened to tear their skulls in half, it would be at the hands of a beautiful, yet presumably very angry Amazon princess.
…While the latter was admittedly not the worst way to perish that he could think of at the moment, it would have been nice to know the details as to exactly why Diana was going to murder them all with her bare hands.
"This can't go on." Dick croaked, looking at the others with bloodshot eyes. "Someone's got to pick up."
Wally reluctantly raised his head from his arms, blinking at him sluggishly. "Are you nuts?"
"He has a point, Wally," J'onn said stoically but looked a little greener than normal, "someone has to tell Diana what transpired last night."
"So, let me get this straight," Hal said, deadpan, looking rather pale, "you wanna tell the pregnant Amazon that we got her fiancé drunk off his ass, got so wasted yourselves that we don't remember where you left him or anyone else, and lost her wedding ring, all in one go – just like that?"
It took a few moments for his words and their implication to truly set in.
Wally's head fell back on his arms in despair. "We are so dead…" he whimpered.
Dick, Hal and J'onn looked at each other.
"Don't look at me." Hal said finally, "I was only here for the party."
Clark sighed, letting his hands drop. "I'll do it," he said somberly.
Dick looked at him and frowned slightly, "You sure?"
He nodded. "Yeah… Diana would understand if I explained everything, right?"
There was a moment of grim silence before Hal clasped him on the shoulder sympathetically.
Wally looked up at him, chin on his arms. "You're one heck of a guy, Supes."
The speedster then let out a small, alarmed yelp a few moments later when the phone started vibrating again.
Clark swallowed slightly before reaching over and took the phone.
When he stood up out of his chair, he stumbled a little before waving off he concerned looks J'onn and Dick gave him and answered the phone.
"Hello?" he answered in a remarkably even voice.
"Where the HELL are you guys?!" came a voice he didn't quite expect.
"Shayera, you need to calm down," Clark began.
"Don't you dare tell me what to do!" the Thanagarian nearly snarled at him. "Do you know how many times we tried calling you? How hard is it for you numbskulls to pick up the damn phone? Where are you?"
"Shay, I need to talk to Diana," he said slowly.
"Why? Did something happen?" she demanded.
"It's alright, Shayera," another voice said on the other side, "give me the phone."
Clark simultaneously let out a breath of relief and tensed up.
"Kal," the Amazon answered.
"Diana,"
"Can someone please tell me what is going on? I've been trying to get a hold of Bruce for over four hours, and when he didn't answer, I tried calling Jason and Oliver and John – when I tried calling Dick a stranger picked up instead."
"Who?" he asked despite himself – Dick has been wondering about that.
"…How would I know? I couldn't understand him, I think he was Japanese," she admitted before, more seriously, "…What happened?"
Clark felt his current headache throb painfully once more.
He let out a small groan. "Promise you won't get angry?" he asked somewhat childishly.
Her voice was deceptively calm, and even despite that, there was an underlying tone of danger that promised a very painful kind of retribution. "Kal-El…"
Oh boy. She used his full name. This was bad… and just a little bit scary.
"Okay," he said, defeated, "It's like this…"
Now, where to begin…?
Meanwhile…
In a warehouse somewhere far, far away…
John tensely looked around himself, doing his best to ignore the stabbing pain while simultaneously trying not to fidget with the rope that bound his wrists together behind his back.
"Hurry up, Bruce," he said quietly. "These guys look like they're about to start slicing."
Next to him, Bruce, looking no better than either he or Kyle did, was busy furiously cutting through the thick rope with a pocket knife.
The three of them were currently in the corner of a large dank, dark room where several men in robes were standing around a large stone statue, chanting and conversing in a foreign language as the apparent leader stood in front of it and held a shiny dagger in his hand.
Bruce cast him a bleary, half-lidded glare. "I'm aware of the situation, John."
With his head on the older Green Lantern's shoulder, a drowsy looking Kyle Rayner stared in front of him into the gloom with a semi-forlorn expression. "We are going to die." He said flatly.
"Not yet we aren't, kid." John said stubbornly before wincing slightly at the slight pang he felt in his temple. "Bruce…"
"Almost there…" the billionaire gritted through his teeth.
Just then, the chanting stopped, and the man with the dagger pointed it ominously at them.
John blinked. "…That can't be good."
Bruce snorted derisively. "What gave it away?" then, under his breath, "I'm going to kill that damn Kryptonian…"
~72 Hours Earlier~
Clark blinked as he stared at himself in the mirror, somewhat stunned when he saw his appearance – he looked good in a tux, he decided with a small grin.
Next to him, Bruce happened to catch him out of the corner of his eyes. "Are you done admiring yourself yet, Clark?" he asked dryly, his fingers fumbling slightly as he struggled with his bowtie.
"I can't remember the last time I wore one of these," the Kryptonian admitted. "They're a little stuffy."
