[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I'm so terribly nervous about this chapter. (okay, I'm always nervous when I post because I'm way too sensitive and still so insecure of my writing). Anyway, this is going to be the flashback scene of the night Charlie died and will hopefully answer a few question.

This chapter here is dedicated to simplyathinker and mydsgirl. Hope you'll enjoy.

**Chapter 92**

Esme

This was a horrible place, a horrible place crowded with the most horrible people I had ever seen in my life.

How much longer would they make me stay here? I pulled my knees against my chest and sighed deeply, desperately trying to keep new tears from falling. Crying wasn't going to help my situation one tiny bit and I didn't even feel like I deserved any kind of help. Everything that had happened was my fault. M-ine and…,

"Mrs. Cullen, you have a visitor." A young uniformed woman with short cropped hair informed me. Her blue eyes narrowed for a moment when I didn't stand up immediately.

"Tell my daughters to go home. I'm not in the mood for…,"

"I'm not your fucking secretary, Missy! Get your skinny ass over to the goddamn visitation room, right now. Besides I highly doubt that the two ladies are related to a cop killing scum like you."

I twisted my hair into a knot at the back of my neck and followed her silently. Everyone that worked here was so awfully rude all the time.

My knees trembled when I sat down on the plastic chair opposite the small table with the Plexiglas that separated me from the free world on the other side.

"Good morning, Esme. How are you feeling today?"

I cleared my throat nervously before I managed to speak up, my voice sounding way to shrill in my own ears.

"Jasmine, what in heaven's name are you doing here with Zafrina? I don't need another lawyer."

"Trust me, Esme, you do."

Zafrina pulled a small tablet out of her handbag while Jasmine continued nibbling on a candy bar.

"Look, we are here because your family doubts that you're fully grasping the possible consequences of your arrest."

"I'm in jail. How much more consequences can it have? Please, just do home. There is nothing that you can do for me, so don't waste your time."

"We're not wasting our time." Jasmine told me calmly.

"Talking is never a waste of time."

"Hmm," Zafrina nodded her head and started taking notes.

"Can I ask you something? If I…theoretically… confessed that I did kill Charlie Swan would that change things for me for the better?"

"Why would you be so incredibly stupid to confess something that you didn't do?"

"It would stop the whole questioning. That's so exhausting."

"Because it's hard to lie the entire time, isn't it?" Jasmine stated, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"I'm not lying. I just prefer not to talk about what happened."

"That's basically the same."

Zafrina's lips twitched into the weak attempt of a smile before she continued.

"There are only two possibilities. The first one is that you did kill him and if that's the case we need to find out your motive."

"Maybe she had an affair with him and didn't want her husband to find out?" Jasmine mumbled, playing with the small silver bracelet around her wrist.

Zafrina giggled and put one of Jasmine's blond curls behind her ear.

"You have a dirty mind."

"No, I just know how people are like. Most people are unfaithful."

"Stop saying things like that. I never cheated on Carlisle and I never would."

"But this is exactly what everyone is going to assume. There is no other possible reason why you should have murdered the poor man."

"I didn't…," I stammered out, pressing my hand in front of my mouth.

"Yeah, we know. We know that you didn't kill anyone. You aren't capable of doing something so horrible."

"Jasmine is actually right and that brings me back to the second possibility."

"That I'm innocent?"

"No, just that you're prefer to keep your mouth shut in order to protect the real killer."

"You're a good mother, aren't you? Always trying to protect your children…"

"Isn't that what a mother is supposed to do?"

"To a certain extent – yes, but you can't protect your kids from everything and you sure as hell can't protect them from themselves."

"Oh, yes, I can and I will." I whispered, swallowing hard to keep the tears from falling. It didn't work and when I opened my mouth to speak again, nothing but several sobs escaped my throat.

"Esme, I wonder if you would probably do the same for Rosalie and Ali too. Or is that just something between you and your son?"

"I love all my children just the same. But when a child is sick…a mother hangs on that child even more, because the child needs her more. Does that make any sense to you?"

"A little bit. Please, Esme, tell us what really happened that night. It's the only way you can help both of you…,"

I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again, I couldn't dare to look them in the eyes. So I just stared down at my own hands, the hands that had wiped away a dying man's blood. Hesitantly started to speak about what I had promised to keep a secret for the rest of my days.

XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX

"Mother, did you hear anything of what I told you in the last five minutes?" he asked me reproachfully when he parked the car in front of the small house.

"I'm sorry, I was just in thoughts. How long do you think will it take for the money to be transferred to Paris?"

"Two days," he stated, running his fingers through his tousled copper hair.

"How often are you going to ask me about that?"

"Well, I'm just worried…,"

"If you ask me, you shouldn't send her any money at all – point. Mary Alice needs to learn to deal with the consequences of her actions."

-"You sound exactly like your father."

"Because he's actually right in this and I'm sure he wouldn't approve of you supporting her pointless nonsense behind his back."

"You're not going to tell him, are you?"

"No, I won't, don't worry about that, mom."

His voice was smooth and warm when he spoke but then his green eyes narrowed into tiny angry slits.

"You always loved the little bastard more than me and that although she isn't even your own child."

I sighed deeply and put my arm on his shoulder.

"Please, how often will I have to tell you to stop calling your sister a bastard? You know that I love all three of you just the same."

"You never made such a tantrum when I was away from home."

"Because you never have been that far away…,"

"Jeez, mom, Mary Alice is just in Europe not on another planet and I would highly appreciate it if you'd manage focus on helping me dealing with that man now. He's driving me insane with his stupid questions. I don't have the nerves to deal with this crap."