"You get used to it." Bruce said matter-of-factly before giving up on the tie all together and instead ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing it back all elegantly and suave-like.
"Oh, right, billionaire socialite." Clark said with a grin.
Bruce smirked a little.
"So… uh, anyway, are you sure it's okay? Paying for everything?"
Bruce waved it off. "Don't worry about it, Clark." He said dismissively.
"It doesn't seem right, and honestly, Bruce, does it all have to be, what is it called again – Armani?"
"Billionaire socialite, remember? It would be unseemly if I didn't get the best." he said before shrugging. "Anyway, if it makes you feel any better, you can pay it off if you want."
"Great! How much is this?" Clark asked.
"The receipt is pinned inside the sleeve of the jacket." Bruce answered nonchalantly.
When Clark pulled out a small white slip that had been inside the sleeve and he saw the numbers, he was suddenly overcome with a semi-violent coughing fit.
"This… can't be real," he spluttered indignantly, his voice weak.
"Sure it can, it was a custom job," Bruce said before looking at him pointedly. "I told you don't worry about it. Money isn't an issue – really."
"If you're sure… but it still doesn't seem right."
Bruce rolled his eyes. "Just wear the suit, Clark."
A few moments later, John and Oliver stepped out of the dressing rooms, both wearing tuxes similar to Clark's.
"It's official men," Oliver declared with a broad grin, "we look good…"
John nodded with a smile before looking around. "…Hey, aren't we missing someone? Where are Dick and Wally?"
Bruce looked around himself until he sighed. "Wait for it… if those two are together, it's only a matter of time."
John looked at Clark questioning.
"Wait for what?"
Just then, a woman screamed.
A few minutes previously…
With Tim's stolen camera in his hands (or rather, 'taken' - the teenager in question had put up a valiant fight when he witnessed this), Jason couldn't help but snigger as he filmed his older brother and his redheaded best friend do what they do best… in short, doing stupid, stupid things.
Currently, Dick and Wally had their groomsmen tuxes on… backwards.
Sitting next to Jason was Tim, torn between facepalming and nursing the small bruise he had on his forehead (compliments of course, of his 'dear' brother). When both Dick and Wally pulled out a pair of sunglasses and nestled them on the back of their heads, the former instinct won out.
"What do you think, Jay?" Dick asked, turning his back to the camera and contorted his hands and arms so that he looked 'thoughtful'.
Jason sniggered. "Looking good, Grayson – thinking of making the change permanent? I gotta say it'll be an improvement."
Dick made a gesture like he was grasping at his heart backwards. "You wound me."
Wally, on the other hand, just shook his head. "We so rock this look." He grinned.
Dick crossed his arms over his back and nodded, "Totally."
The speedster laughed. "Dude, no, that's so freaky!"
Then, from the side, "Why are you doing this again?" Tim asked.
The duo turned about face before sharing a look and shrugged.
"Because we can," they said in unison.
The next minute, the saleswoman that supervised the floor came in to check on them.
"Hi, is everything-" her words were cut off when Dick and Wally turned around – she let out a shrill cry in surprise before ducking out of the room seconds later, leaving a semi-guilty and somewhat embarrassed Dick and Wally as Jason burst out in laughter.
Tim sighed. "…And you guys wonder why you're single." He said, shaking his head, making Jason smirk.
"Burn…" the second Robin said gleefully.
Tim raised his eyebrow. "I was talking about you too."
Jason stopped and glared daggers at him. "Hey, don't lump me in the same category with these two mooks – I, unlike them, have a game plan." He said matter-of-factly.
"Oh, so falling on your face in front of her is part of your 'game plan'?" Dick grinned.
Jason snorted. "Pfft… shut it, Grayson… it was just that one time, anyway…" he added in a mumble.
Wally blinked. "Donna? As in Donna Troy – our Donna?" he asked, surprised.
Dick nodded and looked at him in an 'I know, right?' kind of way.
The speedster whistled lowly. "You got guts, I'll give you that."
For some reason, something mischievous lit up in Jason's eyes as he raised the camera while Tim's eyes simultaneously widened. Dick and Wally stared at them curiously.
"What?" they asked, again in unison.
Unbeknownst to the two of them, Bruce had come in behind them, and without warning, latched onto their ears, taking both of them by surprise before sharply tugging and dragging the both of them behind him.
"Aw, ouch – geez, Bruce!"
"Ow-ow-ow-ow!"
Jason burst out in semi-maniacal cackles. "I love my life…"
Later…
The Watchtower
Superman hummed under his breath as he approached the sliding metal doors to the space station's Monitor Womb, smiling to himself as he thought about how Lois had practically kicked him out of his own apartment for the night.
When exactly his girlfriend had decided to move in was still a mystery to him, but since she was in the middle of writing tomorrow's headline and he needed to be on the Watchtower anyway, he would table that particular discussion for another time…
Besides, with everything that had been going on lately, Clark couldn't help but daydream about the possibilities that maybe, one day…
His thoughts were interrupted when the door to the Monitor Womb slid open and the Flash stepped out, talking animatedly with Green Arrow.
"Oh, here he is now – hey, Supes!" the speedster greeted.
The Kryptonian smiled, "Flash, Green Arrow."
"Zee's already waiting for you inside, but anyway, I've totally been totally meaning to ask you about something Ollie and me were just talking about."
"What's that, Wally?" Superman asked curiously.
"Well, the kid was just asking me if I knew anything about what you're planning." The archer explained.
The Kryptonian blinked. "What I'm… planning?"
"You know, the party," Flash said excitedly. "I've been looking forward to it since I found out Bats and Wondy were getting hitched."
After a split second, the realization dawned on Superman but, mercifully, the shock had yet to register on his face.
Green Arrow chuckled. "Me too – so, when is it?"
Superman smiled in a strained kind of way, his eye twitching slightly. "I'll… have to get back to you on that."
Neither the speedster nor the archer seemed to notice the panic in his voice and merely shrugged.
"Sure thing, but we're expecting great things from you soon, Supes!" Green Arrow called over his shoulder as he and the Flash left.
As soon as Superman entered the Monitor Womb, his hand covered his mouth as he slumped back against the door with a small thunk – having heard this, Zatanna, who had Monitor duty with the Kryptonian that night, turned around in her chair and stared at him in surprise.
"What's with that face?" the magician asked, eyebrow raised in amusement.
"I'm a terrible person." the Man of Steel lamented.
"Huh?"
Superman rubbed his face. "The bachelor party," he began, groaning. "I sort of… well… I sort of forgot about it."
Zatanna's eyes widened, amusement gone now, "You what?"
"I know…!" he said. "Bruce is getting married in over a week!"
"Okay, calm down," the magician said, turning in her chair so that she could look at him fully. "Have you thought about what you want to do?"
Superman lowered his hands glumly. "I just know what you're supposed to do – but from how Wally and Oliver were talking, everyone is expecting something spectacular."
"They were probably just exaggerating," Zatanna said calmly. "With those two, they'd end up entertaining themselves anyway."
"Maybe, but that isn't the big issue now – how could I forget? Bruce's my best friend."
"You still have a few days," she said reasonably.
"I know," he said again, "but, since we're… us, a bar isn't going to cut it."
"Why?" Zatanna asked, her indigo-violet eyes now alit with curiosity.
"Bruce doesn't drink and I can't get drunk… I'm not sure about the others."
"…And I'm guessing a strip club is out of the question too, huh?" Zatanna asked with a small smirk.
Superman snorted. "Diana would kill me, and I doubt Bruce would appreciate it either." Not to mention he didn't even want to think what Lois would do if she found out…
Zatanna seemed to think about it for a few moments before her eyes lit up.
"I think I've got a place," she began.
Superman looked at her glumly, "Where?"
"It's a bar," she began, but before he could open his mouth, Zatanna continued, "But a friend of mine who's the owner owes me a favor – and before you say anything, the place is totally legit, and it's in Gotham so that's a bonus."
Superman sighed slightly. "I don't know… What's the crowd like?"
"Very grown-up, laid back and kind of un-Gotham-like, really," the magician reassured him, "It's kind of old fashioned, I think there's even a jukebox in there."
The Kryptonian perked up a little. "Anything from the 80's? Like from, say, Metallica, ACDC, something like that?"
Zatanna stared at him strangely. "Probably…?"
Superman thought about it before looking at her evenly.
"…I can't ask you to do this for me, Zee. It is my mess."
The magician scoffed. "Please… besides, my friend owes me a really big favor," she said again, "the drinks would probably be on the house… but I think if he found out Bruce Wayne was going they'd probably be on the house anyway – advertising, you know… just make sure Bruce tips him really well."
"I could do that." Superman said, allowing a small smile.
Zatanna nodded. "I'll call him after we're done here," she said before pausing. "…Out of curiosity, why can't you get drunk?"
Superman shrugged before taking his seat next to her. "It's always been like that. Wally and J'onn aren't effected either – I think it has something to do with our metabolism, in my case, unless there's kryptonite or magic involved, it's impossible."
But, as he turned his attention to the screens in front of him, the Kryptonian failed to notice the mischievous light enter Zatanna's eyes at those words as the wheels in the magician's mind began to turn…
The Next Day…
The Batcave
He watched with narrowed eyes and a thinly-pressed mouth as the red dots on screen blinked in and out of existence seemingly at will. There were only a handful of them, dotting and fading out across the map on screen at random, and while he couldn't yet tell what they were, what the light was that was flashing in skies around the globe, the fact that they were there bothered him.
Bruce sat back in his chair, a mild yet thoughtful expression on his face – after John had brought it to his attention, a similar incident happed not too far away from Gotham a few days ago his interest in the lights had been piqued once again.