"Edward, stay calm. Everything will be just fine."

I knocked on the door and a split second later it was opened in a swift movement.

"Mrs. Cullen? What are you doing here? Is your son too chicken to speak to me on his own?"

"Oh please call me Esme and stop being so rude to the poor boy all the time. He really loves your daughter a lot."

"So, does he?" he mumbled, when we walked into the small living room. The house was almost empty, the previous owner had obviously just left a few pieces of old furniture behind that they didn't need anymore.

"Charlie, I don't know why you wanted to meet me here instead of in your own house."

He cleared his throat nervously before he spoke up again. The words coming out of his mouth sharp like razor blades.

"I thought this would be more appropriate."

"Why?" I asked him, offended by the harsh tone he was using.

"Do you honestly want your mother to be here for this? She might not like what she's going to hear."

Edward chuckled and sat down on the edge of a plastic covered couch, his mouth twitching into a crooked smile.

"My mother isn't going to believe any lies that you're going to tell her about me…and Bella too."

"Don't be so sure about that, son…,"

My eyes met those of my son and I realized that they the green of them had darkened a few shades. His hands were clenched into fists and it was obvious that he had trouble to remain calm.

"How dare you, cheat on my girl behind her back…while she's carrying your child, you fucking little piece of scum!"

Edward paled and for a moment I wondered if he was going to be sick now.

"You don't have any proof for this nonsense."

"Oh yes, I have." he mumbled, pulling an envelope out of his jacket. When he placed it on the table in front of us, next to his silver colored gun, a smile flashed over his face.

"You should thank god that I'm not considering making my grandchild a half-orphan!" he snarled at him, grabbing his hand around the collar of Edward's shirt.

"I knew that you would fuck up. I just knew it."

"Charlie, please try to compose yourself, it's not going to help us deal with the…situation if you keep yelling all the time."

"Deal with the situation?"

"Edward, tell him that you're sorry."

"No, I won't. He has no right to stick his damn nose into things that aren't his business at all."

"My daughter is my business."

"She's my wife too."

"Bella won't be your wife for long anymore when she sees these pictures. She's going to divorce that cheating ass of yours so fast you won't even know what's happening."

"You won't tell her. This would break her heart. Do you want to be responsible for that?"

"Don't tell me what to do! Better to have a broken heart than to live with a cheating bastard for the rest of her life."

"You won't tell her! I won't let you do that! No one is going to take Bella away from me. She's the only one who has ever been mine…just mine!"

I put one hand on his shoulder and started rubbing up and down his quivering shoulders in an attempt to calm him down again.

"Edward, please try to compose yourself."

"Don't tell me what to do, mom. Bella is not like you. She wouldn't forgive me if she'd find out about the affair. God, damn it…,"

Charlie stood up from the chair he had been sitting on and cleared his throat.

"I'm leaving now. This discussion here won't lead to anything and I have a very unpleasant conversation with my daughter coming up."

"You won't tell her! I won't let you! I won't let you!" His voice raised two octaves while he grabbed the damn gun from the table and started fumbling with it.

"Edward, in heaven's name, put that thing down again. What do you think, you're doing?"

"I won't let him tell her! I won't let him tell her!"

A loud noise filled the air for a moment before dark, crimson droplets of fresh blood trickled down on the white envelope on the table.

Several guttural moans and groans escaped Charlie's throat and I knew that would never be able to forget the horrified expression on his face before he collapsed on the floor.

For a few moments I wasn't able to move one single inch. And so I just stayed where I was, almost like frozen, and waited.

Then I heard a loud sobbing next to me and turned my head.

"Oh god, what have I done? What have I done? What have I done?"

Slowly he dropped the gun back on the table again, wiping his running nose at the sleeve of his shirt.

"Edward?"

"What have I done? Oh god, I don't know what came over me."

I kneeled down and wrapped my hand around Charlie's wrist to check his pulse.

"Please, tell me he's not dead. How should I explain that to Bella?"

"We have to call the police.

"No! No police! They would arrest me. Do you want that?"

"Of course, not," I stumbled out, slowly trying to stand up from the ground again.

"But we can't just sit here and do nothing. Maybe we could tell them it was an accident. It was an accident, wasn't it?"

"Mom, you can't call the cops. They won't believe us about this…accident. Please, you have to help me…oh please, mom."

He sobbed again and buried his face in his hands. When he raised his head again he looked like a scared little boy and something cramped painfully around my heart.

"Please mom…,"

I took his quivering hand in mine and squeezed it gently.

"I'm going to call your father. He's going to help us."

"No…he would probably send me away into this awful asylum again. You have no idea how horrible that was the last time. They made me feel like I was crazy."

"Edward, you just shoot a man into the head. It's not normal to do things like that. Please, let me call your father, so that he can get help for you."

"No, please, mom. Just think of the poor baby and Bella. I can't just admit that I hear voices when I 'm stressed."

He shoved the blood covered envelope in the pocket of his jeans and sighed deeply.

"It was your fault that he sent me away the first time and you know it."

I cringed and pulled out a few tissues to wipe away the blood from the table.

"You sent me away because you didn't want to deal with my problems on top with the heart condition of the fucking little bastard. If it wasn't for her I could have stayed just home to get an ambulant therapy."

"That's not true."

"Oh, yes it is. You're just ashamed to admit that you love her more than your own flesh and blood."

He grabbed my arm so tightly that I was sure his fingers would leave a mark on my skin.

"If you tell anyone about this, everyone is going to blame you. For it sure as hell wouldn't have happened if you had been a better mother."