What exactly they were was a mystery – their appearance wasn't a natural phenomenon and even if it was, it wasn't possible that it happened in so many places seemingly all at once, and as far as he could tell, the cause wasn't man-made either.
As for any… external influences, he found none… yet, and the satellites picked up nothing definitive either.
He let out a sigh, but before anything else could happen, Bruce heard the familiar sound of even footsteps coming towards him.
"Master Bruce?"
Bruce looked away from the screen as Alfred approached him.
"Alfred?"
"I do hope I'm not interrupting anything important, but Mister Kent is upstairs waiting for you."
"Why is he here?"
"I didn't think to ask, sir, but he does insist that it is quite important."
Scrutinizing the butler's impassive face for a moment, Bruce reluctantly stood up from his chair and followed Alfred out of the Cave.
When he got to the lobby, he found Clark pacing up and down. It didn't escape his notice either that the other man was dressed a little more casually than his usual reporter's guise – the first few buttons of his dark blue was loose while his face open without the bulky glasses and his hair for once not slicked back but loose, several flyaway strands hanging casually.
"Clark?" Bruce said cautiously when he saw the guilty look on the Kryptonian's face.
"Bruce, I'm sorry," he said apologetically.
"Did something happen?" Bruce asked immediately.
Clark rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "I did something and I'm not sure how you're going to take it. But, before I tell you, can you turn around, please?"
Bruce blinked. "What?"
"Turn around – I'll explain everything, I promise."
Raising an eyebrow, the moment Bruce did as Clark asked, he only saw Alfred smiling at him with amusement.
"Clark, what is-"
Bruce never got to finished his sentence, as the next moment, a pair of heavily muscled arms suddenly encased him, pinning his own arms behind his back firmly.
Naturally, his very first instinct was to fight against whatever was happening, until…
"Easy there, my friend, we don't want you to hurt yourself now."
Wait a minute – that voice, the feint aroma of sea spray and salt water, the total disregard for his personal space…
"Arthur?" Bruce asked, bewildered, turning his head slightly so that he could look over his shoulder.
The Atlantian King and superhero sometimes known as Arthur Curry laughed heartily, "In the flesh!"
Bruce then turned to glare at the now smirking Kryptonian.
"Clark, what the hell?"
"Well, Arthur's here to make sure you wouldn't try and get away." Clark said matter-of-factly.
Bruce continued to stare at him as if he had lost his mind. "What?"
"Now don't try and struggle, Bruce," Arthur said cheerfully. "This will go faster if you just accept it with dignity."
The next moment followed with a flash of colour and a slight breeze followed by a strange feeling Bruce couldn't immediately place… that is, until he happened to look down at himself.
Again – what, the, hell?
"Kent!" he snarled, struggling against Arthur's iron grip with renewed vigor. "Where are my clothes?"
Bruce wasn't naked, but at that point he would have preferred to be as, for some reason, instead of the white t-shirt and slacks he had worn down in the Batcave, he now sported a pair of beige khaki shorts that came up just above his knees, a pair of blue flip-flops, and to top it all off, a bright pink floral Hawaiian shirt, unbuttoned, that showed off a dark blue t-shirt with a palm tree and the words 'Beach-Bum' underneath.
There was laughter, and when Bruce's head snapped up, he glared at the newcomer.
"Wally…" he gritted through his teeth.
Sure enough, the redheaded speedster was standing next to Clark, looking very pleased with his handiwork as he met Bruce's glare, apparently undaunted.
"Hey, it wasn't the highlight of my night either, Bats." Wally said despite the grin on his face.
"How…?" he growled.
"Let's just say it involved nerves of steel, vibrations… and probably some intense emotional therapy later," the younger man said and shot Clark a pointed look, "which, by the way, you are paying for. That was terrifying, man."
Clark shrugged. "Sure." He said before checking his watch. "Anyway, c'mon, Bruce, we're gonna be late if we stay here any longer."
"What are you talking about?" Bruce demanded.
"I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet, Bruce," Clark said, definitely smirking now. "Tonight's your Bachelor Party."
Bruce's whole body went rigid as the implications set in.
"Are you serious?" he asked, his voice falling flat.
"Forgive the theatrics, my friend, but Clark contacted us earlier today with his plan. I responded as soon as I could." Arthur explained. "I am rather excited, aren't you? For tonight we shall be painting the city yellow!" He said before laughing boisterously once more.
"It's red, Arthur," Clark corrected, still grinning.
"It could be purple for all I care," Bruce drawled, getting annoyed.
"Aw, don't get mad, Bats," Wally chimed it. "Besides, since we're kidnapping you, we got to do it all the way, right?"
"Oh, speaking of which," Clark said before looking to his side. "J'onn, if you will?"
Several moments later, seemingly out of thin air, the Martian (in his human form) appeared in front of Bruce… and holding what looked like a burlap sack in his hands.
Bruce's eyes narrowed even further. "Don't you dare…"
"Forgive me," J'onn said solemnly, despite the slight upward curve of his mouth.
The next thing Bruce knew, the whole world went dim as the sack was unceremoniously placed over his head.
Bruce swore, promising retribution of a very dark kind if none of them didn't let go of him immediately.
They didn't.
Damn them.
"He does seem rather tense, doesn't he?" J'onn asked mildly.
"Eh, he'll forgive us eventually." Wally said confidently, making Bruce swear more.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Mister Pennyworth?" Clark asked.
Wait, Bruce stopped struggling for the moment, he knew?
…Oh, what was he thinking – of course the butler was in on this.
The smile was obvious in Alfred's voice when he answered. "That's quite alright, Mister Kent, somebody has to inform Miss Diana about this once she comes home, and besides, I think I'll have an early night myself. Oh but, Master Bruce? Please do try and have fun now, will you?"
Before Bruce could open his mouth, the air was squeezed out of his lungs when Arthur yanked him up off his feet.
"Well, we better be off then! Onwards men!" he declared happily and half carried the disgruntled billionaire out, seemingly deaf to the threats of bodily harm to his person.
Meanwhile, as Clark, J'onn and Wally trailed after the over-excited Atlantian…
"Mmm…" Clark said thoughtfully. "Maybe we went a little too far with the kidnapping thing…"
However, when he turned around to look at J'onn and Wally, the Martian and the Speeder exchanged looks before promptly bursting into laughter.
Despite himself, Clark chuckled as well. "Yeah… I didn't think so either."
One Verbally-Abusive Car Ride Later…
Seriously, Bruce thought, fuming all the while in silence as he sat between Clark and Arthur, still court-martialed and with a sack over his head, he really needed to find new friends that were easier to intimidate – the ones he had now didn't even flinch at the threat of disembowelment via batarang anymore.
…But, whether this was because he was losing his edge or because he'd been using the same threat for over an hour was somewhat unclear.
The car then came to a halt, and the next thing Bruce knew, he was yanked out by his arms once more (both, however, taking care not to injure his healing shoulder again).
Several minutes passed, during which Wally kept sniggering and Arthur hummed happily. Bruce was desperately overcome with the desire to kick either the Atlantian or Kryptonian… but, since doing so would have probably resulted in a broken foot, he resisted the temptation… though only just barely.
The atmosphere seemed to change as they walked on, and eventually, Bruce could make out voices around him, some laughing, some trying to shush the others – Arthur and Clark then stopped walking, and Bruce was promptly made to sit down.
Fumbling slightly, the next moment Bruce had to squint when the sack was abruptly pulled off and he was met with a bright flash from a camera. Laughter erupted after that, and when his vision cleared and he saw his sons, his friends (including several faces he hadn't seen in a while), and almost every male member of the League standing around him.
Suddenly, he was aware of a camera being held in front of his face, and when he looked again, both Arthur and Clark each had their arms over Bruce's shoulders.
"Smile for the camera, Bruce," Clark said cheerfully.
It was safe to say at that point that Bruce was glaring at the Kryptonian. "I hate you."
"Say 'cheese', you two." Arthur said helpfully and a flash went off again once more.
A While Later…
"So… what you're saying is… Clark lured you out of the Batcave, somehow tricked you long enough for Arthur – really, Bruce, Arthur? – of all people, to sneak up on you, restrain you, and… take you hostage…?"
Next to him on at the bar, Bruce clenched his jaw as Clark shook with silent laughter.
Reluctantly he returned to his phone call, grimacing as Diana summed up his failure of the evening.
"Yes…" he said through gritted teeth.
There was a moment of pause before a slight unladylike snort on the other side of the line and finally Diana burst out laughing.
This, of course, set Clark off, and Bruce's shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Alfred was in on it too," he grumbled, trying in vain to salvage what was left of his wounded pride.
His Amazon, on the other hand, found this immensely amusing and laughed harder.
Clark seemed to be near tears when Bruce turned to him, covering his phone with his hand. "Isn't there anything else you should be doing right now?" he hissed.
The Kryptonian covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head, shoulders still shaking.
Bruce let out a small huff before returning to his phone call.
"It's not funny," he managed as Diana calmed down.
She stifled her laugh but came out as a half-giggle. "Oh, Bruce, of course it is." She said. "In fact, I think Kal should feel very proud of himself."
"Thank you, Diana!" Clark said, butting in on the conversation.
Bruce pushed the smug Kryptonian away. "Damn aliens…" he muttered under his breath.
"Bruce, be nice," Diana chided lightly, still amused.
The bartender then came up to Clark from behind the bar counter and whispered something to him – he nodded before turning to Bruce. "I'll be back in a minute."
"Take your time," Bruce said, rolling his eyes.
"But, Kal, before you go?" Diana said, catching their attention. Bruce reluctantly handed the phone over to Clark.
"Yes, Diana?"
"You'll make sure you don't get into trouble, will you? Shayera told me some stories about how men celebrate their 'final night of freedom', and to be honest, I'm not too sure what to think of it."
Clark laughed again. "Don't worry. Why? Is this one of those 'you better look out for him or else' situations?" he asked jokingly.
"Yes, and you better because there will be no force on earth that would protect you if you don't," Diana said lightly, but sounding perfectly serious all of a sudden.
The smile of Clark's face faded a little and he gave a nervous little chuckle before reassuring the Amazon all would be well.
Bruce felt himself smile for the first time that night.
Meanwhile…
At Wayne Manor
When the Kryptonian excused himself and handed the phone back to him, Bruce chuckled on the other side.
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" he asked.
"Maybe once or twice… you may have to tell me again, just in case." Diana said, feeling very pleased with herself.
His voice softened. "I do, you know."
She felt herself smile softly in response. "I know… I happen to feel the same." She said. "Enjoy yourself tonight, Bruce."
When the call ended, Diana was aware of her sister staring at her with a goofy smile on her face.
"Aww…" Donna said teasingly, hugging Harry, who was sitting on her lap, closer to her chest.
Childishly, Diana stuck her tongue out before taking her wineglass filled with grape juice that stood amongst a stack of names and possible seating charts
"Somebody's blushing…!" Donna sang. As if agreeing, Harry barked.
"Oh, shush, both of you," Diana chided lightly.
Donna laughed and took her own wineglass… filled with actual wine.
"Shall we start?" Diana asked, taking a pen and turned to a blank chart on her lap.
"You and Bruce know too many people," Donna said, eyeing the names with both apprehension and staggered amazement.
Despite herself, Diana sighed. "I know, but the sooner we finish looking over all of these for Jacques, the sooner we can forget about them."
"Cheers to that," Donna said and the two of them brought their glasses together with a clink.
"I miss wine…" Diana lamented mildly.
"I bet it would make deciding whether putting the… Michaels together with the Steins easier, wouldn't it?" Donna said smugly. "…Okay, tell me, exactly who are all these people again?"
"Mostly, I made sure that almost everyone on the list is friends or allies," Diana answered vaguely, "but in this case, like the people you just mentioned, they're people I knew from my days as a diplomat for Themyscria, business partners of Wayne Enterprises, socialites, or the like."
She then shook her head. "Anyway, I wouldn't seat those two anywhere near each other, I think I read somewhere that there had some sort of spat between their wives." She explained, seeing the look Donna gave her.
"Huh…"
"Don't look at me like that – I just happened to see a segment about it when I read the paper this morning." She said, reaching over to take a peanut butter cookie from a tray on the table next to the couch.
"Of course… but, wait – you're not turning into one of those debutante lady-of-the-manor types, are you?" Donna asked with mock horror and wide eyes.
Diana shoved her playfully by the shoulder. The younger Amazon giggled as Harry wriggled in her arms and barked.
"The Steins are sitting over with the Millers at table 12 and away from the Michaels." Diana said matter-of-factly, purposely ignoring the question. "I have the ambassadors of Chile, France and Spain and their spouses at table 8, and I have Wally sitting as far away from the ambassadors as possible. Speaking of which, in his RSVP, did Wally mention if he was bringing a date?"
Just then, the doorbell rang. Barely hiding her relief, Donna promptly passed Harry over to Diana before standing up.
"I'll get it!"
She was out of the room before Diana could open her mouth.
Blinking, Diana then looked down at the pup in her arms. "That was rather sudden, wouldn't you say?"
Harry cocked his head to the side.
Diana nodded. "I thought so too."
When he sniffed at the cookie in her hands and looked up at her expectantly, Diana narrowed her eyes. She then said sternly, "Oh no, don't even think about it – not after you had your fill of my expensive Italian leather shoes."
Harry wined, hung his head and lay down in her lap, thoroughly chastised.
Once at the front door, when Donna answered it, she was surprised to open the door and find Barbara Gordon standing on the doorstep.
"Barbara," Donna said, blinking.
Obviously taken off-guard herself, the redhead's expression soon turned into one of stony apprehension. "I was expecting Alfred."
"Yeah, he's off tonight…" Donna began awkwardly. "Um… so, what are you doing here?"
Digging into her purse, Barbara then pulled out two envelopes. "I'm just dropping by to give you these, my dad and I will be coming to the wedding."
"Oh… that's great." Donna said, nodding, taking the envelopes. "But, you know, could have called, to avoid any… weirdness?"
"Like I said, I was expecting Alfred," Barbara said dismissively and shrugged. "Besides, I wanted to, but my dad thought it would be better if I came over in person."
"So, you're not denying that there is weirdness?"
Barbara purposely ignored this. "…I better be going."
Before she could, however, Donna took her hand, stopping her in her tracks. "Barbara… whatever's going on between and Dick," she began.
Barbara raised an eyebrow. "He told you?"
"He didn't need to," she said, frowning. "Besides, judging from the cold shoulder you've been giving me, it wasn't hard to figure out… you like him, right?"
Barbara opened and closed her mouth, her lips pressed in a thin line.
"I'll take that as a yes," she said. "Anyway, until the two of you finally sort out… whatever's going on between you, I'd really like to be friends with both of you without getting funny looks from either of you."
Barbara's expression softened slightly. "I haven't exactly been nice to you since you got here."
"No you haven't," Donna agreed. "Look… it would be nice hanging out with a non-Amazon girl my age while I'm in Gotham. Why don't you come inside? Diana managed to drag me into looking over seating charts with her… and a lot of other kinda useless wedding stuff."
Barbara actually laughed.
"Yeah… that's just as fun as it sounds. There is wine and peanut butter cookies in it for you if you agree." Donna bargained.
The redhead smiled, face now completely softened. "It's not like I've got anything better to do tonight."
Donna beamed in response. "Thank you!"
"Why peanut butter cookies…?"
"My sister's got a craving for them these days." Donna grinned.
"So… the story of Diana being pregnant, that was true?" Barbara asked, going inside.
"Yes."
"…That's going to be trouble if anybody else finds out."
Donna nodded. "We're lucky the press hasn't gotten wind of it yet, but in a place like Gotham…" she trailed off before shaking her head. "Anyway, if you want any of those cookies, I'd get them while I can. There might not be any left if Diana has her way."
From down the hall, "I heard that!"
Both Donna and Barbara laughed.
Back at the Bar…
Before the true festivities began, a round of shot glasses filled with bright, ironically Kryptonite green liquid for everyone was passed around the bar. When Clark placed one in front of Bruce, the millionaire raised an eyebrow but was ignored as the Kryptonian then stood up and cleared his throat.
Once all eyes were on him, and it quieted somewhat, "I'd like to take a minute to thank everyone of you for coming tonight – in case any of you forgot who I am, I'm this man's best man," he said, clasping a friendly hand on Bruce's shoulder. There was some laughter and cheering.
Clark grinned. "We all know why we're here, so I won't keep you any longer – Bruce, this is all for you, and on behalf of everyone here, we wish you the best." he then turned back to everyone else, "To Bruce!"
"To Bruce," came a loud chorus followed by more cheering.
"Hold up now," Oliver said quickly before anyone could do anything, "Bruce's the man of the hour, I say he takes a shot first."
There was a general clamor of agreement as Bruce eyed the small glass in front of him suspiciously.
"It's not going to bite," Clark teased.
"What is this?" Bruce asked.
"It's alcohol, Bruce, you drink it,"
He rolled his eyes. "You don't say."
"We're all thirsty here," Wally joked from the sidelines, a laugh in his voice.
"The man's right," Dick agreed, grinning mischievously. "One drink, Bruce, that's all we ask."
"That's it?" Bruce asked disbelievingly.
"That's it." Dick bargained. Bruce didn't miss the sly looks his son and the archer exchanged.
Almost wearily taking the shot glass, Bruce examined the contents with a slight cringe in his nose.
Loud, boisterous chants of 'drink' began, and, seeing that he wasn't going to be able to talk his way out if it, he final sighed.
"To me, then." He said and downed it in one go.
Bruce shuddered at the bitter taste, gagging when it went down his throat. There was a slight, unfamiliar tingle followed by a feeling of something completely different, but this went unnoticed as the others laughed at his expense and applauded.
Clark laughed and raised his glass. "To a night we may never forget!"
And, like one man, the shots were downed, none of them noticing the strange glow that suddenly flashed in the glass after it had been set down.
Clark, not being one to be left out, followed suit soon after that, figuring there would be no harm done if he just had a taste.
…Only to have most of the night fade into a haze of shapes and sounds after that.
~18 Hours Later~
He stared ahead of himself without seeing a thing, not daring to move, not daring to even breathe lest he tempt fate and be hit with a freight train of pain.
Clark had better days, and by the occasional grunt or half muttered oaths around him, so did most of his companions (the remaining, that is if he counted right – he wasn't exactly in a state to recall where he left the others).
With a colossal effort on his part (and, truly, it was), Clark managed to prop himself up onto his elbows. His vision was hazy, blurry, and distorted, his tongue like sandpaper against the roof of his mouth, and his brain like some unfortunate fruit that had met the business end of a sledgehammer.
He blinked only to regret doing so as the headache that trumped all headaches then slammed into him like a tidal wave.
Eventually, the dizzying hurt passed and he was somehow able to regain enough of his senses to take in his current surroundings.
Horror momentarily replaced the nausea.
"Sweet Rao…" he said, his voice a croak. "What have we done?"
They were in a barn, and if his bloodshot eyes didn't deceive him, not just any barn.
As luck would have had it, the large doors opened, and once the harsh light of day abated somewhat, Clark blinked wildly when the silhouette against the light turned out to be his father.
…Needless to say, upon discovering his son amongst the awe-inspiring chaos that was within his barn, Jonathan Kent wasn't exactly pleased.
"Clark," the farmer began evenly. "Is there a reason why you're on the ground in the barn without a shirt?"
The Kryptonian stared at him incomprehensibly until the slight breeze on his back alerted him to his current state of dress… or rather, undress.
Looking down at himself, Clark saw that he was indeed without a shirt, however, along with that, his arms, torso and bare feet were covered in what seemed to be tribal war markings… drawn in bright pink lipstick.
"There could be." Clark began, managing a small sheepish grin.
"Can you tell me what that reason is?"
"…I would… but I probably can't."
Then, without warning, they heard a strange bleating grunt.
Both Jonathan and Clark's heads snapped in the direction of the odd sound… only to find a camel (a honest to goodness camel, hump and everything), standing over the unconscious form of Wally West, and currently nuzzling the speedster's fiery hair.
Stu Price:
You found the car?
Officer Franklin:
Yeah! It was parked in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. with a note that said "Couldn't find a meter, so here's $4."
- The Hangover
Stu Price:
Oh my God! We kidnapped a monk!
Alan:
We live an alternative lifestyle.
- The Hangover II
A/N: I rewrote this so many times – I'll look over this eventually, but for now, I figured if I don't post this now, I never will. I'll work on Part 2 soon.
Oh, and hey! It's the 20th chapter! Didn't think I'd get this far!
Thank you all so much for the support! The last 2 years have been one heck of a ride!
Help Wanted: I'm in search of a Beta who would be able to look over a couple of things (typos, inconsistencies, etc), and who wouldn't mind my horrendous updating, to look over the previous chapters and the chapters that are to follow for me in case I'm missing something. I was a little bit stunned when I reread my story – I think I was trying to be artsy or fancy or something when I wrote most of it… or high on coffee. If you are interested, and you know you have an eye for grammar, PM me please.
In Response with the previous chapter's reviews:
Mr. Oliver Queen: Thanks! The chaos starts the next chapter!
The Goddamn Dark Knight: I know, right? And there is so much more I still need to write.
yob3: Don't worry about the kid – she's only feature in the second last and last chapter and 'Hippolyta' will definitely be in the name. For some reason, your thoughts on Artemis (the goddess) made me laugh… quite loudly.
Cajun Strong Man 2: I quite like that idea! I'll see what I can do. Not sure about Ivy thought since I already have her in here.
jada121: I'm kinda looking forward to that too! But on a scale from 1 to 10, exactly how sappy/sweet should the best man speech me? Personally, I'm thinking around a 6 or a 7. And Jason does need a hug… mmm… I'll try and work that in here somewhere.
Delta808th: I thank you kindly! About the one-shot… I swear I'm working on it! It'll be on this site before I finish this fic, I promise!
Maculedes: And there will be more fluff! I'm both happy and sorry about your reaction to the previous chapter. Thank you!
tommyginger: *takes a dramatic bow*
Animecartooncomicgirl: I would like to take this opportunity and thank you heartily, my friend – it is because of you took the time to review every chapter in one go that I finally reached 300 reviews! Also, I'm flattered by your praise of my story. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this chapter and whatever I may come up next.
yellowstar128: there will be a time for father-son bonding, but for now, there will be male shenanigans and hangovers. Thank you for reviewing, though… and sorry for stopping halfway.
StraightedgeWingZero: I'm not exactly the Amazon Artemis's biggest fan, and for that reason, I don't have her in here, but, yes, I suppose it would have been interesting indeed.
Helen-of-Troy (guest): Thanks :)
mbembet: That was my favourite too! I had so much fun writing that flash-back sequence even if it wasn't exactly easy. Thank you so much for your continual loyalty towards this story :)
Lloyd RPGFan: Truth be told, I find it a little difficult writing scenes with more than three or four characters, but I am glad you liked it, it was one of the more fun parts I've written lately. The next chapter will have several different Leaguers in it interacting with one another as well as the founders (got any tips for writing Guy Gardner and Kyle Rayner?) – I just hope I do them justice (ha ha).
Guest: I've been thinking about this review. In my personal opinion, no – remember, a baby's heart at that stage of its development (I think I said 4 weeks?) would be the size of a poppy seed (it says so on the inter-webs), and as far as my research tells me, Diana, although she has advanced hearing, she wouldn't be able to hear things on an atomic level (is that the right word?) like Clark would since Superman can, I think, hear a heartbeat or a silent alarm going off anywhere on the planet wherever he is.
I am truly touched by the response to this story! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Review if you wish, complement if you can, flame if you must!
Until next time,
GoddessofDawn7843 out